Playing the Game
by Amrun
Summary: By night, she dreamed of killing him, of playing her hand all at once and going out in a blaze of glory. By day, she kowtowed with just enough stiffness to show him her fantasies. In return, he forced her moves like she was just a piece on his shogi board - and she was. Kakasaku, Spoilers up to Manga 452
1. The Balancing Act

A/N: I am going to be upfront about this. This first chapter is purposefully misleading; the story as a whole is not a romance by any stretch of the imagination. It will not be a simple, easy read. It will be complicated and may make you uncomfortable at times. I don't really care, to be honest. I like dealing with some of the harsh realities that are ignored in the manga. If you are not current with the manga at least to chapter 452, you probably don't want to read this. Huge spoilers. Also, this chapter is atypically short. The rest will be longer, most likely.

If you've read anything else of mine you know that I can have a sharp tongue. Idiots beware.

Thanks again to my favourite faggots Jetslinger, Mikeytron, and Deedee, even the one that isn't, technically. I know I bug the shit out of you with my completely unhealthy obsessions.

* * *

Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi spotted a pink and red blur bobbing towards him through the crowded marketplace. Glancing behind him to his three following ANBU subordinates, he vaguely contemplated making an escape attempt. However, when he heard a thunderous voice yell his name, he knew it was too late and ceased the futile exercise of moving away from her.

"Kaka-sensei!" the woman screamed, obviously irate.

He sighed, knowing that what was to come was now unavoidable and would be extremely tiresome. "Stand back," he commanded his ANBU team softly. He massaged his temples in a vain attempt to ease the raging headache that was undoubtedly about to become exponentially worse. "Stay away from her fists, will you? The last thing I need is teammates with broken bones. Wouldn't that be perfect…." he grumbled.

"Kaka-sensei!" she called again as she neared, fighting the throng. When she finally reached him, she planted her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes dangerously at him.

"Sakura-chan!" Kakashi greeted with false warmth, nervously reaching up to scratch the back of his head. "My, don't you look lovely today, if I may –"

"I look like _shit!"_ she growled. He would never be stupid enough to say it out loud, but she _did _look a little disheveled this morning. The bags he'd been noticing under her eyes lately were particularly pronounced just now, which didn't help. "I have a hangover and you skipped out on the bill. Again! I should have known. You never change, Kakashi-sensei! Next time Sai wants to learn what it is to be drunk, remind me not to bring you along, you perverted old man!" She briefly paused her loudly-pitched tirade in order to shoot him a particularly venomous glare. "Did you know that that stupid bartender wouldn't let us leave until someone paid your tab?"

Kakashi laughed uneasily and backed away slightly, his eye still giving the impression of a fake smile. "Now, Sakura-chan, don't you think it's only nice to treat your lovable captain every once in awhile?"

He quickly realized he'd said the wrong thing in his effort to placate her as she screeched, "_Every once in awhile?_ Do you even _realize_ how long that tab had been running? You do this all the time! I could _kill_ you!"

"Don't be so hasty…" he protested weakly, but she ignored him in favour of continuing her diatribe.

"You are the single stingiest, laziest, most infuriating man I have ever –"she began, but fell silent abruptly as she was interrupted by sounds of poorly stifled giggling. Frowning, she looked around to locate the source. When she realized the culprits were the three masked ANBU standing off to the side, she blanched. "You're Kakashi's ANBU – _shit_," she cursed, turning to him with doe-eyes. "I'm really sorry about this. I didn't know they were – I _swear_ –"

Kakashi grinned underneath his cloth mask. "Don't worry about it, Sakura-chan. I'm sure you can make it up to me later!"

Her eyes immediately lost their remorseful look as they flashed with the sudden return of anger. "Don't you even try it! You owe me money this time, and I mean it, Kaka-sensei. I made a bet with Naruto that you'll be on time for our next mission. Of course he took it, because you're _never_ on time. If you do this, I'll call it even. Deal?"

He sighed again, suddenly serious. "Actually, about that… We need to talk a bit."

She stiffened, immediately sensing his change in demeanor. He moved closer to her and turned away from his ANBU team in an effort to lend a little more privacy to this ridiculously public debacle. He'd rather not do this here, with an audience. He'd rather not do this at all, actually, but now that she was right in front of him, he couldn't tell himself that he didn't have the time to seek her out before he left.

"Sakura, I was just assigned an ANBU mission. I'm leaving."

"What? Right _now_?" She blinked, confused. "Well, that's okay. It's just a quick one, right? You remember the mission in three days, of course."

"I'm not sure I'll be back in time. This is an important mission."

"Important? How could it be more important than –" With a fleeting glance towards the three ANBU, she cut herself off. He knew what she would have said anyway.

"It's not _more_ important, but it must be done, and as quickly as possible." Staring into his one exposed eye, she saw the gravity in it and nodded resignedly.

"Naruto won't like it very much, but we'll be all right with Yamato-taichou."

Suddenly he found that he couldn't quite meet her eyes. "Sakura…" She heard the hesitancy in his voice and looked up at him sharply. "His mission has been extended. Hokage-sama told me that he definitely will not be back for at least another week."

She inhaled harshly and he knew that she would immediately grasp the implications. Her eyes were wide and he could see the beginnings of panic stirring in their green depths. "But – He – We must go. There is no option. This is the first real lead we've had in awhile. Naruto won't let it pass us by. _I _won't let it pass us by."

He nodded. He knew that no matter what, the Hokage wouldn't pull Team Kakashi from this mission, though he had not explicitly said so. There was an unspoken understanding between them all that even if the team was officially barred from leaving the village, both Sakura and Naruto would follow any whispers of Sasuke, no matter how insubstantial, to the ends of the earth – even if it meant becoming missing-nin just like their erstwhile teammate. Danzou may mistrust everyone who had been close to his predecessor, especially Team 7, but he simply could not risk losing such high profile ninja to ignominy. Naruto in particular had to be catered to at least somewhat in order for Danzou to retain his public image.

_That doesn't mean he can't make our lives miserable in less obvious ways_, mused Kakashi drily. This ANBU mission may be imperative to maintaining Suna-Konoha relations, but he was no under no delusions that his team was the only team suitable for the job. Danzou had extended Yamato's mission and assigned this task to Kakashi's team in a deliberate attempt to force Sakura, Naruto, and Sai to withdraw. Kakashi, however, knew that the ploy would fail.

Sakura, whose head had been downturned in thought, turned her doleful eyes towards him once again. "Perhaps I should…." She looked away briefly, obviously uncomfortable with what she was about to say. "I could maybe ask Hokage-sama to temporarily reassign Sai."

"Sakura," he began, tone slightly reproachful.

"It's dangerous enough without Yamato-taichou with us, but without you both…. I think we both know the likely outcomes to this situation and none of them are good. I don't know if I can ask Sai to –"

"Sakura," Kakashi interrupted, voice more harsh than usual. "Do not make the mistake of assuming that you are the only one in this situation willing to sacrifice your life that way." Her mouth dropped opened in surprise as he continued. "Sai has more invested in this than you realize, and besides – you know this matter is of significance to Konoha. He would not want you to make that decision for him." Making such a request could also place the Root member in a sticky situation with the Hokage. Spies mistrusted by their peers were not very useful, after all. Kakashi could not risk reminding Sakura of this aloud, so he locked her vivid eyes with his own and willed her to understand.

Staring back at him, she nodded slowly. "You're right," she whispered quietly, blinking away the beginnings of tears.

Hesitantly, he reached out and put a heavy hand on her shoulder. "I might make it back," he offered, knowing he was probably wrong to give her hope but unable to stop himself. "I'll try."

She nodded and gave him a watery smile. "It will be okay, really. I don't know why I got so upset." He knew that she didn't really mean it and that the empty gesture was for his sake alone, but he was appreciative of it anyway.

They always played this game, helpless against the heavy torrents of despair that threatened to overtake their lives at every juncture.

"Taichou," a confused-sounding voice interjected from behind him. "Sorry to interrupt, but we really should get going…."

"Damn," he swore, letting his arm drop back to his side.

"I'll see you in three days," she said quickly, uncomfortably. He nodded and turned to walk back towards his ANBU squad.

"Kakashi…" she called softly, and he paused. "Don't let me lose my bet."

He kept moving. "We'll have to wait and see exactly how much you take after that master of yours."

Just as he reached the rest of his squad, he heard one last thing fall from her lips. "Be safe," she whispered, her concern for him evident.

Still with his back to her, he raised his hand in his traditional gesture. When he felt her head off in the opposite direction, he nodded to his squad. "Let's move."

They jumped to the rooftops and made their way to the village gate with haste. Kakashi could feel the unusual heaviness of the silence and knew without a doubt that the other three were barely withholding their questions.

Finally, the one sporting a cat-faced mask could no longer take it. "Captain," she ventured, but not without hesitation. "If you don't mind me asking, who was that?"

"I do mind, actually. I understand your curiosity, but I don't like to mix my personal life with my professional life. Sorry," he said, though he felt no remorse. He knew they would probably see it as cold, but if he gave one answer it would lead only to more questions. There was no way he was going to discuss his ultimate failure as a teacher with them or anyone else.

"Personal life?" another could not stop himself from protesting. "She spoke of a mission, so she's obviously some sort of team—" The man with a tiger mask found his unwelcome observation cut off by a painful elbow to the ribs from his bird-masked fourth squad member. "Sorry," Tiger grumbled.

Kakashi chose not to respond, instead settling his own wolf mask into place. This was going to be a tough mission.


	2. Foolishness

A/N: Chapter two is a different approach for me; more internalisation, less dialogue. It's kind of the antithesis of exciting, but bear with me. I'm a sucker for irony. Groundwork must be laid and character dynamics must be established.

Also, if you hadn't noticed, this story will toggle between Kakashi and Sakura's point of view.

I forgot to say this last time, but I most definitely do not own _Naruto_. If I did, Sakura wouldn't be such a whiney bitch, STILL. In the name of Hitler's matching bra and panty set, I hope Kishimito takes the story out of the 2d adolescent spin it's been in lately. OOOO SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M STILL A RETAAAAAAAAAAARD. HIT ME INSTEAD!!! Gag me with a fucking spoon.

* * *

_Three days_, thought Sakura. _How many ANBU missions can realistically be completed in three days?_

To be honest, she had no clue. She didn't know much about the black ops except that ANBU missions often landed its members in the hospital, and she only knew that much because she was occasionally the one to treat such injuries.

It was 11:47 in the morning and Team Kakashi was set to depart at noon. They hadn't talked about it, but she knew they'd wait for their captain, just for a little while, until Naruto couldn't take it anymore.

Sakura glared at her impatient friend, who was pacing in front her on the newly rebuilt bridge they'd frequented as genin. It had been a tawny brown with red trimmings, then, but was now painted white with green railings. She wasn't sure whose idea the change was, but at least she once again had a place to sit on a pillar and think every once in awhile, if she wanted to. However, with the village in a constant state of chaos since the Pain attack, she'd had little opportunity to find time for herself lately.

11:53.

Sai was leaning against one of the posts, looking out over the stream and sketching idly. Her face softened as she watched a slight smile tweak his lips, a sign that he was totally absorbed by his artwork. His true smiles were so rare that she was always glad to see them – similar for both Naruto and Kakashi, actually. Naruto grinned like a fool all the time, and Kakashi-sensei crinkled his eye in a way that made people think he was beaming, but Sakura knew that most of her teammates' smiles were lies. Over time, she'd come to know the difference, just as they recognized the subtle discrepancies between her various smiles – excluding Sai, who still had a difficult time interpreting facial expressions and social situations in general.

Sakura felt so selfish that Sai was here, on this bridge, waiting to take on a possibly suicidal mission for someone he only cared for in an intellectual sense. However, she also knew that Kakashi was right in that leaving the alarmingly pale boy behind would be more selfish still, depriving the group of a talented long-range fighter in order to prevent her own guilt should Sai die in pursuit of her personal goals. Sasuke was part of Akatsuki, now, a group that had shown that it had the initiative to directly attack the village. The Uchiha had shown that he was more than willing to attack the village himself, if she were honest with herself. Sasuke was no longer only a Team Seven problem; he had become an issue for all of Konoha and even beyond.

11:57.

Of course, if Danzou had his way, Sasuke would be killed on sight. Naruto had slung around all of his newly-found clout in order to secure the orders to take Sasuke in for questioning before a final decision was made about his fate. Even if they managed such a seemingly impossible task, it was likely he'd still be executed, but they had decided as a group that they would deal with that when it became a more immediate issue.

11:58.

She leaned her too-wide forehead against a cool, painted pillar. Knowing that Kakashi was probably not coming was not quite the same as actually confronting that fact, she decided, but she would just have to face it. Inhaling deeply, she turned to address Naruto, whose constant pacing would drive anyone to violence –

Suddenly, his feet froze in place, head swinging towards an end of the bright bridge in one sinuous movement. "He's here," Naruto said simply.

Sakura's gaze followed Naruto's intense stare. There was nothing in the space he was focused on but she knew from experience that his senses would not be wrong.

When the form of four bedraggled ANBU appeared before her in a puff of smoke, Sakura's shoulders sunk in relief.

She pointed at Naruto with one well-tended finger, laughter bubbling in her belly. "You lose!" she screeched obnoxiously. "It's 11:59. Pay up, sucker!"

Naruto stared at first at Sakura, then at Kakashi, his jaw dropped in obvious surprise and dismay. "I can't believe it. You cheated, Sakura-chan!" He glared at his teacher in suspicion. "What did she give you to make you early, Fishlips-sensei?"

Kakashi removed his ANBU mask to reveal a pout. "I'm hurt, Naruto, that you would accuse me of such underhanded dealings. And it's not nice to call your sensei rude names."

"I wouldn't call you Fishlips if you'd stop hiding them," Naruto grumbled, sulkily weighing his little froggy wallet in his hand, lamenting its sudden diet. "_We_ don't care if you have buckteeth, you know. You'd still be the same old Fishlips-sensei to us."

Sakura tucked her windfall away and threw her arms around Naruto's neck to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Naruto-kun!" she cooed, more girlish than usual. "Imagine how many new kunai this will buy!"

"You're so mean to me, Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined.

"If you weren't prepared to lose, you should not have accepted the terms, Dickless," Sai piped up, though he didn't look away from his sketchpad.

Sakura giggled and walked towards Kakashi as Naruto began to fume, yelling one of his standard insults at Sai.

"Thanks, Kaka-sensei, for helping me win my money back," she said as she approached.

He tried to give her a smile in return, but she could see that he was too exhausted to give a proper greeting. The grin dropped from her face.

"Are you hurt?" she asked. "Is there anything I can –"

"No," he cut her off. "But thank you, Sakura."

"Sit down for a minute," she ordered, suddenly brisk.

He just stared at her quizzically as she dug in her pack. She glared back at him until he complied with a sigh. Finally finding what she was looking for, she pulled out a bento and handed it to down him.

"I brought you one, just in case."

Surprised, he tried to protest. "But—"

"You need sustenance if you're going on back-to-back missions like this. Eat it, sensei." Eyeing the food warily, he continued to hold the container away from his body. "I didn't poison it, you know," she insisted, scowling.

"Not intentionally," he muttered under his breath, still eyeballing the bento as if its contents were much more sinister than they appeared.

"Oh, _honestly_!" she grumbled, finally realizing what all the fuss was about. "I didn't actually make it _myself_. I bought it from that place you like by Ichiraku's new stall."

"Oh. In that case…" he said happily, misgivings forgotten as he opened the box.

"My cooking's not _that_ bad," she protested weakly, heat rising to her face in embarrassment.

Kakashi just gave a non-committal grunt as he poked his food around in ritualistic pre-consumption inspection, one of his many idiosyncrasies. It was part of his fastidious nature, she guessed, though he insisted he was merely being a good ninja.

"You probably wouldn't have to check every meal for toxins if you weren't so annoying all the time," she snapped waspishly. "You give people extra incentive." Though disgusted with her leader, she turned apologetically to his ANBU teammates. "If I'd known you would be coming here, I'd have brought some for you as well."

"Well, isn't that just sweet," one of the men laughed. Sakura could tell the three were amused at her team's antics. Kakashi seemed to be more reserved around his ANBU squad, so maybe it was a shock for them to see him teased so mercilessly. Naruto tended to ignore things like propriety and she had to admit it had worn off on her, somewhat.

"Oi, Sakura-chan! Where's my bento, eh?" her blonde friend called over excitedly.

"Moron!" Sakura turned to face Naruto in order to give her sensei a little privacy for his meal, even going so far as to block the sight of him from her teammates. As much as his reluctance to show his face irritated her, she was beyond the point of trying to sneak a peek. Well, at least when he would know about it. "We ate right before we came here, Naruto!"

He pouted. "But you only let me have five bowls of ramen!"

"We're going to run all day, you idiot. You'll make yourself sick."

"I never get sick from ramen," Naruto objected, clearly affronted at the perceived slight to his most trusted choice of cuisine.

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him in favour of the conversation she heard beginning behind her.

"Report the mission completion to Hokage-sama," Kakashi was saying, "and tell him I've embarked with Team Kakashi. He might be upset at first that I didn't come in person, but remind him of the time-sensitive nature of the mission."

The woman with the cat mask seemed uncomfortable with this. "But, Hatake-taichou," she began formally, obviously nervous, "that's against policy."

Kakashi sighed. "If he presses, tell him that I said to remember the numbers game."

"The numbers game?" the woman repeated blankly.

"Just do it. That's an order," he barked, patience gone. The three ANBU, sufficiently cowed, hurried away from the bridge to do his bidding.

Sakura turned back towards Kakashi. "Aw, they're scared of you! Isn't that cute," she teased.

"I wish I remembered when _my_ team did as I told them. Maybe I could if such a time had ever existed."

"You can't have everything, old man," she said sagely, offering him a hand up. "Maybe you're just senile."

He took the hand, not bothering to dust off his filthy uniform.

"Okay. Move out," he commanded.

Despite his earlier words, the three younger ninja obeyed without hesitation.

* * *

The mission was a failure – and not just on a technicality. It was a complete and utter letdown on so many levels, too boring to even qualify as a catastrophe. Either their intel was faulty or Sasuke had somehow caught on or simply changed plans, because he wasn't where their information indicated that he would be. They'd doggedly followed a number of trails but, eventually, all of them ran cold. The only things they'd confirmed were that Sasuke was still alive and continued to travel with the group dubbed Taka.

"What are you trying to say, Sai-teme?" growled Naruto as Team Kakashi flitted through the trees on their way home.

"I am merely stating fact," Sai returned in his usual monotone.

"How is it a fact that you would beat me in a fight? That's – that's –" Naruto struggled to find the word he was looking for. "That's _speculation!_ And stupid. If we ever fought I would _definitely_ win."

"I said a spar, not a fight, shit for brains." It irritated her, and Naruto even more so, that Sai delivered every brand of insult in the same deadpan.

"What the hell difference does it make? I'd still kick your ass!"

Sakura grunted as she kicked off a little too hard from a tree branch, leaving splintered bark as evidence of her frustration. The boys were disappointed – hell, they were all disappointed – and taking out their aggravation in their usual fashion. At another time she too might lose herself in the exchange of increasingly confrontational badinage, but she just wasn't in the mood.

As usual, Naruto wasn't about to oblige. "Sakura-chan!" When she didn't acknowledge him, he pulled abreast and gave her a sharp poke in the ribs. "Oi, Sakura-chan!"

She reached over and grabbed the offending digit, bending it backward painfully. "What, Naruto?" she replied casually.

He howled dramatically, yanking his finger away and sucking on it as if that would help. When sufficiently recovered, he asked indignantly, "Will you please tell Sai-teme that I would totally kick his ass in a spar?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you wouldn't."

"What do you _mean_ I wouldn't? Of _course_ I would –"

Sakura sighed. "A spar is defined as a non-lethal mock duel between two allies, usually for training purposes."

His face screwed up in confusion. "So?"

"Non-lethal," she repeated. Seeing that he still wasn't getting it, she gave up. "Naruto, you most likely wouldn't win a spar with Sai because he's a long-range fighter and you're a close-combat specialist. You have one – exactly one – mid to long range jutsu and Rasenshuriken is most definitely lethal."

Upon seeing the dejection marring his normally cheerful face, she almost regretted her frank analysis. Awkwardly, she offered, "Spars aren't battles. They don't really mean anything. If you recognize when and how an opponent has the advantage, then you can figure out how to overcome it." In a rare showing of thoughtfulness, he nodded seriously. "Besides," she added with a sudden smile, annoyance forgotten, "if anyone can beat the odds, it's you, Naruto."

His sunny grin returned and he turned back to Sai with newfound excitement. "See, Sakura-chan says I would win, too!"

"That's not exactly what I meant," she groaned.

As the argument renewed, Sakura tuned it out once more. She tried to concentrate on her footing, carefully calculating which branch to leap to next, attempting to slowly increase the distance she was comfortable jumping. No matter how hard she tried, though, her mind kept returning to places she'd rather it didn't.

She didn't know why she was so disappointed. The last "Sorry, never seen anyone like that," in a long string of similar responses had left a bitter taste in Sakura's mouth that she couldn't shake. Though the mission had been a maddening dead-end, she'd been on others just like it that hadn't left her with this feeling of disenchantment.

It's just that they'd gone so long without news of Sasuke. After his botched assassination attempt at the Kage summit, he'd all but disappeared – until now. Finally, murmurs of a man with mysterious eyes and a ragtag band of followers had reached the normal haunts, had found the right combination of ears to filter back to Konoha. It was all the motivation Team Kakashi had needed, but in the end, their efforts had been fruitless once again.

Perhaps she'd built it up too much in her mind. Maybe she'd worried herself sick with all the "_what if"_s and somehow convinced herself they would be true. What if the one time they were down a man or two, Sasuke actually showed up? What if he thought Kakashi didn't care about him anymore and wouldn't come back? What if – But none of it mattered anymore. They hadn't found him after all.

The scenery passed her by in sickening monotony. There were conversations, mostly because Naruto couldn't abide by silence when he was upset in the same way that Sakura currently craved it. Words were exchanged, but nothing of importance was said. Eventually, the sun waned and Kakashi signalled a halt.

They made camp with the efficiency of familiarity, each shinobi handling the same preordained tasks he or she usually did without discussion. Having settled on rations bars for dinner out of pure laziness, they were relaxing – or, in Naruto and Sai's cases, wrestling good-naturedly – when Sakura decided to switch the normal routine up. She moved over to where Kakashi-sensei was sitting against a tree, signature orange book in hand.

She plopped down beside him, idly observing the grappling match across the clearing. Kakashi surprised her by speaking first.

"He listens to you much better, you know. I'm not quite sure that's fair."

"You don't beat him enough," she said simply, quirking her lips.

"He's lucky to have a friend that gives such sound advice," Kakashi added.

Sakura only grunted in reply, leaning her head against the tree and closing her eyes.

After a moment, he spoke with uncommon hesitation. "Are you all right, Sakura?"

"What makes you think I wouldn't be?" She opened her eyes but kept her head reclined, searching for a hint of stars through the forest canopy.

_So this is why he's so talkative all of a sudden_, she thought. She could count on one hand the number conversations he'd initiated with her besides this one and she was pretty sure all the others had been mere scoldings.

"The obvious," Kakashi answered, ostensibly still reading his dirty little book though he hadn't turned a page since she'd sat down.

She sighed. "I'll be fine. I'm just a little … tired. Of everything."

"Life gets that way sometimes," he said sensibly, but she could tell that he was unconvinced.

"You mentioned a numbers game, before," she said, quickly switching tacks. "What did you mean by that?" She was sure he knew that she was changing the topic but hoped he'd ignore it. Being the most evasive person she knew, he really _should_.

"Ah," he replied, seeming to oblige. "I was referring to a couple of things. On a literal level, I was reminding our friendly Hokage of the fact that Sasuke's little entourage brought his group to four, while ours totalled three without me. Assigning a mission with one on one odds is rare enough, but to purposefully assign a ratio less than that is ... reckless. Suicidal, even, when dealing with shinobi of Sasuke's calibre. Now, while _we_ know that Hokage-sama simply recognizes our value and means only to reiterate his vast respect and utter confidence in our abilities, someone else might assume otherwise." His light tone of voiced belied the gravity of subject.

"You mean it would be traceable evidence of his _favouritism_," she spat sarcastically.

"Precisely. You were always my smartest student, Sakura-chan!" Kakashi ruffled her hair with his free hand as he'd done when she was younger. She scowled in annoyance and neatened her pink mane.

"Do it now, Sakura-chan!" Naruto called, startling her. She'd forgotten the other two were even there. When she realized what he meant, she grinned wickedly and darted a lightning quick hand towards her sensei.

He caught her wrist as the tips of her fingers brushed his mask. Ruefully, she extracted herself from his grasp. His stare was perplexed; her reflexes could not rival his even now, and he knew that she knew it.

"Pay up, sucker!" Mockingly, Naruto echoed her words from the bridge. Scurrying to her side, he held out his hand in expectation. Sakura moaned sadly as she was forced to return every bit of the money she'd won for Kakashi being early. Naruto laughed gleefully, his grin especially foxy in the dim of twilight. He danced away from the pair happily, shoving the wad of cash into Sai's unimpressed face.

"Earlier, he bet me that I couldn't get your mask down before we got back to Konoha," Sakura explained, giggling nervously. "Well, I bet him, actually."

"You really thought you could get it that way?" he asked, incredulous.

She snorted. "Of course not."

He was still staring at her in confusion. It seemed that for once, she'd really stumped the Copy Nin.

She started to laugh, but stopped. It was just like him not to understand. He never did, when it came to things like this. Fighting to keep the sudden, possibly irrational anger out of her voice, she explained tightly, "Naruto's still on genin pay-scale. Do you really think he could afford to give me that much in a bet?"

He appeared sceptical. "If he didn't have the money to spare, why would he make the wager to begin with?"

She rolled her eyes. "I bet him that you would show up _early_ – not like _that's_ much of a gamble. I only won because I sort of cheated."

"But if you never intended to keep the money, why bet at all?"

She was definitely annoyed now. Why wouldn't he give it a rest? "To see the look on his face," she snapped. "And it's the only way I'd ever collect from a skinflint like you anyway." Standing up abruptly, she faced away from him and finally said what she had come over to tell him in the first place. "I'd like to take third watch tonight."

"You – wait, what?" She was unsurprised at the shock in his voice. Third watch was the most undesirable shift, so Kakashi usually took it himself. "Why?"

"It's quietest. Is that all right?" Her voice had lost its hard edge. She regretted her small temper flare up, now. It seemed so silly in hindsight.

He was still and silent behind her. Unexpectedly even to herself, she answered the question he hadn't come out and asked. "I'm sorry. I just ... I really thought we'd find him this time." She found herself blinking away sudden, stinging tears. "I don't know why I'm always so foolish."

"Hope should never be foolish," he replied soberly.

"But sometimes, it is," Sakura whispered.

For awhile, Kakashi said nothing. Finally, he offered, "I'll take second watch, then."

"Thank you."


	3. The Song of a Thousand Birds

A/N: Sorry for the slight delay. The pace should pick up from here on out.

* * *

"Taichou," a voice complained into Kakashi's earpiece, "there's still no sign of them."

"Radio silence except in cases of emergency, Tiger," Kakashi commanded bluntly, not addressing his subordinate's concern. They'd been here nine hours past the supposed meeting time already. The targets would show eventually – or, if the intelligence for this mission was as bad as for his last, they would not. In either case, there was nothing to be done right now but remain concealed. He turned another page of _Icha Icha Tactics_.

Bird startled him by speaking for the first time since they'd arrived. "Four shinobi bearing slashed Ame insignia approaching from one o'clock."

Quietly, Kakashi stowed his book away. It seemed a shame to hurry up and wait, as it were, but the time for awareness was fast drawing near. Just as Bird predicted, four shinobi lighted in the clearing. The Rain nin plopped to the ground heavily, obviously weary from their travels. As they drank from their canteens and chatted idly, Kakashi strained to hear their conversation. The four foreign nin probably weren't discussing anything of significance, but the Konoha ANBU were to listen in anyway, if they could. Kakashi couldn't hear much in the way of distinguishable words, but he knew Cat was in better position for that anyway.

Not half an hour had passed before the other expected party arrived. No one radioed, this time, trusting the others to be alert enough to detect the arrivals on their own.

Four more ninja sauntered into the clearing as if they owned it despite the fact that it was in enemy territory, as indicated by their Iwa-emblazoned forehead protectors.

"Okamoto-san, I assume?" one of the Ame ninja called loud enough to be heard by all.

"Yotsuki-san," the Rock nin acknowledged with a nod. "You have secured the area?" The wind carried the man's voice straight to Kakashi's hiding spot.

Yotsuki made a gesture that Kakashi couldn't see, but Kakashi guessed the man had implicated that he had done so. Kakashi scowled at the basic incompetence; he knew Rain had been in political turmoil for some time, but this was supposed to be a platoon of jounin who should have known better than to leave such things up to chance. Despite the fact that in this instance, the oversight benefited his own team, it still made Kakashi uncomfortable; these ninja were, ostensibly, his allies and he might have to rely on them to watch his back one day.

Yotsuki withdrew a medium-sized scroll from his pack and handed it over without ceremony to the apparent leader of the Iwa contingent. As Okamato finished tucking it away, he froze. Kakashi felt his own muscles tense in response.

"If you secured the area, who is that in the trees over there?" the tall Rock nin growled angrily. "The agreement was four for four. You so blatantly break terms?"

_Shit_. The worst-case scenario for this mission was discovery with both foreign teams still in range.

Yotsuki was outraged by the implication. "Who – what?" he spluttered. "How dare you accuse us of –"

His blustering was cut short as Cat was hauled out of the brush by the three unnamed Iwa nin. She wasn't struggling at all; Kakashi pushed his wolf mask to the side, uncovering his Sharingan to confirm that his teammate was under genjutsu. _The chakra is concentrated in the left side of her brain_, he noted, feeling a terrible sense of déjà vu. He loathed Rock nin.

Hating himself for letting her get dragged along in the dirt, he waited to see the enemies' reactions before acting. The ninja closest to her kicked her right arm out from underneath her to fully reveal her ANBU tattoo. She didn't wake from the pain, which meant the genjutsu was stronger than he'd feared.

"Konoha," sneered Okamato, turning back to the Ame nin. "You said you'd keep your masters out of this, but you are more obedient than we thought."

"With all due respect, Okamato-san, we are no one's dogs," Yotsuki bit out. "And certainly not Konoha's. We knew nothing of this."

"How else could you have missed her in your perimeter sweep? You're lying, Yotsuki-san."

"Perhaps our sweep wasn't as thorough as it could have been, in our fatigue, but –"

Okamoto knelt in front of her and lifted her by her short, dark hair. He removed her mask and placed it carefully in his pack, presumably for evidence. "You won't mind if I kill her, then?"

Yotsuki paused at this proposal, but not for long. "They themselves are breaking terms. It will cause trouble for us, but as an act of faith, you may kill the Konoha operative."

Okamato turned Cat's head to examine her in profile. "I don't recognise her. Pity, really. She's not ugly." As he reached around to grab a weapon out of his pack, everything slowed almost to a halt in front of Kakashi's eyes. He could see the trajectory the Iwa nin's kunai would take, directly into Cat's heart.

Kakashi would not allow that to happen. Hurling himself from dormancy into action, he sent a shuriken into Okamato's throat before anyone could react. The man's neck exploded in a red shower, coating Cat and the stunned shinobi around her in viscera.

That was the signal. As one, the three remaining Konoha ANBU burst out from their hiding places in attack formation. Though unfamiliar with each other, the Ame and Iwa nin formed an opposite formation around Cat, still guarding her, leaving Okamato's body to bleed out where it lay. Clearly, the Konoha-Ame alliance wouldn't be honoured on this makeshift battlefield.

This operation was never supposed to come to blows; the mission scroll itself read reconnaissance. Nevertheless, Kakashi's team stood now, facing seven on three odds. Seven on three odds were not particularly good.

He looked at the faces of his opponents. All were wearing similar looks of confusion, but they were about to fight to the death for an objective none of them fully understood. Neither did his comrades know their purpose in the grander scheme of things. Such was a shinobi's lot.

The song of a thousand birds filled the silence of the forest, all of nature pausing in anticipation of the coming destruction. Only Kakashi's imitation was left now.

"Leave none alive," he ordered, and then it began.

* * *

Kakashi flung the bloody scroll onto Tsunade's desk with more force than he'd intended. _Danzou's desk_, he internally corrected.

"Here," he said, voice deceptively mild. "I'm sure it won't contain the information you sought and you'll be entirely justified in labelling this mission a failure, Hokage-sama."

"Don't be difficult, Hatake," Danzou scolded, though his gravelly voice was even. "Your objective was to observe how the relations between Amegakure and Iwagakure were developing, not affect them."

"You wanted evidence that Iwa and Ame were forming an alliance so that you could undermine it. Am I right?" Kakashi gave the impression of a smile, just as he always did at his most contrary. Danzou said nothing. "Consider the alliance confirmed; they fought as one unit. Consider that trust undermined, as well, just as you wished. When no one returns from the rendezvous, they won't be quick to trust one another again."

"You presume too much, Hatake!" the Hokage snapped. "Because you were a contender for the title, you think you have the right to question –"

"I never wanted your title, Hokage-sama. Even if I did, the Council chose you over me, so –"

"You have always been afforded a certain luxury, due to your connections. I thought I made it clear that such indulgences for you and others ended when I acceded to office, but you continue to abuse your position. I won't allow it. After all, we can't forget your _other_ connections ...."

Not quite following, Kakashi remained silent. Danzou continued with a totally neutral expression. "It is apparent whose legacy you truly are. There was once another who abandoned his mission objective for a bleeding heart –"

Kakashi's fists balled so tightly that his knuckles popped but he gave no other outward sign of anger. "As much as I'm enjoying this little chat of ours, Hokage-sama, I have some teammates in hospital that I should probably check on. Critical condition and all that. Agent Cat in particular was privy to more information than I."

Danzou's scarred jaw clenched at the indirect order, but it seemed he decided that getting rid of Kakashi was more satisfying than further dressing him down. "I will expect full mission reports from each of you upon recovery."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Kakashi turned to exit, moving no more quickly than was decorous, but before he reached the door, Danzou offered a parting shot. "Failed missions don't pay. Just a reminder. Tell your team."

* * *

Almost seven hours and copious amounts of shochu later, Kakashi still had not set foot in the hospital. They'd all made it back to Konoha – just – in considerably poor health. Bird had been the first to sustain a serious injury and when the medic goes down first everyone suffers. Normally, they'd have gone slow and healed along the way, but with Bird out, that hadn't been an option. They'd rushed home for medical treatment, exacerbating the damage. The pace took a toll; Tiger had collapsed in exhaustion two miles outside of Konoha and they'd had to leave him behind to be collected by medic-nin later.

Cat, still addled from the genjutsu, had giggled as they began to near the gates around eleven in the morning. Her mask had a bloody handprint across it – his, from where he'd haphazardly snagged it out of Okamato's pack before they left. She was a few metres behind, dragging a mildly fractured leg turned seriously broken by hundreds of kilometres of fast-paced running throughout the night. "Taichou," she'd gasped. "I know you _like _him," she'd laughed, then, with an exaggerated conspiratorial wink, "but maybe you should let Mogusa-san walk now! The gate guards will know you have a favourite."

"I don't think they'll figure it out unless you tell them," Kakashi had called back to her, shifting the medic on his back. Dealing with a normally capable ninja whose mentality had suddenly reverted to childhood was really starting to grate on his nerves.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "You're right. You're so _smart_, Taichou!"

"Can you keep it a secret?"

"Yes, Taichou! I'm very good at keeping secrets." She couldn't seem to stop tittering – he'd been listening to it so long that he almost regretted waking her up.

"Are you good at playing games, too?"

"Oooh, can we play a game now?"

"I bet you can't keep quiet until we reach the hospital. What do you think?"

"I bet I _can_!"

"You're breaking the rules already."

"Oops! Sorry, Taichou."

"I thought you were good at games, Cat."

She just chuckled in reply, finally catching on. She didn't speak again as they covered the last ground before the gate, but he thought her incessant giggling was probably worse.

When they finally got close, the chuunin on duty rushed out in concern, calling, "ANBU-san!"

Transferring Bird to one of them, he ordered, "Get them to the hospital immediately." After giving them directions to Tiger's location and warning them of Cat's mental condition, he hurried off without a glance behind.

"But, ANBU-san, don't _you_ need to go to hospital....?" he had heard one of the chuunin call after him, but he was already gone.

And now he was in this seedy little saloon, getting drunk and still bleeding sluggishly from a couple of wounds. Mostly, he was just almost out of chakra and completely worn down.

"Oi, Kakashi-sensei!" he heard a vaguely familiar voice shout from across the room. He didn't pay attention because he knew the voice didn't belong to either of the only two who had the right to call him such a thing – even though he hadn't really taught them much, in the end.

His luck had run out, though, because the owner of the voice approached him, undeterred by his snubbing. "Kakashi-sensei," he said again as he came closer. His speech was slightly slurred.

"Kiba," Kakashi finally acknowledged. "Didn't know they served minors here."

"Aw, fuck off," Kiba protested, all semblance of respect forgotten. "You know it's bad business for any bar tender to refuse someone who could kill him."

True enough, though it had seemed a lot more reasonable when _he_ was underage.... "You'd have a hard time doing anything like that right now, seeing as how you can hardly stand and it's not yet evening," Kakashi admonished, dimly wondering where he got off doing such a thing, considering he was half-arsed himself by now.

Kiba didn't seem to register what he'd said anyway. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I was just wondering if you picked up more chicks when you come in all gory like that. Are you back from a mission or is it just for the effect?"

"Go home, Kiba, before you can't make it there on your own."

Seemingly losing interest, Kiba stumbled back to his section of the bar, where the highest concentration of females just happened to be. What a coincidence. Kakashi had to smile wryly at the boy. At least he looked like he was having fun.

Nursing a last saucer full of shochu through his mask, Kakashi looked out into the busy street. Why a tavern doing a roaring business in the middle of the day would choose to keep their doors flung open was beyond him, but at the moment, it was a convenient distraction. He watched the citizens of Konoha pass him by, going about their daily lives. A woman with shopping bags, towing a toddler. A couple holding hands. It was rather pleasant until someone he knew walked by. Yamanaka Ino had changed a lot, he guessed, though he'd never bothered to notice until now. She was stumbling down the street in torn clothes, at the moment, sobbing violently and looking the most frightful mess he'd seen in a long time.

He wasn't the only one to notice. Nara Shikaku and Akimichi Chouza were sitting nearby, drinking together as they were wont to do. He saw their eyes follow the girl until she was out of sight; then their conversation picked back up with a more sombre tone.

"I knew when Inoichi had a daughter that there would be trouble," Shikaku said, taking a swig.

"He was so dead-set on letting her be a ninja," Chouza agreed. "And now look what's happened."

"I don't blame the girl, though. Women just don't have the constitution to be shinobi, when it comes down to it."

"They can't handle it, emotionally, when things go wrong. No daughter of mine would be a ninja. I know Inoichi has to regret it now, even though he won't say. He should have made her work in his wife's flower shop, like we told him to."

"He said that women didn't have to be melee specialists, and of course he's right, but she's an espionage specialist, isn't she? A damn good one, from what I've heard, but it doesn't matter, in the end. I give her until the end of the year to either quit or be killed on a mission."

Chouza frowned. "That's a little harsh. She's had a rough go of it."

"Our sons have had tough missions, too, but you don't see them falling apart all along the street, do you?"

"No. I'm proud of my boy...." muttered Chouza, though he looked troubled.

Shikaku, too, looked unhappy as he finished his drink. "Maybe she'll pull through. That friend of hers seems pretty steady."

"The Hokage's apprentice, you mean?"

"Yeah, the one with pink hair. She's grown up well. Chose an appropriate field, too."

Kakashi frowned along with them. What the hell had he missed with the Yamanaka girl? He wandered out of the bar, conveniently developing selective hearing when the bar tender asked him to pay his tab, and tried to spot that distinctive blonde hair again. It was so much shorter now than it used to be. He remembered the time she'd cut it so dramatically, right in the middle of her battle with Sakura in the Chuunin Exams. It had been a clever move, but not enough to win the fight.

She'd worn it long again ever since and he wondered why she had cut it this time around. If only he could find her in the crowd. There. He followed her discreetly, trying to discern where she was going, if _she_ even knew. She was staggering, still bawling her eyes out, and seemed to be making arbitrary turns.

Using the last of his chakra to shunshin directly behind her, he said, "Yo."

She jumped with a small scream, clutching her heart, and whirled to face him. "Kakashi-sensei, you scared me," she whispered, voice hoarse. Close up, he could see the lipstick smeared all over her face, mixing with the snot dribbling out of her nostrils. It didn't make for a pleasant effect.

"Sorry about that." He gave her his brightest smile. "I was just wondering when you cut your hair?"

"Oh?" She reached a hand up to it, as if just realising its length. Her bangs were short and straight across her forehead, now; her hair fell in a platinum sheet to her chin and angled upward until it was above her ears in the back. "Why, do you like it?"

"Sure."

He'd always been told that you should compliment a woman on her appearance, but apparently Ino was the exception. A physical change came over her immediately; her eyes darkened and her shoulders sagged noticeably. It was one of the oddest things he'd ever witnessed.

She shocked him again by laughing harshly. "Of course you do. Men always do. I hacked it off all plain, one day, and stopped conditioning because it's useless, but my team leader said I wasn't attractive enough and I had to change it.... So here it is. So glad you approve."

There was a definite bitterness to her voice that hadn't been there only last year, when he'd worked with her against Akatsuki. She seemed like an entirely different person. "Are you headed towards the hospital?" he asked bluntly. He'd noticed a pattern in her meandering but she'd never get there by herself as it was. "I can take you there, if you'd like."

She paled. "Oh.... I'm making a scene again, aren't I?" Kakashi felt it unnecessary to answer. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm trying. Really. C-could you –" Exhaling deeply, she tried again. "If you could help me find Sakura, I'd really appreciate it. I think she's working right now."

"Let's try the hospital then, shall we?" He walked in the right direction, looking behind him experimentally to see if she'd follow. She did. She'd stopped crying, too, though she hadn't bothered to wipe her face yet.

When they reached the building he'd been trying his hardest to avoid all day, he stared at her pointedly, willing her to enter on her own. She looked back at him timidly – again, unlike anything he'd ever seen before from this girl. "Do you – do you know which floor she's on, or ... or something? I've never actually disturbed her at work before...." Ino squeezed her eyes shut, at this, and he could feel the shame rolling off her in waves.

"Come with me," he said shortly, leading her forward once again. He breezed right past the front desk, though they called after him in scandalised tones. He was headed towards the ward where they usually treated those in grave condition. He remembered Sakura mentioning to Naruto once that when new trauma cases came in, she was usually shifted to help handle the overflow, and he happened to know that a couple of critical cases had indeed been recently checked in.

The nurses at the checkpoint outside the ward managed to waylay them, demanding authorisation. "I'm Hatake Kakashi," he said simply. The nurse blocking the door faltered. She recognised him, it seemed.

"Even so," she insisted bravely. "They don't need extra people underfoot today. They're very busy, you see –"

"I know. They're busy saving my teammates."

She wilted, moving aside to let him pass. "What about the girl, though?" The way her eyes ran down Ino's dishevelled form made her disapproval clear.

"She's with me."

Ino darted forward before she could be questioned further. Once they were in, she turned to say something to him, but before she could get it out, Shizune called his name.

"Kakashi-san! There you are. Let me give you an update," she said, hurrying over. Spotting Ino and giving a small frown, she continued, "Agent Tiger was successfully recovered and is in stable condition but not yet awake. Agent Cat is lucid and also stable. Agent Bird, though...."

"Well? Is he alive?" Kakashi demanded, impatience bleeding into his tone.

"Yes. We hope he'll remain that way. He's one of our best. I'd hate to lose him."

Kakashi frowned. He hadn't realised Mogusa had been quite that badly off, but he could feel Ino behind him attempting to will herself to disappear and it was making him uncomfortable. "I need to speak with Sakura. Have you seen her?"

Shizune seemed thrown by the change in subject. "If you want to know details about your comrades' conditions, you can just ask me, as I've been working on –"

"That's not it," he explained tersely. "Just tell me. Is she up here?"

Wordlessly, Shizune pointed to a room on the left. Ino sprinted towards it, startling both Kakashi and Shizune.

Ino knocked on the door, though it was only a sliding door and not meant for that. "Sakura," she said miserably, voice thick with tears once again. "It's me."

The door slid open to reveal a Sakura with surprise written across her expressive features. "Ino? I'm with a patient right now –"

"I'm sorry!" Ino wailed, suddenly louder than Kakashi had heard her yet. "I'm sorry that I can't – but I need –"

Panicked, Sakura dragged her friend into another room to the right which seemed to be empty. "It's all right, Ino. We'll take care of it," she was saying comfortingly as she shut the door behind them.

"What the....?" mumbled Shizune, staring after them.

Kakashi, too, was a little stunned, even though he'd somewhat expected it. "No idea." The one time he gave into his curiosity, he still couldn't manage to answer any questions. He'd go back to his old privacy policy from now on.

"You really should sit down and let me check you over. And what are you doing walking around in your ANBU uniform?" Shizune was saying to him, but he wasn't listening anymore. Sakura had left the door open to the room she had first been in and he realised with a start that she'd been treating Cat. He could see the woman's dark hair cresting the pillow. She caught his eye and smiled weakly.

"Do you want to see them?" Shizune asked and he snapped his attention back to her.

"No thanks. I hate hospitals." With that, he turned on his heel and exited the ward, leaving Shizune muttering darkly behind him.

He should never have left the bar.

* * *

A/N: Ino may strike you as odd in this, but all will come out later. One thing I want to make clear, since it probably won't come up again, is that I don't dislike Shikaku or Chouza. As with just about everything I write, there is a lot going on "underneath the underneath" as it were, and their conversation is an expression of concern to be understood by each other as only two close friends can understand. However, as to the avenue of this expression of concern, Shikamaru had to learn his sexism from somewhere, and Chouza was in the Naruto-lynching crowd very early on in the series; I don't feel that these (brief) characterisations are too much of a stretch.

Danzou is a little too horrid here, but I'm working to lend him a little more depth than canon does while still staying true to his character. As he's shallower than a puddle and more static than a boulder in the manga, this is a bit of a challenge.

The only original characters in this chapter are Arai Shiori (Cat), Miyahara Ryoji (Tiger), and Hamada Hiroyuki. Extra credit to anyone who can place any of the other names, especially Mogusa (who is, in fact, canon).


	4. Unfamiliar Intrusions

"I'm sorry for the interruption," Sakura said as she slipped back into her patient's room. "Something came up, as I'm sure you guessed."

The woman, whose deep blue hair looked almost black from a distance, turned in her hospital bed to face Sakura, wincing when she knocked her still-healing leg. "Was she another patient? That girl?"

"A friend."

The patient – Arai Shiori, Sakura reminded herself – smiled. "Boyfriend problems, then?"

"No. She needed a rape workup. Bad mission," said Sakura brusquely. She knew Ino wouldn't appreciate her business being told, but Sakura was so sick of people trivialising her friend that she could absolutely scream. How typical, to assume that Ino was upset because some stupid guy dumped her.

Shiori's face fell. "Sorry. I know how that can be."

Forcing herself to smile brightly to relieve some of the awkwardness, Sakura continued, "Anyway, where were we?" She grabbed the woman's chart and flipped through it. "Your leg is still sore, I see. I can assure you that a little tenderness is normal. It was healed by Oyone-san, so you have nothing to worry about there. He's very good, but you'll still need to be careful while the bone and ligaments finish knitting. You ran on it, I understand?" Sakura couldn't stop a small amount of disapproval from leaking into her voice though she knew it was probably unwarranted. According to the chart, it had taken Oyone _hours_ to reconstruct her leg – hours that could have been spent more usefully elsewhere.

"No choice." The woman's black eyes hardened but her expression remained purposefully neutral.

"Well, because of that, you'll have to allow a certain amount of time for recuperation. Migaki-san will be around later to discuss physical therapy with you."

"I know the drill. This is the third time I've broken a leg, believe it or not," Shiori quipped wryly, voice slightly strained.

"Yes, well, ANBU has a tendency to keep its agents in beds like these too often," Sakura said with feigned concern. "Do you have any questions about the genjutsu you were under? If so, you should ask right now while I'm available. My sixteen hour shift was over two hours ago and I stayed specifically to treat you."

Looking a little guilty, Shiori said, "I apologise for holding you up. I can talk about the genjutsu later, with someone else. You should go home and get some rest."

Suddenly, Sakura felt bad for losing her patience with this woman just because she had unintentionally slighted Ino. Shiori's extraordinarily bad day had culminated in an almost completely incapacitated platoon; Sakura's mere exhaustion really couldn't compare. A medic should definitely be a little more understanding. "Actually, I have expertise in this area, which is why I was assigned to you. In any case, I just spent nearly three hours filtering chakra through your brain, so I'm definitely the best person to discuss any concerns with. I don't mind. Really," she insisted, realising that she was letting fatigue make her tetchy. She normally enjoyed cases like these. Curing the effects of genjutsu was one of Sakura's specialties that few others shared. She'd concentrated on it specifically with Tsunade-shishou; it was only prudent, after all, when her teammates were likely to end up on the unfortunate end of the Sharingan in one way or another.

Shiori blushed slightly. "Sorry, again. I guess you're so young I forget that you're the Godaime's apprentice. You _are_ Haruno Sakura-san, right?"

"Yes," Sakura confirmed cautiously. "Why do you ask?"

"I believe we have a couple of mutual acquaintances," Shiori replied with a sheepish grin. "Taichou wouldn't tell us who you were, but Mogusa-san said later he recognised you from the hospital."

Sakura stared blankly. "You know Mogusa-san? Well, I guess it's obvious you're on the same ANBU squad as him, now that I think about it."

"I think you're more familiar with my captain, though."

"Oh! Kakashi-sensei, right?" Finally comprehending, Sakura offered the ANBU a sincere smile. "Sure. Nice to meet you."

"My teammates and I were wondering, actually.... How _do_ you know Kakashi-taichou?"

"Well, he's my teammate as well, obviously."

"Yes, but you seemed more like ... friends, maybe? You know his student Uzumaki Naruto-san, right? Is that why you call him sensei?"

"Kakashi was my genin sensei, so I guess you could say I've known for awhile. That's all." Sakura tried to keep the flash of annoyance she felt from marring her expression. Nobody ever realised she had been on the original Team Seven. She couldn't help but believe it confirmed her insecurity that she would _always_ be "the other one", forever riding on the coattails of more talented companions, not worthy to be noticed in her own right. Even now, when people recognised her it was due solely to her connection to Tsunade or occasionally to Naruto or even Kakashi, like right now – never because she herself was memorable.

"Oh, well that makes sense!" Shiori laughed. "Of course. I just assumed Tsunade-sama was your only master but I should have figured it out. Sorry. It's just that we're so _curious_ about him. Kakashi-taichou, I mean. We've been working together almost six months now and I don't understand him at all...." Her voice was laced with exasperation.

Sakura chuckled, all irritation slipping away. New commiserates were always welcome. "Isn't he the most annoying man you've ever met?"

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as all _that_," Shiori said, smiling. "But he's so stoic and ... I don't know, mysterious." She sighed.

Sakura held back another giggle. It was hard to imagine, but she thought Shiori might have a crush on Kakashi-sensei! How cute. She couldn't wait to tell Naruto and Ino – but she couldn't, she realised sadly, because doing so would technically be illegal.

"He's hard-nosed. Demanding. I mean, he's so _famous._ His reputation was ...." Shiori trailed off, averting her eyes. "And he lived up to it. We thought he was such a cold fish until we saw him with _your_ team. With you."

Ah. Sakura thought she might understand now. "My team and I.... It's complicated. Some things happened that pushed us together – you probably heard about them, but if not, I won't elaborate – and if you're lucky, you'll find an easier way for yourselves. Mostly, though, I think it's because he still treats us like children. He _says_ we're a team of equals, but that's total bullshit." Ignoring the way Shiori's eyebrows rose in surprise – at the language, maybe – Sakura continued. "On paper it's a team of equals, but in reality, we still take our cues from him." She shrugged. "That's just the way it is. He can still mostly kick our asses anyway, so it's only fair." Looking at Shiori, who seemed fascinated, Sakura added, "He treats you like adults, probably. I'd take it as a sign of respect. Besides, it's likely he's less of a pain that way."

Shiori smiled. "I guess I never thought of it like that."

Now that she was thinking about it.... "Wait a minute. Did you guys see his face the other day on the bridge?"

Confused, Shiori answered, "Of course. Why?"

She said it like it wasn't even special! "That _ass_," Sakura groused. "All these years I thought he wouldn't show _anyone_. I even tried to be polite. But he's just been toying with us!"

"You've _never_ seen his face?" Disbelief was apparent in the older woman's slacked jaw.

"Not once! When we were younger, we even stalked him to try and –" Sakura paused mid-tirade with a blush. "Looking back, that's sort of creepy, actually...."

"Probably just as creepy as trying to quiz someone you don't even know about him," Shiori sniggered in playful self-deprecation.

"Well, see? You know things about him that I don't. I'm a little jealous, to be honest. I may have known the jerk for years, but I don't think I'll ever understand him either," Sakura confessed.

"If you find out anything good, make sure to let me know."

"The same to you."

The women grinned conspiratorially, united in the moment. Breaking the mood with a yawn that reminded her how long it had been since she'd last slept, Sakura decided to get back down to business. "About the genjutsu, then. We went over the symptoms earlier, but –"

"Last time I got caught in a genjutsu like that I was quacking – literally quacking, like a duck – for a week afterwards. As far as I can remember, this one had me acting like a five-year old on steroids. It _can't_ go on; it's not as obvious as the quacking and people will think I'm just...." Shiori rubbed her temples with long, thin fingers, suddenly looking as weary as Sakura felt.

Sakura frowned. "When was this? I'll have a look at your records and see who treated you then. That's not acceptable."

"Don't bother. It was years ago. I'm not even sure when. I was a chuunin, I think – or maybe a genin? The medic probably isn't even on staff anymore."

"Still. If you remember, let me know. Leave a note at the hospital, if you have to. I practically live here so I'll definitely get it. I'll make sure whoever it was won't make that mistake again. As far as _this_ genjutsu goes.... It was complex, to be certain, but I spent a long time correcting your chakra flows and there's no reason any problems should persist. If you're concerned, tell the people you're closest to what signs they should be looking out for if the effects linger. I'll schedule a follow-up next week, though. Some people are especially susceptive to these sorts of things so it's better to be on the safe side."

"You're pretty thorough, Sakura-sensei."

"I do my best. Was there anything else?"

"No, I guess not. It's just...." She sighed. "I'm pretty sure I made a fool of myself, that's all. It was my fault we were caught, and then to be a child in such a high stakes situation.... Ryoji-san and Mogusa-san were badly wounded and even Taichou got a little banged up."

"If Kaka-sensei was injured, why hasn't he checked in? Well, never mind, I guess. If he wasn't dying then he wouldn't willingly enter a –"

"He _was_ here, earlier. Didn't you see him?" Shiori's expression darkened slightly. "Not to visit _us,_ of course. Not to get treated, either. He brought your friend to you, I think."

"Oh? That's odd. I'm not even entirely sure he knows her name. But, really, don't worry about that. Sometimes he visits when you're sleeping but doesn't tell you and sometimes he doesn't come at all. That's just how he operates."

"But he saved my life," she whispered. "It was entirely within his rights to let them kill me. I was the only one discovered; the mission could have gone on mostly as planned, but he – and now we'll fail it, I guess, and it will go on his record as team leader. Because of me. No wonder he doesn't care –"

"He's not as cold blooded as you might think," Sakura interrupted. "He just isn't very good at showing it. When you really _need_ him, he'll be there."

Shiori offered a weak smile. "I guess he sort of proved that, this time around."

"I'm sure you want to know more about your teammates' conditions, right?" Shiori nodded. "I am the primary medic overseeing Miyahara Ryoji-san's recovery – or, as I should officially call him, Agent Tiger. Technically, I'm not allowed to give you specifics, but I performed his surgery myself and at this point, I think I can safely say that he will survive with no lasting damage barring further complications. He will, however, have to have another simple procedure in the morning. Nakajima Mogusa-san, I believe, is undergoing a series of operations performed and supervised by Shizune-san herself, but she has had to stop frequently to allow him to gain enough strength to continue. Regarding your condition after you were hit with the genjutsu, I'll write a full report detailing the effects and why you should _not_ be held accountable for any possibly embarrassing actions while under the influence. I'm sure your team understands, but I'll see to it that that they're all made aware just in case. _Especially_ Kakashi-sensei," Sakura added with a wink.

"That's very generous of you. Really, it is," insisted Shiori, looking a bit startled by the offer.

Sakura was disappointed, just as she always was when something she thought of as a logical duty was perceived as a grand gesture. There was a shameful trend in shinobi facilities to treat patients as if they should have known better, the unspoken sentiment that only the weak were injured subtly permeating patient care. Too often, ninja were left alone to deal with the majority of the consequences of missions-gone-awry. Sakura taught medics to be considerate of their patients, when she had the chance; courtesy really shouldn't be a luxury in _any_ hospital. "Not at all. It's just my jo –" The final consonant was lost in a humongous yawn. "My job."

Shiori snatched her own chart out of the medic's hands and put it on a side table. "Go! Sleep. Thanks for your excellent care and also for talking to me, but I'm fine. Please get some rest."

"Okay, _Mother_," Sakura teased. "Don't forget that you're also in a state of mild chakra exhaustion, so you need to rest as well."

Shiori made a show of settling into her pillow. With one last grin in Sakura's direction, she made a shooing motion and then let her eyelids flutter closed.

Sakura slipped out, sliding the door closed behind her. Despite her exhaustion, that had been kind of fun, though it had gotten off to a slightly rocky start. She liked Shiori. She hoped that Kakashi would, too, eventually. They'd be cute together.

* * *

Sakura pounded on the door so hard it rattled. She _knew_ she'd seen a light on in his apartment window, so if that stupid man did not come to the door in the next minute she was going to have to break it –

The door flew out from beneath her fist.

"What?" Kakashi asked blearily. She was too busy staring to answer him. His visible eye was bloodshot and the parts of his ANBU uniform he still wore were ripped, singed, and covered in bloody, dirty goo. Even his posture was more slouched than usual; he wavered on his feet a little, as if he couldn't support his own weight. He looked _awful_ – and was that _vomit_ in his hair? "Ten minutes of knocking led me to believe it was urgent, but since it's clearly not, I'll just go back to bed –"

"Don't you dare," snapped Sakura, brows furrowing. "You are going to sit down and let me heal you."

"Sakura...." She could hear the warning in his tone but stubbornly disregarded it, jutting out her chin. She also ignored the glazed look to his visible eye that told her he was at least partially intoxicated.

"I do not have patience for idiots who like to lie about in their own filth. Take a seat, Sensei. Now." She did her best to make sure her manner brooked no argument and attempted to harden her features to match.

"You don't have the authority to order me around," he said ominously, though his voice was pitched lightly and he was smiling in that deceptive manner of his.

"You don't have to be conscious for me to heal you, Kakashi-sensei," she returned, cracking her knuckles suggestively. "And you don't really appear to be in a condition to stop me."

His gaze turned stony at the implication. She sighed jadedly. "Look, I was tipped off that you were injured a little more seriously than you let on. For starters, I can see what looks like a third degree burn on your side even from here. Shizune may not have the disposition to force you into an infirmary bed, but I _do_, and Naruto would never forgive me if I let you hurt yourself for no reason. You can either sit down and shut up or I can schedule compulsory hospital visits after each and every future mission, starting first thing tomorrow morning. The authority in this situation belongs to me whether you like it or not. You have a choice, here, and I'm trying to make it easy for you."

The words came out confidently, but after she said them, it sunk in what exactly she had just done. She'd just pulled rank on _Kakashi_. The blood drained from her face as she waited for his reaction. What had she been thinking, yelling at him like that? Idiot!

He said nothing, expression curiously blank. She watched anxiously as he turned and moved toward his bed, wincing at the unusual ungainliness in his gait. She followed him inside and shut the door behind her, unsure of what to expect. She found him sitting placidly. It was unnerving; she discovered herself waiting for him to pounce or something crazy like that, but shook her head to rid it of silly thoughts.

"Is your head injured? Your face?" she said eventually.

"No."

_Damn it,_ she couldn't stop herself from thinking, curiosity renewed by her conversation with his ANBU teammate. Lighting her hands with healing chakra, she moved in closer, wrinkling her nose as she caught a whiff of his stench, a rancid mix of rotting guts, unwashed body, and alcohol. He caught her wrist as it approached his collarbone. She couldn't help but notice the dried blood flaking off his arm all the way to the elbow. She'd seen it before and she knew what it meant.

"What are you doing?" he asked, eyeing the green chakra suspiciously. "There's no wound there."

"Unless you love this shirt so much that you want it to be a permanent fixture – literally – then I'm going to cut it off. It's melted into your skin where you're burned."

"You're going to cut it off. With your hand," he said sceptically.

"Haven't you ever seen a chakra scalpel? You're wasting my chakra when I don't have a lot to spare. I did at least five surgeries today." She sighed. "I know I've never healed you before because of conflict of interest policies but I'm actually pretty good at what I do, for once, as hard as that is to believe...." Though she tried to hide it in a flippant retort, she was a little hurt by his lack of confidence.

"Right. Go on then." He sounded a little strained as if it were very trying for him to endure being cured as opposed to simply remaining in excruciating pain. Rolling her eyes, she proceeded to slice away the thin layer of fabric. He winced when her chakra-laden hand met his skin and then seemed surprised when only the fabric was cut. Maybe he _hadn't_ seen a chakra scalpel before, she mused. After all, he had to be half-dead and unconscious to allow himself to be placed in a hospital bed. By the time he woke up, he was usually all patched up. And to be honest, not many medics utilised chakra scalpels due to the control and practise necessary to wield them successfully.

She made quick work of the shirt but was forced to cut around the burnt areas. They would have to be removed separately, unfortunately for Kakashi. It wasn't a very pleasant process. Out of courtesy, she left the mask on his face, simply separating it from the rest of the material it was connected to.

With the obstructions out of the way, she could see his wounds were pretty superficial besides a couple of more serious burns. She healed the easy stuff first to ease the sting of what was to come. "Lay on your right side," she instructed, laying out the tools she would need, "and stay very still. Because this isn't an official healing, I can't give you anything to dull the pain. I'm warning you now: this will hurt."

She began using chakra-sterilised forceps to pick out the bits and pieces of fabric stuck to raw patches of blistering skin. As she pulled the first scrap away, he hissed and his abdominals clenched up spastically. After that, though, there was no complaint as she endeavoured to clean his wounds.

She laboured in silence for awhile but eventually worked up the courage to say, "I'm sorry I was so harsh earlier. I haven't slept in twenty or so hours and – well, that's no excuse. In reality ... I think you kind of scared me. When you opened the door looking so.... I panicked for a minute. I had no right to speak to you like that."

His only reply was a pained grunt.

"A lot of that blood wasn't yours, I see," she continued quietly. "I may have been overreacting a bit, but these burns would have gotten infected without treatment, even disregarding the fact that they would have scarred badly. Please be more careful in the future. It's foolish to remain injured for no reason. If it's just the hospital you have an aversion to, I'm always available off the books. I don't mind, if it means you get looked at. You're not the only one I extend the offer to, either, so please don't feel guilty about taking me up on it." He didn't acknowledge that she'd spoken but she knew he'd heard her, at least. Eventually, she said, "Okay, all done with that. What else is there? Help me out a little."

"Leg."

"Sit up and let me see, then. Where, exactly?" Belatedly, she realised the question was redundant as she noticed the rusted-looking stain soaking through his right leg bindings. She frowned as she kneeled to inspect it more closely. Peeling away the tightly wrapped gauze, she gasped in slight surprise. The wound was worse than it had originally seemed. He must have re-wrapped the leg in the field, which had helped a little to stem the flow of blood and to hold the gaping edges of his calf together. The laceration was deep and jagged.

"What exactly where you planning to do about this, Kakashi-sensei? Let your leg rot off?" she snapped, scowling in frustration.

He chuckled sheepishly. "I didn't think it was all that bad...."

"It's an excellent thing you're not a medic, then. You'd be crap at it," she said bluntly. "This needs stitches before I can begin the healing process. I won't apologise for the pain, you stupid man. Remember it next time."

He watched her apprehensively as she prepared her suturing materials. It seemed he was rethinking his decision to forego proper treatment. Good. He let out a tiny moan as the needle first passed through his skin but remained silent after that. At least he wasn't one of the whiners, she mentally scoffed. Then she'd _really_ be forced to knock him out.

When she was done sewing him up, she started a chakra treatment to speed up the curative process. He was breathing shallowly now, panting like one of his summons on a hot day. She looked up, startled to find that he was even beginning to sweat a bit. "Deep tissue healing hurts, doesn't it? Normally, it's paired with pain killers. Next time you shred a muscle, go to the hospital and it'll be a lot easier." Shaking her head, she added for good measure, "If a ligament had been severed you wouldn't have made it back on this leg." She frowned as she realised what a close call it had been. "Okay, wiggle all your fingers and toes."

He stared at her blankly.

"Do it!" she barked. Sighing, he obeyed and didn't protest as she checked his pulse in the top of each foot and on the flat of both wrists. "Done for now," she finally said. Though by no means had she performed a full check-up, she could feel her chakra sputtering inside her. She was reasonably sure nothing life-threatening had escaped her attention. It was time to quit. "I'll have to remove the sutures next week sometime. If you do it yourself you'll be _sorry_, do you hear me?" She glared into his eye, hoping her words made an impression. "Is there anything else injured?"

"No."

"If I find out later that you're lying, you will regret it. Are you _positive_ I got everything?"

"Yes."

"All right, then. Into the shower," she ordered, rising from the floor and stretching out the kinks in her back.

"Excuse me?" His eye narrowed almost imperceptibly.

"Oh, shut up. You're disgusting and I won't leave until I know you're clean. It's only sanitary."

"I appreciate the effort but I don't need a nursemaid, Sakura. I'm a big boy."

"If I hadn't just had to coerce you into necessary medical treatment like a child, maybe I'd agree," she snorted.

"Fine," he bit out, and she was surprised by the amount of irritation that crept into his voice, however slight. It meant that he was actually pretty angry with her. She wasn't overly fond of that idea, but there had been no way to avoid it, she supposed.

Kakashi rose, gathered some fresh clothes from his dresser, and padded into his bathroom. He slid the door shut a little more forcefully than was necessary.

Sakura _hmph_ed in annoyance, noting with satisfaction that his step was smooth once again. Beginning to clear up the mess she'd made, she groaned as she spotted how soiled his bedding was. In addition to the stains caused by her healing, it looked like he'd laid in it before she showed up. The shuriken-emblazoned coverlet was definitely worse for the wear. He couldn't sleep with that. She gathered it up and cursed aloud as she saw that the sheets underneath were all bloodied up as well. Removing them, she set them aside with the duvet.

"Now to find replacements." She wandered around the small apartment looking for fresh sheets but was too nervous to really pry into anything. This apartment was bigger than his last, he'd once commented offhand, but she couldn't imagine what the old one must have been like. She'd never seen the place he'd had before the Pain invasion, but it must have been miniscule. This one was basically one open room with a tiny kitchenette attached plus the bathroom Kakashi was currently occupying. It was all he needed, she guessed, though it was kind of funny that Naruto's flat was much bigger.

Finally deciding that peeking under the bed was innocuous enough, she was relieved to find a spare set of bed linens, though no replacement comforter. She made his bed up as best she could. She figured it was August so he shouldn't need a blanket anyway. When she was done, she perched uncomfortably on the edge of the thin mattress, having a couple of more things to say to him before she left.

Eyes catching on the two framed pictures on his windowsill, she smiled softly. One scene was familiar: her genin team photo. It had been just about the only thing she cared about salvageable from the rubble of her house; later, she'd had copies made for Naruto and Kakashi, who had never found theirs.

Kakashi must have located his own genin picture, though one corner was torn and it was slightly scratched up. She recognised a younger Kakashi immediately and the Yondaime as well. She started when she realised how much the Fourth Hokage really did look like Naruto. If not for the slightly taller build, longer hair, and the lack of facial scars, it could _be_ Naruto, really. She guessed her teammate would grow up to look just like his father. What a lucky guy. Her eyes slid next to the other boy in the photo whose goggles reminded her of those old things Naruto used to wear in Academy. The black-haired boy was glaring at Kakashi in a way so reminiscent of Naruto in her own generation's photograph that she giggled. The girl, with tattooed marks on her cheeks not unlike Kiba, looked serene by comparison. Sakura wondered what the team had really had been like. She didn't think they were still around, but maybe these people were Kakashi's reasons to visit the memorial.

She jumped up when Kakashi spoke from behind her. "What the....?"

He was staring at the jumble of bedclothes at his feet. She scowled. "They were dirty, and not all of it was my fault, either. I'll have them laundered, if you like –"

"That won't be necessary." His voice was still a little harsher than she was used to. He crossed his arms, looking at her pointedly.

Frowning, she reached into her pack and pulled out the report she'd written for Shiori and laid it on his bed. "Agent Cat requested that all of her teammates be briefed on the genjutsu and its unfortunate effects on her personality."

"Temporary, I hope? She was insufferable."

"Don't be so insensitive. She's really nervous about your reaction, you know. And of course it was temporary. Please read my description by tomorrow at the latest, as it explains the course of her recovery."

He nodded, face impassive.

"The rest of your squad is still alive, by the way, not that you asked. They're a little hurt that you haven't visited them. They think you don't care."

Looking at her sharply, he frowned under his mask.

"Mogusa-san in particular is in pretty critical condition. He has three more procedures scheduled for tomorrow. Just keep it in mind." Smoothing her slightly skewed skirt – a futile action, borne of habit, since the garment was smeared haphazardly with gore – she continued, "Thanks for cooperating with me. I appreciate it." Without waiting for a response, knowing none would be forthcoming, she turned to leave. Just before she shut the apartment door behind her, she added, "Take care of yourself, Sensei. Please."

* * *

The morning came far too soon. Sakura rose before the sun, as was her custom, and went drowsily about her morning ablutions.

She could feel yesterday's uncommonly heavy exertions weighing on her as she dragged through her usual hospital rounds. Her brain didn't seem to be functioning properly, forcing her to ask patients and fellow medics and nurses alike to repeat themselves, occasionally more than once. Finally, though, after what seemed like an eternity, she reached the particular sickbay to which her thoughts kept wandering, where the most at-risk patients were housed. She checked on the soundly sleeping Shiori first, though technically Oyone was the one charged with her care. Sakura stood at the woman's bedside for a moment, irrationally jealous of her rest, before shaking herself and moving on to her actual patient.

Miyahara Ryoji, too, was sleeping. She checked his vitals without waking him and reviewed the night-shift's notes in his chart. Nothing terribly problematic had presented while she'd been absent, thankfully. The fever recorded near midnight – the time Sakura had finally fallen into bed, she thought with disgust – was slightly worrisome, but his temperature had evened out fairly quickly and was now in a comfortable range. Overall, she was pleased by his progress. She would return to wake him and have a conversation after her rounds were complete, but most likely his – hopefully – last operation would take place this morning as planned.

After finishing up the last of her mundane new-shift tasks, she headed back towards Ryoji's room. On the way, she stopped in to see Mogusa. Assisting Shizune with one of his multiple procedures yesterday had left Sakura a bit shaken. He was a colleague – a talented one – but on the table, he'd seemed so _frail_. None of his medical jutsu could help him now and it was a sobering thought. He'd made it through the night, though, so chances were, he would be fine.

Sakura smiled at him as he snoozed lightly, trying to ignore how laboured his breathing was, still. Shizune had successfully repaired the damage to his lungs but they would take awhile to heal completely. Tentatively, Sakura reached out to smooth a strand of his long, chestnut tresses. His hair had always been beautiful; when he recovered, she would tell him so. She'd ask him what conditioner he used as well.

"Sa ... kura ... sensei," he wheezed, startling her hand away.

"Oh!" she squeaked. "I'm so sorry I woke you, Mogusa-san."

He grimaced. She supposed it was meant to have been a smile. "I'm still ... alive?"

"Seems like it, doesn't it?" She grinned cheekily. "We're doing our best to keep you that way, too."

Mogusa opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a hacking fit. Sakura poured him some water from a pitcher on the bedside table and helped him down a little of it.

"No blood from the cough," she noted. "That's an improvement from yesterday. Do you remember?" He nodded, not trusting himself to attempt speech again. "Your lips are still a little bit blue, but you have _much_ more colour than before." Quirking his mouth weakly, he settled himself gingerly back into his pillow. "Shizune-san's your primary, by the way. If anyone asks, this is a social call. I'm not on your chart."

"That's right. You're not," snapped a voice from behind. "I am, right now."

Sakura jumped about a foot in the air. It had been a long time since she'd been snuck up on like that and it spoke volumes about how tired she was. In the field, she'd be dead right now. Whirling around, she saw that the voice belonged to Hamada Hiroyuki. He was Mogusa's night-shift monitor, apparently.

"Good morning, Hiroyuki-san," she greeted, smiling brightly despite the man's flinty expression. "Mogusa-san looks ever so much better today, doesn't he? Isn't that wonderful?" Actually, she'd hoped to see a little more improvement but it was best to remain positive about such things. He wasn't worse, anyway, though it was hard to get much worse than on death's door.

Hiroyuki ignored Sakura completely, brushing past her to reach the bedside. "How is your pain this morning?" he asked tersely.

"A six?" whispered Mogusa. "Five, maybe?"

Sakura frowned. "That's a little low, isn't it?"

"Excuse me, Sakura-_kun_," Hiroyuki interjected, emphasising the suffix just enough to show that he meant it as insulting status reminder, "but you've your own patients to tend to and have no jurisdiction over mine. The previous Hokage may have let children run amok in the hospital, but times have changed. Please leave."

Sakura stiffened. She had never liked Hiroyuki but had always tried to treat him fairly anyway – giving him more leeway than both Shizune and Tsunade had been willing to, actually. She had, however, spoken against him after his recent promotion to ANBU-level medic clearance and it seemed word had trickled down. Though they both held the title of ANBU medic now, when Danzou had cited lack of experience to demote her during his regime change – which had spread to every area of Konoha, including the hospital – he had also promoted Hiroyuki, effectively placing the man above her. Hiroyuki was milking his higher standing for all it was worth, now.

"I'll check on you later, Mogusa-san," Sakura said as turned her and walked away, back ram-rod straight.

Sakura sighed. It was going to be another long day and already she was flagging. As she left the room, she spotted Hiroyuki hanging a familiar-looking IV bag. The action struck her as odd, somehow, but the fleeting uncertainty fled her mind as she turned her attention towards Ryoji's eminent surgery. Just the one more and he would be out of the woods. She couldn't afford to screw this up.

* * *

A/N: And things begin to roll. Once again, the only original characters (so far) are Arai Shiori, Miyahara Ryoji, and Hamada Hiroyuki. It's also quite obvious that I've chosen to base basic medical care off of modern medicine. There are many significant differences between the shinobi hospital system and a "regular" hospital system that are worked out in my head. Maybe they'll come out explicitly in the story but maybe they won't. Most importantly, they're consistent in my mind so they should come across as consistent to the reader. If they do not, please feel free to point it out. I also take great pains to make all of my ailments medically accurate, but I am by no means a doctor, so if anyone spots a mistake I'd appreciate if he or she dropped me a line about it. Thanks.


	5. The First Betrayal

Kakashi woke feeling as if he'd lost twenty spars in a row. As he half-heartedly attempted to smother himself with a pillow, it dawned on him that the rest of his body should probably hurt even worse than his head did. Why didn't it?

Stretching out his long limbs carefully, a sharp sting of pain in his right calf brought him crashing back to reality. His head was pounding because he had a raging hangover. Everything else was only mildly sore because Sakura had bullied him into a healing.

On one hand, he was impressed with her initiative. On the other, he was aggravated at the deliberate invasion of his privacy. Objectively, though, he conceded that had he been a little less drunk he probably would have realised that in fact, he _had_ been in need of medical care.

He glared at the jumble of soiled bedding that bumped his foot as he got out of bed. They reminded him that someone had been rooting around in his things and also that blood stains were awful to try and get out. _Why_ had he refused her offer to have them laundered?

He checked his clock, mildly shocked to find that it was almost two in the afternoon. That was a grievous case of oversleeping, even for him. Not that he had had anything better to do anyway. It was either do laundry, write his mission report ... or, hadn't Sakura said Mogusa would be out of surgery in the morning? Surely all the drama would be over by now. If he was lucky, they'd all be discharged already.

Getting dressed, he decided that he'd head over to the hospital after all. Now that he was relatively healthy, no one could force him into treatment (again). Maybe he'd even thank Sakura if he saw her ... but probably not.

The weather was lovely, if a little muggy; it was a perfect day to wander about with one of his favourite novels. If he meandered in the opposite direction of the hospital, well, he'd still get there eventually. Awhile after he passed Ichiraku's, he spied Naruto headed towards him, Hyuuga Hinata in tow. She was moulded to his side, presumably to avoid being jostled in the crowd. When he spotted Kakashi, he waved exuberantly with the hand not occupied with Hinata's.

"Oi, Kaka-sensei!"

Kakashi stopped in front of the couple, only barely lowering his book. "What brings you out on this fine, hot day? There are lots of fun activities to do indoors where it's cooler, for people like you two. For example, I'm pretty sure there's a more interesting way to make the phrase 'attached at the hip' literal – but then again, what do I know?" He smiled at Hinata's deep blush and hitched breath. She kept nervously darting her eyes towards Naruto, but naturally, all insinuations were lost on him.

"We're going out for ramen! Want to come along, Kaka-sensei?"

Excellent. Free food. "Sure," he said, and Naruto grinned happily. Interestingly, Hinata covered up a frown.

They made their way back to the ramen stall and ordered, Naruto carrying the conversation as Hinata occasionally laughed softly or agreed. Naruto would drag him into it as well, but mostly, Kakashi just read and waited until they were distracted to eat.

When the ramen was running low, Naruto turned to him with a distinctive gleam in his eye. Kakashi knew that now that the boy had exhausted his first love, he'd turn to his next: training.

"Yamato-taichou finally has time to work with me tomorrow! We're going to try and make a new wind attack. I want to try something long-range because Sakura-chan says I need to. You should come, Kaka-sensei!"

It had been quite awhile since Kakashi had helped his student with any jutsu. To be honest, he was mostly redundant at this point but that's not what Naruto's request was truly about. "I have to check my mission status, but I might be free." As most of his teammates were shored up in the sickbay, a team mission was unlikely, but solo missions weren't uncommon.

Naruto's face fell. "Oh. Right. Missions." Hinata's hand found its way to his arm and squeezed. "I wonder if we'll do any joint missions with Rain like we sometimes do with Sand. Maybe Konan will request me and then Danzou will _have_ to let me go, won't he?"

"I wouldn't count on Rain for anything, if I were you," Kakashi remarked darkly, without thinking.

Naruto stiffened at the implication. "I know you say I shouldn't, but I trust Konan. You weren't there, Kakashi-sensei. She wouldn't betray me."

_What if she thinks you betrayed her first_? As the question rose unbidden in his mind, his lips thinned into a hard line under his mask. "She's loyal to you, maybe, but not to Konoha as a whole."

"She signed the treaty," Naruto reminded with narrowing eyes, no trace of gormlessness left in his visage.

Kakashi was sorry he'd said anything at all, but now that he'd started down this path he should follow it to its conclusion.

"If Suna had been suspicious of Ame and spied on its peace talks with Konoha, what do you think would have happened?"

Naruto stared blankly, dumbfounded by the question. "Gaara would never do that," he answered automatically.

"Hypothetically speaking, if that spy were discovered and consequently forced to silence all witnesses –"

"Gaara would never allow—"

"Be that as it may, if Ame ever found out, would their relations with Suna be damaged? With Konoha? Would Ame keep the information to themselves to be used when most advantageous for them? Would they pretend that nothing was amiss until our guard is down and delay striking until the opportune moment?"

"Like at the Chuunin exams," Naruto whispered, looking stricken. "What exactly are you telling me, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm telling you not to trust Amegakure when it comes to the village. That's all."

"That situation you just—"

"Was hypothetical," finished Kakashi, glancing at Teuchi and Ayame, who were puttering about in the back kitchen, banging pots loudly and talking cheerfully. If they had overheard anything, they had the good sense to pretend otherwise. Dropping his voice even further, Kakashi added quietly, "We owe the Ame alliance to you, Naruto. If it comes down to it, you'll need to run damage control with Konan. I thought you deserved to know about this but I doubt Danzou would agree. Do you understand?"

The chopsticks in Naruto's fist dropped to the counter in splinters. "I understand." Though he obviously tried to shrug it off, Naruto couldn't quite meet Kakashi's eyes.

Hinata moved closer to comfort him, glaring at Kakashi over Naruto's shoulder. He could see the accusation in her pale eyes. _How could you add this burden to his shoulders?_ she seemed to be saying. How Naruto boosted her confidence, Kakashi mused idly. In her efforts to stand up for Naruto, she even occasionally stood up for herself.

Slowly, he pulled out some money. He could only handle so much guilt at once, after all.

At this, Naruto looked up, smile fixed back on his face. "I've got it, Kaka-sensei. It doesn't feel right if you pay."

Amused, Kakashi returned, "Weren't you all complaining the other day about your stingy captain?"

"Yeah, but it's too weird if you change all of a sudden, so I'll pay this time. You can get the bill next time."

Chuckling, Kakashi stood and turned to leave. Behind him, he heard Naruto call, "I'll see you tomorrow, Sensei!"

Not bothering to reply, Kakashi hurried away, eager to distance himself from his near brush with treason. Too distracted to even read his book properly, he soon found himself in front of the hospital doors. For a moment, he just stared at them until a memory rose of a lost Ino doing exactly the same only yesterday. He shook his head and entered the building with a frown beneath his mask, once again ignoring the front desk staff's attempts to waylay him.

Once at the appropriate ward, he nodded at the nurses stationed in front of it but didn't pause. The woman who'd confronted him the day before was curiously silent today, letting him pass without a word.

He opened the doors to find a world turned upside down. What yesterday had been an exceptionally quiet, organised ward with mostly pleasant-looking workers had obviously erupted into chaos. There were nurses with tear-streaked faces running around in such a hurry that good amounts of the documents in their arms ended up on the floor instead of at their intended destination. The centre hub where he'd found Shizune yesterday was unattended, files strewn about arbitrarily. Somewhere, a woman was wailing, her screams echoing eerily throughout the corridor.

Kakashi stood there, observing the confusion with a blank expression. What the hell had _happened_ here?

Eventually, a tired-looking man approached. "Kakashi-san? Can I help you with something?" His voice was flat and his eyes held a distinctive way normally seen only on a battlefield. The man was in shock.

"Is Shizune-san in?" Kakashi couldn't recall the man's name but did recognise him as a medic.

"No, I'm afraid she is not. I appreciate what you must be going through, but this is somewhat of a bad time –"

"Sakura, then?" Kakashi persisted. "I know they were treating my squad, so it's them I'll talk to, if you please."

The medic winced. "I see. I understand you must have questions, but they're in interrogation right now. For them to be implicated in the death of one our own is certainly a blow, but we all have the utmost confidence –"

"Interrogation? What are you on about?" A cold feeling began to settle deep in Kakashi's stomach.

"You don't know them as I do, Kakashi-san. They could _never_ be so negligent as to – I _know_ they'll be exonerated!"

"Exonerated of _what_, exactly?" he snarled, finally losing patience.

The medic took a step back, intimidated. "I'm so sorry. I thought you knew. Nakajima Mogusa died today." He fidgeted under Kakashi's piercing stare. "His death has been deemed suspicious."

* * *

It rained during the funeral. It rained a lot in Konoha, so the weather wasn't unusual, but it seemed oddly appropriate in this case. Kakashi stood, back straight and head down. On his left was Shiori, supported by crutches, and on his right was an exhausted-looking and partially bandaged Ryoji. They'd insisted on being able to attend the ceremony despite their medics' vocal disapproval and had found their places by his side without planning or comment.

Mogusa's wife stood before the modest gathering, sobbing through the eulogy. She clutched a baby to her chest and let a timid toddler hide in her skirts as she said, "A kinder, gentler man I never knew." The sentiment was a strange one to be applied to a shinobi, but Kakashi knew it to be true nevertheless. "Mogusa was a loving husband and father. As he was patient and strong in all things, so too will we have to be strong to endure life without him." Done with her prepared speech, she turned her face up to let her tears mingle with the falling rain.

"Daddy!" cried the child at her feet. "Where is Daddy?" He let out a wail and buried his face in his mother's shoulder as she knelt to embrace him.

Before Kakashi knew it, the funeral was over and the attendees were filing away slowly. Many were approaching the newly widowed woman to offer their condolences. Kakashi was surprised to spot Hyuuga Neji formally bowing to her.

"I have not forgotten the role Nakajima-san played in saving my life," he was saying. "I regret never having the opportunity to repay that debt."

"Thank you, but my husband saved many lives and never expected anything in return. I'm sure he'd appreciate you being here."

As Neji exited with his usual elegance, Kakashi spied Sakura and Shizune approaching. At the sight, the grieving woman abandoned all semblance of grace to sneer angrily. "You! How dare you show your faces here?"

"Please, Nakajima-san, our names have been cleared and we wanted to pay our respects—" Sakura pleaded.

"I've _heard_ how you let my husband die. You can't fool me –"

"Mogusa-san was a highly respected colleague of ours," Shizune interrupted deftly. "We are devastated by his loss. We're so sorry this happened, Nakajima-san."

"You should be!" the woman snarled. "You robbed these children of a father and –"

Even from a distance, Kakashi could see Sakura's shoulders tense with unspent emotion. Shizune intervened. "It's obvious our presence makes you uncomfortable, so we'll be on our way. We wish your family better fortune in the future."

The pair hurried off, leaving the widow huffing in anger, new tears tracking down her cheeks.

"Well, _that_ was ugly," remarked Shiori, shaking her head. "I feel bad for them."

"I don't know. There wouldn't have been that much of a fuss if _something_ wasn't fishy," Ryoji argued, rapidly blinking bloodshot eyes.

"Sakura-san saved your life, you know," Shiori returned, a bit of heat making its way into her voice. "She was very meticulous with me. Her talent is real."

"Even the most talented make mistakes," Kakashi said with a shrug.

"Their names were cleared for a reason," she insisted.

"Yeah, probably," conceded Ryoji.

"It's likely we'll never know exactly what happened," said Kakashi in a monotone, giving no indication as to how he felt either way.

The three remnants of the previously four-man platoon stood in silence for an extended period of time. Then Kakashi nodded at his teammates and, without a word, turned on his heel and walked away.

* * *

When he saw her next, she was screaming. He had been looking around the training fields for Naruto and Tenzou, an anger burning deep in his gut that he wanted to work off by sparring until he was spent. Instead, he found Sakura looking like a drowned rat, standing in a cavernous crater of her own making and surrounded by split earth and uprooted trees.

She was howling hoarsely into the sky, face turned up towards the falling rain. Then abruptly, the yelling stopped and she was punching the ground ferociously. The earth literally shook with her fury.

He could barely make out the sound of her weeping over the rain and the rumbling of the ground underneath her fists.

But he could tell when her sobs turned to words. "I'm sorry!" she cried. "I'm so sorry! I sh-should have asked you – I never told you! Your hair was _beautiful_ and I never fucking told you!"

Feeling like an intruder, Kakashi backed away silently before she detected him. Years of practise had taught him that grief was meant to be suffered in solitude.

* * *

A/N: This installment is shorter than usual. I'm not entirely happy with it, either. Writing it didn't come as easily I would have liked. This chapter has to connect a lot of disparate elements, and as a result, it feels a little disjointed. I've sat on it for awhile, but after careful deliberation, decided to post it as is. I could make it flow a little better, but it would require adding some filler and spacing things out some more -- and filler is never worthwhile for a reader OR for an author.

So Chapter Five will simply remain disjointed. This actually fits the content and the character's emotions at the moment, so I'll accept it.

Next chapter, though, I'm very excited about. It was extremely fun to write and is really where the story takes off. Up 'til now has actually been a sort of extended prologue. As an extra treat, I may post it early. We'll see.

---

Also, after a couple of reviews/comments, I feel the need to clarify. What I said in the beginning of this story about _Playing the Game_ not being a romance was a little confusing. It will NOT be a typical romance story but it IS still definitely going to be a Kakasaku. My plots/character interactions are just as convoluted as ever, so please excuse me from explaining further so that I don't give myself away.

Thanks for reading so far. Kakasaku fans may be few and far between, but they're loyal nonetheless. Constructive criticism is welcomed.


	6. Straddling the Line

WARNINGS: Violent deaths, squicky sex(ish), borderline noncon, mature themes.

For the sakes of Dee and Joseph, I will assure ahead of time that there is absolutely NO necrophilia -- in this chapter, at least! Ha.

On a personal level, this chapter was highly enjoyable to write. It was one of those plot points I just couldn't wait to get to. I hope you like reading it just as much I liked creating it.

* * *

Kitagawa Mirei stooped to pet the shaggy brown puppy. The man leading it eyed her form appreciatively, but the woman either didn't notice or didn't care. She smiled up at him, russet eyes sparkling, and asked the dog's name.

Mirei had stopped like so for every dog she had seen that day and had even dallied in front of a pet store window upwards of fifteen minutes. Dogs were her weakness.

As the man moved on, a dirty child ran out of a nearby alley. One grubby little hand grabbed Mirei's skirt, catching her by surprise.

"Please help me, lady! Please!" the child wailed pitifully.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Not me – Suki! You have to help her!"

"Who's Suki?"

"M-my d-d-doggy," the child spluttered through exaggerated sobs. "A crate fell on her and her leg went all funny."

"It's okay," soothed Mirei. "I'll help you. Where is Suki?"

The child grabbed her hand and led her into the alley. She stopped abruptly by the large dumpster, lifting a shaking finger to point into the shadows. "Y-you look. She's just there. You can help her, right?"

"I'll try," Mirei assured. "There's a veterinarian not far from here. We can take her there."

"B-but I don't have any _money_!" cried the child with renewed fervour, weeping once more.

"I have money." The woman squeezed the child's shoulder comfortingly and then moved past. "Where is she? I don't see her."

Sakura dropped the henge, returning to her normal size. Grabbing the sides of her target's head, she twisted, hard. Mirei's neck snapped cleanly, body slumping into Sakura's arms without a sound.

The woman's face was serene, no shock apparent. She died without knowing anything was amiss. Her gentle brown eyes drilled into Sakura's soul, beseeching. Ignoring their pleas, Sakura began systematically stripping the woman.

Mirei wore a high-quality summery dress that Sakura imagined would have looked quite innocent on a clothing rack. It could have been mistaken for a young girl's dress, even. On a woman's body, though it still looked deceptively childlike, it emphasised all the right things to subtly draw a man's attention.

While Kitagawa Mirei may have been a sweet, ingenuous person who loved dogs and was kind to children, she also knew she was cute – in fact, she capitalised on it.

Sakura stared at the woman's undergarments, internally debating. There was an oversight on her part; she didn't really own sexy bras and panties like Mirei was wearing, but she didn't want to wear someone else's, either – and couldn't, when it came to the bra and Mirei's much more ample chest. In the end, she left her own panties on and went without a bra, tucking her chest bindings into her pack with the rest of her shinobi clothing.

Though it fit, the dress looked decidedly less womanly on Sakura, who did not possess Mirei's height or curves. Still, it would have to do.

Sakura lifted Mirei's body effortlessly and placed her in the tall dumpster. Standing on tiptoe, she peered inside, though she knew she shouldn't. The corpse was sprawled awkwardly over the garbage, but the long blonde hair fanned out perfectly, as if it had been placed that way deliberately. With her head facing away, Mirei looked disturbingly like Ino.

Shaking her head to clear it of stray thoughts, Sakura dropped back down to her heels and activated her radio. "Third alley on the right past Jirou's Pet Emporium. Secondary target's body is in the dumpster. No witnesses."

"Roger," replied her team leader. "I'll dispose of the body while you achieve the mission objective."

"I'm leaving my pack behind the dumpster. _Please_ don't forget to grab it." Mimura Hamaki wasn't the worst mission captain she'd ever had, but he wasn't overly considerate of subordinates. Last mission she'd had with him, he'd forced her to leave behind a stash of weapons for what she still believed to be no legitimate reason. Things like belongings were below his notice, being one of those grizzled old men still mentally stuck in the high stakes of the Third Shinobi World War.

"Do your job, Haruno, and I'll do mine," Mimura admonished in his gravelly voice. The soft sizzle of static signalled the end of the connection.

"Hard ass," she muttered, slipping on the girly slippers she'd bought just for this occasion, not trusting that Mirei's feet would be the same size. Altering her hair and face with a mild genjutsu to make the transformation complete, Sakura practised walking and speaking as Mirei.

The target had never met the girl, so it really shouldn't be a problem, but better to be safe – especially after what Mimura-taichou had said a couple of days ago as they were travelling.

"You've been on this sort of mission before, haven't you?" he'd asked bluntly. "I swear, if they sent me another virgin, I'll—"

"I have," Sakura answered quickly, voice clipped.

"Good. I've never really seen you act, but I trust you're able?"

"Of course."

"It's just that this mission requires a more demure, feminine type, and you're, well...." He looked her over critically, mouth set in a hard line.

"And I'm not feminine?" she'd bitten out, struggling to keep her features neutral.

"Now, Haruno. I'm not trying to give offence. Just look at the way you're walking, more aggressive than some men I've worked with—"

"Do I have to seduce you too to show I know how it's done?"

"Please don't. You get so worked up over things, Haruno."

_Please don't_. As if he hadn't made it clear before that he thought no one would want her. "If you didn't think I was attractive enough – capable enough – to pull this off, you should have requested a team change from Hokage-sama before this, Mimura-taichou. It's rather too late now." She'd fought to keep the bitterness out of her voice but probably hadn't succeeded.

Mimura had stayed silent for awhile and she'd tried not to let herself stew, telling herself that was just how he was, assuming the worst of subordinates until proven otherwise. Eventually, though, he'd spoken.

"Haruno, I don't think you're incapable. You don't always like to take orders and you balk at the strangest things, sometimes, but overall, your mission conduct has been acceptable the few times we've worked together. I merely doubted your experience in this area."

Instead of saying she was capable he'd said she was _not incapable_. He'd said she was only acceptable, and yet she knew this was a big concession on his part, tantamount to a declaration that Haruno Sakura was fit to be the next Hokage.

"Thank you, Mimura-taichou," she'd returned, a smile gracing her face. Truth be told, she had been feeling nervous and he'd reassured her. While she _had_ done a mission like this before – once – she knew that if he'd known how _that_ had turned out he really would have requested a team change.

In the dank alley, Sakura straightened. Recalling Mimura-taichou's confidence in her, she steeled herself for what came next. Her faith in herself may have been shaken lately, but she could do this. She _would_ do this and she would do it right.

* * *

Up until this point, Sakura had successfully maintained her emotional distance. She'd felt only mild disgust as his lavish private car drove her past countless homeless people, many of them children like the one she'd imitated. He'd brought her to an "informal picnic" that was actually a bunch of big-wigs hobnobbing and showing off for one another. She was not the only woman there coupled with a much older, obviously rich man. Perversely, she'd been glad that she'd divested Mirei of her clothing. Not knowing where she was going, she never would have dressed appropriately.

Her role was simple enough and she had played it well – until now. After turning the lights off for long enough to get undressed and slip under the covers of his large and opulent bed, he'd switched on a lamp and turned to her eagerly. He was ashamed of his own body, it seemed, but he intended to enjoy hers.

Well, he _had_ paid for it, she mused with an internal sneer. It was pathetic, really. As the mayor of the financially-booming city of Nenzo, he would find no shortage of willing women should he seek them out. She could see the underlying insecurity in his eyes, though. What other sort of man would allow himself to be bought out by a gang to the detriment of his own people?

"Mirei-chan," he called, not bothering to hide the tenting of the covers or the lasciviousness in his gaze. "What are you waiting for?"

"Patience, Karasuma-sama. I think waiting makes things more fun. Don't you?" Sakura giggled. Teasingly, she inched up the hem of her dress, exposing her thighs but no more, and paused, looking at him expectantly.

"Perhaps," he acknowledged appreciatively. "Go on."

With exaggerated slowness, she pulled the dress over her head – the dress he'd complimented, the same dress she had pulled off a corpse earlier that day. As she did so, she carefully placed a genjutsu that would conceal her scarred stomach even to touch, brushing off the annoyance at even bothering; though the jutsu was difficult to maintain, it was necessary for her cover. Back into character now, she sashayed across the room to him, leisurely climbing over his covered body with a lustful smirk that felt foreign on her face.

She had stretched his patience too thin, it seemed. With an almost violent jerk, he took her into his arms and kissed her roughly, shoving his tongue into her mouth.

Sakura froze as his hands roamed her body, remembering another man's hands and how that time had ended.

Karasuma broke apart from her. "Mirei," he said warningly.

She flushed. "Sorry, Karasuma-sama. You startled me, that's all."

"Mabuchi," he corrected. "Call me Mabuchi."

"Mabuchi-sama," she repeated, affecting a grin. "Let's get started."

Straddling him at the waist, she leaned over, taking his mouth with hers. Sakura tangled her fingers in his hair, directing him towards her breasts. He obliged, and the minute she felt his tongue trailing in between their valley, she felt herself relax a bit. It was only a matter of time now.

She encouraged him to continue suckling her breasts, faking enthusiastic reactions. Eventually, he began moving his attention further down and as his lips reached her stomach, the muscles underneath clenched in fear, though she hoped he took it for arousal. She immediately focused her chakra into the genjutsu covering her scar. Had she miscalculated? Was he going to—? Could she possibly allow him to continue further down, to put his mouth—? The thought made her nauseous.

He was slowing, though. With one last sloppy kiss to her navel, he fell back onto the pillow.

"Is something wrong, Mabuchi-sama?" He was sweating. Excellent. She forced her eyes to widen. "M-Mabuchi-sama?"

He clawed at his chest, panting openly. "You bitch!" he gasped, making a swipe at her. She let his fist connect with her face, knocking her off the bed. Her cheek had split; she could feel the blood trickling down her face. She concentrated on maintaining the genjutsu on her appearance. "What did you do?"

She scrambled backwards until she hit the wall.

"What did you do?" he said again, voice weakening by the minute.

"I don't know what you mean! What's wrong?" she wailed.

Eyes livid, he tried to get up and come after her, but instead winced and lay back down. "Get ... maid. Call doctor," he mumbled. It was clear he was swiftly losing consciousness.

This was confirmation enough, Sakura decided, standing up. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Traitor," he spat, comprehension dawning in his face.

"Yes," she said simply, staring at him clinically, evaluating his symptoms.

"I always did like blondes," he whispered haltingly, in laborious breath. "There are worse ways to go."

She didn't bother to correct him. The genjutsu was still up and it would stay up until it was safe to drop it, so for now, she was a blonde. Looking around the room to assess her situation, she spotted the rumpled dress lying on the floor. Shaking it out, she put it back on. Part of her had the urge to never touch it again – to rip it to shreds – but she ignored that, for now. She crossed to the window and opened it wide for Mimura-taichou. Hopefully, he'd be here soon.

It was a quiet night and the slight breeze felt good on her skin. She stood just behind the curtain and let the fresh air drift over..... Her moment of escapism was broken by a loud moan from Karasuma. Scowling, she slammed open the top draw of his nearby mahogany dresser. Finding some expensive-looking cloth handkerchiefs, she tied a couple around his head in a makeshift gag, muffling the groans that reminded her of his unfortunate presence.

"Much better." Looking around, she spotted the lavish armchair in the corner of Karasuma's Western-style bedroom. She had laid Mirei's purse there upon entering. She picked it up now, thumbing through it for something to keep herself occupied. "Perfect," she muttered, finding a nail file.

Now all that was left was to wait.

* * *

When Mimura-taichou entered through the window, Sakura didn't even look up from inspecting her left hand. The nails were perfectly smooth and even.

"Took you long enough," she said.

"Is he dead?" asked Mimura, staring at the man on the bed.

"Not quite. I'd give it another ten minutes or so. Not long."

"Did you poison him?"

"What does it look like?"

"You stupid girl," he growled, suddenly turning to her angrily. "This was to be undetectable!"

She huffed in annoyance. "I read the mission scroll too, Taichou. It _is_ undetectable."

"He's a high-ranking political official. They'll do an autopsy. You idiot women can never simply follow orders –"

"The autopsy will reveal that he died of cardiac arrest. His staff knows he was with a prostitute, and he's getting on, you know. They'll put it together easily enough. Too much for his old heart, they'll say. The girl ran off, scared to be blamed."

"It will _reveal_ the poison you –"

"This poison is slow-acting so that every trace is metabolised before the time of death. I developed it myself with Tsunade-sama. Poisons are _my_ speciality, so until you outrank me medically, I'll thank you to keep your uneducated opinions to yourself." She could see him grinding his jaw at her impertinence. "Sir," she added as an afterthought, still bristling from the "idiot women" remark. If women were so bad at following orders, why didn't they send transformed men on seduction missions? As if men could pull off half the things women were expected to.

After a moment of tense silence, Mimura said, "It's too easy to explain away. They'll say that he passed away quietly in his bed. That's no scandal. We're supposed to slander his name."

"What do you want me to do, string him up by his—"

Mimura winced. "No. We'll just have to stage the rest of the operation more delicately. It involves more risk, since we'll have to rely on paparazzi, but if luck is on our side, things will work out favourably. Can you make him look a bit more ... embarrassing?"

"Embarrassing how?" she asked dumbly, right before her mind caught up.

"If it was your father, what would be the worst way you could find him?"

"If it was_ my_ father, I don't think I'd care, to be honest," she sneered. "But I have an idea anyway." She hitched up the skirt of her dress once more and ignored Mimura-taichou's startled choke. She shimmied out of her underwear, picking them up as they hit the floor.

Mimura, though watching curiously, said nothing as she hooked the panties around Karasuma's ankles.

"Lift him up a little?" Sakura asked. Mimura obliged, and she shoved the underwear up the nearly-dead man's legs with some difficulty. By the end of the journey, the fabric was stretched and a little frayed but in position nonetheless. Cursing herself again for failing to bring more appropriate undergarments, Sakura noted that though the underwear was quite plain, it was still clearly a woman's pair of panties.

Next, Sakura fetched Mirei's purse and pulled out the cosmetics she had seen earlier. Mirei's skin was – had been – flawless, so not much enhancement was necessary, but she did have some eye and lip makeup, which suited Sakura's purposes perfectly.

Sakura painted Karasuma's lips with a conveniently dark red colour then lined his eyes heavily with kohl. The eye shadow, in various shades of tawny gold, complemented the burnished oranges and springy yellows of Mirei's dress. Choosing a bright metallic hue, Sakura carefully covered each eyelid and the surrounding area right up to his eyebrow.

"Will this do?"

Mimura-taichou grunted in response, which Sakura assumed meant "yes". She took Karasuma's pulse in several places and put her ear to his naked chest to listen for any latent breath sounds. There were none.

"He's dead. What next?"

"Now we create a scandal." Mimura-taichou lighted on the windowsill and looked back at her. "Leave nothing behind and follow me."

Throwing the makeup back in the purse, Sakura removed her shoes from it. Luckily, Mirei had had a big enough purse to put them in, though Karasuma's maid had stared at Sakura oddly as she had done so. Otherwise, she would have had to leave the shoes behind and the less traces of her left, the better.

Sakura followed the escape route vetted days ago during their long surveillance. She gasped as she felt the breeze acutely, never having anticipated scaling any buildings panty-less. Nevertheless, she landed squarely in the neighbour's yard, knowing they were on vacation for the summer.

Mimura-taichou briefed her on the last leg of the mission, which was simple enough, then disappeared right after he informed her that he'd meet her a mile outside the city gates.

Sakura made her way to the headquarters of the tabloid rag he'd told her of. She hadn't really believed Mimura-taichou when he'd said it would be open this time of night, but it was. She rang the buzzer as the sign on the door instructed.

"Go away, Toru," said a tired-looking voice through the intercom.

"E-excuse me," Sakura began timidly. "I have information. I – I think you'd be interested."

"Really?" the voice said, suddenly more awake. "What on?"

"Karasuma Mabuchi. He's dead."

"He's _what?_ I'll be right down. Don't go anywhere, madam – please!"

Less than a minute later, a man with wildly excited eyes and rumpled clothing swung open the main doors.

"My name is Nishida Yoshinaru. Oh, my, you do look a little battered up. Are you okay?" he asked, and Sakura's hand flew self-consciously to her cut cheek. "I'm sorry for the confusion earlier," he was gushing as he led her into an office space. "My friend Toru likes to bother me when I'm working nights, you see, but he never has any useful leads – _dead_, you say? Are you sure?"

"P-positive!" Sakura said, covering her face with a sob. "Well, I'm pretty sure. He was – we were – I'm a – and he clutched at his chest and it was _awful_ and he stopped _breathing_ and I just _ran_ –"

He patted her back awkwardly, reaching behind the front desk to hand her some tissues. "There, there. It wasn't your fault. Now why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Don't you get it, Nishida-san? I'm a nobody. This will go on _my_ head. We all know who owns Karasuma. They'll kill me."

The kindly man refused to meet her eyes. "I don't think they'll go as far as all that," he said reassuringly but couldn't hide the note of uncertainty lacing his voice.

"I have to get out of here. Run away. I'll tell you exactly where to find him so only _you_ get the real story – and the pictures will be worth it, trust me – but I won't do it for free. I need enough money to leave the city before they trace him to me."

This part hadn't been Mimura-taichou's idea but Sakura thought it was less suspicious. Unless she was getting something out of it, why would she out herself? Plus, Sakura would most likely get to keep the money for herself.

The man named a figure – too low, probably, but she wasn't going to push it. Sakura accepted.

"You can wait here, and after we get the pictures, you can be on your way –"

"No! It will be too late by then. I need the money _now_."

"Listen, lady, I believe you, but if we were that trusting, we would be scammed left and right –"

"I can prove it," Sakura said, struck with sudden inspiration. She reached into Mirei's purse and pulled out the handkerchiefs used to gag Karasuma. "They have his initials on them. And his saliva. He likes to use them when we–" She blushed. "That is to say, in bed, he likes to--"

"I'm going to take your word for it," he said, inspecting the cloth carefully. "I'll catch flak for this later, but if I get this story, no one will question it." Suddenly, he looked straight into her eyes. "I'm only doing this because they _will_ kill you, if you're right. I hope Karasuma _is_ dead. Maybe our next leader will be different. For a rich city, too many people starve here."

"Me too," she whispered. If all went well, the next leader _would _be different. Konohagakure's overall mission was to take down the gang from the inside out and overhaul the whole city. Assassinating the figurehead politician was only one part of a larger operation.

"Now tell me what happened," he said, and she spun her tale.

* * *

Mimura-taichou was waiting for her in the designated place. "All went well, I trust?" he grunted in his usual gruff manor.

"They should be breaking down his door any minute now, cameras in hand." To be honest with herself, she was glad Mimura-taichou had planned out that eventuality. Its necessity hadn't even occurred to her.

"Good. Now let's get moving."

"I'm tired and I'm hardly dressed for travel," Sakura protested. She was more weary than she'd thought possible, after such a physically undemanding day. Mentally, though, she was drained.

"Change, then," Mimura said simply, setting her pack in front her. At least he hadn't left it behind the dumpster. "We need to cover as much distance as possible before the papers hit the newsstands."

Without a word, she gathered her ninja clothing. Mimura turned his back to her for privacy and she trusted him not to peek, which wasn't something she'd say for all men. After slipping out of the dress, she bound her breasts with the ease of practise. Frowning, she noted the nastily puckered scar tissue on her stomach and the matching wound on her back. It shouldn't be visible yet, but there it was. Clearly, she hadn't perfected Tsunade-shishou's tactile genjutsu. Shrugging the thought away for another time, she quickly finished dressing.

"You can turn around now," she said, and he did, watching her curiously as she folded the dress and placed it in her pack carefully.

"You're keeping it? Most kunoichi don't, I've found."

"It's worth a good bit of money," Sakura replied flatly. "When we get back home, I'll sell it." Mirei may have been a prostitute but her services were by no means cheap; clients like Karasuma expected, and paid for, quality. Finally, Sakura dropped the henge on her face with a feeling of great relief and passed a quick healing hand over her face.

"Ready?" Mimura asked as she stood. She nodded and they took off with all the speed afforded to them by their shinobi heritage.

They travelled in silence for hours, fatigue growing steadily. By the time the sun began to peek over the horizon, the pace had slowed considerably.

It was either speak or fall asleep where she stood, Sakura decided.

"I don't see the necessity of Kitagawa Mirei's death," she blurted out, then blanched. Lately, it seemed that as energy deserted her, so did common sense and propriety.

"They'd have found her and killed her anyway, probably only after extracting information from her that would lead them straight to Konoha."

"What if they didn't find her? What if we brought her back to Konoha or something? She could have started over –"

"Prostitution is illegal in Konoha, if you hadn't forgotten," Mimura said coldly.

Sakura flushed. "I didn't mean it like that. She could have done something else. Worked with Hana-san, maybe. She – she loved dogs."

"Konoha can't afford to leave loose ends like her. She was a worthless person in society, Haruno, and her death was inevitable."

"She's worthless because she puts a price on her body? Am I worthless too, then?" Sakura snapped before she could stop herself.

"You're a kunoichi, not a whore."

"On missions like this, I can hardly tell the difference." Face souring, she went on, "Can you really tell me that this mission isn't about money, in the end?"

"We're freeing Nenzo from the influence of –"

"No, we're freeing Konoha from high trade tariffs. If not, why not just eliminate the whole gang and be done with it? Why all the trouble to avoid revealing ninja involvement?" Mimura didn't answer. "It's because we have to tread carefully, since it's in Earth country and out of our jurisdiction. But this city exports important products to Konoha and our allies, so it's still our business, right?"

"And if Konoha was in a war and Taki or Kusa ran out of supplies, what do you suppose would happen?"

Sakura was silent. The tabloid journalist's words rose unbidden in her mind. _"For a rich city, too many people starve here."_

"I'm sorry," she said finally. "I still think her death was avoidable but I should not have spoken. I was out of line."

Mimura-taichou didn't acknowledge her apology. An hour later, he stopped them and offered to take the first watch.

* * *

By the time they finally reached Konoha, Sakura and Mimura looked exactly as they felt: as if they'd spent days of bad weather in the brush. It had rained heavily for most of the journey, but the last day had been graced with just enough annoyingly bright sunshine to cook their mud covering into a close approximation of brick.

They dragged themselves up to the Hokage's office for debriefing, after which Sakura planned to find the nearest bath house and sit in it for at least two days. Outside Tsunade-shishou's door – _Danzou's door_, _for now,_ she corrected herself – she was surprised to see Kakashi's familiarly slouched figure, face in one of his books. _He likes the green one the best,_ she mused.

He looked up as they approached. "Whoa, is that Sakura-chan? You seem to have sprouted a helmet since the last time I saw you." He paused, a considering look on the visible part of his face. "It's rather fetching, actually."

"Not as fetching as your dead body," she grumbled as she passed, not failing to catch that Kakashi's smile was more forced than usual. It wasn't altogether surprising, she supposed. The voice in her mind that was almost always brutally honest reminded her,_ As far as he knows, you killed his teammate._ Not that he'd asked or anything, of course. Clearing the air was not a specialty of his, that's for sure. She wondered if he hadn't been avoiding her; just before she'd left on this mission, he had curtly informed her he'd removed his own stitches by way of a note on her front door. Belatedly, she wished she could take back her poorly chosen words.

Kakashi didn't seem to be dwelling over them, though. He and Mimura-taichou caught each other's eye and nodded respectfully. She guessed they knew each other, which made sense, now that she thought about it. They were both official heroes from the same war.

With a sigh, she pushed opened the doors. She used to look forward to debriefings. Now she hated them. They felt like tests she had no chance of passing.

She couldn't tell if she was imagining the look of disappointment in Danzou's eyes when they reported the mission success. She thought for a minute he'd argue – his standards of success being far more exacting than Tsunade's ever were – but instead, he produced a newspaper. The front page headline read "Karasuma Mabuchi: Died Engaging in Dangerous Sex Acts with Prostitute". This was a respected journal based out of Nenzo, not the tabloid she'd sold the information to. It seemed that their mission really _was_ a success, down to every letter. She couldn't stop the smile from creeping across her face as Mimura dryly recounted the details, momentarily forgetting her worries that he'd tell Danzou how inappropriately rude she'd been to her captain or that she'd utilised unauthorised poison.

She was reminded rather abruptly, though, when Danzou asked Mimura point blank why he'd allowed the use of poison when secrecy was paramount.

She froze, waiting for his answer. He would tell the truth, of course, and say that he hadn't.

"I chose to trust Tsunade-sama's apprentice with her medical knowledge," Mimura said instead, shocking her. "She assured me that it was undetectable. I left that leg of the mission up to her, and just as she promised, the poison was suitable."

He hadn't lied, exactly, but.... She stared at him in wonder. At the beginning of the mission, she'd been wary of him, knowing that Danzou most likely chose him as mission leader because of his tendency to reveal conduct faults during debriefing that she hadn't even known she'd committed. She was sure that Danzou, bolstered from the recent controversy over Nakajima Mogusa, was looking for a reason to discredit her for good.

Mimura offered no more information, completely failing to mention any of her other mistakes. It was disconcerting and unusual. After a brief period of silence in which Danzou did a lot of glancing between the two of them, he motioned to one of the lackeys permanently stationed in the corner – Fu, she remembered -- who opened the door, ushering Kakashi inside.

"Well, Haruno," began Danzou, expression suspiciously neutral. "After your last mission's spectacular failure, I wasn't sure you were suited for field work after all. And it seems that you aren't suited for hospital work either," he added nastily. She scowled. "But everyone can luck into success every once in awhile. Let's see if you can keep it going. If not, you know there's still one place that will take you...."

"You know I refuse," she snapped, struggling to hold her tongue. She didn't know why Kakashi was there but she did know that Danzou had brought him in just in time to berate her and that it wasn't a coincidence. Sakura spotted Kakashi eyeing the newspaper article and caught his surprised glance. She blushed furiously but ignored him.

"But if there's no other option, the choice will no longer be yours," Danzou said.

"I'm off hospital duty because you said that I was needed more in the field, _not_ because I've done anything wrong, if you'll recall. And the agreement was that I am still on call there on a case by case basis."

"I still fail to see the practicality in that—"

"You'll see the practicality when someone dies from something I can heal just because I'm not there to—"

"That's enough, Haruno," said Danzou, his voice as calm and even as ever. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop any further outbursts. "We have more important things to discuss." He turned to Mimura-taichou. "You are dismissed."

Mimura left without a word. She stared at his retreating back desperately, feeling a little abandoned.

"Haruno," Danzou barked, turning his attention back to her. She jumped. "You are aware, I believe, that Hatake Kakashi's ANBU squad is currently short one member."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," she muttered, frowning. She refused to meet Kakashi's eye.

"You are also familiar with our available medic-nin. Who would you consider promoting in Nakajima Mogusa's place?"

She thought about it. "Shizune-san would be ideal, but the hospital can't spare her," she said slowly.

"I was considering Hamada Hiroyuki."

Sakura's temper immediately flared up. "Hamada is unsuited for the position of field medic."

"And why is that?"

"In high pressure situations, he is prone to making fatal mistakes. I raised the same objections when you were considering him for promotion to ANBU medic. You overruled me." She glared at him unremittingly. _And who's been proven correct?_ she wanted to add but didn't.

"I think I value him in the hospital too much, for now," Danzou said off-hand and she was forced to bite her tongue again. That idiot didn't deserve to step foot in a hospital. "Anyone else?"

"All other medics strong enough to serve in ANBU capacity from a shinobi standpoint are not skilled enough, medically speaking. None of the medics with the requisite skill are above chuunin level." It was tough to think that there was _no one_ to fill Nakajima Mogusa's spot on Kakashi's squad. A hot wave of guilt overcame her. She wondered if this wasn't Danzou's intention in raising the subject.

"You see my dilemma, then. I have, therefore, devised a temporary solution. You, Haruno Sakura, already conveniently placed in the field and in possession of ANBU-level security clearance, will be placed on Hatake's platoon on a provisional basis."

Kakashi spoke for the first time. "She is, as you say, a chuunin. ANBU must be special jounin or higher."

_Am I being promoted?_ she thought incredulously. _Impossible._

"Believe it or not, I am aware of that fact, Hatake. It hasn't been done in awhile, but chuunin can fill temporary gaps in ANBU in times of need."

"So you're doing that? Including the codenames and secrecy?"

"I am," confirmed Danzou. "So, Haruno. You might want to think about dying your hair."

* * *

A/N: Oh, _snap_! Anddddd we're getting to the good bits now. Huzzah.

Please don't hesitate to let me know what you thought in detail; I'm writing this as a personal exercise but feedback is always appreciated. If you find a hole, poke it until it becomes bigger. If it's jarring, say so. If you liked it, letting me know what exactly you liked about it is more helpful than you might imagine. So far, most of my reviewers have been great about this, so thanks. I think I scare off most of the idiots with my Big Bad Bitchiness or something. (Awesome.)


	7. The Shifting Paradigm

Kakashi stared at the door of The Rusty Kunai. He knew the bar fairly well. It was a dive, to be sure, but the alcohol was reasonably priced. It was as good a place to drink as any, if one didn't terribly mind seedy patrons and frequent brawls. Despite the extensive efforts to rebuild in the wake of the invasion – through which Konoha had started to take its new shape faster than Kakashi had ever thought possible – this place had been scrapped together from its own rubble. It was dilapidated to the extreme but still managed to stand proudly. It seemed to suit the place, really.

Normally, if he wanted a drink, he'd just go in, but today, he hesitated. He knew exactly what he'd glimpsed inside when he'd cracked open the entrance: pink hair, sitting at the bar. There was only one person he knew of with pink hair and she shouldn't be in The Rusty Kunai – especially at this time of day.

Sighing, he steeled himself and pushed open the door. It was about time he talked to her anyway. It had been almost two days since Danzou had handed down the order that had so thoroughly blindsided Kakashi; he and Sakura had a lot of things to sort out. Her first ANBU mission was in four days, in fact, and she didn't even know it yet.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, nonchalantly sliding onto the stool beside her.

She shrugged. "There's no one else to keep me company besides Stubby over there." It was true. The place was deserted except for a one-armed man passed out in a corner booth. His snores periodically rent the air. The bar tender was at the other end, slowly polishing glasses with a dirty rag.

Her hair was longer, Kakashi noted. Almost down to the small of her back. He was sure it hadn't been past her shoulders the last time he'd seen her. Did girls' hair really grow that fast?

"Have you thought about how you're going to change your appearance?"

"I've taken care of it," she said flatly, not bothering to look at him as she nursed her bowl of sake.

"How so?" He hoped she didn't think changing the length of her hair would do anything at all to disguise herself.

"I've taken care of it," she repeated. "Don't worry about it."

"Did you have any trouble getting your uniform?"

"No." Her responses were unusually clipped. He frowned, wondering what he'd done to make her mad.

"Have you picked a name yet?"

"Madoka Chiyoko." She picked at the rough-hewn bar absentmindedly.

"Chiyoko? After Elder Chiyo from Suna?"

"Yes. After her."

Kakashi wasn't that surprised. It was one of his clearest memories, leaving Sakura behind to face a powerful enemy with only an old crone whose skills he wasn't at all sure of as backup. Something had passed between the women on that day but he wasn't sure what. In fact, he didn't know much at all about anything that had transpired in that cave and it was likely he never would. Sakura rarely offered information of that sort and it wasn't in his nature to pry. Maybe she'd told Naruto the details but somehow, Kakashi doubted it.

"Why Madoka, then?"

"It was my mother's maiden name."

"Circles," he mumbled, suddenly putting something together that he'd never thought about before. "It's your mother's symbol you wear, isn't it?"

She looked at him for the first time, startled. "Yes, actually."

"Why is that?" he wondered aloud. "Why not your father's?" That was the usual way of things, after all.

"What's with the questions all of a sudden? You haven't spoken to me for over two months. Why now?"

Had it really been that long? He supposed it had, if she wasn't counting the night she'd healed him or yesterday at the Hokage's office. She'd been on a mission for almost three weeks, though, so he wasn't sure what she was driving at. Her voice was intense but not quite angry as she evaded the question about her father, Kakashi noted, but he didn't know if there was any significance to it. He cleared his throat. "You're to meet me at training ground sixty-seven on Friday at eleven hundred hours sharp. Come fully uniformed and prepared with enough supplies to last approximately one week. Wear your mask and make sure you're not seen."

"Mission. I see," she replied, shoulders relaxing upon pinpointing a reason for his presence. "I'll be there – shit," she cursed suddenly, squinting in the darkness to inspect the tip of her index finger. "This fucking place is falling apart. Masashi-san!" she called in a louder voice. "Your damn bar gave me a splinter. I ought to take my trade elsewhere."

The old barkeep looked up. "Now, Sakura-san. You wouldn't do that to an old man, would you? How would I stay in business without my best customer?" Kakashi was surprised at the familiar way in which the man spoke to Sakura. His establishment's ninja-friendly environment appealed to many but often made for a rough crowd. Being a semi-frequent patron himself, Kakashi had never seen Sakura there before but knew the old barkeep to be a hardened ex-shinobi that didn't often socialise with customers. Before today, Kakashi hadn't known the man's name.

"I suppose I can't let you go out of business," Sakura grumbled with feigned annoyance. "You serve the best genshu in town, after all."

Masashi's wizened face split into a relaxed grin. "That's a high compliment coming from one such as you." Returning to his task of cleaning a new glass, he spun the same dirty rag with his gnarled fingers – one of which was missing – and continued, "Five percent off your tab." At her surprised expression, he added, "For the splinter."

"Thanks, old man," she said, smiling genuinely. "Medical expenses add up."

"Indeed," Kakashi chortled, watching her deftly remove the sliver of wood, wiping away any traces of blood on her skirt and using chakra to seal up the wound as if it had never been. "Medical jutsu are a handy skill set, don't you think?"

"Yes. Healing is the only thing I'm good at, besides taking tests. So, the only useful thing I'm good at."

"Well, I don't know about that. If I were looking to, say, launch myself through a wall, or perhaps if I were trying to find a sure fire way to break something large, you'd be just the girl for the job."

She laughed with a touch of bitterness. "Oh, yes. How could I forget? I'm quite accomplished at destroying things."

He looked at her strangely. Since he was not following her train of thought and didn't particularly like where this seemed to be headed, he changed the subject. "So why are you sitting here getting drunk all alone?"

"I've gotten drunk on this day since they let me loose around sake."

He poured himself a bowl of sake from her bottle to cover up the fact that he was totally mystified at her response. Try as he might to find a significance in the current day's date, he was coming up blank. Taking an idle sip from his bowl, he had to cough to conceal a choke, caught off guard by the strength of the alcohol. It was undiluted sake, heady and full.

"Actually, I meant, where are your partners in crime?"

"Oh. They're busy." She paused to down another bowl. "I don't have that many. I'm not a very good one, in any case. I always fuck things up somehow."

"A good what?"

"Friend. Ino's on a mission but she's mad at me anyway because I was awful to her for no reason, just like I always am. And Naruto's off doing something I'd rather not think about with Hinata. He forgot about today so I thought it was better not to remind him."

He drank chilled sake through his mask, still stumped. September seventh. What the hell was special about today? He had the feeling that if it was something Naruto was supposed to remember then he probably should as well.

"Have you noticed I've been trying to become friends with Hinata?"

"Not really," he answered truthfully.

"Figures. I thought I should, since Naruto.… I mean, sure, she's sweet and all, but she's so _timid_. What the hell do you do with a girl that can't talk about her own whatever those two are without fainting dead away?"

Chuckling, Kakashi conceded, "That's a fair point, actually. You might be a bit too head strong for someone like that."

Sakura sighed. "In reality, I think I'm just jealous of her. Keep your enemies closer and all that."

Kakashi's hand froze with his sake halfway to his covered lips. "You're what? Because she's with Naruto? That's – I had no idea."

Seeing the stunned expression in his one exposed eye, she snorted. "No, not like that, really. Since when have I been smart enough to love someone who could actually love me back? He gave up on me awhile ago anyway. Not that I blame him. Even he's not that much of an idiot, I guess."

Kakashi set down his drink, unable to stop staring at her, though she was focused solely on the alcohol in front of her. He had never heard her so openly morose. Ever. It was disconcerting – just as this whole _situation_ was disconcerting. He'd always thought it was funny, before, how Sakura cursed more and dropped the good girl act when she was tipsy. But she must have been playing, those very few times he'd seen her drink, because she had never been like this in front of him or even Naruto before.

She continued talking about Hinata. "After all, she's the only one who saw him for who he was, even in the Academy. Not like me. He deserves someone who can love him like that. Despite the fact that they're, well, totally mismatched, they're perfect for each other." She sighed again, listlessly fingering the edge of her nearly empty sake bowl. "I depend on him too much. If I could form functional relationships with people, I'd probably be happier for them."

"You do form functional relationships with people."

She stared at him as if she were waiting for him to suddenly realise the stupidity of his words and take them back. "I have two friends, Kakashi-sensei, and in case you weren't listening, I'm openly a bitch to one and secretly a bitch to another. I'm not a very nice person."

"People that aren't nice don't generally make bento for their teammates before hard missions," Kakashi pointed out.

"Well, nice people don't generally extort their teammates into rushing dangerous ANBU missions first."

Kakashi frowned beneath his mask. "I wanted to be there."

"I know," she replied simply but said nothing else. The silence stretched between them as they further depleted the sake bottle.

"You have other friends," he insisted after awhile, doggedly pursuing the conversation. "You've forgotten some, surely."

"I guess I did forget Shizune. I'll grant you that, but she and I aren't exactly close. She never really has time for me and she hates when I drink because it reminds her of…." Sakura trailed off. "Not to mention she thinks I'm an annoying drinking partner. Too melodramatic, she says." Sakura smiled thinly at Kakashi. "I'm pretty sure she's right about that one. Sorry, Kaka-sensei."

He returned her wan smile with a genuine one. "Don't mention it, Sakura-chan. I don't mind. Now, I think you're leaving someone else out of your little list."

"Sai? Yes, I suppose. Although I think we've proven that I'm twice as likely to kill him when he's drinking as when he's not."

Kakashi chortled, recalling exactly how loquacious the young man became under the influence. "True. I didn't mean him, though."

Sakura's brow knit in confusion. "Tenten-san? I like her, but I would call that more of a business arrangement…."

Business arrangement? That was odd but he'd leave it alone for now. Outwardly, his eye turned up with sudden gaiety. "I was thinking more along the lines of impressive ANBU captains who rush missions in order to help you win bets," he cajoled.

The alcohol-induced flush in her cheeks deepened. "Well, it's not like you didn't owe me money. And if you were a bit more responsible I wouldn't be able to bet against your perpetual tardiness."

"True," he agreed without outward concern, taking another sip of sake.

For a minute, he thought she was going to totally ignore his implication of friendship, but then she spoke. "I always had the impression that all your friends were dead and you weren't really looking for new ones," she said quietly. "I guess I was wrong. Sorry."

"You weren't wrong," he replied, realising as she voiced it that she _was_ correct and that he'd always unconsciously avoided the issue. "But these things have a way of sneaking up on you sometimes. And as far as I can tell, I'm not alienated by your presence. Seems you don't always fuck up."

She smiled at him – sincerely, this time. "Thanks, Kaka-sensei. That means a lot to me." She fished around in one of her pouches for money and put some under the corner of the empty sake bottle. Shakily, she stood.

When she wobbled, Kakashi placed a steadying hand near her elbow. "Whoa. Why don't I walk you home, Sakura?"

She scowled at him in response but he hadn't really meant it as a question. Rising behind her, he guided her out the door with a hand on her shoulder.

Sakura groaned when they stepped out of the dimly lit bar. As she squinted her eyes against the sun and swore loudly, Kakashi wondered vaguely just how long she'd been inside. It was barely one in the afternoon and she was more intoxicated than he'd ever before witnessed her being. He'd thought she'd been pushing her limits that night that Sai had goaded the whole team, Tenzou and Kakashi included, into experimenting, but apparently, Sakura was a better actress than Kakashi had ever given her credit for. He had no idea how she was still conscious after consuming so much strong genshu. He himself wouldn't have been, if he had kept going that much longer. She must drink more than they ever knew. But why hide it? What other secrets was she keeping?

They made their way towards her house in silence. The occasional stumble led to her clutching his arm for balance, but other than that, the walk was as normal as the cheerful weather. That in itself discomfited Kakashi, who felt the beginnings of a paradigm shift tugging at his perceptions.

He led her up to the door of a generic-looking house typical of "Yamato Works", the famously quick construction company that he knew was actually Tenzou with a bit of spare chakra. Kakashi distantly remembered his junior mentioning that he'd redone most of this section of town in the reconstruction.

Kakashi was surprised when she pulled away from him before they quite reached their destination.

"No," she protested. "Not the door. Never use the door to my house."

He stared at her in confusion. "Why not?"

She ignored him. "Take me to my window."

"Your window? Which one would that be?"

She pointed to a window in the side of the top floor that was actually a glass door leading to a small balcony. "That one. It's not locked."

"Well, just walk up there yourself," he sniffed, annoyed at the unnecessary demands.

Scowling, she turned away from him. "Fine. Go away then."

Without bothering to see if he'd gone, she began to scale the wall by channelling chakra to her feet. Unfortunately, balance that was not quite steady on flat ground was rather hopeless on vertical surfaces. Kakashi caught her as she started to slip.

"Okay, I'll take you to your window."

When he threw her over his shoulder and started climbing the wall for her, she had the gall to smack his shoulder in indignation.

"Put me down, you brute!" Apparently her befuddled brain had failed to realise that if he was going to take her to her second-storey window, he'd have to get her up there somehow.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're very bossy?" he asked casually, stretching a long leg over her balcony railing and fumbling to open the window-door with his one free hand.

"No, never!" she seethed. "Now put me down or I will chop off your –"

"Gladly," he said, dropping her none too gently on her bed. "See the next time I do _you_ any favours –"

His playful scolding was cut short by a tremendous shout of "Sakura! Is that you?"

Sakura's door slid open violently to reveal a middle-aged woman with a pot belly who had obviously let herself go to seed. Though he'd only met her once, right after Sakura had become a genin, he recognised the woman as Sakura's mother.

Kakashi could feel the woman's eyes flicking between him and her daughter. He thought he might have to explain himself and opened his mouth to do so. She, however, completely ignored him and stomped over to Sakura, yanking the girl upright by the arm.

"Sneaking men home, eh?" She leaned in and took a whiff of Sakura's hair. "And you reek like a distillery. Typical."

Kakashi stared at Sakura's mother in alarm. He didn't recall anything like this behaviour from his previous encounter. Though, if he remembered correctly, he'd found her total lack of concern about the details of her young daughter's new and perilous career puzzling at the time. And quite frankly, he was shocked the woman could smell anything at all besides her own stench, a sickening mix of stale cigarettes and cheap booze. Clearly, this was what had Sakura avoiding the front door.

He was even more surprised that Sakura was standing there quietly, looking ashamed and strangely guilty as her mother continued to dress her down thoroughly. Feeling very much like he was intruding, Kakashi snuck back out the window he'd come in.

Using the rooftop shortcut back to his apartment, his thoughts settled again upon the possible significance of this date for one Haruno Sakura. What had happened in September that was –? Right as his building came into view, he stopped abruptly. Wasn't today the anniversary of Sasuke's defection?

No wonder Sakura felt the need to get fall-down drunk on this day every year. Suddenly, Kakashi wouldn't mind getting a little more intoxicated himself.

* * *

It was 10:58 and Sakura still hadn't shown. He was surprised, really. She'd always been punctual, almost to a fault.

"What are we waiting around for, Taichou?" complained Ryoji. "Can't we just leave?"

"No," he said curtly. He hadn't known how to broach the subject of Mogusa's replacement, so he simply hadn't.

He was spared doing so again as he caught sight of her. At least he assumed it was her. It was so strange to see a girl approaching in an ANBU uniform and to think it was Sakura even though her hair was all wrong. The image was not one he'd ever thought he'd associate with her. And she looked so different, so small – like a child, really.

That he didn't normally think of her as a child caught him off guard, but not as off guard as the fingers that were suddenly gripping his elbow almost painfully.

"That's – you let – someone's _replacing_ him? So soon?" choked out Shiori.

"Not exactly." Kakashi stared pointedly at her hand until she released him. Never before had they been so presumptuous as to touch him. He hoped his little stunt hadn't confused them into imposing a closeness that didn't exist.

"Remove your mask," he commanded as Sakura neared. He had to secure her identity.

As she moved to obey, he glimpsed a bare shoulder. The sight of it made his blood run cold. Angrily, he snatched her arm and dragged her away from the other two.

"Where's your tattoo?" he snapped.

"Wh-what are you –" she stuttered, shock apparent even with the porcelain mask concealing her features.

"Your ANBU tattoo. As a medic, you'll already be targeted first. Without a tattoo, they'll know you're not official. Do you have a death wish, Sa – _Chiyoko_?" he hissed, purposefully emphasising her codename.

"Take it up with Danzou if it bothers you," Sakura sniped, uncharacteristically dour. "Do you think I don't know? I'm not stupid, Kakashi-sen...." She trailed off before she could finish the familiar name. "I've already argued with him over it. Maybe you could have done better but you didn't bother."

"Shit." He should have known that Danzou would insist upon following the letter of the law even when it made no sense. In wartime, when this had last occurred, chuunin were temporary ANBU members for a mission or two at most. Sometimes, a more suitable replacement was found. Usually, though, the chuunin died. As a rule they were thrown into the mix as a last resort without the time or opportunity to receive the mark of an ANBU agent so it wasn't part of the standard procedure. He sighed wearily. "We'll just have to make do, this time around, but you won't be going on another mission without a –"

"I can add it to my genjutsu," she whispered, all anger falling away.

"What?"

"The genjutsu on my appearance. I can add the tattoo if you give the order, right?"

"Oh. Yes, do that."

He felt a little dumb as he watched her check to make sure she was shielded from the others' view. Of course she would use genjutsu. Why would a genjutsu type dye her hair? It would be pointless anyway. With a hair colour as noticeable as hers, people would notice if it was anything other than pink when she was off-duty.

He observed silently as a swirling leaf rippled into existence on her left shoulder. As it did, the twin braids snaking down her skull shimmered with a more cerise hue but faded quickly back to tawny brown.

Something was off but it took him a second to pinpoint exactly what. "Wrong shoulder."

"But yours—"

"I'm a man. You're a woman. Wrong shoulder."

She sighed and repeated the process on her right side. "Does it look okay?"

"Fine. Now follow me."

He stalked back over to Ryoji and Shiori. She tailed behind, movements more timid than he would have anticipated given the way she'd snarled at him not too long ago.

"Take off your mask," he ordered again, though he instinctively knew it was Sakura. She complied and slipped the mask – painted like a mouse, he noted – off of her face.

Her brows were a lighter brown than her hair, almost blonde, though their arch was familiar. The eyes they framed, though, couldn't be more dissimilar from their usual vibrant green. Changing iris colour was a tricky process he hadn't expected Sakura to attempt. But she had, it seemed; her eyes were now a warm russet shade and no less expressive than before.

"This is Madoka Chiyoko-san," he explained mechanically. "She is a chuunin but her medical skills are sufficient to serve our purposes. Hokage-sama has seen it fit to bestow her upon us for now. She is not officially ANBU or a true member of this team but she will be acting in that capacity for an indefinite period of time."

"How old is she?" blurted Ryoji. "She looks about twelve. Fifteen at most."

Sakura stiffened and replaced her mask. "I'm seventeen," she informed, tone neutral.

"Chiyoko-san," Kakashi began, the honorific feeling foreign on his tongue when talking about Sakura, "meet your temporary teammates. Your life will depend on their skill during these missions and in return, you'll heal any injuries incurred in the line of duty." He produced a small scroll from one of his vest pockets and handed it to her. "These are the details you need to know to complete the mission. Read it then return it to me."

The minute she handed it back over, he set it alight with a quick fire jutsu. "From here on out, I will be known as Agent Wolf, this will be Agent Tiger, and this Agent Cat," he said, pointing to each of them in turn. "You will be Agent Mouse. Am I clear?"

She nodded.

"Good. Let's move out."

He leapt into action and looked back to see if they followed. Ryoji and Shiori were right behind him but Sakura was a little late and had to scramble to catch up.

When they neared the barrier, he stopped and carefully performed the jutsu that would allow them to pass.

"Do I get to learn that?" breathed Sakura incredulously, allowing a hint of wonder to creep into her voice.

"Only captains get that privilege," Shiori replied dryly. "Sorry."

"What if he's injured, though?"

Ryoji laughed harshly. "If _our_ Taichou doesn't make it back that means we're all dead, sweetheart."

Kakashi frowned, though they couldn't see it. "If I'm incapacitated, you are to use the main gates."

When they were through, Sakura turned and flattened her hands against the section of the barrier momentarily visible because of his jutsu. It rippled beneath her touch. She'd most likely never seen anything like it before.

Such childlike awe was not something she allowed to surface often. Under different circumstances, he might have been amused. Now, though, it seemed foreboding.

ANBU was no place for children.

* * *

A/N: As should be quite obvious, my versions of Sakura and Kakashi are probably a bit different than you're used to seeing. I'm trying to stay true to what we know of them in canon but I'm also attempting to delve deeper and construct pasts for them that forge their disparate personality traits into more cohesive wholes. Kishimoto's characterisations leave a lot to be desired but that's why fanfiction exists!

This chapter is a bit melodramatic for my tastes but not only is she drunk, teenagers are still teenagers, etc.

A note on the name "Madoka": The rationale behind the choice of Sakura's mother's maiden surname is complex. One main reason is to explain the crest Sakura wears, since neither "Haruno" nor "Sakura" have to do with circles as far as I can tell. The most common spelling of Madoka is "円" which roughly translates to "circle"; this is the spelling that Kakashi assumes here. However, Sakura's version of Madoka is ACTUALLY spelled "円花" which is closer to "circle, flower". There is a reason for this which will come into play later but I thought I'd clarify here just in case I left anyone confused.


	8. The Aftermath of Success

A/N: So, I've ... cheated you out of action, a bit. It's not out of laziness, though; the details of the mission simply aren't important, in Sakura's eyes. (Recall that Kakashi's after-mission chapter is yet to come.)

This chapter is extremely introspective, but (hopefully) retains that special lack of self-awareness that is essential to her character. I _know _it begins with a largely dialogue-less block of text, but please bear with me. It's not 7,000 words of internalisation, I swear!

I want this story to read like a puzzle, but if this is so, then I'm handing out a LOT of "pieces" at once in this chapter -- perhaps too many. No detail is irrelevant, so keep a sharp eye! As always, thanks for your time.

* * *

Sakura hadn't been so happy to see her own village after returning from a mission since the one to Wave Country in her genin days.

Her first ANBU mission had been ... well, she wasn't exactly sure. _Awful, _whispered her mind, but that wasn't quite right. The whole mission had gone off without a hitch. It had been a simple assassination, very cut-and-dried – a complex set-up made boring by perfect execution. The most complicated injury had been a dislocated shoulder that she'd fixed in about three seconds flat.

And that was _all_ she'd done. Upon learning of her new position, she had supposed she should be a little frightened and apprehensive and so she was, for awhile. She did that, sometimes – picked the "correct" emotion for a situation and convinced herself that it was hers because it was what one should feel. Eventually, though, such self-deception gave way to ambivalence and in the end, her true self usually won out, albeit very quietly. No matter how often she realised in hindsight that she'd been lying to herself she could never quite figure it out until it was too late.

This new ANBU thing was no different. She supposed she should have been frightened, but she hadn't been, at least not for very long. In fact, she had been terribly excited, eager almost to an embarrassing extreme, though she'd resolved not to show it. This was her chance to prove herself, to hone the battle skills that were always neglected in favour of medicine. And with Kakashi-sensei as a captain!

It was that, perhaps, that had bled away any anxiousness she might have otherwise felt. When she'd shown up – late, by her usual standards, but for some reason it had never occurred to her that he would actually be on time – he had made it glaringly obvious that she had been mistaken. In hindsight, she should have anticipated his gruffness to a certain extent. No seemingly random declaration of friendship could affect his professional attitude, and she knew – _knew_ – he turned up the heartless front for ANBU.

So he was a little – a lot – harsher than she had counted on, manhandling and yelling at her immediately upon her arrival. What else had she expected, though?

And all of a sudden she was twelve years old again and all she could think about was how to impress him and the others, how to show them that chuunin or not, she belonged.

But she didn't belong and they didn't bother to pretend that she did. She was an outsider and clearly not elite enough to join their ranks; each and every one of their actions drove those facts home like senbon into her fingertips. That the snubs seemed to be largely unintentional was what made them sting.

It had become apparent far before the action began that she wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it. Her only purpose was to patch up the _real_ fighters after all the fun was over.

Her disappointment was tangible. Even now, she could taste it.

And they just went and _did_ things and then barely contained their amusement when she was just a tad too slow, just a bit too confused to follow along. No one took the trouble to explain anything – not the protocols or standard procedures, _nothing_ – but she certainly felt foolish enough when she broke rules she hadn't been aware existed.

Kakashi-sensei was performing the jutsu to let them back through the barrier – and what an amazing jutsu it was! What Sakura wouldn't give to know it herself. The options it would open were immeasurable, really, but she cut off that dangerous thought before it could fully form.

When they were back within the boundaries of Konoha, Sakura spoke for the first time in a long time. "Am I dismissed, then?"

Kakashi turned his face towards her and though his wolf mask was covering his face, she had known him long enough to guess his expression. It would say something akin to, _Are you stupid_?

"Debriefing will double as your performance review," he said simply, sounding as bored as usual. "You are not to be present."

She sighed in relief, ignoring the prick of annoyance at his tone. She couldn't bring herself to be apprehensive about the evaluation. She hadn't actually done anything, so how could she have done anything wrong? She knew they'd come up with _something_ but she just couldn't care.

Without a word to the other three, she turned towards home, stopping in a copse of trees and extending her senses to make sure she was alone. Assured that she was, she stowed away her mask and dropped the genjutsu. It was actually quite lucky that her presence was such a joke during the mission, Sakura mused with an internal sneer, since Tsunade-shishou's jutsu took more chakra than she had counted on to keep up. She could feel the drain as she activated a variation of it to make her ANBU uniform appear as her normal Madoka-emblazoned ninja gear.

This jutsu.... She had employed it only rarely, before, and never for so long. When Tsunade had taught it to her, she had warned that it would take awhile to get used to before it required no thought, but it had been the obvious solution for appearance alteration. Sakura remembered that the genjutsu had failed after the Nenzo assassination but assumed that with a little practise it would be fine. So she'd lengthened her hair for the daytime and forced her mother to check on her as she slept to confirm that more drastic experimental changes were maintained even in that state of consciousness.

Despite her efforts, it was difficult to alter clothing so thoroughly that even if someone were to try to remove it nothing would be noticeably amiss – so difficult, in fact, that if she had to do it for a week-long mission she wasn't sure she'd be able.

_More practise, then,_ Sakura thought firmly, running her hands over herself to check that she'd performed the genjutsu correctly. Perhaps this ANBU assignment wouldn't challenge her in the ways she had hoped, but she'd use it to perfect this jutsu along with the rest of her espionage skills, if nothing else. If there was anything Tsunade-shishou had taught her, it was not to let an opportunity go to waste.

As Sakura made her way to her house to bathe and change, she barely took in the comfort of the familiar streets of Konoha and its population. Sakura may have longed for home when she'd been off on her mission but it hadn't been its inhabitants that she'd missed.

"Here you are, dear," greeted a kindly old shopkeeper as she presented Sakura with the gift of a shiny apple. "To brighten your day. You look weary. Home from a mission?"

Sakura took the fruit with an insincere expression of gratitude. She normally loved apples, but this one tasted sour on her tongue, tainted with the tang of hypocrisy. Sakura would die to protect the citizens of Konoha but if she were honest with herself, it was more a matter of duty. One of her most closely-guarded secrets was that she sometimes considered the village population mindless sheep. As a whole, they followed without question and Sakura resented them for it.

These were the types of thoughts she never shared with anyone, not even Naruto.

Sakura entered her room through the balcony. She loved the privacy it afforded her, allowing for visitors and reprieves from facing her mother when she just couldn't. The balcony had been Yamato-taichou's little surprise addition; he hadn't even charged for it. She was determined to find a way to thank him some day but could never seem to find the opportunity.

Sakura undressed quietly, donning civilian clothes after a quick shower. Before her mother could be alerted to her presence, if she was around, Sakura darted back out the window and headed towards the one place she truly felt comfortable.

As usual, none of the hospital staff questioned her right to be there and Sakura released some tension she hadn't realised she'd been harbouring. Perhaps Danzou's forced removal of her name from the regular staff wouldn't be as much of a hindrance as she'd feared.

Tsunade's hospital room was quiet except for the beeping of various monitors. The room was small and crowded with machines; there was a single wooden chair for furniture. Everyday clutter lined the slightly-crooked shelves Sakura had Naruto install. It wasn't much but Sakura breathed a sigh of relief as she slipped inside the space.

The Godaime Hokage lay motionless on the bed – a proper one, with a good mattress, as Sakura and Shizune had insisted upon despite the difficulties in procuring one. Tsunade's cheeks were sunken, closed eyes receding into her skull.

Sakura knelt at her master's side, running trembling fingers over the paper-thin wrinkles that were far too pronounced for Tsunade's years. Despite the official records, Sakura knew that Tsunade's body had aged well into its eighties due to her use of the dangerous chakra storage and cell regeneration technique she'd invented.

For the sake of the villagers, Tsunade had activated her Souzou Saisei on the day of the Akatsuki invasion. In all likelihood, she would never do so again.

That the once-proud Godaime Hokage lingered in such an undignified manner made her loss both easier and more difficult to bear.

Sakura took Tsunade's hand and laid her pink head down beside it, observing idly as the slight wetness of her hair let a damp spot spread on the pristine white sheets.

If Tsunade-shishou would just wake up, she could tell Sakura what to expect out of ANBU. Unlike Kakashi, Tsunade had never sugar coated explanations but always provided them upon request. Kakashi favoured an approach more akin to throwing his students into the fire and seeing what played out. It was a teaching style that worked well for some people – like Naruto – but never for Sakura. She liked to feel prepared; it calmed her and helped her focus. Tsunade had understood that. It seemed impossible that Kakashi-sensei _didn't_ understand, as he was so uncannily perceptive. Perhaps he just didn't care.

The door to Tsunade's room slid open but Sakura didn't bother to look up. There were only two other people with access and the soft click of heels gave away Shizune's identity.

"Oh, good, you're here," Shizune said. "You can help me with the vitals."

"Okay." Ton-Ton pattered over and shoved her head under Sakura's hand. Obligingly, Sakura gave her a quick pet before lifting her up to the bed. The pig proceeded to conduct her ritualistic inspection of Tsunade before huffing into her hair with little noises of distress and curling up at the woman's side. "Oh, Ton-Ton," Sakura whispered. "You miss her, don't you?"

Shizune set down the IV bag she'd been fiddling with. "I miss her, too. And I know you do as well."

"The whole village misses her. It's sinking without her to hold it up."

"I wouldn't go as far as to say all that." Shizune frowned as she hung the bag.

"It would have been different if Kakashi-sensei had been made Hokage."

"Don't let Kakashi-san catch you saying that. You know he dislikes it. And watch your mouth, Sakura. The walls have ears, especially in the hospital. We don't know for sure this room is safe."

Though Shizune's voice had been kind, Sakura reddened at the rebuke. "It's true, though. And it's not like that old bat doesn't know what I think of him. I've never made it a secret."

"Well, you should have," Shizune snapped, uncharacteristically blunt. "It gives him the advantage. I had to go through a lot of trouble to make sure you stayed on the hospital roster in any fashion, Sakura."

Sakura didn't argue. She couldn't. "I know," she said quietly, throat tight.

"You give him too much leverage."

Sakura leaned forward, hiding her face with her hair. "I made a mistake. I let him realise it was important to me," she croaked.

"Honestly, Sakura. You antagonise him so much I can hardly blame him. After all that time in the office with Tsunade-sama, did you learn nothing of subtlety?" The dig hurt because it was true. Of course, Tsunade-shishou wasn't understated at all in most things, but she could pull off some brilliant subterfuge when she really wanted to. When people expected straightforwardness and looked no further, one could slip a lot under their noses. Sakura knew, however, that the true master of subtlety was Shizune herself. She was a skilled manipulator, when need be, and would make an excellent spy.

Not like Sakura, who'd given away her game to Danzou so easily because she'd approached it with all the finesse of Naruto trying to perform genjutsu. Her eyes burned with tears that threatened to spill over.

"I'm sorry," whispered Sakura. "You shouldn't have to put yourself on the line for me."

Sakura was startled when Shizune knelt down to hug her. Such physical signs of affection were rare between them.

"I don't mind, Sakura," Shizune said firmly. "We're practically family, you and I. I just don't like to see you putting yourself in this position."

Sakura settled into the embrace, dazed by the frank admission. Despite all the time they spent together, there'd always been a certain distance between Tsunade's apprentices – enough that Sakura was pleasantly surprised to find that Shizune considered them close. Upon this realisation, the pinched feeling in Sakura's chest suddenly became overwhelming. A sob tore from her throat.

"I was s-so scared I wouldn't b-be allowed in here anymore," she admitted. "I think I'd die!"

Shizune moved her palm in soothing circles on Sakura's back. "I wouldn't let that happen. You're always welcome in this room, no matter what. Danzou doesn't have the right to take that privilege away."

"Of course he does. He's the Hokage, isn't he?" Sakura said bitterly, forcibly calming herself.

"But _I'm_ the director of shinobi personnel in this hospital. You haven't done anything wrong. He only pulled you for mission duty to give the impression that you had and you know it. Mogusa's death wasn't your fault. You weren't even on his case." As she said this, Shizune straightened and started fidgeting with the knobs of one of the machines, facing away from Sakura.

"It wasn't your fault, either, Shizune," insisted Sakura.

"It was more my fault than yours."

"It was that bastard Hamada's fault. How someone of his rank can make such a rookie mistake – and get _away_ with it –" Sakura began hotly but broke off. "Mogusa-san was going to _live_, after all that. He was broken and you put him back together and that _idiot_ ruined it."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Sakura," said Shizune in a quiet voice. "And medical training was not what it should have been in Tsunade-sama's absence. You know that."

Sakura scoffed. "Even our interns know not to give painkillers to a patient with a severe lung injury!"

"Even you have made mistakes before, Sakura. People have died because of them." Sakura quieted, knowing Shizune was right. "People have died because of my mistakes as well. And the fact of the matter is that Hamada may have ordered the painkillers that weakened Mogusa's lungs, but neither of us caught it. That's on us, too."

Sakura could feel her eyes burning again, in anger, this time. "He makes a lot of those mistakes, Shizune. Too many. You've said it before yourself."

Shizune sighed. "I know. It was better when we could assign him the low-risk cases. It took care of so much grunt work.... But then Danzou insisted on promoting him."

"That stupid, corrupt—"

"Sakura!" cried Shizune, clapping a hand over her junior's mouth. "Stop it! You'll wind up dead if you're not more careful."

"Sorry," Sakura mumbled, sufficiently cowed by the scolding.

"Besides, Danzou-sama wasn't to know. Hamada's record was good, by the account of all official documents –"

"Only because we run damage control all the damn time—"

"But because of that, someone like Danzou can look at our records and be misled. It's partially our own—"

"Which is why he shouldn't be sticking his nose into hospital affairs! He has no business interfering with our infrastructure."

"He considers the hospital a symbol of Tsunade-sama's reign and it was a political ploy to—"

"I _know _why he did it but that doesn't make it right."

"Even so, there's nothing you can do about it, Sakura. You'd do better to stop obsessing over such things."

Sakura stayed silent, still brooding.

"Now come help me record these monitors' readings," Shizune ordered and Sakura obeyed. Operating as a well-oiled machine, they ran various tests on Tsunade's heart, brain function, chakra coils, and the rest of her body. They'd run the same tests many times but the results were always the same.

"No change," said Sakura when they were finished, voice flat.

"No," Shizune sighed. "But I'm working on some things to try. I'll let you know when I have anything substantial."

"I'll try and think of something in the mean time," added Sakura absently, distracted because she thought she'd seen Tsunade-shishou move. But no, it was just Ton-Ton that had accidentally shifted an arm.

"I have to get back to my patients. Take care of yourself, Sakura."

"You too," Sakura replied, a little bit jealous. She missed the hospital a lot more than she thought she would. It was steady – predictable, compared to the field, even though the stakes were often just as high or higher than those of high-rank missions. When Sakura was stuck in it, the routine could be tedious but she felt the absence of its comfort now.

"And watch Ton-Ton, will you? She's been too noisy today."

The pig squeaked indignantly in response and Sakura had to giggle. "Sure."

Shizune left Sakura to stare at the tubes snaking into Tsunade's mouth, to watch helplessly as her sunken chest rose and fell. _She's so thin_, Sakura thought for the dozenth time as she triple-checked Tsunade's nutrient intake. Even Tsunade-shishou's legendary breasts were deflated. _Still bigger than mine, though,_ Sakura mused wryly.

Sakura simply watched her master for awhile. The relative silence was relaxing.

Ton-Ton got bored after a bit and wanted to play with Sakura, who obligingly fetched some candy from where they kept it specifically for this purpose. The little pig took a simple delight in guessing which fist the treat was hidden in; it was a game usually played with babies but Sakura figured Ton-Ton was probably close enough.

Ton-Ton didn't expect anything from Sakura except to be petted every now and then. She didn't get angry when Sakura couldn't keep up, didn't expect Sakura to know things she'd never been told, didn't forget important dates or have any pressing problems for Sakura to solve. Ton-Ton's love was unconditional and the only price was a piece of candy; she didn't run hot and cold and she was never confusing.

Sakura's musings was interrupted by the door sliding opening and a familiar call of, "Hey, Baa-chan!" Ton-Ton claimed her sweet and then ran over to Naruto with a squeal of greeting. Naruto picked her up and then turned to Sakura. "Didn't realise you would be here, Sakura-chan. I haven't seen you around lately."

"Mission," she replied simply.

"Oh yeah? What kind?" he asked with interest.

"I...." She looked away. "I had my first straight assassination mission the other day." _It's not a lie_, she told herself. The Nenzo mission had been the first mission she'd been assigned with the specific goal of the death of a particular target ... but it had been awhile ago now. This was another reason to hate this ANBU farce, she realised. More secrets.

Naruto was eyeing her strangely. "Oh yeah? Did he deserve it?"

"Yes. He did." Again, she couldn't quite meet his eyes. Karasuma Mabuchi may have gotten what was coming to him, but Kitagawa Mirei had only been collateral damage. Sakura wasn't sure that Naruto would understand if she told him, so she didn't.

"I've never done an assassination like that," Naruto mused.

"I don't think you'd like it. I don't think _I_ like it," she confided quietly.

"At least it's a mission. At least it's _something_. How long can he keep me cooped up like this?" Naruto's voice was uncharacteristically bitter and he turned away from her as he spoke, ostensibly to inspect Tsunade's condition though it was static.

Sakura frowned. "I don't know, Naruto. Maybe Sasuke will be sighted again soon." The restrictions on Naruto's movements were really grating on him. Danzou said Naruto was needed at home for village security, and though she supposed this was true to a certain extent, the decision's basis lay in other machinations, the true intentions of which remained in the shadows. Sakura didn't want to say it, but Naruto was lucky he was even allowed to remain on Team Kakashi, which was only assembled in specific circumstances that were almost always related to Sasuke. If Naruto were anyone else, he wouldn't get even this concession.

"Maybe he won't. Sasuke's hiding, the coward."

"You ought to be glad he's hiding. If he weren't, he'd be dead." With Naruto facing the bed, Sakura was in perfect position to see how his whole profile stiffened at her words. "Everyone's out for Sasuke's blood now...." she whispered.

"I won't let him die, Sakura-chan. I promised."

Her temper suddenly flared. "I told you to forget about that promise! We said we'd get him back _together_, Naruto. For both of us and Kaka-sensei too. And Ino and – and everyone! If you're only doing this because you think I'm still the same person I was back then, then you can just forget about the whole – "

"I'm sorry." His face was soft and open, now, as he turned back to her. "I'm sorry."

_What is he sorry for? What does he have to be sorry for? _she wondered. Before she could stop herself, a question slipped out of her mouth that she'd meant to keep to herself. "If it comes down to your life or his, you know he's not worth dying for, don't you?"

His eyes widened in shock and Ton-Ton wiggled in his arms. "Sakura-chan...."

"I mean it, Naruto. Whatever happens, _you're_ the one that can't die. What would Konoha do if we lost you? Who would be the next Hokage then?"

"You know how I feel about that. If I can't save even one friend...."

"You've saved many friends. Besides, what would Shishou do if you didn't come in to talk to her every day? And what would Hinata do without you?" _What would I do without you?_

There had been a brief time when she would have been secure enough to speak that last thought out loud but that time had passed. He didn't belong to her. He had others who needed him more than she did.

Naruto faltered. "I...." The look in his eyes said that he sensed what she'd left unsaid, but she couldn't be sure. There were times when she was positive that he understood her completely and she him, but then there were those vital moments rued by miscommunication....

Taking pity on him, she reached over and pried Ton-Ton out of his grip before they drowned in awkwardness. "You were squeezing her too tightly."

"Sorry," he said, seizing the distraction and relinquishing the pig with an apologetic pat to her little head. She huffed indignantly but nuzzled him anyway. Like her master, Ton-Ton could forgive Naruto anything.

And just like that, Naruto switched gears. He plopped down heavily in the chair and started prattling on to Tsunade about his day as per usual. He told her what he had done in training, what Hinata's father had said to him, what stupid thing he'd seen Sai do, what funny joke his new best buddies Kiba and Shino had told him, what new way he'd found to embarrass Hinata in the most adorable way. Hinata, Hinata, Hinata, Hinata. It was every other word out of his mouth and even the things that didn't directly involve her showed her influence.

Sakura listened quietly if a bit absently, strangely finding the rise and fall of his strident voice just as soothing as the room's previous silence. She snapped out of it when she realised Naruto was calling her name.

"Sakura-chan, are you listening to me?"

"Sorry. What is it?"

"I asked if you wanted to grab dinner with me. It's getting late and I'm sort of hungry."

"Oh!" It had been so long since the days of Naruto pestering her for dates that she'd forgotten what it felt like. "Sure," she answered, a smile creeping onto her face. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know. I told Hina-chan she could choose. She probably won't pick ramen since we had it for lunch," he bemoaned with a boyish pout.

"Oh. Right." Sakura felt as if she'd had the wind knocked out of her. "Actually, I just remembered I made plans with Ino before my mission.... You just go with Hinata. I wouldn't want to intrude on your date anyway."

Naruto frowned. "I don't mind. Really, I haven't seen you for awhile, so why don't you—"

Shaking her head, Sakura declined. "What do you mean? I've seen you just now. It would be rude of me to go without checking with Ino first. She's probably still expecting me."

"Okay, I guess. Tell Ino I said hey, then."

"Sure. Tell Hinata I said hello as well."

Sakura swept out of the room, leaving a slightly bewildered Naruto behind. From her arms, Ton-Ton grunted her displeasure at being carried away from Tsunade-shishou, but Sakura couldn't stay there forever. It was the second Friday of the month and she really did have plans with Ino, though she might have invented some if she hadn't. Another ugly truth was that playing the third wheel to Naruto and Hinata was one of Sakura's least favourite activities.

The prime hour of evening was just beginning to descend upon the streets of Konoha. People were out and about, bustling along in their daily business. Sakura weaved through the crowd, quickly covering the relatively short distance between the hospital and the shinobi residential section. Here, the roofs were flat-topped, some even lightly furnished, for the building tops here were a highway used just as often as the packed earthen street below.

Sakura liked the open, "anything goes" sort of feeling to this part of town, where the houses, though tightly packed together and structurally identical, each had some distinguishing feature that said something about its owner. In the boring civilian sector, all Sakura's house had to set it apart was its dinky little balcony. She sighed, stopping in front of Ino's residence. It was practical but attractive, individualised by the roof gardens and colourful flowers spilling over painted pots secured on specially designed window sills.

Sakura rapped out a brief staccato rhythm on the door before she could chicken out and then stood, fidgeting somewhat gauchely, as she waited for someone to answer.

Before too long, the door swung open, revealing Yamanaka Inoichi in civvies with his hair hanging loose. In his own house, he looked so relaxed, with a small smile playing upon his lips – that is, until he spotted Sakura, and then the smile froze, no longer sincere.

"Hello, Inoichi-san," she greeted meekly. "Is Ino in?"

"No, I'm afraid not," he answered, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Oh, I.... It's the second Friday, is all. Did she already leave, then?"

"I guess your girl's night is cancelled. Sorry." With a nod, he moved to close the door, but she put a hand out to stop him.

"Inoichi-san, I have to ask if you've given any thought to the request I made of you."

"I have," he answered warily, leaving the door halfway shut as if to guard himself. "My decision still stands."

"But _why_?" Sakura cried, passion suddenly leaking into her voice. "All she has to do is change specialties! If you teach her that jutsu, they'll be begging to have her—"

"Torture and Interrogation is no fit specialty for a young girl, no matter the circumstances," said Inoichi, fighting to keep his words even-tempered.

"Is that so, Inoichi-_senpai_?" hissed Sakura angrily.

"That's so," he said resolutely, deliberately looking down to meet her eyes. "Not _all_ decisions—" His lip curled into ever so slight a sneer, and Sakura's spine stiffened as he continued, "—are up to me, but _this_ one is. You don't know a damn thing about '_that jutsu_'. It's not a simple tool, to be used or not on a whim. It's – the raping of minds, and not just the victim's, but the user's as well. I won't have _my_ daughter subjected to such a thing."

"You'd rather her endure the real thing, then?" Sakura snapped without thinking.

Inoichi's eyes widened as if he'd been stabbed. He looked about a decade older than when he'd started arguing with her. Feeling terrible, Sakura slid her eyelids closed and breathed deeply to recollect herself.

"I.... I'm so—" she began, but was interrupted by a distant call of, "Daddy? Is that you? Who are you talking to?"

Sakura's eyes flew back to his face, all sympathy gone. "Already out, is she?"

His jaw clenched. "It was kinder than saying she didn't want to see you."

And then Ino was visible as she clunked down the stairs, garden shears in hand. Looking up, she froze upon seeing who was at the door. "Oh. It's you."

Sakura said nothing, only watched as Ino carefully removed her gardening gloves and lay them aside.

"What?" Ino asked sarcastically. "Coming to check if I'm prepping for my _new job_? That's what you want, right?"

"Ino, that was never what I intended—"

"Tell me, Sakura. What else could you have possibly meant by suggesting that I work full time at my family's flower shop when we open it back up?"

"Only as a stop-gap measure! Only until we can find a way to—"

"You think I'm hopeless. You think I should give up." Ino's blue eyes were as hard as diamonds as they bored into Sakura.

"I _don't_," insisted Sakura. Putting just enough chakra behind it to ensure success, she shoved open the front door and stormed past an enraged Inoichi.

"Haruno Sakura!" he spluttered. "You were not invited into this residence and I'll thank you kindly to leave at once!"

She ignored him, gently dropping Ton-Ton so she could place a forceful hand on each of Ino's tensed shoulders.

"You listen here, Yamanaka Ino! I won't have you questioning me like that."

Ino gasped furiously, trying unsuccessfully to throw Sakura off. "You won't _have_ me –? You – you – !"

"You never once gave up on me, so why should I choose now to start giving up on you?"

Ino stopped protesting, jaw dropping in shock.

"We'll figure this out," Sakura promised in a throaty whisper. "I don't know how, yet, but we will. He can't win forever."

After a period of strained silence apart from heavy breathing, Ino brought two shaking hands up to cradle her head. A broken sob ripped from deep in her chest. "Okay," she murmured. "Okay." She tugged away, and this time, Sakura let her arms fall limply back to her sides as Ino took some privacy to wipe her face. When she turned back around, shoulders squared and stance steady, Sakura spotted a welcome glimmer of the Ino she'd grown up with. "Forehead, did you seriously just let a _pig_ into my house?" Ino demanded.

"You mean besides _you_? I guess I did. She's cuter than you, too," taunted Sakura. "Ton-Ton!" The little animal had squirreled away somewhere, not being fond of any sort of yelling or histrionics, but she ran out to the sound of her name, sensing the shift in atmosphere. Sakura scooped her up and held her out to Ino. "See? Cute as a button!"

Deftly, Ino dodged the incoming pig. "Gross! Get it _away_ from me!"

"Aw, come on, Ino-pig. Shouldn't you be fonder of your namesake?"

"Shut up, Billboard Brow! I bet it's _dirty_." From the relative safety of behind the stair guardrail, Ino shuddered.

Ton-Ton squealed in indignation. "She's very clean," assured Sakura. "We bathe her once a day, you know. Now, are you coming to dinner or not?"

"I'm meeting the others soon." Shifting her eyes guiltily, Ino added, "I didn't know you'd be back."

Sakura's lips drew into a thin line at the hedging insinuation. "Of course." She sighed. "I shouldn't have said that, about the flower shop. I knew it as soon as it came out of my mouth."

At the apology, Ino's eyes softened. "I didn't mean you couldn't come along, you know, silly Forehead. It's still the second Friday."

Smiling, Sakura quipped, "Want to carry Ton-Ton there? My arms are getting sort of tired."

Ino turned her nose up and said, "Not a chance. And you have to brush your hair before we go _anywhere_. It's all mussed. What did you do, sleep on it wet?"

Scowling, Sakura took the pro-offered comb that Ino had procured from a hidden pocket and dragged the teeth through her slightly gnarled hair. "Satisfied?"

Ino just smirked and tucked away the comb again on her person. "Let's go, then!" she trilled, linking arms with Sakura and leading her past an entirely bewildered Inoichi. "'Bye, Daddy!"

* * *

Ino and Sakura slid into a booth opposite Tenten.

Sakura couldn't bring herself to look around at the layout of the restaurant, which she'd never seen before. "So this is the new soba joint, huh?"

"Yeah, and it's much better than that old one! It – " Ino quieted at Sakura's sudden wince. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't even _think_—"

"About what?" piped up Tenten, looking between them in curiosity.

"Nothing," stated Sakura curtly. "It's nothing. Is anyone else coming, Ino? You said 'others'."

Patting Sakura's shoulder apologetically, Ino answered, "Only Hinata. She's running a little late, I guess."

Sakura snorted. "Don't count on _her_ showing up."

"What do you mean? Is she not coming?" asked Tenten. "She didn't say anything about cancelling."

Rolling her eyes, Sakura explained, "Naruto is under the impression that they're going out for dinner tonight, which means that as soon as he suggests it, they'll be going out for dinner tonight. Trust me."

"I see," said Tenten thoughtfully, with a small frown. "That's not very considerate of her."

"It's disgusting is what it is!" asserted Ino, slapping a palm down on the table for emphasis. "They're all over each other. It's completely ridiculous. When the men eventually split, she won't have anyone but us, unless that useless family of hers comes through, so—"

"They're not _that_ useless," Sakura grumbled. "If you'll recall, they're the reason she's the only one of us who can skip _this_, legally."

It was Tenten's turn to grimace. "Well, that's true enough. I wish we were all that fortunate."

"Me too," agreed Sakura. "Besides, Ino, Naruto will never leave her, so she doesn't have to worry about that. If she wants out, she'll have to do it herself."

"Come on!" Ino scoffed incredulously. "Like he's not going to save the world one day or something and have all the women hanging off of him. As if a wallflower like her could stand up to—"

"Naruto's different," snapped Sakura. "He's committed. For him, this is it. He doesn't go back on his word like that."

"What about his word to you, then? Didn't he claim to love _you_ once?" Ino's eyes were blazing the way they always did when she caught scent of something interesting. "So, according to you, he doesn't go back, so he still loves you, right? If that's so, then what the hell's he doing with Hinata?"

"No, he never said that," Sakura said quietly, looking down at her lap. "He's not the type for empty words. And don't you dare badmouth him again. I mean it." She imbued the last of her words with steel and Ino, sensing confrontation, immediately put her heckles up and opened her mouth to respond.

"Alright, you two," interjected Tenten wearily. "Second Fridays are bad enough without your bickering making it worse. So Hinata's not coming. Fine. Let's move on. We missed _you_ last month, Sakura. Where were you?"

"Mission!" she said happily. "Lucked out. I almost got lucky today, too. Just got back this afternoon."

"You've been doing a lot of missions lately," Tenten observed. "What sort?"

"Assassinations," Sakura answered blandly, some of her cheer evaporating. She didn't miss Ino's sharp inhalation of breath, either. "Not that kind, though," she assured, but guilt forced her to amend, "Well, not all of them, anyway."

"Sakura, did you lose it yet?" Ino demanded abruptly. "You swore you would."

"I – not yet," she lied glibly. "I will."

"When? You might have been lucky so far, but it won't last forever. Please," Ino pleaded, suddenly tearing up, "what happened to me can't happen to you. It just _can't_."

"I don't think losing my virginity with some random loser will be any better, though," Sakura sighed.

Tenten shook her head. "Ino's right. It's much better that way than your first time being for a mission – or worse, like Ino."

"_You_ lost it on a mission," Sakura accused.

"I was twelve." Tenten shrugged. "It's different for me. The point of _those_ missions was to be inexperienced. I was _supposed_ to be scared. He got off on it, and I got information off _him_."

Sakura's blood ran cold, listening to Tenten describe such a thing so casually.

"By the time I was assigned the more normal sort, I had enough experience from before to do the job. But for you.... Sakura, it's dangerous to go out in the field like you are. You could be killed." Tenten's dark eyes pierced hers, seemingly searching for something.

"I know," whispered Sakura. _God, do I know,_ she thought, passing off a shudder as a chill. She gripped the edge of the booth so hard her knuckles turned white.

"Promise me, Sakura," Ino insisted. "Promise me you'll do it for real this time. Even if you _are_ – like me," she faltered, and Sakura's brows furrowed.

"Say it, Ino. Say it out loud. Like you in what way?"

Ino averted her gaze. "Even if you were to be ... raped," she choked out, "I think it wouldn't be as bad, if you could – if you had some sort of other memory you could associate it with, later. One that wasn't all bad. Maybe you could even turn out, you know, _normal_. Lots of kunoichi do."

Sakura frowned. "There's nothing wrong with you, Ino. Not one thing, do you hear me?"

Still, Ino wouldn't meet her eyes. Before Sakura could say anything else, the waitress turned up. She was about their age, but sporting too much makeup and overly styled hair.

"Welcome to The Soba Shack. May I – Wait, is there a _pig_ under the table? _Eep_!" she squawked, shuffling frantically as Ton-Ton had apparently taken a liking to the girl's sparkly shoes.

Weakly, Sakura smiled up at her in a way she hoped was charming. "No?"

* * *

A/N: The mystery of Mogusa's death is finally resolved, somewhat. If you still have questions about it ... well, you should. Good things come to those who wait.

I have a feeling that this turn of events will satisfy some people, but though I am obviously setting the stage for something, don't assume everything will go as you expect! :]

A more technical note: Something I have noticed that is lacking in my writing is that I don't always take the time to establish the setting properly. I don't always give the reader an impression of physical space and I often neglect visual cues. It's something I'm working on. If you ever notice this in a good way, but most especially in a bad way, where lack of setting is confusing or the insertion of setting is jarring, please don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks!

I'm doing NaNo (ygody), so don't expect another update until after November 1, though I may decide I need to procastinate more, so who knows! My NaNo is actually another KakaSaku (probably?) that takes quite a different approach starting from canon chapter 470. Keep an eye out for it.


	9. Illusions, Like Mirrors

"So the mission was successful, then," Danzou stated with only a hint of a question.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Kakashi's voice was level and even. "Unless the mission scroll was incorrect and the target was actually some _other_ traitorous noble the daimyo asked us to discreetly dispose of, then the mission was definitely successful."

"Don't get smart," Danzou admonished, his one good fist clenching slightly before visibly relaxing. "I was only confirming in light of the new addition. How much of a problem was the girl?"

Kakashi frowned. "Not really a problem at all, I'd say."

In a carefully neutral tone, Danzou asked, "Did she follow procedure? She's been known to balk at orders before."

"She followed all procedures she was aware of, and adapted quickly in light of the strictly need-to-know orders currently in place regarding to her. Likely things would proceed far more easily if she were to be treated like a normal new ANBU –"

Danzou waved his hand with an air of dismissal. "If she's a quick study, as you say, then what's the point? I'd rather follow the rules already in place."

"With all due respect, I think the circumstances may warrant a slight departure from the rules, which were established by precedents that do not apply to the situation at hand, Hokage-sama."

"There's no need to disrupt order on the account of one mere chuunin." Danzou raised a suspicious eyebrow and continued, "Perhaps you ought to inspect your own biases before insinuating that it is I who is not seeing the situation at hand clearly enough. It is unlike you to insist on something so insignificant for the sake of another, Kakashi-san."

"I fail to see your point," Kakashi replied, tone bland, though he couldn't stop his heartbeat from quickening slightly. He had intended to bring up Sakura's need for a tattoo, but clearly Danzou wouldn't be amenable. "I had never met Madoka Chiyoko before embarking on this mission."

The slight shift in his teammates' postures told him that they were suddenly more interested in the discourse between the Hokage and their captain. He wouldn't be surprised if they realised there was more going on than they knew, now. Internally, Kakashi cursed Danzou.

"True enough," said Danzou with a shrug, leaning back in his throne-like chair with an exaggerated casualness. "My apologies, Kakashi-san. Back to the girl, then. Did she hinder you or lag behind in any way? I know you keep up a brisk pace, and she _is_ only a chuunin."

Kakashi had to hold back a scoff. As if he didn't run his normal missions at exactly the same pace. Sakura was used to it by now.

Luckily, Shiori stepped in. "No, she kept up well enough."

"Was she respectful in her words and tone of voice? Did she bother you with her incessant complaints?"

It was Ryoji's turn to chip in, it seemed, though he didn't bother to hold back his incredulous scoff. "To complain, she'd have to _speak_. When she bothered to talk, it was as respectful as you please, but I don't know if she strung two words together the whole mission."

"I see. Well, that is unusual for her. Perhaps she is making an uncommon effort. It is to her credit."

Kakashi frowned again. It wasn't odd that Danzou was asking questions and covering bases, but his frankness was unusual and, by Kakashi's reckoning, inaccurate. Sakura was the last to complain, nowadays. Whining was a habit she'd broken even before her first Chuunin Exam. Kakashi would have liked to claim credit for that blessed little miracle, but in reality it was probably Sasuke's vocal disapproval of such displays that had put an end to them.

Danzou was usually fair almost to a fault, treating each and every shinobi exactly the same despite any mitigating circumstances or personal dislike. Certainly, Danzou had his biases, just like anyone else, but he normally took particular care to hide them from the public eye. Perhaps he was just having a bad day.

Ryoji, though, had a point. Sakura had been remarkably silent this mission and it hadn't escaped Kakashi's notice. There were exceptions, not that Ryoji had been privy to them. The first night, in fact, she had come up to Kakashi on his watch shift and insisted he pull up his pant leg without any preamble whatsoever.

When he'd resisted, she'd tapped her foot impatiently and said, "I took a risk, closing your leg up like that, you know. A huge risk. Chakra sterilisation is pretty effective, and I was careful, but I was also tired and low on chakra. It's been proven that I'm prone to mistakes in that state, so I'd _like_ a look at your leg. Now, if you please."

With reluctance, he'd done as she had bid. After she inspected the mostly-healed wound, which still dimpled and pulled at its edges, she rebound his leg with a relieved sigh.

"It's healing nicely. Good. I mean, I had hoped that if your leg was rotting and gangrenous, you'd probably get it checked out, but better safe than sorry. I _really_ shouldn't have sutured and closed it, to be honest. It's not normal procedure."

"Why did you, then?" Had he allowed an incompetent medic on his team? For that matter, had he really allowed an incompetent medic to heal him, off the books?

"Because I know you and how you are. You'd have never done what was necessary to let it heal more naturally. It _really_ would have gotten infected then." She'd rolled her eyes and stood up to face him, and he didn't miss the way she went rigid when she caught sight of his face. "You really don't trust me, do you? Even after I – it's so much more chakra-intensive to repair muscle like –" She turned away. "Forget it. Go back to bed."

"It's my watch, Sa – Chiyoko," he amended, though the others weren't awake. "Get some sleep," he added softly, feeling a bit guilty for doubting her. He _had_ healed perfectly well, after all, and without a hospital visit.

"I know it's your watch, but it's mine next and I'm up now. Don't worry about it."

Kakashi hesitated, though his bedroll was inviting. "Really, there's no need –"

"I'm not tired," she had insisted. "Just go. Please."

Kakashi was pulled out of his memory by another of Danzou's questions directed to him. Ryoji and Shiori had been fielding them and he'd been happy to let them, when there was an option.

"Kakashi-san, in your opinion, as you are the captain of this team, is Madoka Chiyoko a valuable addition to this squad? From my perspective, it seems that she was largely superfluous, outside of one minor injury repair. If she is unnecessary, I'd rather place her elsewhere since she doesn't meet basic ANBU requirements."

"I feel more comfortable having a medic on the squad." Kakashi met Danzou's good eye with his own. "Though Madoka-san's role on this particular mission wasn't obvious, if things hadn't gone according to plan and had one of us been more grievously injured, her skills would have been of the utmost importance."

Grudgingly, Ryoji admitted, "As stand-offish as she is, I wouldn't have enjoyed going all the way home with a dislocated shoulder."

Kakashi smirked. He wouldn't have known that by the amount of curses Ryoji had thrown Sakura's way after she'd popped the shoulder back into place.

"On the count of three," she'd said, taking a firm hold of his forearm and bracing her other hand against his shoulder blade. "One. Two." At two, Ryoji had flinched visibly, since most medics did it early and fed everyone the same bullshit line about how it hurt less when it wasn't expected. "Three." He'd flinched again, and she'd laughed openly for the first and only time of the mission. He blushed furiously and opened his mouth to sneer an insult, but at that moment, she had made one sinuous movement that put Ryoji's shoulder joint back where it belonged. His garbled howl had echoed in the woods, the only distinguishable word being, "Fuck!"

Now, Ryoji fidgeted in a way that made Kakashi think he was probably blushing again underneath his mask.

Shiori seemed to think so, too, because she coughed away a chuckle before adding, "She also took over extra watch shifts, especially on the way back. I think she was trying to be useful."

Kakashi nodded as if he agreed, but he was actually a bit baffled. She'd taken over that one watch shift for him the first night, and another near the end. He hadn't realised she'd done it for the others, since.... Well, he didn't know why he hadn't thought of it, actually. The second time she'd stood watch in his stead was in lieu of a birthday present, supposedly, or so Sakura had said. He had been surprised, since he didn't remember even telling her his birthday. He never really celebrated it anymore anyway. He preferred not to, actually.

"All things considered, her performance was more than satisfactory for her first mission of this calibre," said Kakashi. He was tired of Danzou looking for things to censure.

"You are the team captain," Danzou said, lips thinning. "I will leave this ultimately up to you. If she is not up to the task, your team will be the one to suffer. Her record will not be the only one which reflects the decision to keep her on, if it turns out to be a poor one. Keep that in mind."

"Understood, Hokage-sama."

"If that is all, then you are dismissed," Danzou said with an air of finality, and the remnants of Kakashi's ANBU squad scattered like dust.

* * *

Later that evening, Kakashi was lounging on a roof reading one of his favourite books. This particular rooftop was close enough to the commercial district to be slanted but far enough away that it was unlikely that he would get yelled at for walking on it, which was frowned upon by civilians. The street below was fairly busy, filled with shinobi heading back to their homes after eating. The dinner rush was somewhat of a nightly ritual in Konoha, since most shinobi tended not to cook for themselves when they could help it. It was something else that distinguished ninja from civilians, though in this case the business owners were quite happy to cater to the hungry shinobi.

It was getting too dark to read, really, so Kakashi tucked his book away. Still, it was hard to find the impetus to move, so instead he sat and people watched. One cropped blonde head caught his attention, since he'd become reacquainted with it recently. Yamanaka Ino was approaching. Curiously enough, she seemed to be walking with Gai's female student, Tenten. He hadn't known the two were particularly close, but then again, young kunoichi seemed to delight in mystifying him in new and spectacular ways lately.

They were chatting good-naturedly, but just as they came into earshot, they were waylaid by a prematurely intoxicated hooligan. "Nice ass, baby," he said too loudly as he passed, leering obviously and making a half-hearted swipe at Ino's bottom.

Kakashi watched with passing interest for Ino's reaction, which he imagined would be loud, indignant, and entertaining.

Once again, Ino defied his expectations and sidled up to the middle-aged man, slowly pushing him into a side alley. Her hips swayed as she sashayed up to him. "You think so?" she cooed, backing the man against the wall of the building opposite Kakashi. "I work very hard to keep it toned, you know."

"Yeah, I think so," smirked the man, cupping her full ass appreciatively. "That's the best thing about kunoichi. They're always fit and wild in the sack." Obviously, he was convinced of the success of his seduction by the provocative way Ino was pressing against him, giving him the full benefit of every curve.

"Oh? You know by experience, I take it?" Ino whispered as she nipped his ear, voice unusually husky. As he shuddered visibly, she went on, "Is that how you like your women? Aggressive?"

The man moaned an affirmative, and Ino let him slobber along her neck, seemingly enjoying herself. Kakashi's muscles were taut with the need to move, _now_, absolutely _not _wanting to witness what was coming next, but he was afraid that if he did move, he'd draw attention to himself. He didn't mind being branded a pervert, when it came to his books, but this was a line he'd rather not cross. Ino had been Asuma's student. She was only sixteen.

But Kakashi had forgotten about Tenten. His eyes flicked to her. She was standing quietly at the entrance of the alley, impassive gaze trained on the entwined couple. What the hell was she doing, watching them like that and not saying anything? What the hell was _he_ doing?

Then, with one swift, purposeful movement, Ino had the man flush against the wall with a kunai at his neck, his alcohol-glazed eyes bugging out in sudden fear. "Is this aggressive enough for you?" she hissed, voice as low and seductive as ever. "Do you like that?" The man couldn't answer; if he spoke, the sharp blade pressed against his jugular might cut into his neck. "No? Pity. I guess you're just not man enough for me. Then again, most of the men _I_ sleep with wind up dead. Is that what you're into?" Ino's voice had lost its careful control, now, and the kunai was biting into her prey's flesh. Kakashi's sensitive nose detected the slight tang of someone's bladder letting go. "Do the praying mantis types turn you on, _baby_?"

"That's enough, Ino," Tenten broke in, voice calm and measured.

"But he's so much _fun_," Ino laughed, the kunai jiggling as the man whimpered in pain. "I think he has some more mileage in him, don't you?"

"Look at him. He's already soiled his pants. He's drunk and he's a civilian. Have a little mercy."

"All right," Ino sighed, stepping away from the traumatised man with an air of regret.

He staggered away from her, clutching his throat. "Crazy bitch! I know who you are, Yamanaka! You attacked a civilian. You'll be lucky to see another mission when I report this."

In the blink of an eye, Tenten had the man's face smashed against the rough wall, his arms bent awkwardly in a submission hold. "No, _I_ attacked a civilian," she said, still perfectly composed. "I also know who _you_ are, Anenokoji Udo. She's a sweet woman, your wife. I think she might find it interesting that you visit that baker's daughter every week. If a paternity test were ordered on her children, I wonder who would be the father? You, or her husband?" Tenten eased her grip just enough to let Udo struggle free. "I would keep quiet about this, if I were you, or you might just find yourself without anyone to keep dinner on the table."

"Everything they say about kunoichi is true," Udo snarled. "Good for one night and nothing more. You're just jealous that no man in his right mind would marry you or any of your kind."

"Yeah, we're definitely jealous. That's it," Ino said with a sinister chortle. "Get lost."

Udo took only the time to sneer at them again before bolting.

"How did you know him?" Ino inquired, straightening her clothes. Her tone was that of casual interest; it appeared to Kakashi as if all traces of festering rage had fled just as quickly as they had come.

Tenten sighed, dusting the dirt off of her own person. "The weapons shop I used to work at was directly across the street from a bakery. Though she was older than me, I used to be friends with the baker's daughter, sort of. I would sharpen her cleavers for free and she would confide in me. I think she just needed someone to talk to. Her husband was horrible to her so she carried on an affair with that guy, though he wasn't much better. I don't know if they still see each other, though. I made that part up. I don't know if his wife is really sweet, either."

"That was handy," Ino laughed. "You're better at this than I gave you credit for."

"Practise makes perfect, they say." A trace of acrimony crept into Tenten's chuckle, turning it a bit dark. "I've been at it longer than you, right? Besides, it was more a fluke than anything. You really lucked out, though. He actually could have gotten you in trouble."

Ino sighed, dragging a comb through her hair where Udo's wandering hands had left it tangled. "I know. Thanks for helping me. You didn't have to."

"It's fine. Besides, it could have been worse."

"How could it have been worse? I wasn't going to _really_ hurt him. He deserved it anyway. It's his fault for testing me on the second Friday. I mean, we just got through choking down that awful protein shit that keeps us fat enough to please men, and he comes along and—"

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant that we're lucky Sakura lives in the civilian sector and walks home the other way."

Ino blanched, lowering the comb slowly. "You're right. Sakura would have killed him on the spot."

"Exactly. Then we'd _really_ be in a mess."

At that, Kakashi almost fell off the roof. He'd been watching the scene unfold before him in a state of mild shock, but if there's _anything_ he'd expected them to say, it hadn't been that.

Ino frowned. "Who does she think she's kidding anyway? I thought we were finally going to crack her tonight."

"Maybe it's not as bad as we think. Maybe it's just not a big deal to her," Tenten said as they moved out of the alley and continued on their way.

"No. I know her. She's hiding something. She just thinks I'm too _delicate_ to handle hearing about it."

Kakashi strained to hear Tenten's reply, but the girls were too far away for him to pick it out.

Well, shit. As if _that_ wasn't one of the most surreal experiences of his entire life. Clearly, it was time to get drunk and forget it had ever happened.

* * *

The minute Kakashi entered The Rusty Kunai, he turned on his heel back towards the entrance. Before he could make it out the door, though, Gai had him under the armpits and was forcefully dragging him to a back booth.

"What the hell – Gai, what are you –" Kakashi spluttered as he was shoved forcefully into Genma, who gave a drunken cheer.

"My dear rival! You are not so vigilant in your hiding this year. The passing of our youth is still something to celebrate. As our flames die, we see our students, our children, igniting their own and each year we can drink to the fact that we have raised wonderful—"

"Oh, shut up with that waxing lyrical crap, Gai," said Genma, throwing a congenial arm around Kakashi. "Don't listen to him," he stage-whispered into Kakashi's ear. "He thinks the grey hair means you're getting old, but we all know he's full of shit. It's not your fault you were born that way."

Kakashi threw the arm off and inched back towards the edge of the booth. "This is all very, uh, nice and everything, but it's not my birthday. You all look like you're having fun, but I'm tired so I'll see you later."

"But you just got here." Kurenai gave a sensuous pout from across the table, utilising her full lips to their highest potential. "We know it's not _really_ your birthday, but close enough, right? Don't be such a wet blanket. Birthdays are a great excuse to drink."

"Besides, Tenzou's on a mission so we're down a man," said Genma. "You're not as good a sport as he is, but you'll do for tonight."

"As flattering as it is to be Tenzou's piss-poor substitute, I doubt you lot actually need an excuse to drink, seeing as you were well on your way without me," Kakashi stalled, trying to slip away, but Gai waylaid Kakashi's escape attempt by squeezing into the booth next to him.

Raidou reached behind Genma to give Kakashi a good-natured pat on the back. "Cheer up, mate. If it's your birthday that means we're buying."

"Don't let the spandex scare you away," Aoba added with a wry grin.

"Anyone that says no to free booze is not a true man!" roared Genma with sudden vehemence, slamming his fist down so hard that the rickety table shook dangerously.

"Hey, watch it," Anko hissed, steadying her glass.

"Free booze?" Kakashi repeated, pondering. "Well, when you put it that way...."

"'Atta boy," Genma cried happily, pulling Kakashi into an awkward drunken hug. "Happy birthday, man. Happy birthday. How old are you again, anyway?"

Annoyed, Kakashi pulled free of the man's grip. "Thirty-one, and you'd better watch it. You'll poke someone's eye out with that senbon."

Anko snorted in a most unladylike fashion. "And we all know about your track record in that area, eh, Ol' One Eye?"

He frowned, choosing to ignore her. "Didn't someone mention free booze? Where is it?"

"Quick! Someone get this man a drink before he runs away," laughed Genma, flagging down the pretty red-headed waitress.

"I may have been denied the opportunity to celebrate my esteemed rival's thirtieth birthday, but the passing of that milestone is no less diminished a year late," Gai crowed, plunking down money for Kakashi's first round.

* * *

Thankfully, once the initial hubbub was over, the group was more or less happy to ignore Kakashi and let him drink in peace. The end result was their conversation washing over him through a pleasant buzz. He was mildly surprised to find that he didn't regret letting them convince him to stay.

"Geez, Kakashi, you're so gone," Kurenai was saying. "You haven't even had _that_ much. Are you even listening to me? I don't think he can hear me."

"Ol' One Eye's a lightweight!" snickered Anko, downing more of her own drink. "No wonder he never comes out with us."

Kakashi scowled. Anko had taken to calling him that as the night wore on and Kakashi didn't exactly appreciate the unwelcome reminder of Obito's sacrifice. "I have two eyes, actually," Kakashi said, smiling widely underneath his mask. "Fun fact."

Anko rolled her eyes. "Like that freak one even counts."

"It counts." His tone of voice was light but the grip on his glass tightened minutely.

"Whatever. You still cover it up like you're hiding it or something. Just like your face. Why hide that? You're not hideous or anything. Not the prettiest man I've ever seen, but still. Is that why you do it? Hide it until the novelty of seeing it makes it seem more interesting? Do you pull chicks that way, Ol' One Eye?"

Kakashi stayed quiet, struggling not to leap over the table and physically silence the too-frank woman.

"Shut up, Anko," snapped Kurenai. "You're a mean drunk. Don't kill my buzz."

"Aw, stuff it, Evil Eye. You're just mad because you have to go back to your whining kid after this."

Abruptly, Kurenai slid out of the booth and stood up. "Actually, I'm looking forward to going home to her. It's about time I relieved Hinata and Naruto anyway."

Genma snorted incredulously. "You let _Naruto_ watch your kid? Uzumaki Naruto? Is that really wise?"

"So you'll trust him with the village but not one life?" Kakashi's expression was nonchalant as he took a sip of his drink.

"It's not that he's not trustworthy," chimed in Aoba. "But, even you can't say he's not a little clumsy, Kakashi...."

"He is a bit clumsy," Kurenai said with a fond smile, "but that's why Hinata's there. Plus I figure it's good practise for them. You know it's only a matter of time."

"True," conceded Genma, taking a drink around his senbon. "It's not like those two aren't fucking like bunnies behind closed doors. Accidents are bound to happen."

Kakashi put down his drink with a clunk, feeling a bit ill at the thought. Naruto having sex. Naruto with _children_. He'd joked about it before, because Hinata's blushes were so funny, but considering it seriously was another matter entirely. These were the stuff of nightmares.

"Genma!" scolded Kurenai, scandalised. "I meant in the very distant future, when they're married and settled and _ready_."

"Kind of like you were, right, Princess Propriety?" said Anko, a malicious grin lighting her features.

"I would have been married," Kurenai sniffed, spine stiffening. "If Asuma were alive, I'd be married right now."

"That's not how it started, though. I'm willing to bet little Masako was a big ol' 'woops' baby."

Kurenai bristled. "I don't have to put up with this antagonism. I'm leaving."

"Kurenai, wait," Raidou called. "Take Gai home, will you?"

She looked down at the large green mountain of passed out man on the floor in front of the table. "All right, I suppose," she sighed.

Kakashi watched idly as the woman hoisted a man twice her size over shoulder. It had probably been cruel of them to leave Gai there, but really, the booth had been so much less _crowded _after he'd fallen out.... Gai wouldn't remember in the morning anyway. Well, he might wonder why he was sticking adhesively to his sheets, Kakashi supposed. The floor of the Rusty Kunai wasn't exactly the cleanest place to lie.

"I'll see you all later," Kurenai said. "Thanks for coming out with me on my unexpected free night after Hinata offered to babysit for me. I don't get free nights that often."

They all murmured goodbyes to her retreating back.

"Well, it's getting late," Kakashi hedged, inching out of the booth again.

Raidou snorted. "You waited until someone else had to carry Gai home, didn't you? Typical."

"That's all right, my friend," said Genma, smiling in a mischievous way that made Kakashi break into a cold sweat. "You just knew that you weren't going to be leaving with any _man_, isn't that right, birthday boy?"

* * *

Genma refused to allow Kakashi to leave until he'd found a suitable night companion. Somehow, Kakashi couldn't find it within himself to complain too much, seeing as how, after very little effort of his own, he'd wound up in bed with an attractive redhead.

But he was done now and rather bored with her attempts to rev him up for another go. He'd rather just sleep.

There was a sharp rapping sound, but he ignored it as he brought the girl off again with his hand in order to placate her.

"That was fun, Kakashi-san," she cooed, cuddling up to him. "We should do it again sometime."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he mumbled, not even really hearing what he was agreeing to as he finally drifted off to sleep.

His mind was brought back to attention, though, when the rapping sound came again, increasing in frequency. "Kaka-sensei," came a strangled call from outside his door. "Are you in there? I know it's late, but I – I just – I don't know where else to go."

"Shit." He jumped up and began searching frantically for his pants. After he located them, he pulled his shirt and mask back on and made for the door. He recognised that voice. It was Sakura's.

"You're not really going to answer that, are you?" asked the girl on his bed, incredulous.

"Sorry. It's important," he said, not really caring if she minded. Sakura was far too proper to disturb him unless it was an emergency. In fact, the only time he ever remembered her coming to his apartment unbidden was last month, when she'd healed him.

He opened the door, instinctively looking to the sides rather than out in front. Sakura was standing off to the left, hugging her arms against her sides pathetically. That she was wearing only a cropped undershirt and her spandex shorts set off alarm bells in his mind. "Sakura, are you okay? It's nearly three in the morning."

"I – I'm fine," she said in a small voice, staring at her feet. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"What do you need? A place to stay?"

"No, it's not that," she assured with a shake of her head. "I just need someone who knows the rules about things but won't freak out."

"Rules?" Surely she hadn't come to his apartment at three a.m. to borrow some sort of rulebook.

She squeezed her eyes shut, drawing in a long, shuddering breath. "Is it absolutely necessary to turn yourself in if you've attacked a civilian, even if there were, you know ... extenuating circumstances?"

He chuckled. "Now, now, Sakura-chan. Haven't I always told you three that killing villagers creates too much paperwork to be worth it?"

Her eyes snapped open, going impossibly wide as she searched his face for something unknown. "I didn't – I didn't say he was _dead_! What if he dies? Do I get kicked out of the shinobi corps? Could I be _executed_? If there's a law that says it somewhere, he'll use it, I know he will—"

"Oh. You were serious?" He blinked, hardly able to believe his ears. "You really attacked a civilian?"

She scowled. "Of course I'm fucking serious! Do you think I'd really come here in the middle of the night to say, 'Ha ha, just kidding, Kakashi-sensei! Nice joke, happy belated birthday?'"

"Sorry. I'm sure it's not that bad. You could always blackmail him, whoever he is."

"It's _not funny_, Kakashi!" she wailed. "Stop that. This is really terrible!"

To his horror, she lost some sort of internal battle and tears began flooding down her face in torrents. "Sorry, sorry!" he yelped, moving aside to let her pass through the doorway. "Come inside and calm down. I was only half-kidding anyway. You _did_ say there were extenuating circumstances." After all, if it worked for Ino and Tenten, why not Sakura? She probably didn't want to hear about that right now, though. He didn't fancy having to explain how he'd witnessed it.

"You can't let her in here, Kakashi-san!" screeched the redhead, frantically covering herself with a sheet. "I'm naked!" Kakashi frowned. He'd forgotten she was there.

Sakura only sobbed harder, spinning around so that she wasn't facing either of them. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei. I didn't realise you had company."

"Don't worry about it. These things happen." He turned to the girl. "As you can see, something's come up. I'm sorry, uh...." He stalled, trying to recall her name.

"I waited on your table all night and you don't even know my _name_? Don't bother asking me to leave. I'm going." She stood, clutching the sheet around her as she gathered her clothes, and waddled into the bathroom as gracefully as she could manage.

The silence while the waitress was changing was intensely awkward. Sakura didn't turn around to look at him the whole time. Uncomfortable, he turned away from her too.

When the waitress emerged, Sakura gasped. "Momoe-san?"

Momoe! That was her name. Shit. Of _course_ Sakura had to know her. Kakashi turned back to face them both.

"Momoe-san, I'm so sorry to disturb your night," Sakura was saying, posture stiff. "Really, I—"

Momoe sniffed, yanking up the front of her uniform so it showed less cleavage. "It's okay, Sakura-san. I hope everything works out with that guy or whatever." With a significant glance towards Kakashi, Momoe added, "Though I wouldn't waste any of my time with _that_ one, if I were you. Happy fucking birthday, Kakashi-san." She stalked past him with her nose in the air, slamming the door behind her as she left.

Momoe left a penetrating silence in her wake. Kakashi stared at Sakura, waiting for her to make the next move. She stared back, lips pressed into a straight line.

Sakura broke the tension first by giggling. "Geez, Kaka-sensei. You must really suck in bed."

Kakashi sighed, feeling very put-upon. At least she wasn't crying anymore. "Go on. Laugh it up at the expense of your poor old sensei."

"Sorry," she said, still sniggering. "I can't help it."

Very pointedly ignoring her laughter, Kakashi put on water to boil in preparation for tea. "Now, why don't you tell me exactly what happened?"

* * *

Kakashi stood next to Sakura as she made a few timid knocks on the door of a standard apartment in the civilian sector. When no one answered, she knocked again, more decisively this time.

"All right, all right. Hold your horses. I've got a bloody headache," grumbled a masculine voice from inside as the door swung open. The inhabitant was in his mid-twenties, Kakashi would guess, and kind of scruffy-looking. From what was visible under the blood-soaked towel obscuring the man's face, he seemed reasonably attractive.

When the man spotted Sakura, he leered. "You came running back, huh, bitch? I know they say kunoichi are firecrackers in bed, but I don't think that'll hold up very well when I give your name to the –"

Before the man could finish his sentence, Kakashi had him pinned to the wall with an arm to his throat.

"Kakashi, what are you _doing_?" Sakura screeched, looking around frantically and closing the apartment door behind them in some sort of vain attempt to make sure the neighbours wouldn't see.

Kakashi ignored her, eyes trained on the idiot in front of him. "You think it's funny?" The towel the guy had been holding to his face fell away, revealing a nasty gash above his right eye.

"Do I – do I think what is funny?" His gaze darted between Kakashi and Sakura. Kakashi could feel the boy gulp three times in succession. "Sakura, what's going on?"

"I don't even know. Kakashi, you're making it worse," she hissed. "Stop it."

"It's Dai-san, right?" When the bloodied man nodded uneasily, Kakashi continued, "Do you think it's funny, to keep going when a girl tells you no?"

"Oh, come on," Dai scoffed, insolent tone belying the way his entire body was shaking against Kakashi's. "Is that what she told you? It's a lie. She was literally begging for it. She came right out and _asked_ me to do her. It was pretty kinky, actually. Little Sakura-chan is a dirty, dirty girl." He grinned cheekily, but paid for it when Kakashi shoved his elbow into the hollow of the idiot's throat.

"Shut up," he snapped, enjoying the sound of Dai struggling for air.

"No, Kakashi, stop! It's true, I did ask him to!" Sakura threw her arms around his middle to try and drag him away from the pathetic civilian. "You're going to crush his windpipe."

Kakashi let up just enough that Dai could breathe. "I know she came home with you, but when she says stop, you _stop_. Did you know she's only seventeen?"

"Stop, Kakashi-sensei! Now you'll be in trouble too!" Sakura sobbed, still clinging to him.

"No, Sakura. No one's getting in trouble, least of all you. No one except for Dai-san, here, if he tells anyone. Rape isn't exactly smiled upon." Kakashi leaned closer to the man, whispering into his ear, "If you breathe a word of this to anyone – _anyone –_ I'll personally see to it that you never fuck anything again. Am I clear?" Eyes wide with terror, Dai nodded as much as Kakashi's hold on him would allow. "Sakura, go get your clothes."

She hesitated. "But—"

"Just do it," Kakashi ordered, voice harsh.

Sakura scrambled into the bedroom and emerged in record time, fully clothed.

Kakashi stepped away from Dai, who collapsed, gasping and clutching at his throat. "Now heal him."

"Why?" Sakura's voice was more timorous than he had expected.

"So he can't use it against you. It's just a small cut anyway."

She nodded and bent over Dai, passing hands gleaming with green healing chakra over his face and throat. "I can't do much for the bruising you'll have on your neck. It will fade in a couple of days. Sorry."

"Don't apologise to that scum, Sakura," admonished Kakashi. To Dai, he said, "You're lucky all she did was throw you across the room. She could have killed you easily."

Picking himself up, Dai glared at them both. "Next time, don't ask for it if you don't want it."

Sakura, going red in the face, mumbled something indistinguishable and hurried out the door.

"Man," Dai said as they were leaving, "I'm never fucking a kunoichi, _ever again_."

Pausing before crossing the threshold, Kakashi warned, "Not this one, you won't."

When the door was shut safely between them and Dai, Sakura turned to him, face oddly blank. "Thank you for your help, Kakashi-sensei. I guess you took care of it."

"Let me walk you home."

His gauche offer was met with indifference as she turned away from him. "That's not necessary."

"I'm walking you home," he amended forcefully. "It's late and you're still a little drunk."

She sighed, but let him walk along side her. "So are you. I can take care of myself."

"Kind of like you did tonight?" he said and then winced in regret.

"Yes," she said, tone curiously neutral, "exactly like I did tonight. I can make my own decisions, Kakashi-sensei."

"Then why didn't you?" he asked, fists balling against his thighs.

"I did," she said, still refusing to look at him. "I made the decision to go home with him and then I made the decision to change my mind. I only asked you to help me with the formal procedure, not to act like some sort of fucked up father or something."

Kakashi felt as if she'd kicked him in the gut. "You let me go along with you."

"Yes, to act as moral support as _I_ told Dai off, not to go crazy and beat him up. If I wanted that done, I would have enjoyed doing it myself a lot more."

Trying valiantly to quiet the pounding of blood in his eardrums, Kakashi bit out, "Why you would ever sleep with someone like that is beyond me."

"Oh? And who should I be sleeping with, then?" she snapped. "There _is_ no one else. Besides, I _didn't_ sleep with him, if you'll recall."

"As good as. You're too young to be behaving like that."

"And you're not?" snarled Sakura, moving in front of him and stopping him in his tracks with a finger to his chest. "What's the proper age, then? Thirty? Thirty-one, perhaps?"

"That's different," Kakashi said, meeting her steady gaze without wavering. "It's none of your business."

"What you do with that waitress is no less my business than what I do with Dai or anyone else is your business."

She turned and started walking again. Before she could get far, he reached out and caught her arm. "You made it my business, Sakura."

"I should have gone to Shizune. At least _she_ wouldn't have _assaulted_ him."

"Why _didn't_ you go to Shizune?" He really wished she had. He could do without the image of his student's potential rapist burned into his brain.

"I thought you'd be least likely to lecture me, and that maybe you'd be smart enough to...." Sakura sighed. "You honestly think I'd go home with that fool just for kicks? That I didn't have a specific goal in mind?"

"What goal?" scoffed Kakashi. "Losing your virginity? I hardly think that's worth it."

Sakura pulled her arm out of his grasp as if she'd been burned. "Who said I was a virgin?"

"There's no need to insult my intelligence by pretending you're not a –"

She laughed, and the sheer hostility hidden just under the surface of the sound shocked him out of speech. "You really thought I was a virgin? Sweet little Sakura-chan, innocent, chaste, and untouched?" He said nothing; he could only stare in mute disbelief at the back of her pink head as it glistened in the moonlight. "Surprised, Kaka-sensei? You're dumber than I thought."

Kakashi could only watch, stunned, as Sakura walked away from him in the deserted streets of the wee morning hours. Before she was out of earshot, though, she called back to him, "Oh, and one more thing. Earlier, you said, 'you three'. Did you forget? I'm jealous. I wish _I_ could forget. There aren't three of us anymore. There are only two."

* * *

Author's Note: Here is the latest installment of PTG. I surprised myself with it. I had planned some of these scenes for much later on, but they decided they wanted to happen NOW. So be it.

In other news, my one-shot _The Dark Union of Insensate Dust_ has won an award at the kakasaku lj community. Yay! Also, it will be awhile before my NaNo sees the light of day (I lost, haha), but it is definitely going to be kakasaku most likely entitled _The Waste Land_.

Thanks for reading my stuff. A lot of you who do read this read some of my other works as well and I appreciate it. :]

EDIT DEC 22 2009: Posted a new version of Chapter 9. All changes are minor and do not require rereading, at this point, but I am unsatisfied with this chapter as a whole. I published too early after writing. (My bad!) When I finish the story and do a complete overhaul, I'll probably redo this chapter from scratch. Choppiness is part of my writing style for this story, but this chapter just lacks flow. To fix it now would involve multiple chapter rearranging, which I would rather just do at the end. Thanks for your patience!


	10. What Do You Mean It's Not Symbolic?

A/N: So it's been a bit longer than usual since the last update, but that's because it's a monster chapter that ran away with itself. It's also written better, thank bejeebus. This installment officially breaks 50k words for this story!

Also, there's a significant author's note at the end of this chapter, so check it out.

Much love to my DeeDee. He poured over this chapter and lets me storyspam him all the time. Best beta/friend EVER. I have entitled this chapter "What Do You Mean It's Not Symbolic?" in honor of him. It's appropriate. You'll see why.

* * *

The bark was rough against Sakura's back where her shirt had been torn open. The man who had her pinned to a tree was feeling down her torso in a purposefully meandering search for hidden weapons. Somewhere, Ino was screaming Sakura's name over and over again, high, keening, and desperate.

Sakura's struggled renewed and she broke free just enough to touch the tip of a single finger to the man's wrist. He bellowed in pain and dropped her, clutching his seemingly unharmed wrist to his chest.

"You bitch!" he snarled. "I ought to –"

Sakura didn't give him the chance to finish his sentence before burying her fist in his cranium. She barely registered the sickening crunch as she pushed past his nose and out the back of his skull. With Sakura's arm still extended, the corpse crumpled to the ground, most of his head blown apart in what appeared to be an explosion. Only one mandible remained, flapping uselessly as he fell. A second later, the top of his skull landed somewhere across the clearing.

Sakura was covered in blood and splattered brain matter, but in that moment, it mattered very little to her. "Ino!" she called, looking around frantically.

"She's off to your left!" Tenten shouted from above, engaged in her own treetop battle.

Sakura rushed off to help Ino but found herself in a hospital room instead. There was a sleeping man on the bed and blood staining the sheet under his legs, so much blood that some was leaking onto the floor.

A nurse three times Sakura's age was screaming. "Haruno Sakura, you have to tell us how to treat him before he bleeds out!"

"Where is Shizune?" Sakura said, frozen to the spot.

"Shizune-san isn't here. This is _your_ patient. You have to _do_ something or he will die! He's bleeding from his rectum."

Sakura still couldn't move. "There has to be internal bleeding somewhere."

"Your diagnosis didn't include internal bleeding." The nurse got behind Sakura and roughly pushed her towards the bed. "Help him!"

Sakura pitched forward and almost fell when she slipped on something; belatedly, she realised it was her patient's blood. "My diagnosis was wrong," Sakura rasped, staring down at his pallid face.

"Sakura-san!" snapped the nurse again. "He's still haemorrhaging."

Drawing in a shaky breath, Sakura squared her feet and fired up her palms with healing chakra. "Okay, let's isolate the bleed."

The machines attached to the patient started screeching all at once. "He's going into cardiac arrest," yelled the nurse out into the hallway. "We need some help in here!"

"I could use a little help," snapped Anko, as irritable as ever. "Your little girlfriend is catatonic again." She was hauling Ino through the door of the hospital room, and Ino's stumbles and glassy eyes told Sakura all she needed to know.

But Sakura was confused. Ino had never interrupted her during a medical emergency; the haemorrhaging man had died....

Sakura was out in the woods again, protecting a couple of towns in Fire Country from bandits that had recently grown bold. The reason turned out to be they had bolstered their numbers with a good amount of talented fighters, some of them missing nin, and neutralizing the group was more of a challenge than originally predicted.

When Sakura finally spotted Ino, she saw that a number of the enemy were circling her. On all fours, Ino bared her teeth savagely whenever one of the men got close. Her mouth was bloody, with more blood smeared across her chin and neck, suggesting she'd bitten a chunk out of someone. Ino's left breast was exposed and hanging as she crouched low, someone's blade having sliced her uniform, bindings, and part of her flesh, but she showed no awareness or concern.

The sight of Ino like that broke something in Sakura's chest she hadn't known existed. Sakura was running to reach her but wasn't fast enough. One of the men darted in close, but instead of attacking, he gave a quick fondle to Ino's bared breast. Ino began shrieking as if she were a mortally wounded animal and curled up into the fetal position. As the surrounding men laughed, the perpetrator kicked Ino in the ribs with a malicious sneer.

Before anyone else could touch Ino, half the men were down, three with weapons and two by Sakura's fists. The rest reacted quickly to the new threat, assembling in a battle formation. Sakura didn't care; it didn't matter what tricks they pulled. They would all die.

And then the assault began. Sakura felt a hand touch her shoulder and used the enemy's momentum to flip him. She formed her chakra in a sharp blade in order to end it quickly –

"Sakura! Sakura, please stop. You're hurting me. Sakura, it's only me! Please, don't –"

Sakura's vision cleared. She wasn't in the forest. She wasn't about to kill an enemy. She had her own mother pinned to the bedroom floor, chakra blade poised at her unprotected throat.

Her mother's eyes, the same shape as Sakura's own but bluer in hue, were wide with fear and brimming with unshed tears. "Sakura," she whispered. "Please...."

Slowly rolling off her mother, Sakura looked around; food was strewn across the room and there was a broken tray on the ground. Clearly her mother had tried to bring Sakura breakfast in bed, a nice gesture of the sort she hadn't shown initiative for in quite a while. She almost paid for it with her life.

It hit Sakura all at once. Her chest constricted from the knowledge of what she had almost done. She burst into tears.

Her mother crawled over and gathered her in a hug. "It's okay. It's going to be all right. I'm not hurt."

Sakura took comfort in her mother's soothing whispers as she cried out all the unspent emotion she'd been bottling up lately. Sobs wracked her body as she clutched her mother, probably a little too tightly, but her mother wasn't complaining. Eventually, the tears stopped and her breath came in gradually less hysteric shudders.

"That must have been some nightmare, Sakura-chan," her mother teased, working the tangles out of Sakura's hair with her fingers.

"Who needs nightmares when you have memories?" Sakura said without thinking, still feeling jumbled and spiteful in the aftermath of her dream.

Sakura's mother tensed and pulled away, unable to meet Sakura's eyes.

"I'm sorry I ruined your breakfast," said Sakura, but it did little to assuage the guilt that had little to do with wasted food. "I'm sure it would have been really nice."

"I can make another." Sakura's mother affected a smile as she stood and extended a hand to help pull her daughter up.

They went downstairs, chatting easily as they made themselves breakfast. Sakura was relegated to tasks such as, "Pass me three eggs."

"I wish I could cook like you," Sakura said with a wistful sigh. "Everyone's always telling me what a great cook you are and then giving me this dirty look. I feel like all of your friends talk about me behind my back. 'That Haruno Riko's daughter, well, doesn't _she_ take after her father,' or something like that."

Sakura's mother laughed. "All my friends, huh? And who would they be? It's true you're a terrible cook, but even your father wasn't so bad. I don't understand it myself. Lord knows I tried to teach you."

Sakura crossed her eyes and made a silly face. "I know. I'm a bad kunoichi, I guess."

"Why do you say that?" Riko frowned while she flipped the French toast in the pan. "Most kunoichi eat out, just like you do when I'm not around."

Sakura diverted her gaze by turning around to grab the butter. "It's just that we covered cooking in the Academy. Those were the only tests I ever failed."

"You'll get the hang of it one day. No one ever gets good until she has a family anyway." Sakura's mother placed two full plates on the table.

Sakura raised a skeptical eyebrow as they sat down together. "You really think I'll have a –" She shook her head. "Never mind. Are you going over to the Akimichi house after this, then?"

Sakura's mother's face soured. "Well, she can't come over here, so I suppose I have to."

"Oh, come on, Mom. This is so old. Chouji's mom is a civilian. If you want her over here, she has to have a seal to get in."

"Practically everyone I know is a civilian, Sakura. No one wants to let you put permanent seals on their bodies! That's extreme. I don't understand why only civilians need seals, anyway."

"Well, excuse me for looking out for our safety," Sakura sniped, tearing into a piece of French toast with a bit more gusto than necessary. "And civilians need body seals because they don't have chakra signatures that I can register with the security seals I made. We've been through this. Besides, Akimichi house is a lot closer to the Nara estate so I don't understand why it's even an issue."

"But our kitchen is better equipped." Sakura's mother's frown deepened as she chewed.

Sakura looked around. She left her mother in charge of purchasing for the kitchen. The appliances were good quality but sparse; there were large gaps in the counters for appliances her mother wanted but didn't own yet. "Really? But aren't the Akimichi all about food?"

Sakura's mother sniffed. "Yes, but they're more quantity over quality."

"Are you and Chouji's mom going to be okay cooking together for the whole party?" Sakura giggled. "Or are you going to sabotage her food?"

"I'm very professional, Sakura," said her mother with her nose lifted haughtily. "I can work with anyone, even someone who thinks it's acceptable to serve only meat at dinner – and overcooks it at that."

Sakura laughed. "You're in fine fettle today, Mom. It's nice."

"Is it really so rare?" The corners of Riko's mouth quirked in a wry smirk.

Before Sakura could answer, she was distracted by the sound of the front door opening and shutting. Her muscles tensed instinctually then forcibly relaxed. There was a reason Sakura took precautions with her home.

"Sakura!" called a feminine voice, dragging out her name playfully. "Are you ready to go?"

"You're early." Sakura continued to eat her breakfast without turning around, letting her senses tell her Ino was leaning on the doorjamb behind her.

"I'm not _that_ early. You're not even dressed, Forehead. Oh, hi, Haruno-san. You look nice today."

"Thank you. There's enough for you, too, Ino," Sakura's mother said, gesturing at an empty chair.

"Thanks." Ino had no problem locating a plate and seating herself, being familiar with the layout of Sakura's house. "Oh, gross, Forehead. Your eyes are all puffy! When breakfast is over, we have to go upstairs and fix that. You can't look a mess for my party."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and eat, Pig."

* * *

Sakura and Ino were standing abreast in front of a modest house in the shinobi district. Ino elbowed Sakura in the ribs.

"You knock."

"No, _you_, Pig. I hardly even know her."

"Well, I'm not close to her either, Forehead!"

"This whole thing was _your_ idea."

"Fine." With a resigned sigh, Ino lifted a manicured hand to knock at the door.

After a moment, the door swung open to reveal Kurenai with a baby on her hip. "Hi, girls. Come on in."

Kurenai led them through the small main room, cluttered with all the accoutrements of life with a small child. "To the left is my bedroom," Kurenai said, kicking a toy aside to clear a path to the kitchen. "Her crib is in there if she needs a nap later."

"I hope you don't mind if I work a little while we talk," Kurenai said as she put Masako in her high chair and set some cereal on the plastic tray, "but if I give her a snack now, she shouldn't need a meal until I get home."

"No, that's quite nice of you," assured Sakura. "Thanks. Neither of us know a lot about babies, really."

Kurenai laughed, voice deep and rich, and turned to do some dishes. "I figured. Everyone's got to start somewhere. Next time, you can feed her. Now, what is it you wanted to talk about? I assume it's about the party tonight."

Ino and Sakura exchanged glances.

"Actually," Ino said, "it's not that. There's not much to say about that that hasn't been said. Shikamaru and I decided to have a joint birthday party –"

Sakura cleared her throat.

"Fine, _I_ decided we'd have a joint birthday party, otherwise he'd never celebrate anything, the lazy lout. Anyway, more importantly, it's a party to honor Asuma-sensei."

It was Sakura's turn to elbow Ino in the ribs. "Stop hedging, Ino. She knows already. That's why she's getting her hair done and everything and we're babysitting Masako. Get on with it."

Ino fidgeted, inspecting her perfect cuticles and clearing her throat. "Do you know about.... You know about me, right, Kurenai-sensei?"

"What about you?" Kurenai's voice was carefully tempered.

"Well, I think you're aware of my line of work," Ino said.

"You're an espionage specialist. I hear your information gathering skills are exceptional."

Ino laughed, voice harsh. "Information gathering skills.... You could call them that, I suppose. I call them tits and ass."

Kurenai dropped the plate she was holding, but fortunately it didn't break. "Ino!" she hissed, scandalized.

With a glance towards Masako, who was banging her bottle against the high chair and gurgling happily, Ino muttered, "Sorry. My point is that I'm pegged for a particular type of mission, and I can't ... I don't handle it well, because of –" Ino's words died in her throat and she turned her pleading blue eyes to Sakura.

"What Ino's trying to say is that just because she's good at it doesn't mean she likes it. She hates it. We're trying to put an end to those assignments for her, but that's a complicated process."

Without facing them, Kurenai began to dry her dishes. "What does this have to do with me?" Her voice was wary.

"We're working on something new," Sakura said. "The higher-ups are quick to turn to sexual exploitation for recon, but why should someone like Ino have to go through with it?"

Kurenai's towel halted mid-swipe. "We've all done it at some time or another. Ino's not special just because she has to do it more often. You'd rather we risked a whole squad to achieve what one kunoichi can do alone?"

Sakura frowned. "You're missing the point. What we're saying is why does anyone actually have to have sex with the target? It's only important that the target lets down his guard, right?"

Kurenai set down the plate and turned to them. "Where are you going with this?"

Ino spoke, having gathered her nerve again. "I've done enough of these missions to know when information comes out, and let me tell you, it's not mid-coitus. The target only needs to _think_ we've had or will have sex. You're the best genjutsu master in Konoha, Kurenai-sensei. I need you to tell me how to make a man think I've had sex with him when I haven't."

Kurenai looked interested in spite of herself, her red eyes sparkling. "That would be a very complex jutsu, if it's even possible. You'd need something to simulate the physiological effects if it's going to be convincing."

"I'll take care of that end," Sakura said. "There are a number of poisons that can simulate the effects of sex, if I dilute them enough. Experimentation needs to be done, but I know it's plausible."

Kurenai tapped her lips with an index finger. "My specialty is battle genjutsu, though. Deep psychological jutsu are more of a Yamanaka thing."

Ino sighed. "Don't you think I know that? Ideally, Sakura and I could do this ourselves, but neither of us even knows that many genjutsu. We've never created any of our own and we don't know how to go about it. We could really use your help with this, Kurenai-sensei."

"I don't know, girls," Kurenai said, wiping Masako's face where she'd smashed cereal into her cheeks. "Don't think I'm not aware that your little experiments tend to be dangerous. Technically, I'm a civilian now. I can't afford to get into hot water with the Hokage. He could force me back into active duty if I'm not careful, and what will Masako do if I die?"

"But this isn't dangerous at all! Not for you," Ino protested.

"Just like you thought inoculating yourself against truth serum would be safe? I heard that you both almost died in that debacle. I always wondered why you did it, but I guess I know now...."

Sakura's cheeks felt as hot as Ino's looked, but she ignored Kurenai's barb and pressed on. "There isn't any risk in this for you. There's no risk for anyone until we start testing it in the field."

"Which you'll do without approval or consent from your leaders, I assume," Kurenai said.

"We'll never get approval. We'll have to prove it works first so that they don't have any excuse to deny us consent." Sakura met Kurenai's eyes steadily, endeavoring to show how deadly serious they were about this.

"It's not smart for me to associate with someone so casual about breaking the rules we base our way of life on," Kurenai said, looking away. "If things go wrong, you'll blow a mission to attain vital information and it could cost us all. The line between insubordination and treason is thinner than you'd think."

Ino was wavering. Sakura could tell by the way she wouldn't look at either of them, instead picking at her cuticles again. Sakura cursed Kurenai for throwing around words like "treason" to try to scare them out of this.

"We only need someone to guide us overall, but if you won't do it, we'll go it alone," Sakura said, face stony.

"Don't be stupid," snapped Kurenai. "Even with a Yamanaka on board, _that's_ what's dangerous. You two don't know what you're doing. If you go into this blindly you could do serious damage to someone, most likely yourselves."

"Well, that's why we came to you, obviously," Ino said, some impatience surfacing. "We want this kept quiet anyway, but we'll ensure your involvement is minimal, if you help us. Even if one of us is caught out, we'll keep your name out of it."

"Shinobi affairs aren't really my priority anymore. It's just not prudent for me to become involved in something like this."

Ino's jaw jutted out stubbornly. "Fine. It's getting late. Aren't you due at the salon soon?"

Kurenai hesitated, her red-ringed eyes trained on Ino. "Don't think I'm unsympathetic. I know you don't have anyone else to go to for this. You were Asuma's student and he's gone now. Nobody gives out jutsu for free...."

Ino and Sakura said nothing, only exchanged glances. Had they cracked her?

"If you need help, Ino, you can come to me," Kurenai finally said. "Asuma's responsibilities are mine now."

Ino gaped in incredulity. "Isn't that what I just did?"

"That's my answer."

"So you'll help us?" Ino smiled brightly.

"I'll help _you_, Ino. No offense, Sakura, but I owe you nothing. Your sensei was still alive as of two nights ago because he was at the bar with Genma-san, Raidou-san, me, and the rest of them. Kakashi-san's quite accomplished with genjutsu himself."

"But I can't do this alone! I barely know anything about illusions. Sakura studied them at least a little with Tsunade-sama. I've never even...." Ino turned to Sakura, panic clouding her eyes.

Sakura reached over and put a hand on Ino's arm, giving a little squeeze for reassurance. "We do this together or not at all, if that's what you want, Ino. But you can do it without me. Your chakra control is easily good enough for genjutsu. We can deal with the physiological parts later."

"Thanks," Ino whispered, but Sakura could tell by her weary voice that she had given up. "I can't do it without you, though. It would take too long, for me alone." Ino's lip began to wobble, but she bit it hard enough to break the skin to prevent a crying jag.

Looking uncomfortable, Kurenai stood. "I'll be late if I don't go now. Thanks for sitting." After kissing Masako goodbye, Kurenai swept out of the room. She looked back and said, "If you change your mind, Ino, let me know."

When the front door slammed, Sakura turned to Ino, who was distracting herself by playing peek-a-boo with Masako. "Ino, look at me."

Ino covered her face under the guise of the game. "Why? My idea was stupid. We can't make a genjutsu realistic enough for field use. What was I thinking?"

"Your idea wasn't stupid, and this isn't over."

Ino parted her hands and made a silly face at the baby, who giggled. "It's over. She won't do it. Maybe Kakashi-sensei will, though? He doesn't seem the type. I'd be scared to approach him about it. I know he's your sensei, but...."

Sakura scoffed. "He never taught me a jutsu when he _was _my sensei. It doesn't matter, though, because Kurenai will do it. Didn't you hear her?"

Ino sat up and turned to Sakura, a frown marring her beautiful face. "What do you mean?"

"She said, 'No one gives out jutsu for free.' She's right, but that goes without saying. Her mentioning it means she has a price, even if she doesn't realise it."

Ino's eyes, the color of a clear summer sky, lit in sudden comprehension.

Sakura grinned deviously. "All we need is an angle."

* * *

Sakura put a lot of effort into not thinking about the closet or why she was sitting on the floor of it right now. She drew her knees up to her chest, running her fingers up and down her bare legs as a means of distraction.

Damn. She'd missed a spot shaving. Even though her leg hair was fine and blonde, she immediately imagined twenty different people noticing. Sakura flared up a fingertip with chakra as sharp as a knife and ran it carefully along the curve of her calf. It was dark, though, and she nicked herself.

"Shit." Sakura pressed a glowing palm against the cut on her leg, healing it without thought. Shizune would scold her for wasting chakra on something so frivolous, or she would normally. Tonight, though, she seemed so happy and carefree as she got a little tipsy and flirted with available men. Perhaps it was the dress that gave her such unusual confidence. For the special occasion, Shizune donned a silky black dress just barely brushing her knees. Though the squared neckline was modest, the dress itself was more daring than anything Sakura had seen Shizune wear before.

Shizune looked beautiful, but not as beautiful as Ino did in her little dress of rusted orange and gold. The thought of it made Sakura sick to her stomach.

They'd been getting ready in one of the Nara guest rooms when it happened. Sakura put on her dress. The soft, flexible material was a deep bottle green. The halter top plunged towards a black belt that wrapped around her waist and the skirt ended mid-thigh. The most remarkable thing about the dress was that it left her back completely bare. It was more revealing than anything she ever dreamed of wearing, and she never would have if not for Ino.

Nice clothing was hard to come by in the post-destruction Konoha. Anything not immediately necessary for survival or shinobi function wasn't priority in the reconstruction. Even the restaurants were slow to re-open, and many still had not. Ino had had Sakura out searching for perfect party dresses for a long time, but with the lack of resources, it was hardly surprising it had taken almost a month of shopping for Ino to spot the green dress.

Sakura had only bought it because of the way Ino's eyes lit up after seeing Sakura in it. Ino had always taken a perverse delight in shoving Sakura out of her comfort zone; at first, Sakura balked, but Ino pouted.

"Come _on_, Forehead. You look great in it and it's not like we'll find anything better!" she'd said, and Sakura had to agree that nothing else they'd found had been remotely attractive. "Please? I've got to look good for my own party and I don't know if I can dress up without moral support." Ino stuck out her quivering lip in such a way that Sakura knew it was an exaggeration. Still, though, Ino was hard-pressed to brush her hair lately, and seeing her so excited about dressing up, it was almost like she was really _Ino_ again....

Sakura caved. That's how she'd ended up behind a dressing screen, staring down at herself and hardly believing all the _skin_ she saw.

"Come on, Forehead!" Ino called. "The dress isn't going to sprout new material if you glare at it."

Sakura scowled. "I was _adjusting_ it so my scar didn't show," she lied, but twisted around to make sure it really wasn't showing.

"Yeah, sure. Now come out and look at my dress! It was such a good find on Tenten's part." Sakura frowned. She and Ino had fallen out before they found a dress for Ino, so apparently Tenten had filled in.

Sakura stepped out from behind the screen and looked around for Ino, who was leaning towards a mirror to adjust her makeup.

Sakura's heart stopped in her chest. From behind, though Ino's hair was shorter, she looked exactly like Kitagawa Mirei. It took Sakura a minute to figure out why, until she looked more closely at the cocktail dress Ino was wearing.

It was Mirei's dress. The realization winded Sakura like a knee to the gut. In hindsight, she should have seen it coming. She fenced a nice dress at a time when everyone was scrambling for one. Someone was bound to buy it. But did it have to be Ino?

Sakura was startled out of wallowing in self-pity with a sudden rattling noise. Someone was knocking on the closet door.

"Sakura, what is going _on_ with you?" It was Ino, and her voice was clipped in annoyance. "You've been weird all night. Everyone saw you run off, you know. People are asking me where you are and I don't know what to tell them. Will you please come out?"

"I just need some time."

Ino sighed, and Sakura could hear a slight tapping noise, probably an impatient foot. "It's been almost an hour."

"I'll be down soon." Sakura had to fight back tears. Ino would never forgive her if she ruined her makeup crying. "I'm sorry."

A pause. "I just wish you would tell me what's wrong, Sakura. That's all."

Sakura didn't reply, and after a time, she heard Ino exit and go back downstairs. With a relieved sigh, Sakura leaned back against the wall, the wood cool against her bare back. She had just begun to relax when another familiar voice disturbed her.

"Sakura-chan, Ino says you're hiding in a closet. Why?"

"I just needed to be alone for a little while, Naruto."

"But there's a party downstairs! There are people and they're all happy and it's nice but it would be nicer if you were there and –"

Naruto could prattle on a bit in the right circumstances, but Sakura couldn't miss how his words were slurred together. "Naruto, are you _drunk_?"

He chuckled sheepishly from outside the door. "Maybe a little. Kiba said I couldn't out drink him because I have no practice, but I showed _him_!"

"Good. I'm glad," she said with a weak smile, though he couldn't see it. "If you go downstairs, I bet Hinata will be really impressed with your victory."

"Okay. See you later, Sakura-chan," Naruto crowed cheerfully.

When he stumbled from the room, she gave herself to the relative silence. The party going on beneath her was quite loud, with over one hundred guests, but voices only occasionally stuck out of the texture. The low murmur was quite peaceful, actually....

Sakura must have dozed off, because she awoke to someone softly calling her name.

"Sakura-san?"

"Lee-san?" she asked, surprised. "Did Ino send you?"

"No. I was just worried about you."

"I'm fine, Lee-san. Thanks, though."

He startled her by sliding open the closet door without any pre-amble. Sakura blinked, eyes readjusting to the light. She almost smiled upon seeing Lee devoid of his usual jumpsuit. He was in traditional clothing, a man's kimono and hakama, and even though he wore his sleeves extra long to hide his scarred hands, he looked quite nice.

"You're not fine, Sakura-san. You're hiding in a closet."

Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. "I just – I was only –"

Lee stepped into the closet, sat down next to her, and closed the door. He said nothing.

After a minute, Sakura said, "Aren't you going to ask me why I'm in here?"

"No. Perhaps you just don't like parties. I don't. Everyone down there is drunk except for me, it seems like. Even Gai-sensei."

"Oh, that's right. You can't drink," Sakura murmured, looking at him through the darkness. "But why are _you_ in the closet?"

"I'm in the closet because Sakura-san is in the closet."

Sakura giggled. "That doesn't make any sense, Lee-san."

He shrugged. "I thought you might like some company, that's all."

They sat for awhile in pleasant silence. Eventually, Sakura said, "I think I'm done with the closet now. Would you like to come downstairs with me?"

Lee gallantly helped her up and walked her down the stairs. When they reached the party once more, they were quickly waylaid by Aoba and Raidou, who between them supported a drunken Gai, clad similarly to Lee.

"You've got to take him home, kid," slurred Raidou. "He's going to start crying soon and it'll just kill the mood."

"He's your dad or something, right?" said Aoba, a little dazed.

"I would be honored to be Lee's father!" Gai cried, lurching forward to latch onto Lee. "It is my greatest sorrow that I can only serve as his teacher."

Even Lee looked a little stunned by this admission as he staggered under his teacher's weight. Unimpressed, Raidou and Aoba slunk away.

"I would be honored to be Gai-sensei's son," Lee grunted, tears gathering in his large eyes. He turned to Sakura. "It seems that Gai-sensei requires some assistance. I regret that I cannot stay with Sakura-san, but if there is anything I can do in penance—"

"No laps!" Sakura grinned as an idea came to her. "I just want one thing."

"Anything, Sakura-san."

"I want you to stop calling me Sakura-san."

"But what shall I call you?" He stumbled and was forced to put his arms around Gai's waist to keep them both upright.

"We're friends, so I think you should just call me Sakura. I'll call you Lee."

Lee looked at her, eyes wide. "I ... I am honoured to be counted among Sakura's friends."

"You have been for a long time, Lee." Recalling her conversation with Kakashi-sensei about friends, Sakura felt a twinge of guilt. The truth was that she often overlooked Lee. Everyone did.

Gai burst out into noisy tears. "Oh, the beauty of young love! May your flame shine brightly as your love flowers."

Lee's face grew so red Sakura feared he might actually faint. She giggled. "You better get him home, Lee. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sakura," he mumbled and then practically fled, towing Gai with him as he fought through the throng.

"Sakura!" a voice called and she looked around to see Shizune waving as she approached. "Want to play Ocho-Kabu with me in the other room?"  
"Are you dealing?"

"Naturally."

"Sorry, Shizune. I don't want you to steal all my money."

"Aw, but Sakura-chan, we could really get a racket going between us!"

"I thought your policy was never to take advantage of people who don't know what they're getting in to," Sakura laughed, enjoying a tipsy Shizune.

"But you hate that policy." Shizune pouted, sticking out her lower lip. "You say that's what gambling's all about, remember?"

"I'm not in the mood tonight. Round up some other suckers."

Shizune sighed and shoved her own sake bottle into Sakura's hands. "Here, start having fun!" she trilled before dancing away.

Sakura smiled. When Shizune was gone, Sakura said, "Tsunade-shishou would have been proud." To remind Shizune to her face would have wiped the grin off of it, and Sakura didn't want that.

Finishing off what was left of the sake, Sakura moved into the central space, which was enlarged and re-arranged as much as was possible to suit the party. A makeshift bar was to the left and Sakura moved towards it. She was determined to enjoy the rest of her night to make it up to Ino somehow.

A few familiar faces seemed to have had the same idea. "Hey, Sakura," Tenten said as Sakura ordered a bottle of the fine sake she had made sure would be available. "Nice to see you."

Neji and Shino's nods of acknowledgement came almost simultaneously and Sakura had to bite back a giggle. Trust those two not to use words when caveman gestures would do. Sometimes she wondered why they weren't better friends.

Kiba interrupted her musings. "Yeah, where were you earlier?" He put his arm roughly around a tiny girl with long, sandy gold tresses and breasts that spilled out of the top of her dress. "Anyway, this is my girl Daigo Arisu. Arisu, meet Haruno Sakura."

Arisu let out a horrid sound that Sakura could only describe as a _snurk_ but thought was probably meant to be a girlish laugh. "Kiba, you never told me you knew Haruno Sakura-san!" Arisu simpered, voice breathy and words laden with alcohol.

"Well, of course I do," he said, looking at Sakura in confusion, who shrugged. "I went to school with her, didn't I?"

Arisu squealed and pressed up against him. "You should have said you went to school with somebody _famous_!"

At that, Sakura actually dropped her sake cup, which was thankfully empty. After she retrieved it, she said, "I think you must be mixing me up with someone else, Arisu-san. I'm hardly famous."

"Oh, no, Sakura-san. You're the Godaime Hokage's apprentice. You're Hatake Kakashi's student, and everyone says he was almost Hokage. You're Uzumaki Naruto's teammate! He's _so_ cute." Then something dawned on Arisu, lighting her green eyes. "Oh my God, Kiba, does that mean you went to school with Uzumaki Naruto?" She hit him on the shoulder lightly. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

Kiba's face was pulled into a sour expression, as if he'd just bitten into a lemon. Sakura could feel her own features distort similarly. If she was famous at all, it was in name only, _because_ of names. Haruno Sakura, famous by association. Nobody even recognised her in the streets of Konoha, let alone outside of it. _Famous._ What a joke.

"Yeah, I went to school with him, all right," Kiba spat. "If you suck up to Sakura a little more, maybe she'll introduce you to him."

Arisu tried for a sultry pout. "Aw, don't be sore, Kiba. I like that you know famous people. It only makes you sexier."

Seemingly placated, Kiba allowed Arisu to kiss him. Sakura looked away as they deepened the kiss, feeling vaguely nauseated. She caught Tenten's gaze and rolled her eyes. In return, Tenten smiled.

As usual, nothing ruffled Shino's calm countenance. He just sipped his drink peacefully. Neji, on the other hand, was glaring daggers at Arisu as if she'd offended him gravely.

Before things could get too awkward, a chuunin that Sakura only dimly recognized dragged his girlfriend right through the middle of their group.

Breaking apart from Arisu, Kiba called, "Hey, Saburou, do yourself a favour and take someone else home. That girl's a biter in the worst way possible, if you know what I mean."

The girl, cheeks alight with liquor and probably embarrassment, turned to Kiba with a venomous look on her face. "Go fuck yourself, Inuzuka. With something so small, I wouldn't call it biting. More like nibbling," she said, before grabbing her boyfriend's arm and stalking away. Saburou followed along somewhat reluctantly, giving her a dubious once-over.

"One has to wonder if there is anyone in the room you haven't slept with," Shino said, voice as even as ever.

"Sure there is. I ain't slept with you yet, right, Shino?" Kiba snickered and took a gulp of his beer.

Shino only shrugged. Arisu, unsure of how to take this, took the opportunity to excuse herself to "go powder her nose". She looked at Sakura expectantly but Sakura pretended she didn't understand the implication.

"You're really dating her?" Tenten said, staring after Arisu as she stumbled off in pursuit of a toilet.

Kiba frowned. "What's wrong with her?"

At this, Sakura had to laugh. "She's a moron, that's what's wrong with her. Not to mention a slut."

Staring at Sakura with a blank expression on his face, Kiba said, "So?"

Sakura's jaw gaped at this frank admission, but Tenten's next statement threw her off track.

"I actually meant more that she's a civilian."

"So?" Kiba said again.

"So what's wrong with kunoichi?" Tenten demanded.

A lazy smile spread over Kiba's face, his enlarged canines peeking out of his lips. "Are you coming on to me? That's hot."

"No, you idiot!" Tenten's normally placid eyes were now blazing with fury. "I just don't understand why shinobi men always seek out civilian women. It's stupid. Don't they want someone strong enough to be a real partner?"

Sakura couldn't help but notice Neji was struggling to maintain his disinterested facade. His shoulders hunched with tension and his sake cup shook in his hand.

"I hate to break it to you, Tenten, but ass kicking's not really what a man looks for in a woman," Kiba said, taking another drag of his drink. "Though it can be hot in the right circumstances...." he mused, looking contemplative.

"My fiancé is a civilian. Why? A civilian is most suited to a shinobi's long-term needs," Shino said, tone of voice matter-of-fact. "It is unwise to enter into a union with a woman who is absent just as often as the man is."

Tenten leaned forward, hands toying at her kimono in the places where her weapons pouches would normally lie. "So a shinobi needs a little wife at home to do the housecleaning while he's out on missions, is that it?"

Neji set down his drink on the bar with a thump. "You are mistaken, Tenten. It is improper for a man to become involved with a woman likely to leave behind a motherless child."

Tenten's face crumpled and she turned away to compose herself. Sakura set down her own drink, glaring at Neji's stony visage. "Civilian women die in childbirth, or of illness or accident, just as easily as kunoichi," Sakura said, schooling her features. "That's a pretty close-minded way to think."

Kiba seemed a little bewildered, looking back and forth between the tense "friends". "Geez, everyone's so uptight.... This is supposed to be a party."

"Why don't we go powder our noses, Tenten?" Sakura said, and without a further word, they swept away.

"I'm sorry for getting so worked up," Tenten whispered as they made their way through the crowd. "I think I'm just going to go home now."

Sakura continued walking with Tenten. "Don't worry about it. We've all had a little too much to drink, I think. He's definitely in denial, by the way."

Tenten sighed. "I used to think so. But the longer this goes on, the more I think that even if he is interested in me, he'll never act on it. He's made up his mind and that's that. Neji always was stubborn."

"I think it's a Team Gai thing. You're all like that," Sakura teased as they reached the front door.

"Oh?" Tenten said, raising a skeptical brow. "And here I thought Team Kakashi had that market cornered."

They giggled, then sobered. "Naruto broke him once," Sakura said quietly. "It's your turn next."

Tenten averted her gaze. "Maybe. Goodnight, Sakura," she said, and opened the door to leave.

Unexpectedly, Kakashi was waiting outside the door as if he had been about to walk in but was stalling. "Hello, ladies," he said, eye crinkling in a smile. "Lovely evening, isn't it?"

"I could have sworn I saw you earlier," Sakura said, eyeing him suspiciously. True to form, she spotted a green corner sticking out his weapons pouch – for he had eschewed formal wear in lieu of his normal shinobi gear. "I knew it! You snuck out here to read _Icha Icha_, didn't you?"

Ignoring her question, he peered over her shoulder. "Has Gai passed out yet? Is it safe?"

Tenten huffed in irritation. "Why are our teachers so _immature_? Grow up!" she snapped, before pushing past Kakashi and quickly disappearing into the darkness.

Sakura stared after Tenten's retreating form, feeling sorry for her. Neji was really doing a number on her.

Kakashi was unconcerned about Tenten's outburst. "Seriously, has he? I lost a bet."

Sakura sighed. "Yes. Lee took him home already."

"Excellent," Kakashi said, absently reaching over to pat Sakura on the head as he passed. Instinctively, she moved out of range. Kakashi frowned. "Still mad at me, I see."

"Get over yourself," Sakura said, rolling her eyes. "Seriously. I didn't curl my hair for you to mess it up, that's all."

He searched her face for a minute, but shrugged and said, "I'm kind of peckish. Where's the food in this joint?"

"Back in the kitchen. Follow me." She threaded through the crowd, knowing he would rather follow along than ask anyone else. Besides, she ought to check on her mother.

Eventually, they reached a door that Sakura slid open to reveal a dimly lit hallway. "That doesn't look open to the public," Kakashi said, reproach in his voice. "I'm not sure the Nara clan would appreciate—"

Sakura cut him off and ushered him inside. "I'm not the public, and it's just a shortcut to the kitchen. This is a big house. One of the only ones to survive the invasion, you know, because it's so far out in the forest."

They continued on down the hallway without a further word until Kakashi broke the silence. "I was just trying to help. The other night, I mean."

Sakura sighed, annoyed that he brought it up. "I know. I never properly thanked you, so ... thanks, I guess."

"Look, I don't know what you were expecting, coming to me like that," Kakashi said, harshness creeping into his voice, "but there's no reason to avoid me –"

Sakura stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face him. "_Avoid_ you? Who says I'm avoiding you?"

"It's no secret that you hid in the closet for most of the night—"

"And you honestly think that had anything to do with _you_?"

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, didn't it?"

"Would you really care if it had? That's pretty rich, coming from the emperor of evasion himself."

"I didn't do anything you didn't ask me to do, even if you changed your mind afterwards—"

"Oh, are we role playing now? I'm sorry to say but I'm not sure you're good looking enough to play Dai's part."

Even through his mask, Sakura could see the way Kakashi's jaw clenched as he ground his teeth. "You're being unreasonable."

"Well, _you're_ being conceited! I'll admit that the other night wasn't exactly my finest hour and I overreacted, but the only one holding a grudge is you. You and your mask and your stupid inability to communicate were the last things on my mind while I was hiding in a closet at my best friend's birthday party, I can assure you."

Someone behind them cleared her throat; the unexpectedness of the sound almost made Sakura jump. Further up the hallway, Sakura's mother stood holding a tray of finger food. Her teal eyes were open wide and her mouth was forming a little "o" of surprise.

"How long were you there?" Sakura asked, fidgeting awkwardly. She glared at Kakashi as if it was his fault, and truthfully, _he_ was the jounin. Getting caught up in an argument shouldn't have been an excuse for either of them to drop their guards.

"You were hiding in a closet, Sakura? Was it the nightmares? I know you said they're nothing, but.... I may not be educated like you, but I know when something's not right."

Sakura could feel Kakashi's eye boring a hole into the back of her skull. "Shit, Mom. Do you have to go spilling my business like that? Do I do that to _you_?"

Riko's ears flared red in embarrassment. "Sorry, Sakura-chan. I'm your mother. When I hear things like my daughter is hiding in a closet, I worry." Seemingly mustering her confidence, she added, "And watch your language."

"Do you really want to know why I was hiding in that fucking closet, Mom? Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura snarled, scowling at them both in turn.

Neither of them said anything; her mother's lips trembled and Kakashi's face was fixed into a hard, almost frightening, expression.

"If you want to know so badly, I'll tell you. Did you see the dress Ino is wearing?"

Clearly confused, Riko said, "The orange one, with the yellow splashes? It's very pretty, but what about it?"

"I killed the original owner of that dress. She didn't need to die, but I had orders, so I preyed on her kindness in order to trick her into an alley. When she was dead, I took the dress and dumped her corpse like garbage."

Sakura's mother dropped the tray she was holding, spreading food all over the floor. It was the second time in one day that Sakura had ruined good food when it was still scarce. Still, she went on, though she knew every word pained her mother.

Her voice unremittingly harsh, Sakura continued, "And then I took the dress off for a man. I killed him, too, and afterwards, I defiled his body."

Sakura watched her mother cover her mouth with shaking hands, shaking her head in disbelief. "Why are you saying this?" Riko cried. "How can you be so cruel?"

Kakashi spoke up from behind, reminding Sakura of his presence. "You're a kunoichi. It won't be the last time you make a kill that sticks with you—"

Sakura let out a barking laugh. "It wasn't even the first. But that's fine. Shouldn't your kills stick with you? _Shouldn't_ they haunt you? Isn't that only just? It was my own damn fault for selling that dress in the first place. It's just that Ino looks _just _like her. They'd be twins if she had the brown eyes I put in Chiyoko's face—"

Kakashi pulled her around to face him with a rough yank. "That's classified. Don't make me regret letting you—"

Sakura tried to shrug him off, but he wouldn't let her. He was leaning menacingly over her, a basic intimidation tactic she didn't appreciate. "_Letting_ me? If I recall, it was an _order_ no one is too thrilled about."

"You know better than to talk about it in front of civilians – in front of _anyone_," he hissed.

"Fuck off!" Sakura shoved him away from her, the force sending him backwards with a stagger. She stormed back down the hallway the way they'd come, ignoring the way her mother called after her.

Once back into the party, she sought out the only person she really wanted to see right now – though, judging from earlier, there was no guarantee he was even conscious. Eventually, though, she found him in the main room, along with Hinata, Sai, Yamato, and Genma. They were seated on the floor around a small table, and from the looks of it, they'd been enjoying the alcohol pretty thoroughly.

Hinata looked relatively clearheaded, though, and greeted her as she shoved into a place on the other side of Naruto, disturbing Sai. "Good evening, Sakura-san," Hinata said, the perfect vision of polite behavior.

Naruto ruined that by slopping his drink all over the table in his haste to greet her. "Sakura-chan!" he cried, dragging her name out. "How did you make your hair go in little rings like that? That's neat." Then he gave her a more thorough look and added, "And that dress is nice. It shows off your...." He made a vague cupping gesture at his chest.

Sakura shook her head. "Honestly, Naruto, your tact amazes me."

Sai took his time looking her over, too. "A good way to ingratiate yourself with your friends is to compliment them," he said, "but you taught me that lying defeats that purpose. As your friend, I must tell you that you appear to be a loose woman tonight, Ugly."

Yamato looked distinctly uncomfortable and shifted his arm away from Genma's shoulders, but Genma let out a barking laugh. "Aw, lay off her. She looks good. Even Shizune's dolled up tonight."

Naruto snickered. "You're one to talk, Sai. Just because you're not wearing it tonight doesn't mean that we all don't remember your belly shirt. You look more like a loose woman than Sakura does." His chin lifted as he spotted someone over Sakura's shoulder. "Hey, Kaka-sensei, over here!"

As Kakashi insinuated himself between Yamato and Genma – no ruder than usual, for Kakashi – Sakura stole Sai's sake. He tried to take it back but she just glared at him.

"You call me a loose woman, I take your sake. That's how it works." Kakashi coughed, but Sakura ignored him. If he brought up their argument now she'd kill him, she decided, and started contemplating various ways to do it as she sipped her stolen sake.

Naruto gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Don't pay attention to Sai. You look beautiful, right, Hina-chan?"

Sakura looked at Hinata, curious as to how Naruto's girlfriend would answer such a question. Hinata's smile was strained. "Of course. I feel like a strumpet in comparison, you're so demure."

Scowling, Sakura turned back to her sake. Hinata may as well have called Sakura a slut; Hinata was wearing a full-length kimono that managed to hide even her huge breasts. Quality kimono like the one Hinata was wearing cost roughly as much as Sakura's entire house.

Sakura let the conversation continue around her, but she tuned out until attention was called to the front of the room. Ino was up there, leaning on Chouji in a manner suggesting she might not be able to stay upright herself, and Shikamaru was skulking in the background near Inoichi.

"Everyone! I know we had the more formal remembrance for Asuma-sensei earlier, but there are some other people I need to recognize. First, I need to thank my team for always being there for me." Chouji almost dropped Ino right there, looking stricken, and Shikamaru's scowl deepened. "I also need to thank my father for doing whatever it takes to help me. I know if he had something I needed, he wouldn't hesitate." Sakura stared at Inoichi deliberately and when he met her eyes, he flinched and turned away.

"And thanks to Tenten," Ino continued, "for picking out this _lovely_ dress." To Sakura, the sarcasm in Ino's voice was obvious, but everyone else seemed not to hear it, clapping politely. "And then there's my best friend Haruno Sakura. She is the most loyal person I know, ever since she was a little girl, and she sure knows how to deliver on promises." Sakura blanched and set down her sake cup lest she break it. That blow hurt. It seemed that Ino wasn't done, however, for she said, "And of course I have to thank Kurenai-sensei for being so generous. May Masako-chan grow up to be just like her father." With a sloppy toast, Ino stumbled off into another room.

The party guests cheered and shared the toast, for the most part, but Sakura was staring after her drunken friend. "Damn it, Ino!" She looked around, searching for a glimpse of dark curls hair done up in an elaborate style. "Where is Kurenai-sensei?"

"She couldn't keep the baby out this late," Yamato said, as sensible as ever. "She left some time ago."

"Oh, good," Sakura sighed, relaxing slightly. "It wouldn't do to go insulting her to her face when we still want something from her. I don't know _what_ Ino was thinking...."

Naruto frowned. "Insulting her? That didn't sound like an insult to me. I thought it was nice."

"Oh, come on." Sakura laughed, voice dark. "Ino is the master of backhanded compliments. Don't worry, though, Hina-chan. You're catching up in no time." She raised her glass to Hinata with a nod and then tossed back the last of her sake.

Kakashi spoke up for the first time since joining the table. "Why doesn't Little Miss Sourpuss keep quiet so the rest of us can enjoy the party?"

Sakura stood up abruptly. "Fine. Have fun."

Naruto was the only one who bothered to call after her as she left. She didn't get very far, though, before she was waylaid by Nara Yoshino.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, dear, but you have to collect your mother. She's passed out in one of the side rooms. She was, ah... indisposed."

* * *

Though it was the wee hours of the morning, Sakura let herself back into the Nara estate after dragging her mother home to bed. They had both promised to spend the night and help clean up in the morning, so now Sakura was doubly obligated to stay; luckily, the last of the guests were clearing out by the time she returned.

Heavy with weariness, Sakura dragged herself up the steps into the room designated as hers and Ino's. Ino was sitting on the bed, staring ahead with a blank expression written on a face lined with fatigue.

When Sakura entered, Ino's eyes sparked back to life. "Sakura! I didn't think you'd be here."

Sakura kicked off her uncomfortable shoes with a sigh of relief. "I said I would be, didn't I? No matter what you think of me, I at least _try _to keep my word," Sakura said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"I didn't mean what I said," Ino whispered, turning her face away. "I'm ashamed of that."

"Just about everyone took it at face value, so don't worry about it. You were drunk."

"I think I still am," Ino said, leaning back on her elbows. "Are you?"

"Probably." Sakura went through the motions of getting ready for bed and Ino followed suit, getting up and crossing over to the vanity. They wiped off their makeup, unclasped their jewellery, and unpinned each other's hair.

After a while, Ino said, "Is your mom okay?"

"Yes, but I don't want to talk about it," Sakura said, slamming down a makeup container with more force than necessary.

Ino set down the rag she was holding, turning to Sakura with new fire burning in her eyes. "So let's do something else." She stood up and without hesitation, stripped off the dress, and flung it across the room.

"Ino...." Sakura mumbled, confused by this sudden turn of events. Her brain assaulted her with jumbled memories of Ino's slicked skin against hers, Ino's eyes full of desperate need, the pain behind them barely concealed as she moaned through her tears.

"I don't know what's in your head, Sakura. I can't read your thoughts like when we were younger. Whatever's going on with you tonight, it started when I put this dress on. So I took it off." Ino got closer, pressing herself along Sakura's front as she reached her arms around Sakura's neck. "You look beautiful in that dress." Ino's breath was hot on Sakura's ear as she toyed with the knot that secured the halter top. "Knowing I picked it out for you only makes it hotter."

Sakura felt the knot at her nape coming undone and the top of the dress fluttered down to sag at her belted waist. She crossed her arms over her chest; unlike Ino, Sakura wasn't wearing a bra.

Ino brought her hands up to pull Sakura's arms away and leaned in for a kiss. It was tender and soft, and Ino's lips were slick with a pleasant-tasting gloss.

Instinctually, Sakura's eyes fluttered closed, but when Ino deepened the kiss, Sakura pulled away.

The hurt look on Ino's face twisted Sakura's stomach. "Ino, I—"

"How could you let me humiliate myself like that?" Ino said, blinking away tears. "What about before?"

Not knowing what to say, Sakura just shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Ino jumped into the bed and pulled the covers over her head.

As Sakura stood, staring at the trembling lump in the blankets and listening to the subdued sniffling coming from it, she had never felt so cruel.

* * *

Author's Note: I've received a few inquiries as to "what this story is about", if it's not romance and it's not action. That's difficult to answer – not because I do not know myself, because I do – but because to tell you is to spoil the point in reading it. The way I'm writing this, the reader is intended to discover the characters as they discover themselves. I deliberately withhold a lot of information from my reader, just as the characters withhold information from each other.

But still, since more than one person has expressed this question, I'll make an effort without giving too much away. In many ways, _Playing the Game_ is a classic _bildungsroman_. This isn't a genre tackled often in fanfiction. Most people are looking for a straightforward plot, but you're not going to find that here. Will there be driving action pertinent to the _Naruto_ plotline? Yes. We're coming up on some swiftly, in fact. The true unifying aspects of the story don't lie on the battlefield, however.

The themes that feature most prominently in PTG include morality, loyalty, and discovery of self identity and sexuality. _Playing the Game_ follows both Sakura and Kakashi's emotional journeys through transitional periods in their lives, but also has a point quite separate from them as people.

And just in case you were wondering: yes, everything is Chekov's gun. I do mean _everything._ I try very hard not to waste any detail, sometimes even at the expense of story flow.

This story requires cognitive reading, which certainly is not what everyone looks for in fanfiction. I hope this terribly long author's note clears up my intentions somewhat. I did try to warn you all from the beginning that this would not be an easy, romantic read. I spent a long time searching for a story that got into the nitty gritty of dealing with the ethics of this profession and when I came up severely disappointed, the concept of _Playing the Game_ was born. I can't pretend that I always get it right, or that I'm the best writer for this story. I can say that when it's over, I'll be going back and majorly rehauling it for quality. I hope you stick around to watch me mindfuck everyone, everywhere, _all the time_. What is more, I hope you have even half as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

P.S. Warnings are for pussies. :3333


	11. The Limbo Between Grief and Hope

A/N: Hey, I'm alive! It's amazing what kind of wrench frying your computer throws into the whole writing operation. Sorry about that. One motherboard, battery, and AC adaptor replacement and many months later, I am back on track. I do apologize for the wait but it is difficult to work on a file that is sitting in a dead computer. Not only that, but this chapter was a real hairpulling bitch to write, for whatever reason. Thus, many people deserve thanks for putting up with my obsessive compulsive disorder and reading the same thing several times when it is not any different, etc. Roflcopter, ronsakura, and Mangekyou SharingAL from NF all deserve gratitude for giving advice. Mikeytron and SpikeDee from my illustrious life deserve the most thanks, especially the donobear who should be paid for all the work he does for me but will only accept hugs as payment. Thanks also to anyone I have forgotten and, of course, thanks to you for continuing to read and encourage me.

To attempt to make it up to you, this is another whopper. Enjoy, and remember that constructive criticism makes me have writing orgasms and we all know there can never be enough of those. :3

* * *

Kakashi tried to ignore the birds chirping in the trees, the sun overhead, and the cottony clouds drifting along in the cornflower blue sky. Cheerful weather always felt like an abomination when he was at the cenotaph. It should only be gloomy and raining while he stared at Obito's name. At Rin's. At Minato-sensei's. At Asuma's. Now at Mogusa's. At the place his father's name should have been carved.

Despite all that had been lost, everyone was so happy after the Pain attack. For a while, Kakashi had been happy, too. A sense of peace overcame him after his "talk" with his father, although he was almost certain he'd dreamed it in delirium. But it was only a short matter of time before the population of Konoha realized everything they'd built their lives around was obliterated: family houses, pictures, pets, libraries, businesses, loved ones' graves, all the banks and everyone's life savings with them. Deep sadness pervaded, but the determination to rebuild was strong. Things were only now beginning to bounce back and there was still a long way to go.

Kakashi, never having been a materialistic person, mourned only for a potted plant called Mr. Ukki once given to him by Naruto. After a proper alcohol-laden send off, though, Kakashi figured he'd done right by poor Mr. Ukki. It wasn't until Kakashi was struck by that familiar urge to go visit the cenotaph that he echoed the rest of Konoha's sense of loss. He'd cried for the first time in a long time, mumbling the whole time that he only had something in his eye.

Of course there was a new memorial. The records were lost, but everyone volunteered every departed hero's name they could recall and the memorial was re-carved. But it couldn't fool Kakashi. The list of names was far shorter, now. Too many had died alone, or weren't outlived long by those who held them dear. Now they were truly forgotten.

Kakashi thought he would be one of those that would slip between the cracks. Usually he didn't mind the idea. In death, he'd have excellent company. Today, however, all the empty space on the stone stared at him like a beacon, sunlight reflecting off of its smooth surface.

He sensed someone approaching the clearing, but he hoped whomever it was would let him be.

"What do you think of when you come here, Kakashi-san?"

Sighing, he turned to face the owner of the voice. "Old friends, Shizune-san. Isn't it what the cenotaph is for?"

"I'm not sure old friends would want you to be sad when thinking about them, Kakashi-san," Shizune said, bowing her head in apology for being presumptuous.

"It's only right to remember them this way," Kakashi said, turning back towards the memorial. "They deserve more than I can give."

"It doesn't honor the dead to make a misery of living, you know."

"I'll honor them how I see fit, if you please," Kakashi bit out, struggling to keep his voice pleasant.

"I apologize, Kakashi-san," Shizune said, as demure as ever. "I mean no harm. I only came to leave flowers for my parents, my uncle and..."

"And Tsunade-sama?" he guessed.

She gasped. "For her brother, Nawaki," she corrected firmly.

How awkward for Shizune, to be perpetually caught in the limbo between grief and hope. At least he was spared that.

"I'll leave you to it, then," he said, turning to watch her nod, lips trembling as she tried to hide the fact that there were tears dripping onto her flowers.

"Sorry," he said gruffly as he passed, but she didn't answer and he didn't wait.

Kakashi purposefully strode toward the training area his team had agreed upon. It was a rare moment that all of them were in the village at once, so they were taking advantage of the opportunity. Well, the others had probably been taking advantage of this particular opportunity for quite some time, but who was Kakashi to argue with tradition?

As he approached, Naruto's voice boomed, "There you are, Sensei! Late as usual. What was it this time? Did you get lost on the road of life again?"

Naruto was on the edge of the clearing sitting stiller than Kakashi had ever seen him, legs folded in front of him and his wrists resting on his knees.

Kakashi pulled abreast of Naruto and propped himself against a tree. "Well, the old one was ruined in the invasion, you know, so I had to explore the new one, didn't I? It would have felt left out otherwise."

Naruto smiled, moving only his mouth as he said, "I suppose so." His eyelids remained shut and Kakashi noted with their unusual pigmentation with interest.

"Is that makeup? You haven't taken to cross-dressing, have you? Those henge of yours always were a little suspicious."

"Mm, no," Naruto hummed, mellower than even the time Kakashi had seen him on painkillers. "I'm in Sage Mode. It's part of that."

"I see. I wasn't aware that being a sage required eye shadow, but I won't question such things again," Kakashi teased. "It better be worth the embarrassment."

Naruto cracked open frog-like eye to look at him askance. "I could kick your ass, you know."

Kakashi laughed. "You could try."

Naruto just grumbled and settled back into his meditation. A feminine cry of aggravation turned Kakashi's attention onto the battlefield. Sakura was entwined by one of Sai's ink creations, but the situation was clearly temporary as she'd gotten a good grip on the thing. It couldn't be a match for her strength.

Beyond Sakura – Sai was apparently hidden in the surrounding forest – Tenzou and Genma were engaged in a fast-paced bout of taijutsu. Who invited Genma? Kakashi knew that Genma and Tenzou had become friends and had been rooming together since the invasion, when living space had reached a premium, but even so, Genma seemed to show up more often than not, these days. Kakashi shrugged. Genma was a good fighter, and none of them stood to lose from a demonstration of his skills. Not many shinobi, least of all those highly ranked, were willing to showcase their abilities when there was little to gain, so Kakashi wouldn't question it. He could only hope one of his students absorbed something useful from Genma's presence.

Kakashi watched the two men exchange blows. Despite the fact that he was a tokubetsu jounin to Tenzou's full jounin, Genma was dominating. Tenzou's mastery of a wide variety of ninjutsu meant few opponents could match him from a distance, but Genma had the upper hand in close quarters. Kakashi smirked as he watched Tenzou grow frustrated.

Another shout from Sakura drew his gaze. She decisively punched three massive ink creatures out of existence, then put her hands on her hips, glaring at the tree line.

"Show yourself right this _instant_ before I am forced to level this entire forest, Sai!"

Sai's voice came, seemingly from no particular direction. "I see no advantage in that for me, Ugly."

"The advantage is I don't strangle you to death and I don't make you pay for the training ground reconstruction afterwards," she yelled, chest heaving.

"The liability would be yours, not mine, and I earn more than you anyway," said the disembodied voice.

Sakura let loose an unholy screech, stamping her foot angrily. The earth trembled, echoing her frustration.

"Off to your left, Sakura-chan," Naruto supplied helpfully. "Midway up the second tallest pine."

"Thanks, Naruto," Sakura said, sprinting in that direction.

She didn't get far before Sai appeared in the middle of the clearing in a swirl of leaves. "I forfeit," he said, sauntering nonchalantly toward Naruto.

Sakura about faced abruptly, green eyes blazing in fury. "What do you mean you _forfeit_?"

"'Forfeit' means I defer the match to you, Ugly-chan." Sai sprawled on the grass. He wasn't winded in the slightest.

Sakura's nostrils flared as she stalked up to him, leaning threateningly over his face to spit, "Thanks for the clarification, but I meant _why_?"

"As much as I enjoy watching you futilely destroy my creations, I must conserve my strength."

"What Sai means to say is he's afraid I'll win," Naruto said, looking very wise in his current pose.

Sai smiled his fake smile. "You and Dickless cheated."

Sakura growled. Without opening his eyes or further reacting, Naruto said, "No one cheated. I only saved Sakura the reconstruction bill. You should be thanking me. She definitely would have stuck it on you anyway, after that comment you made about making more money."

Sai said nothing, only pillowed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

Sakura straightened and glared at Sai in a way that made Kakashi think she was sorely tempted to kick the boy in the ribs.

"Looks like Naruto's not the only one who needs to work on his long-range game, huh? Or hers, I should say?" Kakashi inquired lightly, stepping away from the tree he was leaning against.

Sakura narrowed her eyes dangerously at him. "_You_—"

"Want to spar with me instead?" Kakashi said, cutting her off before she could rip him a new one, literally or figuratively.

It seemed he knocked the wind out of her sails. "Really?" she asked, tentatively. "Me and you, one-on-one?"

He frowned. "What, are you scared?"

"No!" she protested. "It's just that we've never done that before."

"Is that so? Well, there's always a first time for everything, right?"

She shrugged. "I guess. All right, let's spar."

He followed her into the clearing and they squared off, facing one another. Sakura seemed unsure how to proceed, so Kakashi said, "Now, I've noticed your taijutsu can get a little sloppy, so—"

She bristled. "It's not sloppy! Oukashou is a beautiful form of taijutsu, all about power—"

"And grace?" he ventured. "It's that part that could be improved."

"I'm graceful," Sakura griped feebly, flushing.

"Sure you are, Sakura-chan," he said, and his smile widened at her annoyed scowl. "I'm only trying to help. The problem isn't power; it's that your strikes are so powerful that you rely on one-hit knock outs, so you overextend. You leave too many openings."

"But they _are_ one hit kills, so does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters. It always matters. You could miss."

"I only strike when I'm sure."

"You can never be sure. Besides, what if your opponent has an unexpected defense, like armor?"

"I've never met armor I couldn't break," she muttered, but he knew it was for argument's sake. She knew he was right.

"Even so," he conceded, "one-on-one battles are rare. Less openings for your direct opponent means less openings for all surrounding opponents as well."

She sighed. "Okay, fine. How do I fix it?"

"Refinement comes only with practice. We're going to spar."

"If we're still going straight to sparring, then what was the point of that, Kaka-sensei?" Sakura said, rolling her eyes in exasperation.

He straightened, sniffing in feigned indignation. "One should always have a purpose in mind during spars. Your doubt wounds me."

Sakura giggled. "Okay, old man. What are the terms, then?"

"We're going to simulate a real battle against a mostly typical close-quarters opponent. I'm faster than you, and though speed is your style's weakness, your hits are still more powerful than mine. No chakra, but if you hit me once, that counts as a kill. Three hits counts as a kill for me. Most kills when I call time wins." As he spoke, he pushed up his headband and situated it properly on his head.

She inhaled sharply. "Whoa. Sharingan and everything?"

"If we were really to fight, I think I'd have to use it," he said, but truthfully he wasn't sure that was so. Her fists were dangerous to be sure, but her speed left much to be desired. Better to be safe. It wouldn't do to embarrass himself here because he held back _too_ much.

As she settled into her battle stance with familiarity, she smiled the widest smile he'd seen since she came tops in tree-climbing as a genin. "Let's go then."

He flew at her, aiming a punch at her chest. She dodged, but he still tapped her side. "One."

She tried to sweep his feet from under him but missed, leaving an opening that let him tap her shoulder. "Two."

She did some quick footwork in retaliation that caught him by surprise, allowing her to punch him straight in the chest. He dropped back, clutching his vest and hacking violently. He half-expected her to come rushing to his aid, but when he looked up, she was still in battle position. Her eyes were glittering and determined as she spoke words he hadn't expected to hear from her.

"First kill."

* * *

Although first kill may have gone to Sakura, last kill and most kills overall went to Kakashi. They limped back to the sidelines, joining the others while they regained their wind.

As Sakura flopped onto the grass and stretched out on her back, Tenzou said, "Nice match, Sakura."

"I lost." She scowled.

"If it were a real battle, Kakashi-senpai may not have been the victor," Tenzou reasoned. "You got him first."

"What kind of real battle sticks to taijutsu only?" Sakura scoffed, pulling her leg over her torso in a sinuous extension. "And stop staring, Naruto. I know you can see through those creepy eyelids."

"Cannot," Naruto pouted, "but I bet you're doing something that makes me wish I could." He peeked. "Yup."

Naruto may not be able to see through his eyelids in Sage Mode, but Kakashi was impressed anyway. It was his first time witnessing Sage Mode. Inactive or not, Kakashi was beginning to feel what made Naruto formidable enough to take on Pain. It was strange knowing his student truly had surpassed him.

"I'm telling Hinata," grumbled Sakura, but she didn't stop stretching, only switched legs.

"Why would Hinata-san be interested that her boyfriend looks at ugly girls? If she doesn't mind that he suspiciously lacks a penis, I don't think it will much matter to her if—"

"Shut up, Sai!" Naruto and Sakura yelled.

Kakashi smiled. At least some things stayed the same.

"Speaking of nice matches," he said, "good job schooling little Yamato over there in taijutsu, Genma."

"Someone's got to keep him humble," Genma said, grinning and dropping a good-natured arm over Tenzou's shoulders.

Tenzou sniffed. "What kind of real battle sticks to only taijutsu?" he parroted haughtily.

Naruto stood, stretching his joints that had been stationary for an extended period of time. It seemed he was no longer in Sage Mode, judging by his normal-looking eyelids. "Don't worry, Yamato-taichou. I'm going to school Sai in _everything_ and then you'll have company."

"Is that so?" Sai remarked, countenance typically dispassionate, making his way toward the middle of the clearing. "We'll see."

Naruto was surrounded by ferocious ink lions, battling them while dodging random projectiles thrown from Sai's sky-born perch. Naruto managed to shoot a blast of wind from his joined wrists, discernible only by slight ripples created in the surrounding air. It clipped the bird's left wing and both the bird and Sai went tumbling. It was a long fall.

Kakashi waited for Naruto to do something – but Naruto was too preoccupied with stopping one of the lions from tearing out his throat to even look to see whether his attack had landed.

"Shit," Sakura whispered from the other side of Yamato; Kakashi glanced at her. Despite her angry yelling in the ROOT member's direction, she was obviously worried now, apprehensively chewing on her lower lip. She moved to get up.

"Don't," Kakashi said. "Watch."

Mere meters before Sai hit the ground, a new bird blossomed beneath him, unfurling its wings and catching an updraft. It lifted, circling to regain altitude as the old bird smashed into the ground with a _splat_.

"Nice save, Sai!" Sakura called enthusiastically.

Having defeated the last of the ink lions while Sai was distracted, Naruto pouted at Sakura. "Hey. You're supposed to be rooting for _me_, remember?"

"Says who?" teased Sakura, sticking out her tongue.

A new torrent of ink animals, humongous boars this time, rained down. Distantly, Sai called, "You can't afford to hold side conversations, Dickless!"

"Bring it on, Belly Boy!" Naruto used the slight reprieve to create the completed form of his new wind jutsu, which was a giant wind dragon that ripped its way through the clearing to dispatch the boars before launching itself into the sky.

The battle began anew, but Sakura was staring in dismay, not at the spectacular aerial dance between bird and dragon, but at the ruined training grounds.

"Can't you get him to learn _anything_ that's not destructive?" she cried, glaring at Tenzou in accusation.

Tenzou shrugged, his eyes glued to the sky. "What can I say? It's in his nature."

Sakura stilled. "No, it's not, and if you ever say that in his presence I will make sure it's the last thing you ever say." Her voice was quiet, but Kakashi tore his eye from the battle to glance at her. Although her face was blank as a mask, something told him she was as deadly serious as he'd ever seen her.

Tenzou and Genma looked at her as well. "I didn't mean it like that," Tenzou said in a low voice.

She refused to meet anyone's gaze, her eyes carefully following Naruto's progress. "I don't care." Then, as though nothing out of the ordinary had transpired, she smiled brightly when Naruto got in a good hit. "Go Naruto!"

Everyone watched the rest of the battle unfold in tense silence. When Naruto stood on the peak of a small mountain of his own making and declared himself the winner, Sakura got up and ran to him, jumping up and down and cheering.

Kakashi watched indifferently when Sai landed beside them and began arguing that _he_ would have won had they continued.

"That girl's got a crazy streak a mile wide," Genma said, staring after the apparently happy girl that had been making threats only moments before.

"No," Tenzou said sternly. "She was right. Naruto would have been hurt, had he heard that."

"Come on," Genma scoffed. "So you shouldn't've said it. You didn't _mean _it. She got a little extreme there, don't you think?"

"We protect one another," Kakashi said flatly. "It's what we do."

Genma looked from Tenzou to Kakashi, incredulous.

Tenzou looked away. "We don't expect you to understand. It's personal."

"I see how it fucking is," Genma spat, face sour. He moved to get up, but the other three were approaching, so he passed it off as brushing grass from his uniform.

"I will agree to call it a draw," Sai was saying, but his face wouldn't give away he was annoyed unless one knew him well.

"It wasn't a draw, Belly Boy," cackled Naruto. "It would have been same old same old until _you_ ran out of chakra. I won. Deal."

"It's Ugly's fault," Sai said imperiously. "She insisted we spar first."

Sakura punched the back of his head. "Is not! Don't be a sore loser."

Though Naruto offered a hand to help Sai up, he frowned. "I didn't use Sage Mode or clones to make it even. You really _are_ being a sore loser."

"Fine. You won, Dickless," Sai muttered through clenched teeth, rubbing his head where Sakura's fist had connected.

Naruto puffed out his chest. "See, Kakashi-sensei? I won!"

"Very nice," Kakashi said, smiling at the trio's antics. "Well fought, both of you."

"Did you see the dragon, Yamato-taichou? Wasn't it awesome?"

Tenzou's smile was strained. "It was better than when we practiced."

Sakura slung an arm each around Naruto and Sai, poking her head in between them to address Tenzou. "And Yamato-taichou offered to take care of the training grounds for us. Isn't that nice of him?"

"Really? Even though you didn't do it?" Naruto said, as eager as anyone else to escape the mundane and difficult chore.

"No," Genma said, rolling his eyes. "You did it; you clean it."

Tenzou ignored him. "Yes, Naruto. I said I'd clean it up as a reward for your hard work. Sai's too, of course."

Sakura pouted a bit but tried to hide it. "And Sakura's," Tenzou added. She smiled again.

"Great! That means I can go meet Hina-chan on time. 'Bye, everyone. Thanks for coming!" Naruto chirped and bounded off, happy with his success in the fight he spent weeks training for.

"I believe social protocol dictates I stay until the host leaves, but I am unable to identify the host in this situation," Sai said, turning expectant eyes to Sakura. His face was studiously blank – Sai's default emotionless expression – but the tension in his body and his clenched fists clearly indicated his foul mood.

Sakura stared at him, puzzled, but said, "Go, Sai, if you want to. We won't stop you."

Sai stiffly nodded his goodbyes and leapt into the trees, off to do whatever it was he did in his free time. Paint, probably.

Sakura turned to Genma, smiling good-naturedly. "Can I ask you something, Genma-san?"

Genma shrugged, face apathetic.

"You know, I was thinking the other day. You're sort of close to Kurenai-sensei, right?"

"You could say that."

"Well, she's always been really nice to me and I was trying to figure out how to help her. What do you suppose is the best way to do that?"

"It depends. Do you really want to help her out of the supposed goodness of your heart or do you just want something from her, like you said at the party?"

Sakura flushed, and for the first time, Kakashi noticed that the tips of her ears reddened when she was embarrassed, just like her mother's the other night.

"What do you know about how kunoichi stick together?" she snapped, then forcibly smoothed her face back into a pleasant smile. "What does she worry about that I can maybe help with?"

Genma sighed. "The hell if I know. I don't know much about what she does outside of the battlefield or the bar. If I were her, I'd worry about that dinky little house she bought not being big enough for a kid. But you're female, so what do _you_ worry about?"

"I worry about..." Sakura trailed off, frowning. She arched her pink brows and her expression lifted. "Thanks, Genma-san."

Sensing Sakura was about to take her leave, Kakashi said, "I'd love to stick around with you ladies, but I've got a mission briefing at Headquarters right about now."

"Too bad," Tenzou said. "I'm in town for awhile, and so is Sai, for once. By the time you get back..." He shrugged.

Kakashi set off in the direction of Headquarters, lifting his hand in a parting gesture. He listened, bemused as Sakura started to ask Tenzou something but degenerated into swearwords halfway through her sentence. Kakashi wondered how long it would take her to figure it out.

"I just remembered I have to ... uh ... clean my house. I promised my mother," she explained lamely, taking a couple of steps in the direction Kakashi had walked, then rethinking and scrambling in the opposite direction.

* * *

Kakashi enjoyed observing Sakura's – Chiyoko's – face tic as she watched him approach ANBU Headquarters. He could imagine she was dying to yell at him for somehow managing to be later than her, but Shiori and Ryoji were standing a careful distance away, so Sakura was forced to hold her tongue.

"Ah, just on time, Kakashi-taichou," Shiori chirped. "You're even a bit early!"

"Early, am I?" Kakashi hummed, amused. When Shiori had passed along the message about the debrief, she must have given him the wrong time on purpose. "And here I thought I was going to get a lecture."

Though Sakura's face was currently different, he still recognized the signs of rage brewing in her furrowed brow. Her brown eyes glittered with anger. "Early?" she hissed through clenched teeth, glaring at her teammates. "You told me I was late and I'd be penalized for it."

Ryoji barked a laugh. "Don't worry about it, girly. Just our little joke. We got him here on time, didn't we?"

Kakashi frowned. It was one thing to do such a thing to him – he probably deserved it, after all – but he really couldn't see the humor in including Sakura.

Sakura said nothing, but contorted her features into a false expression of levity. "Oh, I see. It's a funny joke when _your_ ass isn't on the line. I get it."

Shiori shifted uncomfortably, diverting her gaze. "We didn't mean any harm. Why don't we just go in? We have paychecks to pick up from last mission. That should cheer everyone up, right?"

Sakura relaxed noticeably at this, following Shiori and Ryoji into the building with Kakashi close behind.

"Here it is," Ryoji said, gesturing at a door to his left. He winked at Sakura. "Ladies first."

She ignored him and stalked past the door. "A little directionally challenged, are you? That's a men's bathroom." Without looking back, she made her way to the correct door and opened it without hesitating.

Kakashi walked past the pouting Ryoji, vaguely wondering how Sakura knew her way around ANBU Headquarters so well. He supposed she'd been there getting her uniform and such.

"That wasn't very nice, Ryoji," scolded Shiori from behind.

"Oh, come on. It was funny!"

"Grow up."

"Whatever," Ryoji mumbled as they entered Payroll.

Sakura was waiting, her eyes trained on Kakashi. "How does this work?"

Ryoji butted ahead. "Watch and learn. Miyahara Ryoji," he said to the desk attendant.

The worker shuffled some paperwork. After checking something off, she handed Ryoji a form. "Sign on the X," the woman said in a bored voice. Ryoji signed with a flourish and she handed him a blank white envelope.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the demonstration, Ryoji-senpai. The process is so complicated that I couldn't possibly have figured it out on my own."

"Well, you never know how smart chuunin come these days," Ryoji said with a shrug, thumbing through his cash. "Just trying to help out."

Steeling her shoulders, Sakura turned to the drowsy desk worker. "Madoka Chiyoko."

Actually, Kakashi wouldn't be surprised if there was a hiccough, so he sighed with relief when the woman handed over the requisite form and the envelope.

Shiori and Kakashi followed suit. When Kakashi finished, he turned to see Sakura counting her money with a frown.

"This is all?" The disappointment in her voice was plain. "I thought there'd be a more significant pay raise."

Shiori peered at the wad of bills in Sakura's hand. "You do seem to have less than usual. Maybe you're still on chuunin pay grade?"

The paper crumpled noisily as Sakura clenched her fist. "Typical. I should have known he –" She cut off abruptly. "Jounin work for chuunin pay," she spat instead. "Nice."

Kakashi frowned. He never would have taken Sakura for greedy.

Ryoji didn't miss the opportunity to take a jab at Sakura. "If you want jounin pay, try becoming a jounin like the rest of us."

Sakura turned to him, eyes feigning innocence. "Oh, do tokubetsu jounin get the same pay as full jounin? I never knew that. Doesn't seem fair, does it?"

Shiori sniggered, earning a glare from Ryoji. "What?" she laughed. "She's got you there."

"Whatever," he grumbled, tucking his money away. "I don't see why she's so concerned about it anyway. I mean, she's like sixteen or something, right? What's she going to spend it on? A pedicure?"

"You pegged me," said Sakura, a wide smile on her face. "I have expensive taste, you know, and this just won't do. I'll have to settle for second rate! What a pity."

"Don't we have a debriefing to attend?" Kakashi interrupted, tired of the uncharacteristic bickering.

"Yes, we do," Shiori was quick to say, herding everyone out. Sakura paused in front of the door they needed to go in, feet planting in a seemingly involuntary way. "This is Morino Ibiki's office," Shiori explained. "He's the current ANBU Captain and head of Torture and –"

"I know who he is," Sakura said. With that, she pushed open the door decisively. Still, once inside, she let the others step in front of her. Kakashi didn't miss how she placed herself behind him in particular. He remembered that Ibiki proctored part of her first Chuunin Exam. He must have made quite an impression. Well, that was hardly surprising...

Ibiki steepled his fingers in front of his face from behind his desk. He'd foregone the bandana today, letting his scars show for all to see.

"Chiyoko-san, step out where I can see you," he said, voice neutral.

She obeyed, keeping her head bowed so her hair would cover her face.

Ibiki chuckled. "You needn't worry. I'm well aware of the stipulations in place."

She looked up at him, relief on her face.

"I wondered when this day would come, you know." At her questioning gaze, he continued, "It was only a matter of time until you stood before me in this capacity."

Kakashi looked at Ibiki strangely. It seemed an odd thing to say. Whatever was meant by it seemed to please Sakura, since she was smiling.

Ibiki turned to the others. "Well, aren't you going to look at the scrolls?"

Kakashi stepped forward to take the largest. Shiori and Ryoji took the others, Sakura not far behind.

They were headed to an outpost in Taki that had something strange going on with its supplies. Since the supply line routed through there directly to Konoha, it was worth looking into.

"It may look menial, but I shouldn't have to explain why this squad was chosen for this particular task," Ibiki said.

Of course Kakashi understood. Any other unit would focus entirely on possible Iwa interference and ignore the possibility of Ame interference entirely. After all, why would allies interrupt one another's supply lines? Rather than risk disseminating such sensitive information, it made sense to send the unit that already knew the alliance with Ame could possibly be compromised.

"Your departure time is set tomorrow morning at six hundred hours from Rendezvous Point C." Kakashi nodded and waited for dismissal, surprised when Ibiki went on. "I'm also considering something for the future, so with this in mind, I'd like you to travel with Agent Dragon's squad before reaching a designated splitting place, which they will be informed of. Revealing your identities to Dragon Squad is permissible but subject to your personal discretions. You are dismissed."

* * *

Teams Wolf and Dragon had only been travelling together for a day and Kakashi was already questioning the order bringing them together. As a whole, he found Dragon Squad brash and incautious, crashing through the trees quickly but loudly and chattering as they went. Only one member, Crane, seemed able to sufficiently contain himself. It hardly mattered that one of four didn't grate Kakashi's nerves, since Ryoji was joining the pissing contest spearheaded by Dragon Squad. Even Shiori was goaded into chiming in, though it was mostly to scold Ryoji. Kakashi was tempted to order them all – even the other captain – to hold their tongues, but there was little need so long as they were still within Fire Country's borders. Still, their unprofessionalism was noted.

Only Sakura – Chiyoko – and Team Dragon's Crane were maintaining the level of silence he expected from ANBU, though Crane was lackadaisical and Sakura was trailing behind ridiculously. He knew she could keep up, yet when he ordered her to, she would temporarily race ahead of the group only eventually to fall behind again. It was maddening. When Dragon managed to draw Shiori into bickering with him by describing in graphic detail his latest sexual conquest, Kakashi had had enough.

"Halt!" he called. "We'll set up camp here for the night. There's a natural clearing."

Every member of Wolf Squad dropped down to the forest floor immediately. Crane and Squirrel of Dragon Squad did the same, but Ox and Dragon stayed in the trees.

"I don't think so," Dragon said, nonchalant. "It's early yet." He motioned his subordinates to get back in the trees. Squirrel scrambled to obey, but Crane hesitated.

"The twilight will darken sooner than you'd think," Kakashi insisted, bored of this petty power play before it had even begun. Behind him, his squad was already settling into camp, unconcerned with Dragon's dissent.

"I am well aware of the time, Wolf-_san_," Dragon said, emphasizing the title to show that he didn't consider Kakashi above himself. "There is still more ground to be covered tonight."

"Taichou," Crane broke in unexpectedly, "this is an easily defensible clearing large enough to house us all comfortably. If we travel much longer, we'll be out of Fire Country and need to sacrifice sleep for double sentries. I think we should –"

Crane's intrusion broke the tension. Seeing he'd been outnumbered, Dragon shrugged as if he didn't care. "Extra sleep will be nice, won't it, Ox?" he said, interrupting Crane with a flap of his hand. Ox, Squirrel, and Dragon lit down in the clearing. "Squirrel and Crane will take watch on our end. Choose two of your own, Wolf-san."

Ignoring Dragon's attempt to manipulate him into following orders, Kakashi turned to his squad. They were quietly squabbling over who was to be assigned what task.

"I just don't understand why we have to change up every time we make camp," Sakura was saying. "In a regular team, there's usually some sort of system—"

"She's right," said Shiori. "We used to have one. Why can't she just take over Mogusa's jobs?"

"Because she can't," Ryoji insisted, poorly hidden anger coloring his voice.

"Why not? It would be simplest for—"

"Because she's _not_ a regular member and she can't just replace Mogusa. She's not half the shinobi he was and she'll never—"

"Ryoji!" scolded Shiori as Sakura shrunk in on herself. "You know that's not what I—"

Kakashi sighed before stepping in. "Has being a mockery of an ANBU squad become contagious? Tiger, dig a latrine. Mouse, gather firewood. Cat, scout the area."

"Yes, Taichou!" they chorused.

Kakashi sighed. Before Mogusa's death, his team ran like a machine. They'd been together for years before their erstwhile captain retired after being injured in the invasion. Kakashi's addition to the team had been nowhere near as rocky as Sakura's. He didn't know what the issue was.

"'Yes, Taichou!'" Ox mocked to Dragon, sniggering.

Kakashi ignored it, setting his pack down and went off to scout. He needed some time to himself.

* * *

When Kakashi returned to the camp, the night was deep. True to his word, dusk had fallen quickly. Now the light of the fire was the only thing illuminating the shinobi circling it. Kakashi was surprised to note they all still wore their masks, but he took his own off regardless. Sweat was beading on his forehead and soaking into his bandage eye patch and cloth mask; the night air was a welcome relief as he set the porcelain stylized wolf likeness aside. As usual, his team quickly followed suit.

"We should introduce ourselves," Shiori said with a smile, her usual sunny attitude shining through.

"You know who I am, babe," snickered Dragon. "No woman forgets _me_ after I'm through with her."

"I've had better," she snapped with a sudden scowl, "and I've certainly had nicer."

"Maybe nicer, but not better," Dragon blustered while Ox chuckled darkly.

Ignoring him, Cat continued. "I am Arai Shiori, rank jounin," she said, but her face was now grim and the light was gone from her eyes. "I specialize in fire ninjutsu." She then scowled at Ryoji.

"Miyahara Ryoji, rank tokubetsu jounin. I specialize in taijutsu." With a glance toward Dragon, he added, "I also specialize in ninjutsu."

"Oh yeah?" asked Dragon. "What type?"

"I –" Ryoji fumbled. "Um, earth."

"If you have to guess, then it's not a specialty, kid," Dragon scoffed, and Ox chuckled again.

Ryoji blushed furiously and elbowed Sakura in the ribs to hurry her up. "Madoka Chiyoko. Chuunin. My first specialty is medicine, but I also specialize in –" She paused here, probably realizing she couldn't reveal her true concentrations.

Before she finished, Ox interrupted her with a growling laugh. "You hear that, Ryuu? This little girl is a chuunin and she thinks she has a specialty – more than one specialty!"

Dragon, who was sitting next to her, scooted closer. "He's right, you know. But don't let him bother you. Your specialty can be looking good, because you do, Chiyoko-chan."

Dragon removed his mask to reveal a pale, handsome face with chiseled features. He took care to run his hands through his thick chestnut hair that shone red in the fire. "My name is Wakahisa Ryuu, but you can just call me Ryuu, Chiyoko-chan. I'm a full jounin and like you, I also have no specialty, but in my case, it's because I specialize in everything. I do have a particular talent for fire ninjutsu, though, right, Shiori?"

At that, he winked at Shiori. In response, she groaned in exasperation. "You're insufferable, Ryuu!"

"That's Wakahisa-taichou to you, Shiori. Chiyoko-chan, don't listen to her tall tales. She broke my heart when she left me."

Shiori's eyes narrowed. "After you slept with that salesgirl, I _ought_ to have broken something else, like your –"

"H-hey, hey, my turn," Squirrel broke in nervously, attempting to break up the tension.

Kakashi sighed. Exes. Just his luck. And he couldn't figure out Sakura; her eyes stayed glued to Ryuu like she was responding to the attention, but her expression was just blank enough to bury her true emotions.

Squirrel interrupted Kakashi's thoughts with his stuttering introduction. "I – I'm Tsukada Michio. I'm a special jounin and the team medic."

The boy looked shockingly innocent, with sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, a heart-shaped face and bowed lips. He was still going through the awkward, gangly phase; he couldn't have been much older than Sakura. She probably knew him, as a medic.

"What is your specialty, Tsukada-san?" Sakura asked kindly, the dead look gone from her eyes as she smiled gently at the boy.

Blushing from the attention, he muttered, "Well, I – um, that is to say – I –"

"Little Michio-kun is a brand new tokubetsu jounin, isn't he?" Ryuu chortled. "He doesn't quite have a battle specialty yet."

"Practically a chuunin, he is," growled Ox, clapping Michio on the back a little too hard and sending him flying off the log he was seated on, barely missing the fire.

Pulling himself back up while Ox and Dragon laughed at him, Michio's faced turned scarlet and he kept his eyes trained on his lap.

Breaking the awkward silence, Crane began his introduction by taking off his mask. "I am Oshiro Tsubasa, ranked jounin. My concentrations are genjutsu and strategy." He was tall and thin with spiky brown hair and green eyes burdened with ennui; if Kakashi had to guess, that boredom was a permanent expression on Tsubasa's face. Kakashi thought he could grow to like this one.

Next was Ox. "Yamada Tarou," he said in his grunting way of speaking.

Ryoji stifled a laugh at the name Tarou, which meant thick or big and couldn't suit its owner better. Shiori elbowed him, but was fighting to keep a grin off of her own face. Sakura, who would join in when she was with Team Kakashi, stayed silent. Kakashi frowned at them all.

Tarou scowled, but it wasn't much different from his default expression. "Tokubetsu jounin. Weapons specialist."

That wasn't hard to tell, judging by the humongous mace that lay between Tarou and Kakashi. All eyes turned to him, expecting an introduction even though they all knew who he was. "Hatake Kakashi," he said simply.

"Your specialty?" Ryuu pushed, and Kakashi could see the challenge in the younger man's eyes.

"Assassination."

"Oh yeah? What's the gnarliest assassination you've ever done?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"Nothing interesting, huh? What about your most recent?"

"That's classified," Kakashi deflected, suppressing a sigh at the tedium. He would bet the _Icha, Icha_ book in his pocket that Ryuu would tell a boastful story of his own next.

"Sure it is," said Ryuu, inclining his head with false understanding. "Myself, though, I've got plenty of good choke stories. My last target was spy posing as a civilian merchant. I slit his throat while he was fucking his wife. They didn't know I was there and they started going at it, so I waited until he was about to come and did it then. The traitor bitch wouldn't stop screaming his name even after I gagged her."

Tarou laughed. "That'll teach 'em what happens when you flip on Konoha. Informants aren't worth a damn these days."

Kakashi gave a little pat to his book, which was entirely safe where it was.

Ryuu wasn't finished, however. "The gnarliest kill, though, wasn't even mine, but it's still a good story. I was the handler for a seduction information extraction mission, but the stupid girl got it all wrong. I thought she wasn't hot enough to do it in the first place. I mean, she was okay – tight little ass, at least – but she had these tiny tits. This guy, I saw the girls he picked, and they were all stacked. But he bedded her anyway and I thought everything was going all right for the first couple of weeks. She was bringing back some information, but not what we needed. And then she somehow fucked it all up. He attacked her or something, sniffed her out, and instead of just aborting, she fucking _murdered_ him. But it was so twisted. When I found them, he was tied to a chair in the middle of the room and there was blood pooled beneath it. There were screws in his head and senbon everywhere. The tendons were cut in his legs and one eye was out of the socket. It was gruesome. She got all the information but we failed the mission because she was such a crazy bitch and gave away shinobi involvement. I swear, I've never seen anyone more insane. When we were coming back, she –"

The rest of his tale was cut off as Sakura slammed to her feet. "Do you have any idea how many confidentiality laws you just broke?" she said, calm voice belying shaking hands and the diamond hardness in her eyes as they glittered in the firelight.

"Aw, Chiyoko-chan," Ryuu whined playfully, giving his best attempt at a charming pout. "I was just trying to entertain you. I didn't give any identifying details."

"No identifying details? Is that what you really –" She quieted abruptly and turned on her heel, striding into the forest.

"That's another crazy bitch right there," grunted Tarou in dismissal. "They all are, in some way or another."

Kakashi ignored them and rose to follow Sakura.

"Where are you going, Hatake?" Ryuu asked. "I was thinking we'd start a friendly little card game."

"It's nightfall and we're in the border territory. It's not safe for one of us to wander off alone," Kakashi answered, voice steady.

Ryuu shrugged. "Let her go have her PMS. She'll be back."

Disregarding the other captain, Kakashi went in the direction Sakura had disappeared. Shiori and Ryoji followed without a word.

"Suit yourselves," Dragon called after them.

Sakura wasn't concealing her presence and wasn't difficult to find. She hadn't gone far. When Kakashi spotted her, she was leaning her forehead against a tree, her hands gripping the trunk on either side of her head. She was breathing carefully, slowly and deeply.

Shiori was the first to speak. "Chiyoko-san? Are you all right?"

Sakura's fingers tightened around the tree, her nails leaving marks in the bark. "I'm fine."

"Well, can you come back to camp then?" Ryoji said, exasperated. "Ryuu said something about cards, and I'd like to play before it gets too late."

"No, I will not come back to camp."

"Why not?" sighed Ryoji.

"Because if I go back there, I'll kill him where he stands," Sakura said matter-of-factly.

Ryoji was shocked into laughter. "Who, Ryuu? He's an ANBU Captain."

"What does it matter what he is? They all die the same."

"You're a chuunin."

Sakura's hands tightened again on the tree and there was a menacing crack. "I know that I'm a chuunin. Rank isn't everything."

"You couldn't kill him if you tried," Ryoji scoffed incredulously.

This was the last straw for Sakura. She pushed off and whirled around to face Ryoji. When she spoke, her voice was low and venomous in a way Kakashi had heard it only once before, right after they left Dai's apartment that night.

"I could kill anyone if I tried," she hissed. "Anyone. It only depends on how much I'm willing to sacrifice. And Wakahisa Ryuu is too tempting. His throat is …" she trailed off, search for the right word. "It's inviting. I'd like to make it grin." She ran her finger across her own throat and then she laughed the ominous, unsettling laugh that Kakashi had hoped never to hear again. "He makes me forget about consequences. I'd ask if you understood, but I doubt you do."

A heavy silence permeated the air. Kakashi didn't know what to say, just as he had been at a loss for words every other time he'd seen hints of darkness overcoming her. It was hard to reconcile this strange person with the little girl he once knew.

Finally, Shiori spoke, voice quiet and kind. "What is this about? Did he do something to you? He didn't seem to know you, but…."

"He cheated on you, right?" Sakura asked, sounding a little more like herself.

"That was a long time ago. We were young; we went to Academy together. He was different then…. I hate the way he's grown up." Shiori's voice caught in her throat, and Sakura looked up in surprise. "I'm sorry for the way he's acted tonight. It's probably my fault. If I weren't here, he might not be so—"

"No, it's not you." Sakura's voice softened. "I can deal with any sort of idiot for awhile. It's just…."

"Just?" Shiori prompted, studying Sakura intently though she was shrouded in shadows.

"That story he told tonight got under my skin. I – he –" Sakura struggled to explain. "That girl, she wasn't crazy. She knew what she was doing. The jig was up. He was going to kill her, but she extracted the information and killed him first. She didn't do it that way because she was insane. She did it to frame Rock for the target's death. There wasn't a – she didn't – she had no _choice_, but she failed the mission anyway. And that guy, Ryuu, he was her captain. He was supposed to protect her but he just laughed about it, and he – he hit on her, on the way home, said he'd give a better report if she…." Sakura trailed off. The rest didn't need to be said.

"You know her," Shiori said. "You know that girl."

"Yes," Sakura confirmed in a whisper, turning away again.

This is what Kakashi was waiting for. The girl was Ino. Who knows what happened between her and the target on that mission – likely rape – and it explained everything from Ino's personality change to Sakura's dark moods. Knowing was a relief, but it didn't help Kakashi know what to say in this situation.

"Man, Ryuu is more of an asshole than I thought," Ryoji said, laughing weakly. His attempt at a joke fell flat.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "As much as I appreciate that, the fact remains that it's a security risk for you to stay out here. You'll have to come back to camp."

Sakura's shoulders tensed. "I know. Let's go."

They made their way back, the silence between them strangely more comfortable than it had been before.

"I apologize," Sakura whispered as they cleared the tree line. "It wasn't my intention to cause trouble."

Shiori reached over and squeezed Sakura's shoulder. "It's all right. He really is an asshole."

"I-is everything okay, Chiyoko-san?" Michio asked as Wolf Squad returned to their places around the fire.

Sakura smiled. "Yes, everything is fine. Sorry about that!" she said, laughing breezily. "Women troubles. You know how it is."

Ryuu smirked. "So, now that that's over, how about a game of cards, everyone? Care for a wager?"

Tsubasa immediately stood and began setting out his bedroll.

"Scared I'll beat you?" wheedled Ryuu. "You're never any fun, Tsubasa."

Michio, though, was quick to volunteer. "I'm in!"

"Poker is a man's game. Sure you can handle it, Michio-kun? All right." Ryuu laughed, shuffling a deck of cards. "What about you, Ryoji? You in?"

"Deal me in."

"Me too," Shiori interjected. "Poker isn't just a man's game."

"Okay, I'll take your money too, Shiori-chan. And you, Hatake-san? Will you play? I'd like to see what Sharingan Kakashi can do with a poker hand."

Ryuu looked a little too keen, and besides, Kakashi was a terrible gambler. "No, I think I'll sit this one out."

Covering up his disappointment, Ryuu turned to Sakura with a magnetic smile. "Are you going to stand up for women's right to play poker too, Chiyoko-chan?"

Sakura demurred. "I don't really know how to play."

"I'll teach you. There's nothing to it."

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. Move a little closer, Chiyoko-chan."

Sakura blushed and scooted closer to Ryuu.

As they all moved into a configuration better suited for playing cards, Ryuu whispered audibly in Sakura's ear. "You can sit close. I don't bite." Then he leaned closer. "Unless you like that, of course."

Kakashi watched the girl who, just minutes ago, had professed a desire to kill this man blush and sidle up alongside him like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Ryuu explained how the game worked and helped her through a hand while Tarou dealt. Occasionally, Michio clumsily interjected with advice and shot jealous looks at the couple. The rest of Wolf Squad looked on in silent confusion.

Ryuu's help didn't seem to be doing much good, either. Sakura lost spectacularly, making foolish bets. Every once in a while she would win a small pot and Ryuu would lavish her with praise. She would laugh in delight but then lose again. She didn't seem to care, more concerned with brushing up against the handsome captain of Dragon Squad than winning a bit of money. She won just enough to keep playing.

Unsurprisingly, a rivalry was building up between Ryoji and Ryuu. Ryoji would try so desperately to beat Ryuu that he'd make stupid mistakes. He'd win for awhile and then lose it all in one big hand. Michio went all-in early on and lost, knocking himself out of the game and going to bed out of frustration. However, Shiori was doing well consistently, though she didn't win any big pots.

It was entertaining to watch them, at least, though seeing Sakura sucker up to that idiot left a sour taste in Kakashi's mouth. Not only that, but her fidgeting was driving him mad; she kept flicking her fingers. He watched Ryuu watching the curve of her mouth when she pouted prettily after losing a hand. Why she thought a pair of twos would win was beyond Kakashi.

The night wore on. Sakura was egging on Ryuu and Ryoji in their rivalry, encouraging reckless bets. They both kept raising the bet higher and higher and Sakura usually stuck in the hand seemingly for the fun of it. On the current hand, the bets were the highest they had been yet. Shiori folded. Then Ryuu went all in, declaring it the last hand of the night, winner takes all. Ryoji followed suit and then Sakura, almost as an afterthought. She yawned and blinked sleepily.

"Flip your cards," said Tarou.

All three did. Ryuu had a pair of Jacks. Ryoji had an Ace and a King. Sakura had a seven and a five, off-suit.

"Oh, you win, Ryuu!" simpered Sakura. "You have two aces. That's good, right?" She started moving the money toward him.

"Not so fast, Chiyoko-san," Shiori cautioned.

"Oh," Sakura said, re-evaluating. "Wait. Ryoji wins, right, because he has three jacks?"

"No. You win," Ryoji grumbled. "You somehow pulled an inside straight."

"A what?" Sakura asked, confused.

Kakashi looked at the community cards. Sure enough, they were a four, a six, an eight, a Jack, and an Ace. He smirked at the irony.

"You got all the numbers from four to eight, Chiyoko-san," Shiori explained patiently.

Sakura's brow furrowed. "But they're lower."

"They're in a row, so that's better."

"If you say so," Sakura chirped happily, pulling the money towards herself.

Ryuu stopped her by placing his hand over hers. "That's not all yours. It's a split pot."

Sakura blushed. "I'm sorry. I don't really know what I'm—"

"Don't listen to him, Chiyoko-san," interjected Shiori. "He said winner takes all when he thought he would win. It's all yours."

"Those aren't the rules of the game," Tarou protested, always quick to defend Ryuu.

"You all agreed to them anyway. Fair is fair. That money is Chiyoko-san's."

Sakura tucked the money away quickly then stood up and stretched. "Well, that was fun. Thanks for all your help, Ryuu! Someone wake me when it's my watch."

Shiori did the same. "The only ones left with anything are me and Chiyoko-san. Guess poker is a woman's game, huh?" she teased and kicked dirt onto the fire to put it out.

Ryuu scowled, stood stiffly, and retired without a word. Chuckling, Ryoji volunteered for first watch.

Kakashi chuckled too as he prepared his bedroll. Across the clearing, he could see Sakura lying on hers, illuminated in a stretch of moonlight. Her fingers were flexing the same way that had been annoying him, only this time there was a coin between, flipping rapidly from one finger to the next and back. The movement reminded him of something, but it took him a minute to place.

She was doing to that coin what he'd seen poker players do in the few casinos he'd been to. He remembered what one old man had taught him in the casino where Kakashi learned he wasn't destined to be a poker player. The man had said, "The minute you see a player flipping his chips like that, you fold. He'll rob you blind before you even know what hit you."

It was then Kakashi knew his suspicions were correct. The reason he stayed and watched every hand was partially to evaluate Sakura, and she kept him guessing. In the end, he had decided she was genuine, but he was wrong. She played them all – especially Ryuu – like a fiddle.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter is in the works already. I will expend my best effort to close the gap between this chapter and the next.

We are coming into the parts of the story that actually move along a bit, now. It is nice. Elaborate set ups are important to me, though, and even this is just an elaborate set up for something else. That is just how I roll.

Look to SpikeDee for a wonderful side story set in this world, coming soon. I am very excited. It is excellent. Publishing is delayed because he has SPOILERZ for this story and my publication must catch up. If you like this, check that out!


	12. Social Niceties

A/N: Sorry for the delay; my lovely editor SpikeDee has a busy life, as do I. My eternal thanks to him. Without him, there would be more erroneous words in this than should be possible.

I meant to mention last chapter that I did a lot of research before including poker as the featured game. I don't like to include arbitrary Western elements, but in the end I decided to go with it. There isn't a traditional Japanese game that functioned as I needed that game to function. Also, playing cards originated in the East from dominos and modern Japanese people do actually play a lot of poker in their underground casinos. That's the basis behind my decision, for anyone who cares.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Columns of numbers swam past Sakura's eyes. A yawn and a shake of her head forced them back into place, but that didn't help her weariness. The storage room was humid – as this part of the country usually was – but Sakura had never realized how stuffy things were when wearing a porcelain mask. If only she were outside, where she could get a little breeze –

_Snap_. Sakura took a moment to realize the sound came from her pencil, now a collection of splinters. She sighed. She had to get a hold of her jealousy. So what if she had to do the grunt work while everyone else searched for supply-line breaches and risk factors? After all, she _was_ the chuunin.

It made sense, aside from fact that spending four days cross-checking records and triple-counting shipments was enough to drive Sakura to murder innocent writing utensils.

Suppressing another sigh, Sakura rose and decided to use this opportunity to stretch. She made her way to the other desk; at least she wasn't alone in this. Only one person from the fort had volunteered to help with the paperwork, even with extra pay.

"Shin-san, I'm afraid I need another pencil."

The man smiled at her, brown eyes twinkling in a youthful face. "Another one down for the count, eh? Mouse-san, you really must be more gentle. You'll deplete our forests of wood before you're gone," Shin teased.

"I'll be sure to plant some trees, then," she replied, though she could feel the telltale heat of embarrassment in the tips of her ears.

"Whoever chose that mouse mask for you may have done you a disservice. The pencils think so, at least."

"Hmm." Sakura fought back a scowl. Ryoji had taken to calling her the "little mouse" and offering her cheese with every meal.

When Shiori scolded him for it, he laughed it off, saying, "Mouse hair, mouse eyes, and she hardly makes a squeak! It suits her."

But Shin was oblivious to Sakura's dark mood. As he opened a drawer, his arm knocked a picture frame to the floor, shattering it. Frowning, he looked down at it.

Sakura picked it up. It was a woman in typical Waterfall civilian garb, holding a young boy with a weathered Konoha forehead protector in his chubby hand.

"Your family?" she guessed. She found it odd that someone bearing a Konoha headband lived so far out here, serving as a goodwill ambassador so long that he'd practically become a Waterfall native.

"Yes, that's them. He's a little older now, but we have another on the way."

"Is that why you took these extra shifts? Saving up for the baby?"

Shin gently took the picture from her, smiling fondly at it as he removed the broken glass from its frame. "Sharp, aren't you? Yes, things are tight with my wife expecting –" He cut his finger, hissing in pain. Sakura grabbed the bloody digit before he put it in his mouth, instinctively inspecting it.

"Don't teach your children that habit," she admonished. "You're more likely to get an infection that way." Calling a bit of chakra to her forefinger, she touched it to his, healing his cut instantly. Shin flexed his hand, testing it.

"Good as new. Thank you, Mouse-san."

"Do you have any tissues or napkins to clean this up with?" Sakura gestured towards the blood on the desk.

"Somewhere in the bottom drawers," he said, trying to move documents out of the way.

She found a sheaf of blank paper squares in an envelope and took one out to mop the blood, but Shin stopped her.

"That's chakra-element diagnostic paper. It would an expensive napkin." He opened another drawer and located the tissues.

Sakura inspected the tiny paper in her hand. This was chakra paper? How tempting to channel some chakra into it – just a little, just enough to—

But it wasn't hers, even if it was what she'd been saving up to buy for as long as she could remember. Before the invasion, she had enough in her bank account, but got distracted by other, supposedly more important things. Afterwards, she had to start from scratch with half the income, twice the expenses, and inflation all against her. It was all she could do to break even anymore.

She couldn't stop herself from asking. "Where did you get these? How could you afford so many?"

"Ah, I'd forgotten how difficult things have gotten back in Konoha. They're not as expensive out here. I got a deal from a merchant. Figured they would come in handy when my children come of age."

"What merchant? Where can I find him?"

Shin coughed, shuffling his papers. "You can't. He's a travelling merchant. But why don't you take a couple? I don't need them all."

Startled, Sakura's head whipped towards him. "I couldn't possibly. Really, that's too—"

Shin shoved two more sheets into her hand. "Consider it a token of gratitude for healing me."

"But it was just a tiny cut! I didn't—"

"Well, my thanks for your hard work in sorting out our little problem, then."

"That's my job," Sakura insisted, trying to hand the sheets back to him.

He waved her off. "Just accept the gift, Mouse-san. Now have you made it through May's records yet?"

Sakura carefully tucked away her unexpected windfall, smiling behind the mask. Perhaps this mission wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

The sound of a closing door sprung Sakura to attention. Quick inspection revealed a bleary-eyed Kakashi, ANBU mask in hand.

"Wolf-taichou, are you injured?"

He slumped into a nearby chair. "Just trying to catch you sleeping on the job."

Sakura could feel her face flushing and wished she was still wearing her mask. "I – I wasn't. I was only—"

"That ink on your cheek says otherwise," he said sternly.

Sakura's hand flew to her face, more embarrassed than ever.

Kakashi chuckled. "Relax. It's four in the morning. You shouldn't still be in here anyway."

"There's so much to do. I don't want us to be stuck here an extra day because I held us up."

He said nothing, only rubbed his bandaged Sharingan. She still wasn't quite used to seeing him like this instead of wearing his usual headband. With the bandage, it was easier to see his exhaustion. It was the first time she saw him since they'd arrived and completed the original consultation; it had probably been some time since he'd last slept.

"You should get some sleep. I'll fix your cot in the –"

He waved dismissively. "What have you got? Things have been slow in the field."

She sighed and slumped back down in her chair. "Not a lot. Some shipments are recorded as containing more than they actually do, which is why we were called, of course. They wouldn't authorize me to do another sweep of personal belongings for the missing goods, saying theirs was good enough and hadn't turned up anything—"

Kakashi interrupted. "There may be some Konoha shinobi here, but this is still a foreign facility."

Ignoring that, she pressed on. "Right. So I sent off for the records from the originating facilities. Only a couple have arrived, but they all confirm my theory."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "And what theory is that?"

"I'll show you," she said, shuffling papers until she found what she needed. She brought them over to him after circling a few key numbers.

"Look at this shipment of kunai. Twenty-five hundred were ordered and paid for in June. Twenty-seven hundred were reported as received in July. But this company sent me their own records, and see?"

"Only twenty-five hundred kunai were shipped," Kakashi said. His frown was visible even through his black mask.

"Exactly. They found nothing here because no one is skimming."

"The supply line isn't breached. These shipments are going through unmodified. The problem is with the books here. Someone has been doctoring them." Kakashi's voice was monotone and as disinterested as ever; he was still staring intently at the papers.

Sakura fought to keep her smugness from showing. They stuck her with the worst job, but _she_ had been the one to make the first break. The others had been twiddling their thumbs.

"The only problem with this is that it makes no sense," Kakashi said. "What would be the point of making it look like there is a problem? It's not logical."

Sakura's heart dropped into her stomach. After mentally reviewing it hundreds of times, she had been so _sure_. She couldn't think of any other explanation, though obviously Kakashi could. She should have known that speaking up would only make her look foolish. "Well, I know... But what else is there? I don't... I guess you're right, though," she said, staring at her feet.

"It might not make sense, but there is no other explanation unless something else comes to light," Kakashi said.

She looked up in surprise. "That's why I was hoping one of you found something."

"Tiger and Cat should be here tomorrow by midday at the latest. Maybe they'll have some news. Until then, any idea who it could be?" Kakashi sighed, sounding wearier by the minute.

"Not yet. We only have access to Konoha personnel files, but they all check out. I thought it was more likely to be someone from Taki anyway."

"Not necessarily. These supplies benefit Waterfall, so in that sense, they are less likely to tamper with them." Before Sakura could argue, Kakashi continued, "Has anyone been hanging around a lot, putting a nose into your investigation? The culprit could be keeping some distance but might be trying to throw us off the trail."

"Only one Konoha nin, but he's here in official capacity. He's getting paid to help, and he's only trying to make some extra money for his expectant wife."

"Are you sure? No one else is lending a hand?"

"Yes, it's just me and him and I just don't think – I mean, he has no motive."

"That you know of," Kakashi corrected.

"He's been too helpful to the investigation. It would make no sense," insisted Sakura, shaking her head.

"This whole thing makes no sense."

Sakura frowned, taking the documents from Kakashi and placing them back where they belonged.

"I guess we'll just talk to Cat and Tiger in the morning, then," she said, but Kakashi made no move to get up.

It was true that none of this made sense. How do you evaluate someone for possible motive when there was no credible motive for the crime to begin with? Besides, Shin had been so nice to her – even nicer than her teammates. He'd even given her a gift, a generous one at that.

Something about that had bothered her since she realized what the paper was, enough that she wouldn't have accepted the offer if she hadn't wanted to so badly. What was wrong with another ninja – a Konoha ninja, at least in name – giving her a present, after all? Shin was innocuous, just a kind man willing to put in some overtime to support his family.

Still, something didn't seem to add up and she couldn't put her finger on why. She should just tell Kakashi-sensei before he went to bed. He always knew what to do. He would figure it out.

Sakura opened her mouth to speak but closed it. The gift probably wasn't relevant anyway, and if she told Kakashi, he would confiscate the chakra paper. It would be years before she could afford it herself. How Shin could afford to give it away to a near stranger was beyond her – and then she had it. He said he was tight on money and then gave her an extravagant present of not one but _three_ sheets of chakra-element diagnostic paper. Something wasn't right. Sakura turned back to face Kakashi.

"You're right, Wolf-taichou," she stated firmly. "Honda Shin is worth looking into. You're sitting at his desk right now. Why not take a little peek?"

* * *

"Are you Honda Shin?" Ryoji's voice boomed when Wolf Squad entered the store room.

Shin turned around, a good-natured smile plastered on his face. "I am. Does Mouse-san need me? I thought our work was on hiatus. My apologies."

"Something like that," Shiori said calmly. "If you'd follow us, please?"

Shiori gestured for him to move between herself and Ryoji, and Shin complied but turned to Sakura, a confused look on his boyish face. "What's this, Mouse-san?"

"Just covering all our bases, Shin-san. That's standard procedure. If your nose is clean, then there's no need to worry," Sakura said, trying to sound encouraging but feeling guilty.

He nodded. "Of course. Whatever you must do."

Despite her assurances, Shin looked no less tense. Sakura's stomach sank. This couldn't possibly end well.

Together, they reached the secure room they'd prepared. It was stripped bare except for one wooden chair in the middle, an intimidation tactic that Sakura had recommended.

Shiori motioned for Shin to take a seat. He did so nervously.

Sakura focused her gaze on Kakashi and waited for instruction. To her surprise, he strode forward silently. Sakura exhaled a sigh of relief.

"My name is Wolf-san," Kakashi began. "Nice to meet you, Shin-san. You don't mind if I call you Shin-san, do you?"

"That's fine." Shin eyed Kakashi, suspicious of his cordialness.

"It's my understanding that you're expecting a new bundle of joy soon. Is that right?"

"That's correct. What of it?"

Kakashi ignored the question. "How far along is your wife?"

"Seven months, but she may deliver prematurely. It's been a difficult pregnancy."

"So you took this assignment to get overtime before the baby comes? Perhaps to cover medical bills?"

Shin wiped the sweat from his brow. "Well, we're trying to buy a new house, you see. Ours has only one bedroom, and my son is almost five now, too old to sleep with us, and with a new baby—"

"You've made your point," Kakashi said, voice a little harsher. "If you need a new house, why not sell that chakra-element diagnostic paper in your desk? You'd get enough money to support your family for a year."

Shin stuttered. "W-well, that's my plan, but it's difficult to find buyers, you know—"

"Not that difficult, but let's move on. I guess there aren't many women with wealthy husbands around here, either, then?" Kakashi reached into his hip pouch and withdrew a bracelet whose diamonds and emeralds glistened in the light.

"That's for my wife!" Shin insisted. "Our anniversary is coming up. She—"

"She would rather have jewelry than room for her children to sleep? She must be a bad mother."

"How is my management of my finances relevant to whatever the point of this is?" Shin snapped, losing his patience. "Get to it, please."

Kakashi slipped the bracelet back into his pouch, shrugging. "As you wish. Who gave you these 'gifts', Shin-san? What did they ask you for in exchange?"

"No one! I bought them myself from travelling merchants. I –"

"Did they ask you to alter a few numbers? I understand, you know. It seems harmless enough. Such an offer would be tempting for a family man like yourself."

"You're crazy!" Shin shouted desperately, turning his pleading eyes to Sakura. "Mouse-san, tell your captain he is mistaken. You know I would never—"

"I wish he were mistaken, Shin-san," Sakura said. "But please, don't you owe your loyalty to Konoha? We just need to know whom you're working for. They're the true culprits. We need your help to find them."

A tear fell down Shin's cheek. He put his head in his hands. As his chest began to heave with sobs, Sakura was surprised she felt sorry for him. Honda Shin was an enemy of Konoha, despite his headband insignia. He didn't deserve her sympathy. She thought she'd gotten that habit out of her system long ago.

"Who are you working for, Shin-san?" Kakashi pressed.

"They made me do it." Shin sobbed. "They said they'd murder my family if I didn't."

"But they also gave you expensive gifts?" Kakashi scoffed, unmoved by tears. "But the reasons are irrelevant. We're not here to pass judgment. Our superiors will handle that. We only need to know whom you're working for and what they want."

"It's ... it's Iwa," he whispered. "But they only wanted me to change the numbers. I never tampered with a shipment. I swear!"

"Why would they try to draw attention to themselves, Shin-san? Think."

"My task was supposed to end when Konoha investigated. I was to report who showed up. They were particularly interested in..." Shin shifted his eyes away from Kakashi. "They wanted to know if there would be a man with grey hair and a wolf mask."

* * *

Morino Ibiki set down the report he just finished reading.

"Good work, Wolf Squad," he said in a rare showing of praise. "You have uncovered concrete evidence that Iwa is moving against us. Once again, I emphasize the confidentiality of this information."

Sakura was smiling behind her mask. This was the first debriefing in a long time which she had actually looked forward to. It was _her_ theory that set them all in the right direction. She had been a key part of an important discovery. Perhaps she wasn't as useless as she'd thought.

"Honda Shin is being processed while we speak," Ibiki said. "Hopefully he will be the lead we have been searching for."

There was a pause which they took for a dismissal. Sakura turned to go, but Ibiki's growling voice stopped her.

"I have one question for you, Hatake-san."

As one, Wolf Squad turned back toward Ibiki.

"And what would that be, Morino-senpai?" Kakashi asked, unconcerned.

"Tell me, Hatake-san. Do you think too much of yourself, or too little of your subordinates?"

"I beg your pardon..."

"Let me rephrase then. What is your reason for personally interrogating the subject instead of allowing the team's interrogator to handle that duty?"

Sakura shrank behind Ryoji as much as she could. She would give every piece of chakra paper she'd managed to get out of this mission just to be somewhere – _anywhere_ – else.

"The rules clearly state that the captain should assume such responsibility if a certified Konoha interrogator is unavailable," Kakashi said, an unusual inkling of confusion in his voice.

Ibiki scrutinized Kakashi in his infamously intimidating, stone-faced way. "I see. Hatake Kakashi-san, you are one of the most intelligent men anyone will ever encounter. You know a man on the battlefield – you know his every thought and nuance better than him – but when a man's armor comes off, Hatake-san, he's a stranger to you, and that's when you put yours on."

Kakashi stiffened. "I fail to see any breach of conduct in my actions."

Sakura began to panic. The last thing she wanted was a defensive and angry Kakashi at this of all times.

Despite her silent pleas, Ibiki pressed on. "'Look underneath the underneath' – isn't that your advice? Perhaps you can gain insight from what I tell each prospective interrogator. 'Show one face to the world, hold another in your heart, and keep as many as possible in reserve.'"

"Your point, Ibiki-taichou?" Kakashi bit out.

Ibiki ignored the question and turned to Sakura. "Chiyoko-san. Do you care to tell me why you didn't volunteer your services?"

Sakura heard Shiori let out a little gasp beside her. Ryoji snapped his head around to look at her. Kakashi didn't move.

Sakura stared at her feet and tried to swallow, but her mouth was so dry she couldn't. "Had Hatake-taichou asked, I would have stepped in," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "I assumed he had a good reason for not doing so."

"Look at me, Chiyoko-san," Ibiki ordered. "Do not attempt to hide behind orders. It's on the books. Expected conduct is clear."

Sakura's head rose, stubborn chin jutting out as she gained confidence. "I wasn't aware. If there's a rulebook, I'd like to see it."

Ibiki's black eyes glittered. "You know that's not possible."

"Then I shouldn't be held to standards I'm not privy to!" she insisted, louder than she intended.

Ibiki rose, slamming his palms down on the table so hard that she jumped. "That is irrelevant! I have never known you to consider yourself beholden to any standards but your own. How you can turn a blind eye while your responsibilities fall to others who are less adept—"

Unintimidated by Ibiki's anger, Sakura shot back. "Hatake-taichou broke him like a house of cards! My force would have been unnecessary—"

"You are the developer of the single most effective short-term torture technique in Konoha's arsenal. No one is better equipped for field interrogations than you. If he broke easily under Kakashi-san, he'd have broken in seconds for you. Minutes or seconds could mean life or death. You _know_ this."

Sakura looked away again, deliberately avoiding anyone's eyes. "I'm sorry, Ibiki-sensei."

The room was silent, thick with tension.

After a moment, Ibiki spoke but in a softer tone. "Do you know why I chose the mouse mask for you?"

Sakura's guilt suddenly evaporated as she glared at Ibiki.

"To piss me off?" she grumbled.

"Precisely," he confirmed, smiling wryly at her angry huff. "Are you a mouse, Chiyoko-san?"

"No!" she said indignantly, glaring at Ryoji's back.

"Then why are you acting like one?" Ibiki said.

Surprised, she looked back at Ibiki.

"It was meant to be a reminder that the face you show is not who you are."

Sakura inhaled deeply. Ibiki was right. Ibiki was always right. "I will be more like the river, showing each face only once."

"You already are the river."

Sakura glared at her grizzled former sensei, still in shock. He'd never said anything as nice to her as that.

"Now is the time to be as wood," Ibiki continued. "The river will always be there when you need it, flowing on as it ever does."

Sakura could barely find her voice.

"Sensei?" she said weakly. Why was he saying this _now_?

"Tell me, what kind of man was the subject? You worked closely with him, did you not?"

Sakura fumbled. "I – he was – he wasn't what you think—"

"You liked the subject. You think he was a good soul that got in over his head."

"He only fudged a little paperwork!" Sakura said, finding her voice again.

"He fudged a little paperwork that might cost us a war."

"Hardly. It was just—"

"It was just the beginning of a slippery slope that we caught in time. Chiyoko-san, you think to interrogate, to utilize your skills, makes you cruel. You think you are unsuited for the job. But tell me, is it crueller for a man to be tortured by someone who enjoys it, or someone who loathes it but has a simple need for information? Which is more efficient? Which is more humane?"

Sakura's heart raced. She felt it thumping wildly. "I – it's not as simple as –"

"It is. You are only shying away from your true nature. Tell me this. Is a kunoichi who became a chuunin by torturing her first opponent into suicide, terrifying her next into forfeiting truly devoid of cruelty?"

Sakura reeled as if Ibiki physically punched her. How dare he bring that up? "That's not fair! I—"

"You must find the doubt in your heart and put it to rest. I shouldn't have to tell you that there is no margin for error at this level. Do not disappoint me again."

"Yes, Ibiki-sensei," Sakura said hoarsely. Tears were dripping from her mask, but she held her head high.

Ibiki sat down again, looking as calm as he was when the team first entered. "You are dismissed."

Silently, Wolf Squad filed out of Ibiki's office and into the typically deserted hallway. Sakura stowed her mask away and wiped her face.

"You're really an interrogator?" Ryoji burst out, ripping his own mask off. "How could you not say anything?"

"It wasn't any of your business," Sakura replied rigidly.

"You're damn right it was my business. You heard what he said."

"I did," said Sakura. "Did you?"

"That's enough, Ryoji," Shiori admonished. "Leave her alone."

Ryoji's face contorted into a scowl. "Where do you get off defending her like—"

"Stop," Shiori said. "Let's just go." She grabbed Ryoji's arm and dragged him down the hall. Begrudgingly, he let her.

That left Kakashi and Sakura alone together. She tried to follow Shiori and escape, but he grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. She shrugged out of his rough grip, looking into his eyes defiantly.

"Well?"

Kakashi removed his mask and placed it in his pouch. His exposed eye was smouldering with anger in a way that had never been directed at her, but she stood her ground.

"You should have told me you were an interrogator," he said, voice low. "You should have told me long before this."

"Why should I have to? Why can't you ask?"

"Why would I ever ask that? What reason would I have to think that –"

"What reason indeed?" Sakura laughed bitterly. "It's just ironic that he doesn't care about me beyond my usefulness to Konoha, but he _sees_ me. Even when I'm not me. _You,_ on the other hand, are supposed to be my teacher – my _friend_ – and you can't even be bothered to read my file."

The accusation didn't seem to faze him. "I didn't think I needed to. I didn't think you would lie about something so –"

"I didn't lie! Is it so hard to understand that it's something I wouldn't want to advertise? There's a _stigma_ and I – never mind. The real problem is that you still think I'm a twelve year old girl concerned only with hair products and diets and –" She broke off and looked away. "You still think I'm useless, that I can't learn something _you_ haven't taught me and I'm not interested so why bother—"

Kakashi stilled and when he spoke, his voice was gentle. "I've never thought that about you."

Sakura scoffed. "Who's the liar now, then?"

"You're a smart girl—"

"And that's the thing, isn't it? Clever for a girl, but what use is _that_ on the battlefield? I may be smart for a kunoichi, but not as smart as you, a _man_, a full-fledged shinobi, right? And why the distinction? Isn't a woman just as much a ninja as a man? I _hate_ it!" She fought to keep her voice down, chest heaving.

Kakashi sighed. "It's just a tradition. Nothing to get worked up over—"

"That's not the point! The point is, after everything, Ibiki may not have been my teacher as long as you have, but he's the only one who still _acts_ like it. He's the only one who's given me any sort of practical advice about this ANBU thing. I can't rely on _you_ for help, that's for sure."

"You know my hands are tied—" Kakashi clenched his fists.

"Orders, orders, orders!" Sakura spat, angry tears flowing again. "That's all it is with you. _You_ taught me comrades are more important than rules, but it's all talk, isn't it, _Kakashi_?" She saw the flinch of pain in his eyes, but it wasn't as gratifying as she thought it would be. "I can't – I'm _drowning_ here. I don't know who to _be_ anymore and I just –"

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said suddenly.

"What?" The simple admission shocked Sakura out of crying. She couldn't recall him apologizing ever before – to anyone, least of all her.

"I'm sorry for making you feel this way. I'll try harder."

"I – okay. That's ... thanks. Good," she said, clumsy with confusion.

"I'll see you later, okay, Chiyoko-chan?" Kakashi said, suddenly cheery again. He squinched into his normal smile as he ruffled her hair. "You did a good job on this mission."

"Thanks?" she guessed, too numb to even straighten her hair, but he was already walking away.

She straightened, cast a genjutsu to make her look like Chiyoko sans uniform, and followed the others out of the building.

She could have gone into Ibiki's office and changed into her own appearance, but there was something attractive about walking the streets with an anonymous face. She walked right by Hinata – who was alone, for once – and wasn't obligated to say a word. For a while, Sakura simply wandered, revelling in the novelty and trying to forget the disastrous debriefing. She wasn't Sakura, so she didn't have to think about it now.

After a while, she stopped in an unfamiliar tea shop and ordered from a waitress who didn't notice her pink hair because it wasn't pink. Maybe it was mousey, like Ryoji said, but that could be a good thing.

She nibbled some pastry and drank some tea, and after awhile, she felt calm enough to start knocking things off of her to-do list. Pulling a small notepad from her pouch, she began budgeting for the month including the expected bonus from this most recent mission.

She refigured several times, but it was no use. If she wanted to pay her mortgage, she couldn't offer Kurenai any money for her help with the genjutsu.

Honda Shin had confirmed her suspicions. Sakura knew she could break Kurenai with the proper leverage, provided she could gain it. There simply wasn't enough money to act now. She was already behind on the mortgage payment. She could try holding off until another month, but if she did that, she knew nothing would ever change. If she had any spare change, she "lost" it to Naruto. That was how things worked in post-invasion Konoha. There was _never_ enough money – not for her, not for anyone.

Ino's eyes – such a beautiful shade of blue, but so hollow – appeared in Sakura's mind. If Sakura wanted to do more than limp along, she had to earn more. That was the bottom line. It was time to shelve her pride.

With her decision made, Sakura left her money on the table and purposefully strode to the bathroom. She dropped the genjutsu on her face but kept it on her clothes; it wouldn't do to be seen wearing an ANBU uniform. Peeking out of the door to assure that no one was paying attention, she left the tea shop and made her way directly to the hospital and towards the high-security ward.

The first person she saw was Kumatori, a friendly medic she often worked with.

"Hello, Sakura-san!" he greeted, smiling brightly. "We've sure missed you around here."

"Thanks, Kumatori-san. I miss it too, but the Hokage is keeping me pretty busy with missions."

"I'm sure that your team is thanking their lucky stars to have you as a medic."

Sakura's smile strained. "Yeah, sure."

Kumatori smoothed his hair in a nervous gesture. "I have a corneal transplant next week. Want to assist?"

Her smile became genuine again. Why was he nervous to ask that? It was sweet. He knew she was always interested in eye problems. "Absolutely, if I'm in the village. You know how those things go."

"Yes," he said, though she realized belatedly that he probably didn't. He was a genin, having long ago abandoned battle skills in favor of medicine. "I'll make sure you get the information. I hope to see you there."

"Thanks. Have you seen Shizune-san lately?"

"She's down the left hallway."

"Thanks again, Kumatori-san," she said, already turning to the hallway he'd indicated.

"Would you want to..." Kumatori began, but trailed off sheepishly seeing she was already gone.

It didn't take Sakura long to flag down Shizune as she was exiting a patient's room.

"Sakura-chan, it's nice to see you. It would have been nicer if you took a shower first, but I'll take what I can get," Shizune teased.

Sakura flushed. "I'm fresh off a mission."

"Fresh isn't the word I would use." Shizune winked, uncharacteristically playful. "Here to visit Tsunade-sama?"

"Yes, in a minute, but I wanted to ask you something first."

"Well, what is it?" Shizune said, looking at her expectantly.

Sakura took a moment to answer. She hadn't thought it would be this difficult. Taking a deep breath, she spoke. "Would you recommend me for jounin?"

Shizune's eyes flitted to the left. "I don't know, Sakura. Danzou-sama knows you and I are close. He'll probably claim bias."

"He has no grounds, though. It'll be hard enough without your recommendation. Besides, it's not like you're the only one I'll be asking, so one more can't hurt even if he thinks it's—"

Shizune interrupted. "If I'm not the only one then you'll be fine. I just can't afford to push it right now. There's an important budget meeting coming up and I have to be very careful—"

"A budget meeting?" Sakura asked incredulously. "You'd rank that over my promotion? I thought we were _family_. At least that's what you said."

Shizune's eyes clouded with a rare bit of anger. "We are! This budget meeting is vital to the future of this hospital, Sakura, and to all of Konoha. I won't short change our shinobi in their treatment by showing favoritism to you."

"Favoritism? How is it favoritism if I deserve it?"

Shizune refused to meet Sakura's gaze.

"You don't think I deserve the promotion," Sakura said, a strange feeling growing in her stomach. She felt ill.

Shizune finally looked at her, budding anger replaced by her customary gentleness. "You _do_ deserve to be jounin one day, but now is not the time –"

"Now _is_ the time!" Sakura insisted. "Do you think I'd stoop to asking if I didn't _need_ this?"

"I know you've been a little strapped for cash with your mother out of work. Most of my pay check goes back into the hospital for supplies at a time like this, but I can still loan you some—"

No. She didn't want a _loan_. Sakura could feel her solution slipping out of her grasp, but couldn't help reaching one last time. "Just tell me what it is. You think I'm not well-rounded enough? I train, you know. I'm developing my own genjutsu and I—"

"Your skill set is impressive, especially for your age," Shizune said, shaking her head.

"Do you not think I'm strong enough? Let's go spar, right now. I'll—"

Shizune winced. "I know you could neutralize me in battle at least five times out of ten, Sakura. That's not all there is to being a jounin."

The sickness in Sakura's stomach turned to cold lead. "What am I missing, then, according to you?"

"Leadership is the most important quality for being a jounin. How many missions have you run, Sakura?" Shizune asked pointedly.

"A – a few, but I—"

"Not enough," Shizune said decisively. "You'll get there someday. I know it."

Despite her best efforts, Sakura could feel herself blushing. "I have leadership skills from my responsibilities in the hospital."

"Some, but that's not quite the same." Shizune hesitated before continuing. "Plus you can be quite heavy handed even there."

Sakura's jaw clenched.

"I see. Sorry for asking. I guess I think too highly of myself." She turned to go before Shizune tore her down any more.

"Sakura, wait."

Sakura stopped but didn't turn around.

"It's not that I think you wouldn't make a good jounin," Shizune said. "I _want_ you to be a jounin. I want you to lead your own team one day. You'd make a wonderful sensei."

Shizune was dangling exactly what Sakura wanted in front of her face and then denying it.

"So why not recommend me?" Sakura asked, fighting back more tears, tired of crying.

Shizune sighed. "It's just that I know how these things go. You're borderline right now, and the most common promotion for someone with battle prowess but lacking leadership skills and experience is tokubetsu jounin. That's like a death sentence, for someone who wants to be a full jounin one day. Promotions from special jounin to jounin do happen, but only rarely."

"And tokubetsu jounin have less authority than full jounin, so Danzou—" Sakura spat the name like a curse, "—will look for any excuse."

Shizune paused, uncomfortable as she always was with this subject. "Probably. You mustn't give him that chance, Sakura. All you need is experience. Try to find ways to run your own ops. Bide your time. It will happen eventually. That's the best advice I can offer. I'm sorry, Sakura."

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat. Shizune was right; it was just hard to hear. "I understand."

Unable to bring herself to say anymore than that, Sakura kept walking. She'd go visit Tsunade, the only person who wouldn't judge her as she cried.


	13. Treason

Author's Note: I'm sorry this took so long, but I thought I had lost this entire chapter in another crash. (My computer sucks.) Life took over, blah blah blah... But I'm back in the mood to work on this. Thanks for sticking with me.

* * *

Utatane Koharu squinted down her flat nose in her customary manner from her place at Danzou's left.

"Hatake Kakashi, are you aware why you were called here?"

Kakashi tapped his chin, surveying the scene thoughtfully. There was the Hokage and his councillors but also four others, some of whom he knew only by sight. "Well, I seem to be the only person under one hundred years old. Am I being inducted into a senior citizen's club?"

The small group of grizzled warriors stared at him with stone faces, Danzou looking as smug as ever.

"What?" Kakashi feigned innocence. "I wasn't insulting you. If there's a discount, count me in."

"Such facetiousness does not become you, Hatake," said Homura Mitokado, seated to the right of Danzou.

Kakashi sighed. So it was one of _those_ meetings. He missed the time when a joke wasn't remiss regardless of rank.

"Given that all present parties were prominent in the era of the Third War, I would conclude that this meeting pertains to the growing hostilities with Rock. Also given that Honda Shin indicated that Rock was interested in a man with grey hair and a wolf mask, my inclusion is logical." Kakashi's voice was dry and monotone. If they were going to force him into playing the game, he would perform his role well.

Mimura Hamaki, a general Kakashi had dealt with in the last war, nodded and tried to hide a small smile.

"And why would Rock be interested in you, Hatake?" Homura asked.

"I assumed that was what you were about to inform me."

"On the contrary. We were hoping that was what you could inform us," Utatane said.

"I know only what Honda Shin told my team under duress," Kakashi said, but when Danzou slipped a smirk, Kakashi knew he was in trouble.

"From our information, we can only conclude that you are in collusion with Rock," Utatane said, her voice as dry and brittle as her bones.

Kakashi was stunned into silence. He was being accused of treason? "On what basis?"

Ignoring his question, Homura pressed further. "We invite you to offer alternatives."

So they were testing him, forcing him to evaluate the situation using a fraction of the information they had. Eying Danzou, he thought some might also be looking for an excuse to undermine him.

"I am well known in Rock from the last war for my own actions, but also for my sensei, whom I was frequently seen with," Kakashi said, hardly believing he needed to. They knew all of this. "I've been in Rock's Bingo books since that time. They need no more reason than that."

The only woman in the room besides Utatane scoffed. "Don't be naive, Hatake. Everyone in this room has Bingo book entries for Rock. None of us have been targeted this way."

Kakashi nodded, trying not to grind his teeth. "I was merely suggesting the possibility. More likely it has to do with my squad's unplanned ambush of the Rock and Rain peace talks."

No one was surprised, so they had all been informed. The Rock situation must be getting more serious than even he knew.

A man with unruly black hair, whose name Kakashi didn't know, spoke for the first time. "I thought both parties were unaware of that ambush."

"We thought they were," Kakashi replied, "but there was always the small possibility that one or both of them somehow pieced it together. My guess is that they weren't sure of Konoha involvement and this little stunt was testing a theory of theirs. Unfortunately, if that is the case, then we confirmed it."

The black-haired man frowned. "But that would mean they traced involvement directly to you."

Hamaki surprised everyone with a barking laugh. "Of course it does. Wouldn't we attempt the same thing had it been us? I can't believe you baboons suspected Hatake Kakashi of treason."

The woman beside Utatane turned to Hamaki. "You didn't?"

"Of course not – I'm not an idiot."

She bristled at the implication. "Are you implying —"

Hamaki ignored her and chuckled. "I just wanted to see how he'd react. He's grown up a lot since the war, eh? He was just a little pipsqueak then."

The man with black hair frowned again. "But this means Rock has confirmed its suspicions against us. We must prepare for –"

The only man yet to speak could barely be heard when he interrupted.

"Rain. Does Rain know?" he rasped. Scarring on his throat indicated an old injury. He was lucky he could speak at all.

The implication took a second to sink into the rest of them, but it had been on the back of Kakashi's mind since the original incident.

"Probably not," Kakashi answered, surprising them.

"Why do you say that?" the woman said, moving forward on her seat.

"We are allied with Rain. In Rock's position, I wouldn't trust that Rain had not orchestrated the ambush themselves with our aid. We were already treating our treaty with Rain tentatively. That must continue with heightened suspicion."

"But what about the border?" the black-haired man asked. "We must increase our patrols thrice-fold!"

"But that will spread our troops too thin," the woman argued. "We should—"

"Enough," Danzou ordered, breaking the silence behind the desk. "We will continue later. Hatake Kakashi, your ANBU squad is temporarily suspended from missions until we are assured it is safe for you to leave the country. You are dismissed."

As Kakashi made his way down the stairs, he fought back bile. _Suspended. Cut off from the war preparations._ He was stuck, and just like Naruto, it was all under the pretence of protection. Danzou really hit the jackpot this time. Kakashi hadn't yet made it out of the lobby before he was waylaid by Mimura Hamaki.

"Hatake, wait."

Kakashi turned around. The man's brown eyes bore into his own.

"You conducted yourself well under fire in there. You've grown up well. Your father would be proud."

"Would he? I don't remember him being too keen on failed missions," Kakashi said before he could stop himself.

Mimura wasn't shocked, though. He almost seemed to expect it. "You made the same choice he did: comrades over mission."

"That choice may have started a war." The words tasted bitter on Kakashi's tongue, so hypocritical, and yet he couldn't help but say them.

"Does it matter?" Mimura asked. When Kakashi didn't answer, Mimura put a hand on his shoulder. "Your suspension is absurd. I'll see what I can do about it."

"Thank you," Kakashi muttered, backing away. He had to get out of there.

_Those that abandon their comrades are lower than trash._ Obito's words echoed in Kakashi's head. He was bombarded with images of Rin, Obito, Sensei, Sasuke, over and over, so that he hardly knew where he was. He knew Obito and his father were right, and yet, was it worth being lower than trash if it meant not jeopardizing his entire country? This was the thought he'd been hiding from for years. If he kept himself distracted, maybe he could keep hiding from it.

Eventually, he found himself among the trees, as he usually did at times like these. Occasionally he would pass by training grounds and hear the clink of clashing metal or grunts of effort. He stopped at one clearing to watch a team of genin training with their sensei. When he realized they were practicing tree-climbing, his heart dropped to his stomach: it was another reminder of his failures.

He continued forward, intending to get away from the training grounds, but a distant cry stopped him. He knew that voice; it was Sakura. He followed the sound into another clearing. It wasn't his intention to eavesdrop, but when he neared, he realized Sakura was training with Ino.

He thought his curiosity had been tamed when he found out what happened to her, but apparently not, because he stopped just out of sight to observe.

Sakura held a large boulder. It should have been too heavy for such a slight girl, but it looked like it was more awkward than taxing for her. "You ready, Ino? We've been building up to this."

Ino was standing several from Sakura and wearing a similar pair of fingerless gloves. She dug down in her stance. "I'm ready."

Sakura flung the boulder at Ino. Ino drew back and punched it with all her might. Having seen similar things several times with Sakura, Kakashi expected the boulder to explode. Instead, there was a sickening crunch and its trajectory merely diverted. The boulder flew leftward, crushing several trees before finally coming to a rest.

Ino collapsed with a strangled scream. Bone poked from her arm where it had snapped cleanly in two. Her screaming grew shrill as Sakura rushed to her side, palms glowing with healing chakra. Immediately, Sakura set the arm back into position and bound it with a bandage. As Sakura applied chakra to Ino's wound, her screams became whimpers.

"I don't know what wrong," Ino sobbed. "I thought – I knew I could do it but –"

"Your chakra cushion dissipated before you struck. There was enough to push the boulder, but it exerted too much force."

"I'm sorry. I can't get anything right and I – I have a mission tomorrow! We were taking it easy on my chakra reserves, but now I can't go and I'll be in so much trouble—"

"You'll be able to go," Sakura said calmly.

"What do you mean? My arm is broken. Badly!"

"I'm going to show you something. This is a bone-knitting technique that Omoi-san and Shizune developed. You'll be as good as new. It's useful for the field if you get a chance to do it, but that's tough. It's also chakra-intensive, so you must very careful."

Ino's panicked look was replaced by curiosity. "How is it done?"

"You use chakra to visualize and knit the fibers of the bone and tissue back together. It's almost impossible for shattered limbs, but not for clean breaks like yours. The best way to learn it is by experiencing it."

"How did you learn it?"

Though Kakashi couldn't see Sakura's face, he heard her chuckle. "Shizune broke my leg and then healed it."

Ino gasped. "But that's – that's – barbaric!"

"Well, it is a bit out of Shizune's style, but it's perfectly within Tsunade-sama's style, and she taught both of us. It's not like it was risky. She healed it right after."

"Still..." Ino tried not to breathe too heavily from the pain as she studied what Sakura was doing.

"Well, then I guess you should be thankful you broke your arm naturally. Not many people know this technique, you know. It's tough."

Ino frowned. "I know it is. I can feel it."

In a lower voice, Sakura explained the process, using words like "chakra visualization field" and "ulna," which Ino seemed to follow, but Kakashi did not.

"I don't think I have the chakra control to do this," Ino said.

"You will. You can practice on cats or pigs. Maybe cows. Not birds or fish, though. Their bones are too different."

"I'm not breaking a cat's leg!" Ino protested.

Sakura giggled. "I was actually thinking you could maybe help Hana out – you know, Kiba's sister? I bet she'd let you practice on hurt animals."

"Did you do that?"

"No, but I had humans to practice on. You don't have access to a hospital like I did."

"That's true," Ino said, grimacing in pain. "I wish I did. My problems would be solved."

"Well, we're working on it, right?"

"This way is taking too long, Sakura. It will take a year, maybe two, before I'm good enough to be more than an emergency field medic. You know as well as I do."

"I did it in less time, and so could—"

"_You_ had the best teachers in the village, maybe the world, and you didn't have missions or other obligations—"

"You know I did, Ino. I was also training to become an interrogator."

"They were related, and you – Sakura, I'm just not as good as you. Stop rubbing it in."

Sakura was quiet for a minute while she continued healing Ino.

"I'm sorry," she said eventually. "I was trying to encourage you."

Ino sighed. "It's okay. I know you were. But becoming a full-time medic is beginning to seem impossible, and I can't fight like you can, either."

"You're a good fighter, Ino."

"My arm says I will never specialize in melee combat, Sakura. Or at least I won't get there fast enough. Admit it. And Interrogation isn't accepting new recruits and without my father's backing, I'm not exceptional enough to be considered."

"God _damnit_, Ino! Don't you give up on me!"

"I'm not giving up. I'm just saying we need to buy more time. We have to go back to Kurenai."

"I'm working on it. I don't have enough money right now." Sakura's shoulders tensed. "Why can't I ever help you?"

"You always help me."

"How?" Sakura demanded stubbornly.

"Well, you're healing my arm, aren't you?"

"I broke it in the first place!"

"Sakura, you're trying. That means more to me than anything."

"It's worthless."

"It's not. What do Shikamaru and Chouji do? What does my father do? They stare like I'm some kind of freak, _damaged goods_, while they drown in their own guilt. They can't even look me in the eyes. We never laugh anymore. You _try_. You try. It's not worthless."

Sakura only sniffled. Kakashi suspected she was crying. She had cried more in the past few days than he had ever seen her cry before. He may not have caused these tears, but he knew some of them were his fault, and it ate away at him as he watched her now.

"You should be okay now," she eventually said. "Go home and rest. I'll check on you in the morning before you leave, just to be sure."

"Aren't you coming?" Ino asked as she stood, flexing her arm tentatively.

Still on the ground, Sakura said, "No, I'll stay here and clean up the grounds."

"You sure?"

"Just go rest, Ino. You have a mission in the morning. I'm really sorry I broke your arm."

"I broke my own arm being an idiot. I actually am pretty tired after that, so I'll see you in the morning. Thanks for everything, Sakura."

Sakura lifted a hand to wave feebly at her friend's retreating back. Kakashi waited until Ino had left to enter the clearing.

"Kakashi?" she asked, startled. She tried to stand, but teetered.

"Careful," he cautioned, rushing to catch her before she fell. "How is that operation any use in the field if you can't even walk afterwards? That's practically forfeiting your own life."

"Sometimes your life isn't the most important," she said simply, leaning on him in a rare show of weakness. "Plus I was already drained and that break was pretty bad." Then, as though it had just dawned on her, she asked, "Were you spying on us?"

"Just happened upon you and didn't want to disturb you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just have to fix this field..." She sounded exhausted just thinking about it.

"It's only a couple of trees. It's fine. No one usually uses the fields this far out anyway. Let it be. You're in no shape to fix anything."

Kakashi maneuvred her over to the nearest trees and sat down against one, watching as she sank down beside him.

After a moment, he asked, "What do you need from Kurenai?"

Sakura tried looking nonchalant, but he saw stoniness creep into her face. "Just a small favor."

Kakashi didn't push it. "The ANBU squad is temporarily suspended."

That got her attention. "What? Why?"

"My protection, ostensibly."

"Figures." Too tired to get worked up, she let her head fall back against the tree.

"But just in case we go on missions again before the team is filled permanently, I was thinking..."

She looked at him intently as he looked back. It hurt him to know that now that he was paying attention, he could see her quietly trying to quash hope as she waited for him to continue.

"There are some things you ought to know," he finally said, "about how ANBU works. I think it will help."

"Yes?" she said, reinvigorated.

Something inexplicable in his stomach settled as he began to talk.


	14. The Price of Hope

Author's Note: Humongous thanks to my editor, SpikeDee. Without him, no things are possible. Also, thanks to my reviewers! Your encouragement helps me find motivation.

The pace is going to pick up from here on out. Most of the groundwork is laid (finally). I'm pretty excited to finally be getting to the parts of the story I've been waiting for for so long. Thanks for sticking with me.

* * *

Sakura stared at the three little pieces of paper in her hand. They represented so much to her. She always wanted to learn her element, to develop and have more jutsu in her arsenal, to be strong and powerful like Sasuke and Naruto. Kakashi had helped both of them through that step, but never once brought it up to her. It grated every time she thought about it. Tsunade never got around to it; she focused on medical ninjutsu with a side of genjutsu and was always so busy that Sakura felt too selfish to ask for more of her time.

She had saved and saved for this little piece of paper, before the invasion, only to have it slip away. She wanted to show everyone she was talented. She wanted to show she could do it even if nobody would help her. The answer was in her hands. It would be so easy to channel a little chakra into it and wait to see if it crumpled or lit afire.

But Ino needed this genjutsu more than Sakura needed to know her primary chakra element. Kurenai had let slip that she had a price, and Sakura knew how to buy her.

She slipped the three papers into her medical pouch, then took one out again and put it in a deeper pocket. Two should be enough.

Sakura steeled herself to do what must be done and finished combing her hair. She had to look presentable, after all.

She exited the bathroom to her room and was annoyed to find her mother entering with a laundry basket.

"Mom, it's fine. I've asked you not to do my laundry or come in here without knocking."

Undeterred, her mother sniffed. "Oh, fiddle faddle. You work all the time. The least I can do is wash up a bit for you."

Sakura shook her head but let her mother go into her hamper and begin to sort clothes. At least it kept her busy.

It wasn't until Sakura was halfway finished pulling on her left boot that she realized the problem – a fraction of a second too late.

"Sakura, what is this?" her mother asked, voice suddenly quiet. She was clutching the ANBU uniform with whitened knuckles.

"It's … ah … a uniform?" Sakura tried, knowing her mother wouldn't let it go.

"It's not just a uniform, Sakura," Riko said, tears welling in her eyes. "This is a uniform for those masked ninja. I know they do the most dangerous things. They do the things we pretend Konoha doesn't do. Sakura, how could you join them?"

Sakura sighed. "I'm not allowed to talk about it, Mom. You know that. I swear it's not that simple, though. I don't want you to worry."

"How can I not worry?" Riko demanded with overflowing tears. "All I do is worry! And now, you – every time you leave, I can't expect you to come back, can I?"

Sakura's mother usually wasn't so candid. For all of her shortcomings, she cared. Sometimes she cared so much that she couldn't control herself and lost herself in bad habits. Sakura hated to see that. She embraced her mother tightly, shocking Riko's tears away.

"Please don't worry, Mom. I found out I don't have to do that anymore."

Riko pulled away, skeptical. "You don't have to lie to me, Sakura."

"I promise."

Her mother's shoulders sagged with the release of tension. "Will you go back to the hospital, then?" she asked hopefully.

"Probably not."

Riko frowned. "Will you go on other missions?"

Sakura shrugged.

Riko nervously wrung the uniform. "Your active status stipend isn't enough to even cover the mortgage, Sakura. What are we going to do? I've been looking, you _know_ I have –"

Sakura felt a stab of guilt. She should have never burdened her mother with this knowledge. "I'll figure something out, Mom. I still help out at the hospital. I got invited to a surgery this week, and I'll be paid for my time. Other things will crop up. I'll make sure they do."

Riko nodded, but pursed her lips. Sakura knew she would get into a frenzy trying to find a job again. As long as Sakura could remember, Riko had never been a happy woman. When the soba shack where she had been a cook went out of business after it was destroyed in the invasion, though, she lost all sense of purpose. It was almost as bad as when Sakura's father left town.

Sakura squeezed her mom's shoulder and headed downstairs. She paused in the front room to look at a picture of her father and mother when they first married. Her mother seemed like a different person; she was beaming and gorgeous, her sandy blonde hair curled and bouncy rather than thin and lim. Her father had his arm around her, smiling into the camera. What happened? They were from feuding merchant families in Fire Country, but so in love that they had eloped in Konoha. Her mother was disowned by her wealthy family, but she had not cared. Her father left town with another woman only a year after he had insisted Sakura join the Academy despite her mother's protests. To this day, Riko had never fully recovered. She cared enough to find this picture in the rubble and put it in their new house, though Sakura thought it was stupid. He was never coming back.

Sakura's reverie was interrupted by Ino bursting through the door. "You're late," she said.

"Sorry. I was on my way."

Ino reached out to grab Sakura's hand but thought better of it. "Well, come on," she said awkwardly.

They walked briskly until they reached Kurenai's little cottage. Kurenai was waiting for them, playing with Masako in the lawn.

"Time to go inside," Kurenai said in the warm voice she reserved for her daughter. "Nap time!"

Masako began to fuss, but Kurenai bounced her on the knee, quieting her. Kurenai motioned Ino and Sakura to follow her inside.

Kurenai went in her bedroom to put Misako in her crib.

"So. Ino said she changed her mind. I thought she'd be coming alone," Kurenai said as she emerged from the room and shut the door.

Kurenai sat at the kitchen table and waited for them.

"We want to do this together, Kurenai," Ino said. "Won't you reconsider?"

"I don't have anything new to say, Ino," Kurenai replied with a sigh. "You're asking a lot. I have too much to lose to take that sort of risk. No one will question me spending time with you, Asuma's student, but Sakura as well?"

Ino frowned and fell silent. It was Sakura's turn.

"This house is pretty small, Kurenai," Sakura said. "Where will Misako sleep when she gets older?"

"She doesn't need her own room," Kurenai said, offended. "Who are you to talk about my house? Mind your business."

Sakura ignored her and slid a piece of chakra table onto the table. "Imagine what kind of extension you could build if you sold this."

Kurenai reached out and grabbed the paper with her trembling hand. She sniffed it and held it to the light until she was satisfied it was real. "Where did you get this?"

"Somewhere you can't go."

"Why not just sell it yourself and offer me some of the money?" Kurenai asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Sakura didn't answer. The truth was it was too dangerous to fence it herself, as it could be traced back to her mission by someone smart enough.

"That's what I thought," Kurenai said. "You got this illegally somehow, didn't you? I told you I don't want any part of your sidelines." She slid the paper back across the table.

"But that's only for your help with the genjutsu, Kurenai," Sakura continued, ignoring the rejection. She put another piece of chakra paper on the table. "This is for your silence."

Kurenai said nothing.

"We know you'll stop getting your widow's stipend at the end of this year, Kurenai-sensei," Ino said. "What will you do then?"

Masako began to cry and the sound made Kurenai flinch.

"It takes money to raise a child," Sakura said, driving the point home. "We can help each other."

Still, Kurenai said nothing.

A little desperation creeping into her voice, Ino added, "And that's not all! My father and I are going to re-open the flower shop this year. Someone's got to help us that's going to be around all the time, right? I can arrange for that to be you."

Sakura shot Ino a look; this wasn't part of the plan, but Sakura decided to go with it. "It won't be much, but it's a steady income."

Masako's cries became louder. Kurenai got up to comfort her daughter. While she was gone, Sakura and Ino said nothing, not daring to hope. Sakura slipped her hand into Ino's. Ino raised her eyebrows in surprise, but squeezed Sakura's hand tight.

Masako's cries slowly died down. Kurenai returned, frowning slightly. Sakura braced for the worst.

"I'll do it," Kurenai said.

* * *

By the time Kurenai finished covering the basics – just the _plan_ of what was to come – night had fallen.

Hungry, but in need of privacy, they returned to Sakura's house. Sakura paused before the front door, not knowing what would be behind it. She knew letting her mother find that ANBU uniform would come back to haunt her.

"Come on, Forehead. I'm starving!" Ino whined.

Sakura opened the door, and after spotting her mother, sighed in relief. She was drinking – the bottle of plum wine hastily stashed under the coffee table told Sakura that much – but she wasn't drunk. "Hi, Mom."

"Hello, girls!" Riko chirped, stubbing out her cigarette. "Have you eaten?"

"No, not yet, Mrs. Haruno," Ino was quick to say, no doubt hoping for some of Riko's cooking.

"You don't need to bother yourself, Mom," Sakura said, not trusting her mother with open flame at the moment. "We were just going to make sandwiches and bring them up to my room."

"Nonsense," Riko insisted, waving the remaining smoke away. "You girls have had a long day, I'm sure, throwing ninja … things." Sakura winced at the inaccuracy, but let it go. "You just go on up to your room and I'll call when dinner's ready."

Sakura carefully watched Riko bustle into the kitchen, talking to herself as she planned a menu, but she seemed sober enough. Sakura shrugged and followed Ino upstairs.

Sakura flopped onto her bed next to Ino. "I didn't think it would come to this. It's supposed to be genjutsu."

"I didn't consider it, but it doesn't surprise me. The mind has to have some reality, or it won't be fully convincing. We can make a genjutsu without it, but it would probably fail almost as often as it worked, and even when it worked, enough doubt might remain that the targets wouldn't reveal information, even if they didn't know exactly what was wrong," Ino said, tracing a faint scar on her knee.

"And we absolutely cannot afford failure," Sakura said, frowning. "Not forcing things is important, but … Kurenai is right in some ways. We can't risk losing information for Konoha or causing a scandal." Sakura hesitated, then added, "Don't mention I said anything, but tensions with Rock are high."

Ino winced. "Maybe we shouldn't… Maybe this is a bad idea. I couldn't stand it if we messed something up for Konoha."

Sakura shook her head. "That's why we have to add in the sensational memories. The Yamanakas are the best at deep mind jutsu, and you remember what your dad said: when people remember what something felt, smelled like, sounded like, they almost never question the memory. Kurenai said with enough extracted memories to draw from, the genjutsu would have a near perfect success rate."

Ino quirked her lips in a wry smile. "If he knew exactly what he was giving advice about, he'd lose his mind."

"So how do we get these memories?"

"Well, one or both of us has to sleep with a man and then extract them," Ino muttered, looking at her knees again.

"How do we extract them?"

"Well, I know the theory behind it, but I've never done it. I'll ask my dad to show me. I know he will, as long as I don't say why. Then, I'll show you. I'm not supposed to, but I will. Just keep it quiet."

"Of course. So, do we get these memories on missions, or what?"

Ino blanched. "No! What if we get detected? I'm pretty sure it can be done secretly, but it's risky. If we got caught doing that and failed a mission…."

Sakura stared straight at Ino, unblinking. "We have to do this … here? In Konoha? With _whom?_"

"I don't know," Ino whispered. "Someone we can trust."

"Who can we trust with this? If they snitch or get caught out, we'll be in hot water with the Hokage. Never mind that it's not really breaking any laws until we use it in the field. It won't matter to him, especially not with me involved."

"We can't trust anyone. That's the problem." Ino's shoulders sagged. She looked defeated.

"So we just don't tell them what we're up to. It's as simple as that. Memories can be extracted secretly, if you're careful, right?"

"Yes. It's easiest while the target is asleep, and he won't remember unless he wakes up. I'll have to show you how to do it. It's not so easy, but with your medical background, I think you'll be okay. Just don't tell my dad I'm giving away family jutsu." Ino chuckled halfheartedly.

"Ino." Sakura paused. "You can't do this, can you? You told me every time you have to do it on a mission, you relive your rape. I can't … I can't have you doing that. I'll do it."

Ino frowned. "It's better for us both to do it, because the memories will have you in it, won't they? I have to do it."

"Are you sure?"

Ino said nothing, only picked at a string on her hem.

"Ino, are you sure can do it?" Sakura insisted.

"No," Ino finally whispered, "but I'm going to try."

Sakura slipped an arm around Ino's shoulders and gave a squeeze. "If you can't, it's okay. We'll figure it out."

Ino just nodded and continued to fiddle with her hem. "I was planning on saving that job for your mother, you know," she said.

"The job at your flower shop?" Sakura said, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of her. "Why didn't you say?"

"I wasn't sure Ichiro wasn't going to come back. I mean, I know he moved to the capital to work in a big greenhouse, but it wouldn't be right to give away his job if he still wanted it. But he wrote that he was staying up there, and then I wanted to wait to pitch it to my dad when the opening was closer. I didn't want to get your hopes up. I'm sorry I couldn't keep it for her."

"It's okay," Sakura said, trying not to show her disappointment. It would have been a perfect solution, but she hadn't even realized they would be hiring a new assistant. "This was more important. Besides, what was Kurenai really going to do? We couldn't let little Masako starve, or Kurenai either. My mother has me. Kurenai doesn't have anyone anymore."

Ino smiled weakly, obviously thinking of it in this light for the first time. "She has us. And Chouji and Shika. And Hinata, Kiba, and Shino."

They sat in silence for a while, content and hopeful for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Girls!" Riko called from downstairs. "Dinner is ready!"

To her surprise, Sakura's stomach grumbled. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt truly hungry. "Come on, Pig," she teased, sprinting to the door. "Race you!"

Ino body checked Sakura out of the doorway. "Too slow, Forehead!"


	15. How to Make a Hero

Author's Note: Once again, thanks to my lovely editor, SpikeDee, who wantonly crushes my use of the word "had." He is indispensably helpful.

This chapter, though short, is my favorite Kakashi chapter so far. Several reviewers seem to enjoy my portrayal of Kakashi, so this chapter is for you guys - here's a perhaps unhealthy dose of the inside of Kakashi's head!

* * *

Kakashi paused at the tree line, looking into the familiar clearing. He hated sharing the space at the memorial stone. It was meant to be contemplated in solitude.

But so often, he came upon groups of people coming to pay respects. Family, sometimes, which made sense, he guessed. But friends, sometimes. Lovers. Teams.

Kakashi could not imagine bringing his roommate to mourn with him, like Genma had. Kakashi watched Genma point out names on the stone, turning to tell Yamato whatever story he had to tell.

Genma cried, telling him about his lost loved ones, whoever they were. Yamato comforted him: an arm around Genma's shoulders, a pat on his back. Kakashi watched, unable to relate.

They were just roommates, forced together in a housing shortage, yet they had become this close. He had known them both for years, and he could not imagine being included in such a thing – not just with Genma and Yamato – with _anyone_. It looked so easy for them, so effortless for everyone but him. It had always been that way.

After what felt like an eternity, they ambled toward him. Kakashi stepped out of the trees and nodded in acknowledgement. He hoped they would nod back and continue, but they stopped.

"Good morning, Kakashi," Genma said. "I can't say it's a surprise to see you here. I was telling Yamato about my parents. They died in the Kyuubi invasion, you know. Heroes."

Not knowing what to say, Kakashi nodded again.

"Well, we'll give you your privacy," Yamato said.

Genma and Yamato finally left, leaving Kakashi alone with the memorial stone.

He walked up to it and immediately touched Obito's name, then Rin's. Kakashi heard Genma's voice echoing in his mind. _"They died in the Kyuubi invasion, you know. Heroes."_

Obito and Rin were heroes too. They died fighting for their village in the Rock War.

Kakashi wondered if they still would have died if his father had completed that mission all those years ago. Had his father's teammates lives been worth all the names that had been added to this stone afterwards? His teammates didn't think so; they shunned him even after his death. They did not even come to the White Fang's funeral. Few people had. They all blamed him for the war.

Would the lives added to this stone in the latest Rock war be Kakashi's fault? Did prioritizing his teammates over the mission really do enough damage to bring the second coming of Kakashi's biggest nightmare? And for what? Saving Shiori did not do any good in the end, at least not for Mogusa.

Suddenly, Kakashi couldn't stand to be there anymore. He had never had such a strong urge to flee the memorial stone of all things, but it was too strong to resist and he made a brisk beeline for the village. He was not thinking clearly, because he found himself walking through his most-avoided place in the village: the third training ground. He sat on a stump and looked out at its wide, grassy expanse.

It looked very different now – after the reconstruction – but Kakashi could still see twelve-year-old Naruto and Sakura bickering. And Sasuke. Here, he could never forget. It was always with him, but when he came to this training ground, it stared him in the face. His three students were all still alive – and by some standard, that was success, but Kakashi knew better. He had failed them all in profound ways, Sasuke just being the most obvious. Naruto and Sakura had both been lucky in spite of him, not because of him.

Sakura had barely even been his student. She had taken to dropping the "sensei" off of his name and Kakashi could hardly blame her. He had tried to make things up to Naruto, to teach him the things that Kakashi only had time to teach Sasuke before, but it was too little too late. Naruto had better teachers now. But Sakura … he never knew how to do anything for her. She always needed something, but he never knew what it was. At least he understood Naruto, for the most part. Still, nothing would rival the connection Kakashi once had with Sasuke. Sasuke was once so like him … but now, Kakashi would never know Sasuke again. Kakashi accepted that, though his other students di not, yet.

One day, Naruto and Sakura would realize that Sasuke was lost to them. Kakashi only hoped that he would be around and his presence would help more than hurt. He finally understood how much he owed them. He even owed Naruto his life. How could Kakashi make that up to him after setting the next war into motion?

The answer came suddenly to Kakashi with unexpected clarity. He stood up and set off again. This time he had a specific destination in mind, but as he approached the next training ground, he heard Gai's voice booming through the trees. Kakashi felt compelled to see him – though he could not pinpoint why – so he entered the clearing instead of going around.

Tenten and Neji were fighting a two on one battle against Lee. Gai had been shouting tips at them, but he paused to beam at Kakashi, teeth gleaming in the sunlight. "Kakashi! You have come to redeem our bet! You are usually more resistant."

Kakashi groaned. He forgot about that. "It's your lucky day, I guess."

"You left your right side open with that kick, Lee!" Gai said sternly.

Kakashi turned his attention to the skirmish. Neji and Tenten worked together as seamlessly as any seasoned team; Tenten danced around the clearing, strategically sending projectile weapons to create openings for Neji to dart in and do damage. Lee's damage output was clearly higher than either of theirs, but they were still neatly out maneuvering him. Clearly, that was what the exercise was designed to improve. Gai continued to yell tips to his students while they exchanged blows.

After a while longer, Gai called his students to a halt. "After Kakashi-san shares his thoughts with you, you will rest briefly before joining to spar against him as a team." In typical Gai fashion, he shared his plan as cheerfully as possible, but brooked no arguments and asked no permission. "But first – you must cheer on your teacher as he challenges Kakashi-san to a Janken tournament!"

Tenten giggled and leaned on Neji, winded. "Go, Gai-sensei!" she said, echoed by Lee.

Kakashi sighed, but lifted his fist to meet Gai's challenge.

* * *

Sweaty and slightly worse for wear, Kakashi finally arrived at his destination only to find Sai had beaten him there. Sai stood at the door to Naruto's apartment, seemingly neither coming nor going. He jumped when Kakashi cleared his throat.

"K-Kakashi-san," Sai said.

"Do you want to go in?" Kakashi said.

Sai regained composure. "No. I was going to, but I just remembered some pressing business. Naruto doesn't need to train with me anyway." Sai's jaw hardened, but his expression remained as blank as ever. "Give him my regards."

Kakashi nodded as Sai melted away in his silent way. Still, it was strange. Kakashi shook his head to clear it and knocked on the door.

Naruto opened it, and the surprise written so clearly on his face dug into Kakashi's guts like a cold dagger.

"Hi, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto said, ushering Kakashi inside. His apartment was much cleaner than Kakashi remembered.

"Good morning, Kakashi," Sakura said. She was in the kitchen stocking Naruto's shelves with fruits and vegetables.

Naruto and Kakashi sat at the kitchen table. "So what's going on?" Naruto casually asked.

Uncertain how to begin and unable to speak freely with Sakura around, Kakashi said, "Did you know Sai was outside your door just now?"

Naruto frowned. "Why didn't he come in?"

"He said he remembered something he had to do and that you didn't need to train with him."

"Did he seem upset?" Sakura asked, putting away the last of the apples. Kakashi shrugged. "He's been so off lately," Sakura said. "I wonder what's up with him?"

"He hasn't even come to train with me since that one sparring match,"Naruto complained. "Remember?"

"Have you tried inviting him to train with you again?" Sakura asked.

"I never had to ask before. He lives in that ROOT thingy, so I can't exactly go to his house and ask him! He always just came here."

Sakura frowned. "Well, I don't know. Just keep an eye out for him, I guess. I will too." She leaned down and planted a quick kiss on Naruto's cheek. "I'd love to stay, but I have a corneal transplant scheduled at the hospital."

"What's that?"

"I'm going to cut open someone's eye." Sakura laughed when Naruto wrinkled his nose in disgust. "See you later, Kaka-sensei, Naruto." Her hand was on the door when she turned around with a stern look on her face. "You had better eat those vegetables, Uzumaki Naruto! I'll ask Hinata if you have, and you better not lie."

"Aw, Sakura-chan," Naruto whined. "I know I have to, even if they taste better on top of ramen."

"Good," she said, and then she was gone.

After she left, Naruto frowned at the door.

"And they say it's nice to have a medic on a team," Kakashi joked.

"Sakura likes to drop things off for me. She worries," Naruto said, voice flat.

"You're a big boy, though. You can take care of yourself."

"I've been taking care of myself since I left the orphanage for the Academy. You'd think she'd figure out that I'm fine. I've been managing my own budget for more than ten years, but she still thinks she needs to pretend to lose bets to me so she won't hurt my pride."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You know about that?"

Naruto let out a bark of laughter. "_You_ know about that?"

"She did bribe me a little, last time."

"I knew it! She cheated!"

Kakashi let a wry smile twitch his lips. "I owed her one." After a second of hesitation, he added, "At least you know she cares about you."

Naruto sighed. "I know. I just wish she wouldn't treat me like a kid."

"Then why do you let her?" Kakashi asked.

"Because it helps her to think she's helping me. That she's useful." Naruto paused. "That look on her face whenever she's with Tsunade… I couldn't do that to her."

Kakashi didn't blame Sakura for not realizing how grown up Naruto had become; Kakashi could hardly believe it himself. "Maybe she does it _because_ you were always alone. To show you you're not."

Naruto shrugged. "Probably. I don't think she gets it, but it's not her fault."

Kakashi didn't think it was his place to tell Naruto, but Sakura probably understood more about loneliness than Naruto thought. It was time to lighten the mood, though. "Though to be fair, you never were very good with eating your vegetables. Your father hated them too."

Naruto perked up immediately. "Really? Did he like ramen?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Not especially."

"So, you knew my father really well, right?" Naruto tried to look nonchalant, but failed. He was eager to know more about the man he'd only met postmortem.

"He was my genin sensei from around the age you entered the Academy. We spent a lot of time together." Kakashi was surprised at how easy it was to talk about Minato, after he'd avoided it all these years.

"Did you know? About me?

"Not until you officially became my genin. The Sandaime told me." He would never forget the day the Sandaime informed him that Minato's son had been living under their noses – in an orphanage. "I should have known before. I didn't realize – the pregnancy was kept quiet because of your mother's condition and I –"

"It's okay," Naruto cut Kakashi off, sensing where the conversation had been leading. "I was just curious. Jiraiya knew right away, and he didn't let on at all. Now, what did you come here to talk about?"

Kakashi had a flash of self-doubt. Maybe it was wrong to involve Naruto. He had enough on his shoulders as it was. If they failed, would Naruto feel as guilty as Kakashi did?

Kakashi's eye crinkled into a smile. "Can't an old teacher visit his student?"

Naruto said nothing, his blue eyes staring patiently.

Kakashi remembered preteen Naruto, so desperate to prove himself and as obnoxiously clueless about social niceties as they came. It was hardly surprising; he'd probably had very few opportunities to practice social interaction as a child. Kakashi was hardly an expert himself, but even he knew how much Naruto had grown in these past few years. Naruto could handle this.

"Do you remember that hypothetical situation between Sand and Rain I proposed awhile back?"

Naruto's face grew somber. "Yes, I remember."

"It wasn't hypothetical. It was Rock and Rain. We interrupted their treaty and they know it. They aren't happy about it. There's no official word yet, but I recognize the signs. We're on the brink of war."

"With Rock or Rain?"

"Definitely Rock. Possibly both. We need to prevent Rock gaining allies, if we're not too late. I have a plan, but I can't do it without you."

Naruto straightened up and his eyes hardened. "Tell me."

* * *

A/N: I am finally - FINALLY - getting to the meat of this story that I have wanted to write since I started! The chapters should be longer from here on out, and more action-packed. Long set-up is long, I know, and thanks for sticking with me.

Please let me know what you think, good or bad! I appreciate it all.


	16. End of Part I: Miai

A/N: This chapter is a WHOPPER, and thanks first and foremost to Spike Dee, my wonderful editor and holder of insane rantings and theories. I am ever so grateful to him, and so is my word count, which is full of content and not 10,000 instances of "had," thanks to him. Also, thanks to Jetslinger, who always gets on at 4am when I ask him to and gives me excellent advice in spite of his incorrigible hate for Sakura in any form. More thanks to Mikeytron, who is my official psychological consultant and the therapists that these characters wish they had.

I considered cheekily entitling this chapter "In Which Something Finally Happens," but instead, you get the more significant title of "Miai," which is the Japanese word for matchmaking, or literally, "looking at one another," and has several layers of meaning that you get to guess at.

* * *

Sakura stared at the free assignment board, full of requests for a genin to help with the family farm or for training ground 17 to be cleaned up. Never before had it seemed so daunting to her. Sakura had always been able to ask Tsunade anything. She often said no, but Sakura was still free to ask. Sakura never had to worry about not completing enough missions to pay her bills.

Tsunade had always made sure Sakura was busy and serving the village in some way – and not just Sakura, but every ninja on the roster. Even though Tsunade couldn't always keep everyone happy, she tried. If someone didn't like doing a particular job, she did her best to find a new one for him or her. She gave herself headaches over personnel shuffles almost daily.

But Danzou didn't care how happy the people of Konoha were – just that they were effective at serving their purposes. Or so he said, but she knew she wasn't doing the village any good right now. Neither were Kakashi and Naruto. Danzou used mission assignments as leverage to force the behavior he wanted.

Knowing that, how could she walk in there and announce that she needed money? Accepting a minor mission meant for new genin would raise questions, and she knew Danzou had enough access to her records to answer them. She bought her house from the village. He knew her mortgage, and he knew her salary, and he knew they didn't add up.

Despite what Sakura had told her mother, she didn't know that they would be okay. Her mortgage payment was due in two weeks, and the paltry check for her sideline work at the hospital would not cover it. Her active duty stipend was barely enough to cover food and living expenses for two people, let alone the mortgage. Taking this type of job was her last resort for a bit of cash, and she had done it whenever she had time – before. Everything was different now. Once she clued Danzou in that she needed money, he would have one up on her.

But how was she going to pay her mortgage? Sakura could fend for herself, or stay with friends, but what about her mother? She was barely holding on as it was.

Sakura raised her hand to the board to grab a dangling piece of parchment, advertising the need for a babysitter for a wealthy civilian merchant family. Before she touched the paper, her hand dropped. She couldn't do it. She couldn't grovel. She'd go back to the interrogation department herself before she let Danzou force her there. Tomorrow she would ask Shizune to assign her a case at the hospital. Hopefully there was something that could be spun as needing her unique skills.

Sakura sighed. She still had to go pick up Naruto's birthday present. The cost stung her, but she couldn't not get him a present – plus, she had paid half upon placing the order. This was the first year Naruto was actually celebrating his birthday. No doubt Hinata had a hand in it. Sakura was surprised there was not a big bash at the Hyuuga mansion. Then again, this was still an official day of mourning for the Kyuubi attack. She could tell Naruto felt a little awkward about celebrating, but he deserved a party at least once in his life, just for him.

Sakura made her way to the weapon maker's, tabulating the month's projected expenses over and over again in her mind. If she picked up just one more surgery or case from the hospital, she would be able to cover this month's mortgage – but what about next month?

She was so distracted that she barely even looked at her gift for Naruto, just nodded that it was acceptable and paid the money she owed, then turned around to smack right into Rock Lee.

"Oh, Lee! Sorry!"

He beamed at her. "No problem at all, Sakura. It is lovely to see you in an unexpected place."

"I was picking up Naruto's gift."

"A fine cause indeed. I was just dropping off a new order for Tenten." Lee handed a slip of paper to the weapons maker, who unfolded it, grunted in appreciation, and nodded. Sakura noticed the man did not require a down payment. Tenten was probably one of his best customers.

There was an awkward pause.

"Well, I'll see you at the party later," Sakura said, and made to move past Lee.

Lee didn't let her pass. When she looked up at him in question, he blushed, his face blooming a red so bright that he could have been mistaken for a tomato. Sakura's stomach sunk. She knew what was coming.

"A-actually," Lee stuttered, "I was wondering if you might allow me take you to lunch. On a … on a date."

Sakura schooled her facial features carefully. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, so she opened her mouth to let him down gently – until a thought occurred to her. Lee would never turn her or Ino in, if he found out what they were up to. He would probably help Sakura willingly, if she asked. He was already in love with her.

"Well, I wasn't planning on eating out today," she said, to cover for her pause, "but all right. Where did you have in mind?"

* * *

The date was insufferable because it was so perfect. Lee hung on her every word. He asked about her day and he was genuinely interested, even though it had only consisted of a short morning workout, studying medical scrolls for three hours, and staring at the open missions board for fifteen minutes. He asked her what kind of work out she did and what medical jutsu she was studying. He added his own thoughts to the conversation.

And it was easy to talk to him. He knew more about medical jutsu than she would have thought, given that he could not manipulate chakra, and he recommended some easy improvements for her regular morning routine to make it more efficient. He playfully scolded her for not eating breakfast, and they laughed because she should know better as a medic.

As they were eating, she asked him about his day, and he regaled her with an entertaining tale about his training with Gai-sensei and walking in on Tenten trying on makeup in her apartment. She'd screeched and told him to get out – but not before giving him an errand to run.

"Is she planning on dressing up for the party?" Sakura asked, still chuckling. "I thought Naruto wanted casual dress." Tenten had not even worn makeup to Ino's more formal party. She hardly needed it; she had flawless skin.

Lee shrugged. "I do not know. I am wearing what I have on now. Are you?"

Sakura looked down at her regular uniform. "Yeah, I hadn't planned on changing."

"You looked very beautiful in the dress you were wearing for Ino-san and Shikamaru-san's party, Sakura," Lee said, diverting his eyes from her.

Sakura squirmed. "Thank you. You looked nice as well."

"You always look beautiful." Lee looked at her now, eyes so earnest and shining with hope that it broke her heart.

She knew, in that instant, that he would never understand what she had planned on asking him to do. He would do it and then fall more and more in love with her each day. She would tarnish the purity that made him who he was. He needed someone who would love him in return.

She wished she could be that person, but deep down, she knew she wasn't. His heartfelt compliments only filled her with dread that she would break his spirit.

Sakura let the silence stretch for too long. Lee's face was beginning to lose its hopeful look. She struck up a new conversation, telling him about the gift she had just bought for Naruto, but the moment was lost. She was relieved when the waiter brought the check. She reached for it, but Lee gallantly insisted on picking up the tab.

She thanked him profusely and stood up to go. He offered to walk her home, but she offered the paltry excuse of needing to have Naruto's present giftwrapped and then took off before Lee could suggest that he come along.

Instead, she beelined toward her house and barely made it in the door before she burst into tears. Luckily, her mother wasn't home. Sakura collapsed at the kitchen table so that no one could peek in the front window and see her crying. She allowed herself five minutes of wracking sobs before she made some hot milk to calm herself down.

Crying wouldn't fix anything, she told herself. Lee wasn't the answer, so who was?

_Tap tap tap._

The knock at the door made her jump.

"Sakura?" Chouji called from behind the door. "You in there?"

"Come in!" she shouted. "It's open!"

Hastily, she put a genjutsu on her face to cover her red, puffy eyes. Chouji met her in the kitchen, carrying a large casserole dish.

"This is your mother's," he said. "My mother forgot to bring it back."

"Thanks," Sakura said, taking the dish and putting it on the counter. She had no idea where it went.

Chouji pulled a card out of his back pack. "This is for Naruto's birthday. I got called for a mission, so I can't go to his party. Tell him I wish him a good one and give him this for me, will you?"

Sakura tucked the card into her medical pack. "Absolutely. Thanks for stopping by. I know he'll appreciate it."

Sakura waited for Chouji to turn and leave, but he hesitated.

"Sakura," he said tentatively. "How is Ino doing? She shuts us out and pretends everything is okay. I know it's not."

"She … she is doing better, overall. She's mostly okay day to day, you know. The issue is when she has to go on _those_ missions. They're most of what she seems to get anymore, which is really crazy. They're not even that common, so she must be getting most of the ones Konoha accepts. I mean, they're more common now than they were, but still."

"She's so beautiful," Chouji said, eyes painfully sad. "That's why."

A plan spawned in her head and she couldn't stop herself from saying, "There's a way you could help, you know."

"How? I've asked her a million times, and she always says no. I know you're helping to change her specialty, and I thank you for that, but –"

Sakura cut him off. "It's something she could never ask you. It's a lot. It will be hard."

Chouji stepped towards her, desperate. "What is it?"

"She needs someone she trusts to have sex with her."

Chouji's jaw dropped open. "_What?"_

"She relives her rape every time she has sex, Chouji. She has to get over that or nothing will ever get better."

"How can – that won't help – I'll just – why me?" Chouji stuttered.

"Chouji…" Sakura said softly. "You love her, don't you?"

"As a – as a sister!"

"No, not quite like a sister," Sakura said. Chouji didn't respond, just got red blotches on his face. "I think she loved you too, you know, before all this happened. She didn't know it yet. I think finding someone to love will help her more than I ever can."

The redness had drained from Chouji's plump face and he was now white as a sheet. "I can't do it."

"I thought you wanted to help?" Sakura needled, though she immediately felt bad for guilt tripping him like this. But still, there was no one else for Ino. If Ino was going to complete her part of the genjutsu, it had to be Chouji. Sakura saw that now.

Chouji sat down at the kitchen table with a thump. "Isn't there anything else? Any_one_ else?"

Sakura sat across from him. "Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. I knew it would be a shock, but are you all right?"

"I just…" He couldn't even complete his sentence. He buried his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Chouji. I really thought you were in love with her. I've always thought that."

"I was," he whispered into his hands. "I never told anyone, even Shikamaru, but I was."

"But you're not now?" Could Chouji really not love her anymore because he had watched her get raped? That couldn't be it. It wasn't her fault.

"I don't know. I don't even know if I'm …"

"If you're what?" Sakura asked. He mumbled something, but Sakura couldn't catch it. "What?"

He lifted his head out of his hands.

"If I'm straight," he finished, voice quivering.

Sakura gasped, and then felt bad when he winced. "But if you were in love with her, you probably are, right? Or, remember that one girl that was in the second Chuunin Exam? She said she liked both men and women."

"It's not that simple," Chouji said. "You know, women aren't the only one who get sent on those missions."

Sakura had never heard of a man getting sent on a seduction mission, except in old trashy romance novels where the fancy lady fell in love with the mysterious ninja who was sent to seduce her.

1"Well, is it that you don't like the women? I mean, Ino hates the men that she has to … you know." And she hadn't told Ino, but Sakura thought Ino was confusing her hatred of those men with a desire for women. They couldn't talk about it. They just avoided the subject.

Chouji diverted his eyes. "They aren't women."

Sakura was dumbfounded. "But you like it?"

Chouji couldn't answer.

"Well – do you?"

"Sometimes," he finally whispered. "So I just – I don't know, okay? I don't think I can do … that. What you asked."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

He shook his head. "How could you? No one does. You'll have to find someone else for Ino to … _you know_. I … I hope it helps."

There was a noise, a clearing of a throat that wasn't coming from Chouji. In the blink of an eye, Sakura was on her feet with a kunai in her hand. Chouji wasn't far behind.

Yamato entered the kitchen, face completely blank. "Sorry – I just wanted to ask you to tell Naruto I said happy birthday. I saw him earlier, but…"

Yamato trailed off awkwardly. He couldn't look at either of them. He had clearly heard more than he should have – but how much?

Chouji came to the same realization. The red blotches were back on his face. "Yamato-taichou was waiting for me outside. We … we're on this mission together."

"I apologize for interrupting," Yamato said stiffly. "You were taking a while, and I…"

"Don't worry about it," Chouji said softly, and followed Yamato meekly out of the house.

"'Bye, Chouji, Yamato-taichou!" Sakura called after them. Chouji waved weakly, but Yamato ignored her.

As soon as they were gone, Sakura got busy and ran upstairs to get ready. She was running late and could not spend her time thinking about how she might have just ruined Chouji – Yamato-taichou could be a bit strict, but she did not think he'd go around blabbing. But the look on his face…

Sakura shook her head to clear it and dug through her closet to find the wrapping paper she'd wrapped Kiba's birthday present in last July. It had dogs on it, but it would have to do. In her haste, she stubbed her toe on the refrigerated safe she kept hidden in the closet.

_"Fuck_." She hopped around on one toe, partially crumpling the wrapping paper in her hand. "Shit," she swore again, and began smoothing it out. Well, the box was not too big. She could use most of the non-wrinkled paper and it would be okay. But where was the tape? She had no idea.

After the frenzied search for tape ended in her mother's dresser drawer, Sakura finally wrapped the present with passably crisp folds. Unlike cooking, the art of folding was something her mother _had _successfully passed on. Rather than fix her disheveled appearance, Sakura elected to keep the genjutsu up. Halfway down the stairs, Sakura ran back up, dumped the contents of her medical bag onto her bed and shoved her crumpled up ANBU uniform into the bag in its place. Now later than ever, Sakura rushed out the door.

Yakiniku Q, Yakiniku Q… Sakura had not actually been to the barbeque place since before the invasion, and it was now a totally new building in a different part of town. Still, it was the biggest restaurant in Konoha nowadays and was not hard to find. She was surprised to see two Hyuuga she did not recognize checking invitations at the door. There was actually a guest list ... and Sakura had forgotten her invitation.

She stood there, dumbfounded, while she watched two people she did not even recognize get waved into the party after the two Hyuuga men – branch members, she supposed – checked their names off of a list. There had been a note on the invitation to bring it to the party, but it had slipped Sakura's mind.

She steeled herself and walked up the Hyuuga. "Hi, I'm Haruno Sakura. I'm on the list, but I forgot my –"

"No invitiation, no entry," the man said brusquely, barely even looking at Sakura.

"Come _on_," Sakura said in exasperation. "You must know who I am. I'm his teammate. Naruto won't be pleased if you don't let me into this party. Take it up with him."

The two men exchanged a hesitant look. Sakura felt a bit strange, invoking Naruto's name like that. She supposed she better get used to it.

The man on the left cleared his throat. "We know that Haruno Sakura will be at this party, ma'am, but surely, you must understand that there are security issues with a man such as Uzumaki Naruto. Those invitations are infused with chakra. They, unlike appearances, are difficult to reproduce."

Sakura sighed. "Yes, I know. But I'm here, now, so why don't you just go fetch Naruto and he can let me in himself?"

"We must ask you to retrieve your invitation and return," the man on the right said, not daring to meet her eye.

Sakura could feel pent up anger bubbling inside her. This was ridiculous. This was supposed to be a small get together for friends! This was not what Naruto would want. Hinata had to be behind this. Who else?

"I won't be pushed around like – " Sakura began heatedly, but Kiba cut her off from about a yard behind her.

"Cool your jets, Sakura. We wouldn't want Yakiniku Q to have to be rebuilt _again_, now would we?" Kiba strolled up beside her and winked. He flashed the guards his invitation. "I've got a plus one on mine, so let's make that Sakura-chan here, all right, boys? You know who I am."

One of the guards inspected the invitation. "This says Daigo Arisu. We cannot allow it."

Kiba frowned. "Yeah, but I haven't seen that bitch in a _month_. Hinata just put her to be polite. She doesn't care. She hated Arisu anyway."

The guard blushed at the language. "Nevertheless, I cannot allow it."

By now, there were a couple of people lined up behind them, waiting to get into the party. Sakura wished she could sink into the ground, never to be seen again.

Hinata appeared behind the guards. "Is there a problem?"

"Hinata! Tell these idiots to let Sakura in."

Hinata frowned. "Of course, but why did they not do so at once?"

The guards bowed their heads. The one on the right said, "We apologize, Hinata-sama, but this woman did not have an invitation! What if she was an imposter?"

"I see. Those were your instructions. Thank you for your service, but I must override those instructions now. Uzumaki-san would not be pleased to find out Haruno-san had been kept waiting," Hinata said smoothly, and the guards stood aside at once. "I apologize, Sakura-san. Please follow me."

Seeing Hinata like this was fascinating. Ever since the invasion, when she had stood up and yelled to the world that she loved Naruto, she had been different. But this was the first time Sakura had ever seen her in a position of power like this. Hinata was like a new person.

Once aside, Hinata whispered, "Sorry about that, Sakura. Kiba. We have to keep up appearances."

"Uzumaki-san?" Sakura said, still a bit caught off guard. "_Guards?"_

Kiba scoffed. "Don't you know, Sakura? Hina-chan is a fancy lady now, so Naruto has to be a fancy man!"

Hinata blushed. "Kiba, please. Naruto is a man that commands respect and I intend to make sure everyone knows it."

Of course. Hinata might seem demure and unassuming, to most, but she was playing the game, just like everyone else – and for the first time, Sakura appreciated that Hinata might be quite good at it.

After an awkward pause, Hinata pointed to an overladen table. "Gifts go there. Now, if you'll excuse me."

She hurried off, leaving Kiba and Sakura together. The restaurant was quite crowded and Naruto was nowhere in sight. After depositing her present and Chouji's envelope on the table, Sakura looked around for a bar. She needed a _drink_.

Kiba chuckled. "I know what you're looking for. What say I get you a little something?"

For the first time all day, Sakura smiled genuinely. "Sounds perfect."

She followed Kiba through the crowd, full of a lot of people that could never understand the day's significance for Naruto but were sufficiently "important" enough to land a spot on the guest list. She nodded at Morino Ibiki, who was at a table with two men she didn't recognize. He nodded back. Even one of Danzou's people were here, one of the faceless ANBU members that everyone knew now had been part of Root.

"So, let me guess," Kiba said. "Something fruity, right?"

"No. Sake. Genshu, if they have it." Sakura had given up pretending.

"Nice," Kiba said appreciatively and went off to get her a drink.

Sakura waited awkwardly for him to return, both hoping and dreading she would see someone she would be obligated to talk to. It didn't take long; Iruka spotted her first.

"Sakura-chan!" he said with a wide smile. "Isn't this turnout amazing?"

Sakura nodded. "Naruto has become an important person."

Iruka's chest swelled with pride. "Yes, he has. But how are you doing? Still studying that medical jutsu?"

"Yes. Do you still teach at the Academy?"

"Yes, I do. I thought I might see you there this week, actually. Were you busy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we have more comprehensive medical training now, you know –"

Sakura's brow furrowed. "Yes. I helped write that legislation, actually."

"Well, the medical instructor got the flu, so I requested a substitute that could demonstrate some more advanced techniques. I requested you, actually. I thought it would give the kids a bit of a thrill to see Tsunade-sama's apprentice."

Sakura could feel the familiar burn of anger in her gut, reignited. "I heard nothing of it. I would have been glad to come in."

Iruka shrugged. "They sent Tsukada Michio instead, so I thought you must be about important business. The kids still had fun. He was a bit of a push over, so they played with him. They probably still learned something, though."

Michio? Wasn't that the painfully shy boy she'd met in ANBU? He wasn't much older than her, and she outranked him medically. Why should he have been sent when she was requested specifically? Now she knew for sure: Danzou was boxing her out. A week's worth of substituting was just the sort of job that she needed and that suited her totally open status.

Sakura took a deep breath to calm herself down. "I must have been on a mission or something," she said, trying to look nonchalant.

"Yes, you must have," Iruka said, looking at her strangely. "Well, I'm going to try and find Naruto. Take care."

Sakura did not have too much time to stew before Kiba returned.

"I cleared two spots at the bar," he said. "Hurry or they'll be gone."

"Great," Sakura said, trying to muster enthusiasm. She did take comfort in the bottle of chilled sake waiting for her. At least it was an open bar. Sakura wished she could just nurse this bottle all night and not talk to anyone at all, but she had things to accomplish. "So, whatever happened to Arisu?"

Kiba snorted. "Her? She slept with some clerk in the records department because he said he knew Danzou personally."

Sakura winced. "Are you all right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Kiba laughed. "I've never been the type to get overly attached."

_Perfect_, thought Sakura. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by the man on her left, whom she did not recognize.

"Arisu?" he said to Kiba. "Daigo Arisu?"

"Yeah, her. Why, you know her?"

"I _knew_ her a couple of times, if you know what I mean," the man said, grinning wickedly. "She's such an annoying brat … but a wildcat in the sack."

"Tell me about it," smirked Kiba. "She has perfect tits, you know?"

The man sighed nostalgically. "With pink little nipples. Just big enough, just perky enough… More than a handful."

Kiba raised a glass to the stranger in appreciation. "And she does this thing with her tongue that makes it almost worth listening to her when she opens her mouth."

"Almost," the man agreed, and they laughed conspiratorially. "Sorry for interrupting," he said as an afterthought and nodded at Sakura.

She nodded back and poured herself a bowl of sake. While the stranger thought she wasn't paying attention, he gave her an appraising look. "The up and down," Ino used to call it. Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura caught him winking at Kiba in approval.

When she glared at Kiba, he grinned. "You know me, Sakura. I'm no mystery."

She rolled her eyes, but he was right. She _did_ know him. She had thought he was the perfect candidate: he was a ninja that would not go out of his way to ruin her or Ino, he was someone who would help her out when she asked, and he was someone on whom she could reasonably count on to be willing to have sex with her but not develop mushy feelings.

But when it came down to it…. He was terrible at keeping secrets and a bad liar. He could be counted on as a ninja and confidential information, but in personal life? If it was a secret, you did not tell Kiba. They all knew that. He always put his foot in his mouth, not that he cared. She seriously doubted he would ever be assigned an espionage mission, either.

Could she trust him with some of her biggest secrets? Even though she planned on keeping most of it hidden, there was always a chance the truth would come out. Could she risk that? She was betting her life – and Ino's.

"You're being pretty quiet over there," Kiba said.

"Sorry. I've had a long day. Can you believe this party, though? I thought it was just going to be a small thing."

"Yeah, well, Hinata got it into her head, so I knew it would be something like this. She's livelier than I've ever seen her. Naruto is good for her."

"Yeah," Sakura agreed. _But is she good for Naruto_? Sometimes, Sakura thought so, but she knew this party was not what he wanted. It did not seem fair.

"Aw, _shit_. Who invited _her?_" Kiba sunk down on his stool, trying to hide his face.

Sakura looked around for whatever girl he was talking about, but it was not a difficult mystery to solve. Ami was storming toward them with an icy look of purpose fixed on her face, her long purple hair fluttering behind her. She was a girl they went to Academy with; she graduated, but was not placed on a genin team, and so had a different fate. She was a gate attendant now – an angry gate attendant.

When she reached them, Ami yanked Kiba around by the shoulder. "A cold fish? You went and told people that I'm a cold _fish_?"

"Well … you are," Kiba said lamely. "You just laid there."

"I was a _virgin_, you asshole, and I was drunk – it doesn't matter. Why would you go and tell people about that? Shino, Naruto, Chouji, Tobio, Minoru… I _know_ those people. Don't you have any consideration at all?"

Kiba had the good grace to look sheepish. "I didn't mean to upset you. It was just a funny story."

"I asked you never to tell anyone, Kiba. You agreed."

"Oh yeah… Heh. Sorry about that. I forgot."

Ami laughed, trying to hide the tears in her eyes. "Yeah, you _forgot._ Lucky you. See you around, Kiba." She turned and ran.

"Well … that's awkward," Kiba said with a chuckle. "Sorry about that."

"Aren't you going to go after her?" Sakura asked.

Kiba was bewildered. "For what?"

"To apologize?"

"I already did!" he protested. Sakura scowled.

"Oh, all right," Kiba grumbled and went after Ami.

If someone like Ami were a "cold fish" in Kiba's stories, what would Sakura star as? The girl who cried and ran away, as happened with Dai? The girl who threw him across the room and had her sensei threaten him? The girl with the "tight little ass" but "no tits," as Ryuu had said? The girl who – Sakura cut that line of thought of before it got worse.

Kiba was immature and dealt with the stress of being a ninja as so many others did, by fucking and drinking and having a good time whenever he was home. He judged every woman he slept with and then told all of his friends about it. It was something that was endearing to Sakura, usually, but now, hung over her ominously like a thunder cloud. She didn't think she could handle being one of the women in his stories – and she knew it would be a story, and a colorful one at that. Before too long, everyone she knew would know she was sleeping with Kiba. They would ask why. Were they dating? Was it just for the sex?

Whether they meant to or not, every single one of them would pass judgment. And if she couldn't keep it together in the bedroom – if she cried, or worse, they would know, and they would be curious. Sakura didn't think she could face that.

What was she going to do?

Sakura did not have long to contemplate her dilemma before a gong sounded. The door to the kitchen opened and Teuchi and Ayame came out, pushing trollies with pots of ramen. Hinata stood with them. "Everyone – please enjoy this ramen, Uzumaki-san's favorite food. This special treat is my gift to him. Sit wherever you like, but the big table in the center of the room is reserved for those with red invitations. After ramen, servers will be around to take your barbecue orders. Thank you!"

Her gift to Naruto was … ramen? Sakura smirked vindictively at thinking of the better present. She should not be competing with Hinata, but she couldn't seem to help it. Her invitation was red, so she made her way to the center table. She hoped to talk to Naruto, but he was surrounded by Hyuuga elders. Typical.

Somehow, she got ushered to a seat between Shino and Neji. To Shino's left was a shy-looking girl with a long face and shiny black hair. "Shino, is this your fiancée? We've never met."

"Is this my fiancée? Yes. It is. Her name is Soga Mika. Mika, this is my colleague Haruno Sakura."

The girl blushed, but smiled. "Nice to meet you, Haruno-san. Shino has told me much about you all and I am glad to finally meet some of his friends."

The girl's genuine delight lightened Sakura's mood considerably. "You can call me Sakura. You mean to say that Shino actually _talks_ to you? You must be truly meant for one another. What has he told you about me?"

"Only what is appropriate for a non-citizen civilian to learn, of course," Shino answered for her. Though Sakura couldn't see if he was blushing through his coat, she could tell he was a little embarrassed. Sakura couldn't repress a giggle.

"Only good things, Sakura-san!" Mika assured. "He says you are the Godaime Hokage's apprentice and one of the best doctors in the country."

"That is very kind of him to say. Surely you won't be a non-citizen for long, though? When will you be married?"

Mika blushed brightly at the mention of the marriage. "Not until I turn eighteen. Almost two years."

"So you live somewhere else, then? Where did you meet Shino?"

Mika looked sidelong at Shino. He nodded. "My father was looking for an advantageous marriage," she said. "He wants to open a shop in Konoha and it's almost impossible for a non-citizen to get all of the right permissions."

"Mika's family is from the capital. Soga-san deals in textiles and fine clothing," Shino added.

"Oh, great," Sakura said, genuinely interested. "It's really hard to get nice clothes around here. That would be nice." It was true; after the invasion, the few boutiques in Konoha never re-opened. There was only one dinky shop that sold whatever junk ninja brought home from missions, or tailors – whom were usually monopolized by ninja business and charged a fortune.

"Anyway," Mika continued, "my father set up meetings, you know, in the traditional way. And I met Shino there."

"How lucky," Sakura said politely, and was spared further small talk by Ayame taking her ramen order. Ramen really was not Sakura's favorite food, but she ordered some miso flavor just to please Naruto, though it seemed futile when she could barely even see him on the other side of the table. Hinata and Kakashi got to sit near him, along with the Hyuuga elders. It did not seem fair.

Shino and Mika ate silently, but Sakura caught the two exchanging warm glances. They seemed like a genuinely happy couple, despite having just admitted to being an arranged marriage. Sakura's mother had been to many such meetings, but when she chose a husband outside of the candidates her family chose, she had been disowned. There was some level of choice involved, and a long courtship, but Shino and Mika really were lucky. Sakura wished them the best. At least someone was happy.

In a sick way, Sakura felt like she was conducting meetings like Mika had. First, she had rejected Lee, then Chouji, and then Kiba, and now…

Sakura turned to Neji. It was rude of her to sit next to him for so long and not talk to him. "Hello, Neji. How are you?"

"I am well. And yourself?" he asked courteously, though he appeared to be in a dour mood.

"Fine. Out of curiosity, does the Hyuuga clan do arranged marriages too?"

His eyebrows rose in surprise at the question. "Usually, yes, at least for the upper house – why?"

"At around Hinata's age, or later?"

"The process normally begins around this age, yes, though sometimes it is delayed since civilians usually start later, depending on the potential matches."

"So how do you feel about Naruto and Hinata? Will she be the first heir to marry for love?"

"There was one other. It was quite controversial."

"But Hinata's choice isn't?"

Neji shrugged. "It's more advantageous than we could have hoped for otherwise. The other heir married a poor civilian."

Well, that answered her question. Naruto was the most advantageous match possible for a clan looking to insinuate themselves into a power position. It seemed the Hyuuga clan had plenty of money.

"But how do _you_ feel about it, Neji? Don't you think two shinobi shouldn't wed?" Now Sakura was getting to the heart of the matter.

Neji scowled. "I do. But Hyuuga heirs traditionally retire once they reach the rank of jounin." The disdain lacing his voice could not be a coincidence.

"I take Hinata isn't planning to retire any time soon?"

"She insists it sets a bad example."

"Why is it so bad if Hinata doesn't retire?"

"She'll hardly be a good mother, and then poorly raised children will be the Hyuuga heirs."

"But it's okay for the father to not be around? What about Naruto?"

Neji frowned. "It's different."

"Why?" Sakura asked simply. "Do you plan to retire when you have children?"

Neji scowled even deeper. "I plan to marry a civilian, so there will be no need."

Sakura leaned towards him, now more keenly interested. "Which civilian?"

Tenten would be devastated.

Neji hesitated. "That will be decided in the future."

"Will you have an arranged marriage like the Hyuuga heirs usually do?"

"Lesser scions such as me are not required to do so, in most circumstances – and my parents are dead."

"So you're going to marry for love? That's nice." Sakura watched him carefully for his reaction.

Neji actually squirmed in his seat. "I didn't say that."

"Don't you think marriages should be based on love?"

"There are more important things," he said stoically.

"Like what?"

"Like stability for a family."

A pattern was becoming apparent. "Neji, was your mother a ninja?"

He glared at her invasion of privacy. "Yes, she was. And before you ask – no, she did not retire."

Poor Neji. He did love Tenten, but he wouldn't give in. Yet. "Was she killed?" Sakura asked softly.

"No. She fell ill when I was very young."

"Any woman can fall ill, you know, shinobi or civilian. That can happen to anyone."

Neji stared ahead stonily, not even looking at Sakura. He was spared having to reply by the arrival of the ramen. On Sakura's other side, Shino and Mika were engrossed in a quiet, personal conversation. Across from Sakura was a Hyuuga elder that had not spoken once since she sat down.

Sakura was in for a silent meal. Some party.

* * *

After the meal, which was several courses and several hours long, it was time to present Naruto with presents. First, a representative from Danzou's office – he did not come himself – presented Naruto with a wrapped gift. Naruto tore the paper unceremoniously; beneath it was a framed photograph of Tsunade and Jiraiya as children, leaning on each other and smiling.

Naruto actually smiled looking at it; Sakura could hardly believe that Danzou had given Naruto a really nice gift. With so many destroyed in the invasion, photographs were now invaluable.

The representative, a Root member Sakura did not recognize, cleared his throat. "This is a gift from Shimura Danzou, Rokudaime Hokage, to Uzumaki Naruto, genin."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. Did he really have to say genin?

The man continued. "This is a picture of two of Konoha's great Sannin who were close to Uzumaki-san while they were alive. Hopefully, this photograph will give him something to remember them by."

The Root member bowed and exited. _While they were alive?_ Sakura locked eyes with Shizune across the room. Shizune's lips were pursed and trembling; Sakura recognized the signs of distress that came with any mention of this subject. Sakura had spent the first months after the invasion doing anything in her power to bring Tsunade back. The longer she was in the coma, the lower the chances were of her coming out. Shizune could not accept that. Neither could Naruto.

Naruto said nothing; he did not even acknowledge the man's departure. His knuckles were white where they gripped the picture frame. Sakura wanted nothing more than to go to him; a lump rose in her throat as she looked at his widened eyes that were suddenly too wet. This was the last thing Naruto needed.

The silence stretched on, becoming awkward. Sakura stood; she could not sit there and watch her friend fighting back tears. She walked around the table and took the picture from Naruto.

"I just wanted to see this picture of Tsunade-sama," she said publically and made a show of inspecting the photograph. "Don't listen to him," she whispered to Naruto, pretending to talk to him about the picture. "She's not dead. He's just trying to get under your skin."

Naruto nodded. "I know. He just—" Naruto broke off, averting his eyes.

"It's a power play," Sakura said. "He's reminding you who's boss. Don't let him know he got to you."

Naruto forced a smile and turned to Hinata. "What's next, Hina-chan?"

Hinata's eyes flickered between Sakura and Naruto, searching for an answer. Sakura scrambled back to her seat, handing the photograph off to Hinata.

"Next is a gift from the Gaara of the Desert, Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure!" Hinata announced, smile fixed back on her face. She presented Naruto with a small box.

Naruto opened the box and pulled out a headband. At first, Sakura was confused. Why did Naruto need a headband?

"Well, what is it?" Moegi asked impatiently, cheeks getting redder after realizing her outburst.

Naruto held the gift up, and Sakura gasped when she realized it was a Suna headband. Could this mean—?

A note fluttered out of the box. Naruto picked it up and skimmed it. "Wow," he said. "Gaara says I'm an honorary jounin of Sunagakure. He says I'm welcome there any time! That's pretty neat."

The room fell into whispers. This was unprecedented – and a high honor to be sure. Danzou would not like this one bit. Sakura could not supress a smile.

Hinata's smile was more genuine as well, but she eyed the excited room warily. "Next is a gift from the esteemed leader of Amegakure, Konan," Hinata said loudly, drawing attention back to her.

The gift was in a bag; from it, Naruto withdrew an origami flower. It looked like a cosmos, but blue. Blue cosmos were never found in nature. How strange.

The crowd was bored with this gift after the exciting gift from Gaara, so Hinata kept up the flow of gifts. Next was the Hyuuga clan's gift, an ancient scroll describing a rare taijutsu move. Sakura smirked at the placement of the Hyuuga clan right after the village leaders; it was not exactly subtle. Following that were the remaining noble clans: the Aburame clan gave Naruto a kikaichu bug preserved in amber; the Akimichi gave Naruto a well-crafted bou, one of their signature weapons; the Uchiha, of course, were absent.

Hinata's choices here were telling. Sakura had been to enough of Tsunade's boring formal birthday parties to know that this was only one step down. In the most formal gift presentations for people of power, the gift-giver presented the gift him or herself. Here, Hinata, the host, presented all but the Hokage's gift, but she still did it in descending order of importance. Somehow, she had gotten the clans to give formal gifts. Even at Shikamaru and Ino's birthday party, only personal gifts were given and were opened informally. The message was clear: Naruto was a powerful man of importance. Hinata's choice for the next rung on the power ladder was quite interesting, though: Kakashi. Danzou's official representative may have left, but no doubt he would hear of all the happenings here tonight. This one would rankle almost as much as Sunagakure's symbolic gift.

Like Danzou, Kakashi gave Naruto a photograph – only this time, there was no underhanded jab that came along with it. Kakashi gave Naruto a copy of the photograph Sakura had seen at his apartment, the picture of his genin team with Naruto's father. Sakura could tell Naruto appreciated it and hoped that meant he would like her present as well.

Following that were the more important – but not noble – clans of Konoha, starting with the Nara clan and followed by the Yamanaka, Sarutobi, and Inuzuka clans. Sakura noticed the Inuzuka got quite a bump in rank according to Hinata's presentation. She hadn't forgotten Kiba. Following these were lesser clans like the Namiashi, Kamizuki, and Hagane. Not all clans had given gifts; among the notable lesser clans, the Mitokadu, Utatane, Hijiri, Toriichi, Iwashi, and Sarugaku clans were absent, and those were probably political statements. Almost all single-family clans were also absent, but that was typical. Most probably did not have a representative attending.

The longer the gift-giving went on, the more people left. The last clan gift given was the Tobitake clan, who gave Naruto a gift certificate to Yakiniku Q. Though many had left, there were still some stragglers.

"Thank you all for staying for the presentation of gifts. We appreciate your presence, but it is time for those with white invitations to depart. Thank you for coming. Those with red invitations may stay if they choose."

"Thanks for showing up, everyone," Naruto said, smiling in his endearing way. Still, of those left, most of them wanted to speak to Naruto before they left, and that took a while. Finally, the last of them were ushered out by the Hyuuga guards. Luckily, the Hyuuga elders had left long ago. All that was left were people who really wanted to see Naruto: Sakura, Hinata, Neji, Tenten, Lee, Gai, Iruka, Konohomaru, Moegi, Udon, Sai, Kakashi, Ino, Shino, Mika, Kiba, Shizune, and Shikamaru.

"Phew," Hinata said, and plopped down in a chair next to Naruto. "I'm sorry about all of that. Now we can actually relax."

"Geez, Naruto. You have a lot of presents there," Konohamaru said, pointing at the large pile of unwrapped gifts on the table.

Kiba smirked. "How many months of free ramen certificates do you have there? About ten?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I guess people know what I like…."

"And some cool weapons," added Tenten, inspecting the bou and a curved sword someone else had given Naruto.

"Didn't someone give you a free outfit from the tailor?" Ino asked, digging through the gifts without asking to retrieve the card. "Oooh! It's for that nice one, in the shop near the Hokage mansion. That's an expensive gift."

"The gifts that hold the most honors are the hidden techniques," said Shino. "Why? These are not frequently offered up. It is a sign of respect."

"Besides the Suna headband, you mean," Shikamaru said. "That's going to be such a drag when Danzou-sama finds out." Shikamaru looked as bored as ever, but his voice was pinched. He was probably jealous; Shikamaru tried to hide his feelings for Temari, but everyone knew they were carrying on a "secret" relationship. He would love the freedom to go back and forth to Suna.

Naruto shrugged. "It was pretty cool of Gaara, though."

"That is a great honor, Naruto," Iruka said. "You must be sure to thank the Kazekage immediately."

Sakura snickered. "You'll want to give this stuff back when you start writing the thank you notes. I used to have to do it for Tsunade-sama."

Naruto pouted. "Hinata, do I really have to—"

"Yes, you do," she interrupted. "It's only polite."

"Presents aren't supposed to be work, are they?"

"Don't forget everyone else's gifts, Naruto!" Hinata said suddenly, but the blush on her cheeks told everyone that Hinata had forgotten them, too. "Only Kakashi-san's was given in the formal presentation."

"By the way, where's Chouji?" Shikamaru asked. "I've been trying to find out all night."

"On a mission," Sakura said, and got up to dig through the small pile of remaining presents. "He asked me to give this to you, Naruto."

Naruto opened the envelope to withdraw a familiar-looking gift certificate. "Five free bowls of ramen," he said, smiling. "I wouldn't expect anything else from Chouji."

Sakura grabbed her present and handed it to Naruto. "And this is from me."

He ripped the paper off – it was rote, by now – and opened the box to find a three-pronged kunai. "Is this – is this what I think it is, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, eyes wide.

"It's just a model," Sakura said quickly, not wanting to trick him into thinking the kunai had actually belonged to his father. "I found a picture in a book from the library and took it to a weapon smith."

"The one on the Hokage, right? With the green cover?" Naruto said.

"Yes, that one." Sakura smiled. "Of course you would have read it."

Naruto's grin was exactly what she was hoping to see, and made all the expense worth it. "Thanks, Sakura-chan!"

"But what is it, Naruto-san?" Lee asked. "Some sort of kunai?"

"That is a model of Namikaze Minato's famous kunai," Gai said in his teacher-voice, and instantly had his students' attention, along with Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon. "I saw him use them many times for his Flying Thunder God technique – not as much as Kakashi saw them, of course – and it was this technique that gave him the nickname 'Konoha's Yellow Flash.'"

Sakura's attention drifted; everything Gai was saying was described in the same book she had gotten the drawing of the kunai from - even so, Naruto was listening intently. Sakura started absent-mindedly shifting through Naruto's gifts and organizing them. She put Konan's gift off to the side, unsure how to categorize it.

"A blue cosmos," Ino said, walking up behind Sakura. "How strange."

Kakashi startled Sakura by speaking for the first time since the crowd had left.

"What does that mean?" he asked. "Why is it strange?"

Ino picked up the paper flower to inspect it. "Well, in nature, cosmos aren't blue. They're pink, or red, or even orange … but not blue. And why did she give him a flower? Cosmos are the flowers of beauty and love. I would say she had a crush on him if I didn't know better."

Sakura started listing off the meanings of cosmos that she knew. "Beauty, love, ordered universe, harmony, peace." Her eyes flickered to Kakashi. "Peace."

"Blue flowers mean peace, too," Ino said. "Maybe it's a symbol of the treaty? That's nice."

Kakashi's eye met Sakura's and she knew he was thinking what she was thinking. It was not that simple. Did Ame know that Konoha had undermined the treaty? Was it a symbol … or a warning?

The moment was broken by Kiba announcing, "Next!" He threw a present at Naruto, who caught it easily.

Naruto ripped the paper off and said, "It's – wait, what is it, Kiba?" It was a packet seemingly filled with brightly colored plastic.

"It's edible underwear," Kiba said, sharp canines Mikang his grin feral. "Hers _and_ his."

"Kiba-kun!" Hinata scolded, scandalized. Her cheeks lit up like a firework. "I… I have to use the restroom," she said politely, then scrambled away quickly. Tenten followed her.

Naruto was dumbfounded at first, staring after Hinata with his mouth agape, but when Kiba began to laugh, so did Naruto.

"Worth it," Kiba said. "She makes it so _easy_."

"She is quite amusing to fluster," Shino said, chuckling.

Neji, still as dour as he was earlier, did not laugh. "It is inappropriate to give such a gift. That could have embarrassed Naruto or Hinata, if presented earlier in the evening."

Kiba shrugged. "I don't really care. I know Hinata wanted to make a big fuss, but it's Naruto's birthday, right? And Naruto is the type of guy who likes to have a laugh."

Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but Hinata and Tenten emerged from the bathroom, so he shut up – but he was smiling. Sakura was, too. She didn't mind the gift. It had made her forget, for just one minute, what a trial this party had been.

Lee's gift of a new set of training weights was next. Sakura's smile became strained as she noticed that Lee was avoiding even looking at her. Great. She'd ruined that friendship….

But she tried to hold onto that good feeling a while longer while everyone else presented their gifts, if their clans had not already done so. Gai gave Naruto a taijutsu scroll and an offer of free training; Iruka gave Naruto a book on the history of shinobi villages; Shizune gave Naruto a nice hand warmer for missions in cold places; Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon gave Naruto a joint gift of more ramen gift certificates; and Tenten gave Naruto a bundle of good quality kunai. All were nice gifts, but none could beat Sai's. Sai, who had not spoken to anyone all night and had stayed off by himself, gave Naruto a beautiful painting of what his family should have been: Kushina, Minato, and Naruto, all together.

Sakura had hoped to give Naruto the most thoughtful present tonight, but she knew she had lost that self-made competition.

"Sai, I –" Naruto whispered, staring wide-eyed at the portrait. "How did you do this?"

"I asked Danzou-sama to help me find pictures of your father and mother and painted their likenesses," he said, as monotone as ever. The rest went unsaid: Danzou agreed because Danzou thought he was helping Sai maintain his cover.

Naruto carefully set the painting on the table, got up, strode to Sai in two long paces, and gathered him in a hug. Sai stiffened at the contact.

"Thank you," Naruto whispered throatily. Sai slowly relaxed. When Naruto released Sai and turned around, he wiped a few tears from his eyes.

"Now, isn't there some sort of cake or something?" Naruto said, clearly not wanting to dwell on his emotional outburst. For the first time in months, Sai stopped skulking around the edges of the group and sat down at the table.

"Shouldn't you be full after all that ramen and barbeque, Dickless?" Sai said. "Aren't you afraid Hinata won't love you if you're fat?"

"At least I have a girlfriend, Belly Boy!" Naruto growled, eyes narrowing.

Sakura smiled again, genuinely. "Come on, now. Naruto's not fat. A little cake on his birthday won't hurt him."

"But maybe you ought to pass, eh, Forehead?" quipped Ino from across the table.

"Maybe _you_ ought to pass, Pig!" Sakura said, glaring at her.

"Oi!" Kiba grunted at a waiter as he passed out cake. "What do we have to do to get some alcohol in here?"

More politely, Shizune asked the waiter for chilled sake.

Something shifted into place. _This_ was Naruto's real birthday party. The rest was just something they had to endure for the sake of the game.

* * *

When the party was finally winding down, Sakura was a little bit drunk. She was enjoying the last of her sake when she saw Kakashi preparing to leave. Sakura roused herself and bid Naruto good night.

"Thanks for the kunai, Sakura-chan," he said, beaming, as happy a drunk as ever. "It was really nice."

"I'm glad you liked it. Go home and get some rest."

"Yeah, yeah. You always watch out for me, Sakura-chan."

"Someone's got to," she said, waving over her shoulder as she left.

The air was just cool enough outside that she wished she had brought a sweater. She shivered, but resisted the urge to run home as she waited for Kakashi to emerge. It didn't take long.

"I thought you were going home," he said, frowning slightly.

"I have a favor to ask, actually," she said, more timidly than she would have liked.

"Well?" he said impatiently.

"It's, um…" she stalled, thinking of a good way to say this. "It's about Chiyoko. She asked me if she could stash her uniform at your apartment."

Kakashi sighed. "All right. Follow me."

Sakura followed meekly, knowing she was imposing on him. After a couple of minutes of silence, she could not resist asking the other question on her mind. "Konan's gift. What do you think it means?"

He looked at her sharply, warning her with his eye not to say more. "I don't know. Perhaps she just didn't know Naruto well enough to give a more personal gift."

"Most of the formal gifts weren't personal," Sakura said, frowning and rubbing her arms to keep warm. She thought Kakashi was saying that Konan did not know Naruto well enough to know that he was not behind the broken treaty. Sakura disagreed.

"That's true," Kakashi replied, but said no more. Before too long, they were at his apartment. Once inside, he said, "What's this about your uniform?"

Sakura pulled it out and folded it neatly for easy storage. "My mother found it. I didn't know how to throw her off my scent without telling her I quit. She'll know something's up if she sees the uniform again. It would –" Sakura did not want to say what she was thinking: it would send her mother on a bender. "It would make problems for me at home, and it's a security issue anyway."

Kakashi squeezed the bridge of his nose. "This is ridiculous."

"I'm sorry," Sakura said. She could feel the tips of her ears heating up. "I didn't know what else to do."

He sighed. "It's not your fault. If you were just a proper ANBU, then all these extra measures would not be necessary. There are exception clauses for family members, you know."

"Oh, well, if that's the case, then I will take it home and just try to keep her from seeing it so she—"

"No," Kakashi cut her off. "There are exception clauses for actual ANBU members, which you are not. You were right to bring it here." Kakashi cleared a drawer in his tiny dresser, moving his underwear into his sock drawer. Sakura tried not to look.

"You can keep your things in this drawer," he said. "I'll have to get you a key made."

"Thanks," she said, still blushing. She put her things into the drawer he cleared, fidgeting as long as possible. Kakashi noticed.

"Is that all?" he asked, impatience creeping into his voice.

Could she really ask him? She had thought and thought and come to no better conclusion, and she would never have a better, more private opportunity. She steeled herself and turned to him, hoping that alcohol really was liquid courage.

"No, it's not. There's something else – and you're not going to like it."

He sighed. "What is it?"

"It's.…" The words would not come. She swallowed the bile rising in her throat and decided to approach it in a more roundabout way. "Do you remember that story I told you? About Ryuu and that mission he was bragging about?"

"The one with the girl, and the torture, and framing Rock?" he asked, confused at the apparent non-sequitur.

"Yes, that one. Do you know who the girl was?" At the time, Sakura spent several sleepless nights thinking he realized who it was – but he had gone on not looking at her any differently for long enough that Sakura let it slip from her mind.

"Of course. Ino," he answered immediately.

Sakura's jaw fell. "Wait – what? Ino?"

"I thought it was obvious; with her current problems, and her father in Torture and Interrogation, it added up perfectly," Kakashi said, brow furrowing.

Sakura could not help but chuckle; even when it was right in front of his nose, he still assumed her innocence. It was sweet, really – and she was about to shatter that illusion once and for all.

"That was me on that mission, Kakashi. I tortured that man. I'm an interrogator, remember?"

Watching comprehension dawn in his eye was painful. She had never told anyone about that mission before him – and for exactly this reason. She had been avoiding that look.

"What do you need?" Kakashi asked, his voice raspy as if he had been punched in the stomach.

Sakura ignored the question for now, still unable to say it out loud. "It was fine, at first, you know. I was fine. He usually liked prettier women, so I had to use what I had. I used my virginity to lure him. I thought it worked, but…" Sakura looked down at her fingernails, closely trimmed as usual. "I woke up one day to him choking me and … pushing inside me. It hurt. He hadn't been like that before. He'd been … pleasant. But he was just toying with me. He knew all along. I – I never fooled him."

Her voice started wavering.

"He said, 'Did you think you could just open your legs and I'd tell you everything you wanted to know, you kunoichi slut? Those scars – did you think I was stupid?'"

She touched her side where Sasori stabbed her. Kakashi moved toward her nervously and then stepped back, but Sakura did not even notice. She was staring beyond him, seeing _his_ face. Sakura shook her head to clear it.

"Ever since then, I can't keep up the façade with a man. I've tried – you saw what happened with Dai. That happens, or – or worse."

She met his widened eye to make the final request. He was expecting it, inching away from her.

"It's dangerous. I've been lucky in the field so far, but Danzou favors seduction missions. The minute he knows they're risky for me I'll be put on them. I can't go on like this."

"Sakura, don't," he begged.

She granted him no mercy.

"Kakashi, I need you to have sex with me."

He closed his eyes, looking older and more tired than she had ever seen him. Still, Sakura did not relent. "I'm a danger to myself. I need someone I can trust to help me with this."

He started backing away in earnest now, so quickly that he almost fell. "No. No. Sakura, you don't understand what you're asking –"

His crestfallen face was almost more than she could bear, but she went too far to take it back now. "I do understand, Kakashi. Think of what this cost me to say."

He shook his head violently. "There must be someone – _anyone_ – else."

"There isn't."

"Naruto—"

"Has Hinata."

"Sai—"

"Is Danzou's spy."

"Shikamaru—"

"Is with Temari. I couldn't ruin that."

"Shino—"

"Engaged. You met his fiancée tonight, remember?"

"What about Neji? He's not attached."

"He's in love with Tenten, but won't admit it yet. And I can't have him look at me like he did her when she started—"

"Or Kiba—" Kakashi's voice became gravelly with desperation.

"He's judgmental and blabs to everyone all about his conquests. I can't, Kakashi, I just can't."

Kakashi's eye was now blazing with something new: anger. "Stop making excuses. Just go to a civilian."

"So I can panic and kill him this time? I've _tried_ that, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Don't call me that," he growled, turning away from her.

A sob tore from Sakura's throat, though she had been determined not to cry. She knew he would be upset, but she did not expect him to be _mean_ to her.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I'm so sorry."

He still would not look at her.

She fled, trying to hide her tears.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is of import both to me and the characters. The pace of the story takes off at a dramatic gallop after this chapter, and for several reasons, I have decided to make this the official end of Part I of Playing the Game. The next chapter will be published as normal, but as part of Part II - and when you read it, you will understand.

Thanks for sticking with me so far on this long ride, but it's not even close to over. All reviews will be appreciated and answered, if at all possible.


	17. Start of Part II:Avenging Deushi Junichi

Everyone was gathered in front of the hospital; jounin were afforded a reserved section where they could see the Hokage from his position on the hospital roof. Lesser ninja were behind them, and beyond them civilians spreading back at least a mile. The entire village had been summoned, an extremely rare occurrence.

Kakashi watched Danzou standing silently, surveying the crowd along with his regular guards. His left guard, Tera, carried a strange sack. Kakashi knew what must be coming. Earlier that morning, when he received the summons, he had butterflies in his stomach, but now he just wanted to get it over with. He didn't have long to wait; Danzou raised his good hand and the chattering crowds silenced.

Danzou spoke, his voice amplified by chakra so that it would reach the whole crowd.

"Early this morning, Konoha received a troubling message."

Danzou paused to let the magnitude of this statement sink in. Tension was thick in the air.

"This was the message," Danzou said.

He pulled a severed head out of the sack in Tera's hands.

The crowd exploded into a fury of noise; a woman screamed, children cried, a man yelled at the indecency, civilians panicked. Among the jounin and most of the ninja, though, was silent and a few exchanged grim looks. This could mean only one thing.

When things calmed down a bit, Danzou continued. "This was Deushi Junichi, a mere chuunin scout, sent to the borderlands of Rock. He was only monitoring activity. He never hurt anyone, nor was he meant to. Rock nin killed him and sent me his head."

The only sound now was sobbing among some civilians. Even they began grasping what this meeting was about.

"This means war," Danzou said, voice louder. "We cannot let this injustice stand. The shinobi nations are perched precariously, kept stable only by the balance of power. Rock saw our village fall to the ground and thinks this means that we have lost power. They think they can throw the whole world into turmoil just to benefit themselves. We must show them that Konoha is just as powerful – even more powerful – than it has ever been!"

No one was crying now. They were caught up in nationalist pride Danzou was carefully engineering. Someone started chanting "Ko-no-ha!" and it spread like wildfire.

"We must preserve the balance that keeps the world at peace!" Danzou roared over the chant. "We must avenge Deushi Junichi!"

"_Ko-no-ha! Ko-no-ha!"_

"Konoha is declaring war on Rock as of today."

The announcement met with a rousing cheer.

"Ninja, we will need your skills to protect Fire Country and all of its citizens. Civilians, we need you to support our ninja as they fight for your safety."

"_KO-NO-HA! KO-NO-HA!"_

The infectious chant had reached a deafening volume, most of the ninja joining in. Danzou stood reveling in it for a while, moved to emotion.

The crowd dispersed after a while. Drinking houses would do record business tonight to be sure, but others wore somber looks. Of those, family groups seemed to be sticking together tightly. It had already begun. Kakashi recognized it, having lived through this before. Nothing like war drew a line between family and acquaintance. Loyalties were laid bare. Tentative connections were flayed so raw they died or became unbreakable.

A group of young ninja wandered by Kakashi, draped around one another, singing a raucous chorus of _The Warrior and the Flame_, a traditional song about the Will of Fire. These men – boys, really – were already drunk on the promise of glory. If this was anything like the last war, most of them would be dead within three years.

Kakashi looked past the rambunctious ninja, searching for a telltale orange. It did not take him long to find it; Naruto was walking towards him, his face unusually somber. Naruto understood the gravitas of what lie on the line. Both of them called in every favor they were owed just to have this chance.

When Naruto reached Kakashi, they both turned without a word and walked together. They had a plan to set into motion.

* * *

The Hokage Tower used to just be the Hokage's living quarters; the offices used to be in the same building as the Academy. In the reconstruction, Danzou changed all that. Now it was a combination of living spaces and offices designed to intimidate rather than welcome. The hallway Kakashi and Naruto waited in was austere; though decorated in warm tan and, it was somehow bleaker than the hospital. The bench outside the office was flat and hard, and Kakashi could tell Naruto was taking this seriously because he did not wiggle, but fixed his eyes on the double doors. The fixed determination on Naruto's face calmed Kakashi's stomach, and the realization that he had begun to look to Naruto for answers shocked Kakashi.

Finally, the door opened. Tera, the Root member who carried Deushi Junichi's head earlier that week, ushered Kakashi and Naruto inside, where they were faced with the same group that once accused Kakashi of treason.

This time, though, the seven ninja looked at him with more curiosity than accusation – except Danzou, who was already grating his teeth.

Just as before, Utatane Koharu spoke first.

"You have requested an audience with the war council. Your request has been granted."

Kakashi began, as he must in order to keep up their show of propriety, to bolster the ruse that Naruto was never told anything he should not know.

"I think we can all agree that Rain is contentious ground in this war. Getting the upper hand there is absolutely essential."

"Do you think we're stupid?" the man with the wild black hair said. Kakashi did not know him before, but found out his name was Kawasie Keiji – the only one on Danzou's war council who was a lower-level commander in the last war and did nothing of special note, though he was generally successful in his ventures. Kakashi suspected Kawasie was a strong Danzou supporter, which had earned him the advisory position.

"Of course you know all this. I'm just running over the basics to make my point: we must have Rain. We have compromised the alliance, and we must fix it."

The other woman, Toriichi Keiko, shifted impatiently. In the last war, she was a notorious beauty known as the Bloody Geisha, one of Konoha's most skilled assassins. But time had not treated her well and her beauty had faded so quickly that Kakashi had not recognized her at first.

"We're dispatching diplomats to each allied and neutral country," she snapped. "Don't waste our time."

Kakashi gritted his teeth and tried not to let his frustration show.

"Yes, but who are you sending to Rain?"

"It's being discussed," she said.

"I'm here to suggest you send Uzumaki Naruto," Kakashi said.

"A genin?" replied Kawasie. "We can't send an untrained genin for something as important as that."

Kakashi's glanced at Naruto, not surprised to see him flexing his fists, fidgeting in discomfort. Before Kakashi could speak up, Mimura Hamaki stepped in.

"Don't be an idiot, Keiji," Mimura said. "That boy is stronger than you'll ever be – and Suna made him an honorary jounin. I've been meaning to bring that up anyway. We can't let that stand. He's the hero of the commoners, and we're at war. We have to make him a jounin."

"But he hasn't even one iota of leadership experience! It would be an insult to all who earned their status," said Homura Mitokado.

The scarred man, Iwashi Kunio, interjected, and all fell silent to hear his rasp.

"He is already a leader of Konoha. He doesn't need experience to be what he is. Even our esteemed Hokage will acknowledge that the people's loyalty to Uzumaki-san rivals their loyalty to him. Publicly insulting Uzumaki-san just for the sake of tradition is risking much, with hostilities escalating."

Danzou said nothing, his nostrils flaring.

"It's not an insult to Uzumaki-san," Homura said, flustered. "I am sure he understands that one does not jump from genin to jounin – surely he wishes to do things the right way and not be shown favoritism. Of course we know his strength and are grateful for it."

Kakashi couldn't help himself any more. "And you should be grateful to him; every single citizen of Konoha owes him their life, even you."

"Watch your tone, Hatake," Utatane hissed.

"I've heard the rank and file buzzing about it since the Kazekage saw fit to undermine us so publicly," Mimura said.

"If we didn't need them, our alliance would no longer be as strong as they think it is," Kawasie fumed. "That was entirely inappropriate and should have been approved by Danzou-sama."

Mimura scowled. "You place too little importance on alliances, Kawasie. Without them, we are doomed. The point is that we cannot allow things to fester. Some of the public simply does not understand why Naruto is not a jounin and appears to do nothing; some do not care; but some believe that Suna values him more than Konoha does and are beginning to get angry."

Kawasie was clenching his fists so tight his knuckles were turning white. "The know-nothings think he should be a jounin so he can storm in here and demand to be promoted? Is that how it works?"

"Do you see him demanding anything?" Mimura countered. "And they hardly stormed – they requested a meeting in accordance with all the proper protocols."

Naruto spoke for the first time, more timidly than usual. "I'm not asking for a promotion. I just think I ought to be the one to talk to Konan. She's not – she doesn't think like anyone else I've ever met. She doesn't want the things you think she wants. She likes me. I know I can get her to see things our way."

Danzou broke his silence. "And this was your idea, to be Rain's diplomatic envoy, was it?"

"Well, yes, basically. I didn't know it was a diplomatic envelope, but when you announced the war, I went and talked to Kakashi-sensei about it. And I asked him what happens now, if our allies like Gaara and Konan would help. Kaka-sensei said we wouldn't know until they sent people to talk to each leader. I asked him what sorts of people they sent, and he said they sent prominent people, like respected jounin and generals, to make each leader feel important, and they talked over things like treaties and border agreements and taxes and things like that."

"And how did this inspire you to appear before us today?" Danzou said, face still studiously blank.

"I said to Kakashi-sensei that I hope they didn't send someone too stuffy to Konan, even though she'd help us anyway. Kakashi-sensei said that Rain lost a lot of people in the last war so Konan may not want to get involved. I said that if I talked to her, I knew she wouldn't back out. Kakashi-sensei asked if I was serious, if I really wanted to go talk to her, that it was very important. I said I did, and he requested this meeting."

"And what makes you think you're qualified to be a diplomat?" Utatane asked.

Naruto scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. "Well, I'm not."

"So why are you here?" Utatane said.

"Konan doesn't want a diplomat – and, I mean, you can still send one of those guys. I just think I ought to go too."

Utatane squinted even harder at Naruto. "How do you know what Konan wants?"

"How do _you_?" Naruto returned. When Utatane did not answer, Naruto asked, "What do you think Konan wants?"

"What any leader of any nation wants – for a more powerful society," Utatane answered promptly. "We can offer her the tools to make Amegakure a player on the main stage of foreign affairs."

"She won't take it," Naruto said. "That's not what she wants."

The shock on their faces was telling; the small smiles of approval from Iwashi and Mimura confirmed that they were going to swing Naruto's way.

"All she wants for her country is for the people to be safe and left alone. That's it."

"But how will vowing to leave her citizens alone convince Konan to pledge her military power to Konoha?" Iwashi asked, looking truly curious for the first time.

"It won't," Naruto said simply.

Utatane scowled and opened her mouth to argue, but Naruto cut her off.

"But she also wants justice and peace. We declared war, and she won't like that, but if we can convince her we did it for good reasons and we're committed to minimal bloodshed but need her help to do it, then she will help."

"And you think that you – who called this position 'a political envelope' – are capable of gaining her trust?" Homura asked.

Naruto began to glower, and Kakashi knew that Naruto's old defense mechanisms were kicking in, and he prayed Naruto would stay composed.

"I know I am," Naruto said. "I know I don't know all the fancy words and the protocols and all that, but I know how to talk to Konan. And my teammate, Haruno Sakura, she studied all of that stuff under Tsunade-sama. And … and Hyuuga Hinata would help me, too, if I asked. But if you don't think I can do it, if you don't trust me, then at least listen to me a little bit. Don't treat Konan like you treat the rest. She's different, and she doesn't have advisors like you that will argue with her about it. And when you do decide who to send, make sure it isn't someone who –" Naruto hesitated.

"Someone who?" prompted Toriichi.

"Make sure it isn't someone who is associated with Hokage-sama," Naruto said carefully. Seeing the outrage on some of the councillors' faces, Naruto rushed to add, "Because she doesn't trust him, from before, see? The thing with Salamander, remember? She hasn't forgotten. That's why the normal stuff wouldn't work with her. She doesn't trust politicians."

Naruto trained his eyes on the floor. Kakashi's stomach was filled with lead. Had Naruto gone too far? He was right, of course, but saying it out loud was risky.

"If you'll recall, Konan requested Naruto's presence at the signing of the original treaty. They spoke privately and at length during that time. No one else in the country can say the same," Kakashi said.

There was a moment of silence before the advisors all burst into commotion at once, arguing over one another. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Kakashi stared at his map of the surrounding countries, mentally tracing borders and finding weaknesses. Too many possibilities ran through his mind; even such basic facts as who would be an ally and who would be an enemy were still up in the air. The villages of Valleys and Stone tended towards neutrality, but they were on what could easily become contentious ground, with Sungakure so firmly in Konoha's camp. The Village Hidden in the Woods had never been a friend to Konoha, but if Stone to its right fell in with Konoha, Woods would be in an untenable position. Sound, in particular, was a wildcard: the village continued even after Orochimaru's demise, yet it was still young and had no history of alliances or enmities to burden it.

But it all came down to Rain, ultimately. With Grass and Waterfall both traditionally allies of Leaf, Rock would be keen to gain Rain's trust in hope of clear supply lines through the region. Konoha simply could not allow that.

Ostensibly, whether the odds of the war were fairly even or stacked against Konoha all rested in his team's hands now – but really, it was up to Naruto. Naruto would be the one to make this alliance, if it could be made. Kakashi would be the one to break it, if it was going to be broken.

Kakashi looked at the clock. It was time to go. He rolled up his maps and stashed them away, grabbed his pack, tucked an Icha Icha novel in his back pocket, and was out the door. Though it was still dark outside, he itched to visit the memorial stone. Kakashi resisted the urge and headed straight for the bridge.

Naruto, Sai, and Tenzou were there waiting for him. Naruto beamed at him.

"You're three minutes early, Kaka-sensei! You even beat Sakura-chan."

Kakashi frowned. "Where is she?"

Naruto shrugged.

"Probably catching up on her beauty sleep," quipped Yamato.

"Sakura-san has never overslept in the time I have known her," Sai said. Yamato's smirk faded.

They settled down to wait for her.

At five minutes past, Naruto grew impatient.

"Come on, Sakura-chan," he grumbled. "We need to leave already. Konan is expecting us."

"We padded in extra time," Kakashi said.

What felt like an eternity passed, but it was only ten minutes or so. Kakashi frowned. Fifteen minutes late?

"Something is wrong," Kakashi said, his stomach suddenly heavy with certainty. "We should look for her."

"Kakashi-sensei, don't you think she's just late?" Naruto said.

"I don't think so," Kakashi said. "But it's your decision. You're the leader on this mission, Naruto, not me. Don't forget you're a jounin now. What do _you_ want to do?"

Naruto started in surprise, as if he had just heard this news for the first time. His eyes narrowed in determination. "We'll stay together and look for her. Let's start with her house."

Without needing to discuss it, they took to the roofs of the flat-topped shinobi houses, which eventually gave way to the slanted roofs of the civilian sector. Naruto lit on the ground when they neared Sakura's street; Kakashi, Yamato, and Sai followed suit.

As they approached her house, it was apparent that Kakashi was right: something was wrong with Sakura. They could hear the yelling from down the block. Naruto stopped dead in shock.

All of the lights were on in Sakura's house, but the rest of the civilian houses were unlit in the pre-dawn darkness. Someone was yelling at the top of their lungs. Process of elimination led Kakashi to believe it was Sakura's mother. Glass shattered inside somewhere, but the shouting did not stop. Kakashi could not make out the words, but his mind stopped trying as he ran towards the house, wanting not to imagine what might lie beyond the front door Sakura once warned him never to use. Naruto and the others were close behind.

Before they reached the door, it opened and Sakura was violently expelled, landing in a neat roll tuck putting her back on her feet. She stormed back up to the door, not even noticing them until Naruto shouted her name.

"Sakura, what's going on?" he yelled, running up to her and whirling her around to reveal a gash on her cheek that was bleeding.

Sakura froze. "I –" The tips of her ears reddened and she could not go on.

Naruto shook her. "Sakura! Are you okay?"

She smiled weakly. "I'm fine. I'm sorry about this. Stand back, okay?"

When Naruto complied, Sakura turned back to the door and began pounding on it furiously. "Mom! Let me back in. I have to get my supplies."

"I won't do it!" Riko half sobbed, half screamed. "I won't let you go!"

"Come ON!" she shouted. "My captain is here and I've already probably earned a demerit. I don't have time for this, Mom! Stop being a child."

"No! You can't be in a war! I won't let you!"

Sakura let out a howl of frustration. A neighbor's light flickered on. "You don't have a choice and you can't stop me."

Sakura's mother just sobbed violently.

"Stand back, Mom!" Sakura said.

"No!"

"I'm trying really hard not to hurt you here."

"How could you want to hurt your own mother? This is why you can't go!"

Sakura stomped her foot and the house shook, a sure sign that she was losing control. More neighborhood lights came on. "I don't _want_ to, you idiot. Now _stand back_!"

With one easy yank, Sakura tore the front door off of its hinges, leaving only jagged splinters behind. Sakura's mother crumbled to the ground, crying so hard she could hardly breathe. All around Riko lay pieces of a broken lamp; her legs were cut where she'd fallen on them.

Sakura sank down next to her and gave her a hug. Riko clung to her daughter so tightly her knuckles were white.

"Please don't go," Riko whispered. "I swear I'll find a job. I'll do anything – anything – if you quit. I'll write to my family. I'll do it. Please."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do that," Sakura said.

Riko extricated herself from Sakura's grip and stood up shakily, ratty blue bath robe fluttering around her bloody knees.

"Then you're not welcome here anymore," she said, voice suddenly cold, and limped away as fast as she could.

Sakura just sat on the floor among the broken glass, staring after her mother helplessly. No one dared say anything. After a moment or two of listlessness, Sakura snapped back to attention, jumping up and grabbing the broom to sweep up the glass and splinters.

Sakura did not look at them as she threw away the debris and grabbed her pack from where it had apparently been thrown across the room.

She slung the rucksack over her back, picked up the door and tried to make it cover the hole she had made by ripping it out. She shoved it through the hole again and again, growing more and more upset each time it would not stay.

"Damn it, you stupid door," she said, voice muffled. "_Damn it_. What am I going to do with this?"

Yamato stepped up and took the door from her. At first, she wouldn't let go, staring at him in confusion.

"I'll fix it, if you let me," he said, and she finally relinquished the door. He signaled to Naruto and Sai, who took the door from him and held it in place where it used to stand. Yamato placed one hand on the door jamb and one on the door. In less than five minutes, the door was like new, the wood knitting where it was rent and regenerating where it had been torn away.

"Thank you, Yamato-taichou," Sakura said stiffly, then tried to walk past them out of the repaired door.

Naruto stopped her. "Sakura, are you okay? What _was _that?"

"I'm fine," Sakura said. Unable to stand Naruto's penetrating stare, she looked away, and for one brief moment, her eyes met Kakashi's. The misery in them cut him like a knife.

"Really, Sakura," Naruto insisted. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she said, still refusing to meet Naruto's eyes.

"Don't tell me nothing. Come on, Sakura, you can talk to me," Naruto said, reaching out and putting a hand on her shoulder. She tensed up.

"She's just scared is all," Sakura said in a whisper.

"Scared of what?" Naruto asked, brow furrowing.

"Scared of the war. Scared of my missions. Scared of going outside."

Naruto said nothing, but his eyes, expressive as ever, spoke for him. He pitied her.

Sakura noticed.

"Don't look at me like that," she snapped, shrugging his hand off of her shoulder. "We just had an argument. She wants me to quit the shinobi corps and I don't want to."

"She can't make you, right?" Naruto asked, a hint of genuine curiosity tingeing his voice.

Sakura laughed that dark laugh that Kakashi had come to dread. "Of course she can't make me," Sakura said. "What is she going to do – kick me out of the house?"

"She said you couldn't come home, though." Naruto frowned.

"She couldn't kick me out of this house even if she really wanted to. I pay all of its mortgage and upkeep. She has nothing without me. She's just trying to guilt me into quitting by crying and having a meltdown, Naruto. It's nothing."

"It's _not_ nothing, Sakura!" Naruto insisted. "I mean, look – you're _bleeding_!"

Sakura passed a hand glittering with green over cheekbone, leaving only congealing blood behind. "Now I'm not. Can we go already, Naruto-taichou?" Sakura said waspishly.

Looking defeated, Naruto stood aside so she could pass.

"You don't have to call me that. I don't want it to be like that between us," Naruto said weakly.

All of a sudden, Sakura's shoulders relaxed and a small smile played upon her lips. "You should get used to it, Naruto. You deserve the recognition." She turned to face Naruto. "After all, one day it will be Naruto-sama!"

Slowly, Naruto's face lost the pained look and his typical grin returned. "That's right."

"I was so happy when I heard, Naruto. I don't know who tricked them into being decent –" Sakura began, but caught herself. "I don't know what convinced them, but I'm glad of it."

Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "They just wanted to make sure Konan felt like she was being addressed by somebody important, not some genin."

"She _is_ being addressed by somebody important."

Naruto scuffed his toe in the dirt. "I mean, the whole reason is because I knew she wouldn't like some stuffy guy babbling politicky stuff at her."

Sakura laughed, but softly, this time. "You don't have to be stuffy to be important, Naruto. You're going to prove that to everyone."

Naruto blushed.

"Think of it this way," Sakura said. "You recognized a need to avoid doublespeak with a potential ally and made sure the right envoy was deployed in order to achieve the goals of the state."

Naruto stared at her, slack-jawed. "You make me sound so smart."

Sakura punched him lightly on the arm. "You _are_ smart. Don't let me hear you saying you're dumb."

"You're already dickless," Sai said, as deadpan as usual. "It would be unfair if you were brainless, too."

Naruto's blush deepened. "Thanks, guys."

Yamato cleared his throat. "I hate to stop Naruto's well-deserved congratulations, but the sun is coming up."

"Oh, right!" Naruto said. "We should go."

Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, and Sakura all fell into their new formation behind Naruto, exchanging looks about the newness of it all. Sometimes, change was good.

* * *

Yamato tapped his foot in impatience, glaring at the door of Sakura's suite.

"We have been waiting approximately ten minutes, Ugly," Sai said through the door.

"Sorry!" she squeaked and finally emerged.

"What are you wearing that for?" Naruto said, brow furrowing. "I said to wear uniforms."

"This is a uniform. I used to wear one like this as a genin, remember?"

"Not like _that_," Kakashi blurted out in spite of himself; he'd been successfully avoiding speaking to Sakura until this point.

The dress she'd worn as a genin had been funny because that style of dress was not meant for girls her age, and so made her look silly – but now, she was no longer a girl, and filled out a qipao dress in an entirely different way. Not only was it form fitting in the torso, but shorter in the bottom, leaving a space for the kunai she was not currently wearing. The dress was a shinier material and looked higher quality as well.

Sakura blushed deeply. "Well, I want to show Konan that we're trying to be respectful."

"But we agreed to be casual – to look like ninja and not politicians, remember? You're wearing makeup, even, Sakura," Naruto said, frowning.

Sakura scowled. "There's a difference between being formal and presenting ourselves well, Naruto. We can't afford to allow Konan to think we're not taking this seriously. I mean, Kakashi doesn't even look like he's brushed his hair." She shot Kakashi a scathing look.

"I'm presenting as usual," Kakashi said stiffly. "As ordered," he added in annoyance.

Sakura bristled at the insinuation but schooled her features quickly. "I'll change if you want, Naruto."

Naruto hesitated. "No, you look fine. But, uh…" He turned to Kakashi. "Maybe you _should_ brush your hair," Naruto said, looking at his feet awkwardly. "You – you know, just to be safe."

Kakashi sighed when Naruto pulled out a comb in moral support and began to pull it through his own hair, even though it was perfectly neat – neater than Kakashi had ever seen it, in fact. Sakura grabbed a comb out of her room and handed it to Kakashi, somehow knowing that he would not have one with him. Kakashi combed his hair quickly, not really sure what to do beyond that or what Sai did to make his hair behave so well. Kakashi handed Sakura back her comb, trying his best not to let his hand brush hers.

"Is being late also rude?" Sai asked nonchalantly.

"Shit," Naruto swore and swept down the hallway without further ado, the others in tow.

They reached the designated dining room just in the nick of time. Konan and four others were waiting there, untouched food in front of them. On Konan's left side was a girl no older than fourteen or fifteen with a short, pinched face and frizzy black hair; on Konan's right were three men of varying ages, the oldest man elderly and the youngest man in his late twenties. All were wearing their uniforms, except Konan who was wearing her usual midriff-baring dress.

"Please, honored guests, be seated," Konan said.

Kakashi seated himself promptly and intoned the standard blessing along with everyone else. Now came the tricky part: before leaving, Sakura insisted that they all learn proper formal table manners. Kakashi had memorized them with his Sharingan, so he had no trouble sliding the right hand under the chopsticks and imitating Sakura's precise movements. Sai already knew how, and Yamato was a quick learner, and while Yamato's movements weren't as perfect as Sakura's, they were a sufficient approximation. Naruto, on the other hand, used the wrong hand motions and clacked his chopsticks against the miso soup bowl when he lifted it, wincing with every mistake he made.

Kakashi glanced at Sakura, hoping she would not correct Naruto, but she was not looking at him. Her eyes were trained on Konan, whose eyes were on Naruto. But instead of looking offended or upset with Naruto's imperfect manners, Konan was smiling softly.

Then again, neither were Konan and her underlings using formal manners. So why did Sakura insist that the Konoha team do it? Would this upset the balance between the countries? Kakashi looked back at Sakura and noticed that she was also smiling – in fact, she looked a little smug.

Kakashi sipped his soup for a minute, confused by this exchange – until it hit him at once: Sakura had known Naruto would not perform the formal manners just right and hoped it would endear him to Konan. Her plan had worked, it seemed, as Konan opened up conversation.

"How was your trip, Naruto-san?" Konan asked.

"A little wet," Naruto joked, smiling now that things turned into small talk.

"Well, we are not called Rain for nothing," Konan said. "I hope the accommodations suit you and you were able to dry off?"

"Oh, yeah – yes," he corrected himself, then laughed it off. "This place is really nice. We don't need all this, you know – we can camp out. We came prepared. I don't want to put you through any trouble."

Konan's smile grew wider. "It's no trouble. This used to be Hanzou's mansion, you know. One of them, at least. I'd hate for such lavishness to go to waste, so we use it for visiting diplomats."

"We're honored," Naruto said. "Thank you."

"So, how are your friends back in Konoha that you told me about?"

Naruto set down his bowl with a thunk, totally abandoning all pretense of proper manners. "Some of them are right here. There's Haruno Sakura, the medic I was telling you about," he said, pointing, though thankfully he pointed with his finger instead of his chopstick.

"Ah, yes, Tsunade-sama's apprentice," Konan said, giving Sakura an appraising look.

Sakura forged a smile and inclined her head.

"This is Yamato," Naruto continued.

"With the wood element," Konan said, nodding politely at Yamato.

"This is Sai."

"With the ink creations. I'd love to see that, actually." Konan smiled at Sai. "It's the complement of my ability to manipulate paper."

Sai's eyes widened in surprise at the genuine interest. "I will gladly show you at any time, Konan-sama."

"I appreciate that, Sai-san," Konan returned, then turned to Kakashi. "And you are Hatake Kakashi," she stated rather than asked, eyes losing their warmth.

"Yes, Konan-sama, I am," Kakashi said politely, though it felt like his heart had leaped into his mouth. She did not like him and Kakashi knew of no other reason for it than the one he feared most.

Naruto noticed, but did not draw attention to it. "And what about your – friends?" Naruto asked.

"This is Nakano Kiku," Konan said, indicating the younger girl, "Sato Katsumi, Tachibana Manabu, and Yoshida Saburo. While I value them highly, they have been instructed not to speak. They are among my strongest jounin and insisted upon coming along to play the numbers game."

Kakashi met Sakura's eyes without thinking. She was looking back at him.

"Nakano-san is young for such a high position," Yamato said.

Konan's smile grew strained. "As is Uzumaki-san."

"I only meant that she must be very talented, like Uzumaki-san," Yamato was swift to clarify. He turned to address the girl. "You are lucky to have to have a leader that believes in you, Nakano-san. Some leaders fail to recognize the abilities of youth just because they are youthful."

Konan relaxed again and the girl's face grew less pinched. What Yamato had just done was clever: he had stated that he respected Konan and insinuated quite neatly that he respected her _more_ than Danzou. Their biggest obstacle was sure to be Konan's dislike of Danzou, so making her feel as if her envoys shared her opinion could only work in their favor.

"She is talented," Konan said and then turned back to Naruto. "And what of Hyuuga Hinata? She was bold to send me that party invitation. I'm assuming it means what I think it means."

Naruto blushed. "She's–she's fine," he mumbled.

Konan laughed a throaty laugh that brightened up her face and made her seem less ethereal. "I thought so. I know you got my gift because I received the oh-so-polite thank you note. But what did you _really_ think of it?"

Naruto frowned slightly. "Well, it was beautiful, of course. I'm going to be honest – I just thought you were giving me your origami, so I liked it. But Sakura told me all the things the flower could mean, and it made me start to wonder. That's one of the reasons I'm here. I want peace too."

"I was hoping you would understand, Naruto-san," Konan said, looking pleased.

Naruto sheepishly smiled. "Well, I didn't, but that's why I keep Sakura-chan around, eh?" he said.

Konan nodded at Sakura. "Thank you for your assistance, Haruno-san."

"Unfortunately, Konoha's instruction in flower interpretation is lacking, at least for males," Sakura said. "I'm glad I could help."

"I want peace too," Naruto repeated, becoming more serious.

"You could have fooled me." Konan's disposition suddenly changed – her eyes were intense with anger as she looked at them all in turn.

Kakashi's heart was in his mouth again.

"What have we done to make you feel that way?" Naruto asked carefully.

"Don't play dumb, Naruto-san," Konan snapped. "They wouldn't send you here without you knowing as well as I that _this man_ –" Konan pointed at Kakashi "—is responsible for killing at least two of our people several months ago."

Kakashi looked at Naruto. Naruto nodded.

"Yes," Kakashi said. "I killed two of yours and three of Rock's."

Nakano Kiku gasped and Sato Katsumi jumped up in anger but sank back down at Konan's look of reproach, though she herself looked just as disgusted.

"Why should we treat with you, oath breakers?" Konan spat.

Kakashi had to play this carefully – she was not going to beat around the bush, and so neither could they, and yet speaking his mind was sure to offend her. His best bet was to play the bad guy and let Naruto sweep in and be the reasonable one, but it was risky. Still, Kakashi had to try it.

"Why should we treat with _you_, oath breakers?" Kakashi said. "It was your man – an Okamoto, I believe – that drew the first weapon and attempted to strike the first blow. He tried to slit the throat of my helpless colleague after she had already been incapacitated."

Konan's mouth fell open in shock. "Why – why would he do that? Why should I believe you?"

Kakashi shrugged. "She was somewhere he didn't think she should be. Regardless, I wasn't about to let her die. Another of my colleagues did die, actually."

"Should she have been there?" Konan pressed.

"It depends. Should you have been making secret treaties with Rock?" Kakashi said.

Konan's nostrils flared. "I have every right to make the same non-aggression pact with Rock that I made with Konoha."

Kakashi leaned forward over the table. "The same treaty? With travel rights and all? Then you'll have Rock attacking Leaf and vice versa all across your lands – just like before. Is that what you want?"

Konan leaned towards Kakashi too. "Well then maybe it's time to rescind travel rights."

"What difference will it make? There's war between the Rock and the Leaf. Do you think they'll let you stay out of it? How well did that work for Rain last time? You can't ignore war. It's here whether you like it or not."

"It's not up to Konoha or Iwa to _let_ me do anything," said Konan, eyes narrowing.

"Konoha isn't going to force you to take sides, to be sure," Kakashi began, more calmly, "but I can't imagine my superiors ignoring it when Rock sends an army through your lands. It will be unavoidable then. And Rock will do it, too – this land is valuable space between us and not as traditionally fortified as the other borderlands. Why do you think the risk was taken to overhear your talks with Rock in the first place? What if it was more than a non-aggression treaty? No doubt they hoped to butter you up into something more. We had to know if you planned to double cross us. It's happened before."

Before Konan could reply, Naruto cut in. "This is ridiculous."

"The death of my people is ridiculous to you – even you, Naruto?" Konan cried, voice clogging.

"Of course not," Naruto said. "Every death is sad. But couldn't this all have been avoided? If we were open with one another from the beginning, as I'd hoped, none of this would have happened."

Konan flushed, the red stark against her pale cheeks. "How could we have been open about such a thing? Konoha was sure to overreact."

"You ensured we would overreact by hiding it from us," Naruto replied. "Had you told us your intentions and given us a copy of the treaty, what would we have had to fear? We could even have requested to have a representative present, and likely, you would have agreed. It might even have improved the Rock-Leaf relationship."

Konan deflated, seemingly at a loss.

"Your neutrality isn't news," Naruto continued. "I know you don't want to fight. I know you're not going to plot against us like that. But how can anyone else know that? When everyone's lives are on the line, do you think they'll just take my word for it?"

When Konan still did not reply and looked at her hands in front of her on the table, Naruto went on, a determined look fixed on his face.

"We were wrong to spy on you. We should have been direct and asked what was going on. I don't understand why everyone can't just be honest with one another. I'm going to change that, starting here, today."

Konan slowly looked up to meet Naruto's eyes. "We're going to change it together. No more secrets."

"No more secrets," Naruto agreed.

* * *

Kakashi lay in bed, throwing a kunai up into the air and catching it on his fingertip before tossing it up again. The others were all out taking a special tour of Amegakure. Konan had said, oh so politely, that she was sorry but his presence still made her advisors uncomfortable and they would prefer if he stay at the mansion – but to feel free to make himself at home, of course.

No doubt there were guards hidden to make sure he did just that. Kakashi did not care, though – the others had better social graces, except Sai, who was simply keeping his mouth shut. Kakashi would rather stay here and try to curb his anxiousness that the miraculous new treaty would fall through. He would read _Icha Icha_, he told himself, just as Naruto had teased he would do, but an _Icha Icha _book lay next to him unopened. Kakashi couldn't concentrate.

The meeting, though it had started off just about as bad as it could get without weapons, ended better than he could have hoped. Rain moved its pledge of neutrality up a notch and promised to support Konoha's war efforts – with the caveat that its troops would not be sent into war unless that war broke on Rain's lands. Konan did not want to be pulled into the official alliance in order to keep Rock off of her tail, though they hardly trusted her after their first meeting went sour.

Kakashi said nothing when this was brought up, not wanting to give away how advantageous the agreement was for Konoha. Despite Konan's wishes, Rain was likely to see war. Konan's efforts to keep her lands out of the conflict gave it an air of weakness that Rock was sure to pick up on. But with this albeit unofficial new alliance, when Rock eventually invaded Rain, Leaf would have the upper hand.

_Knock knock_.

His thoughts were interrupted for the second time that day by a servant girl opening his door to place a tray full of food by the bed. With her thin arms, wispy blonde hair, and a body that looked like untouched by combat, she appeared civilian, but she probably wasn't. When she saw his full lunch tray, she clucked her tongue reproachfully and cleared the old food away. As she left, she glared at him a bit, as if to say, _"Eat something, you idiot."_

Kakashi lifted a fork so she could see and she smiled as she closed the door behind her. He nibbled at the drowned duck, a specialty dish Rain was famous for. He enjoyed it for a few bites until he put his finger on who the girl reminded him of: Sakura, before that day at the bar when he'd said she was his friend in a moment of weakness. Back when she fed and healed him when he was hungry and hurt, whether he liked it or not, just like she did with everyone else.

But that was before everything had changed. He didn't understand what had gone wrong, yet it had, somehow, and he didn't know how to go back to the days when she didn't have any hidden emotions in her eyes when she looked at him – when he was just Kakashi-sensei, and they ignored each other when Naruto wasn't in the village. When Naruto came back, Kakashi was happy to see Sakura again, unlike the few times he'd run into her while Naruto was away and the horrible feeling in Kakashi's stomach had sent him fleeing to the memorial stone. But somehow, with Naruto there, it was good again, and she was just Sakura – almost like she didn't exist when she wasn't a unit with Naruto. Kakashi would give anything to have that back.

The sauced duck turned to ash in his mouth and he pushed it away, unable to eat anymore. He pulled out a whetstone and began sharpening all the kunai in his pack, one by one. It was a task meant to distract him, but one done so many times his thoughts began to stray dangerously again. He forced his mind back onto tactics, running through various scenarios that had happened in the past and how they might translate to the current war.

Kakashi was mentally recounting a famous but ancient incident involving painted oxen with their tails lit on fire being sent through an enemy camp, when another knock came at his door. The others must have returned.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto called. "Can we come in?"

Kakashi grunted his assent and kept sharpening kunai.

"You got drowned duck too? Isn't it good, Kaka-sensei?" Naruto's eyes shone with excitement.

"You can have the rest of mine, if you want. It's still warm," Kakashi said. It would be a shame to waste it.

Naruto wasted no time gulping down the rest of Kakashi's dinner, enthusiastically recounting their eventful day as he did so.

Yamato sat on the edge of Kakashi's bed and filled in the blanks where Naruto skipped over things or was unintelligible from the food in his mouth. Even Sai jumped in a couple of times, telling Kakashi how appreciative Konan was of his ink art. The blush on Sai's pale cheeks told Kakashi that Sai might be experiencing his first crush – and with Konan's revealing outfit, who could blame him? Kakashi had noticed her; she was a beautiful woman. But the smile Sai had brought to his face fell immediately when he accidentally caught Sakura's eye. She was skulking near the doorway, saying nothing.

"You should have seen it, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto crowed, drawing Kakashi's attention back to him. "It was so tall, and built totally out of some sort of metal that didn't rust. It looked rickety, but Konan said it's never even needed any repairs."

"Too bad," Kakashi acknowledged, trying to look as though he wished he had seen the tower. "But what's the plan now? Another night here? Then what?"

Naruto sobered a bit. "Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. We could stay here, but we were thinking we'd rather leave. If we ran through the night, we'd be home by mid-afternoon and we could just crash then and then debrief the next day. That way we could sleep in our own beds."

"With our own bed partners?" Kakashi asked, smiling innocently and enjoying the red blotches that cropped up on Naruto's face and neck. "Sounds good to me! When do we leave?"

"Any time Naruto decides," Yamato said. "Konan is waiting at the door to hear our decision."

"How about now?" Naruto said. "Is everyone ready?" Everyone murmured assent. "Then let's pack up."

They scattered quickly, as ninja tended to, and within five minutes, everyone was packed and ready to go. They marched silently to the front door.

"You're leaving, then?" Konan said, smiling warmly at them. Her demeanor was so different now than when she'd first arrived.

"As long as that's okay with you," Naruto said.

"Far be it from me to keep you from reuniting with your loved ones," Konan said, a bit of nostalgia creeping onto her face. "I wish you the best in your travels. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask."

"I think we're prepared. Thank you for your hospitality, Konan-sama," Naruto said.

Konan flapped her hand at the address. "You don't need to bother with that at times like these. Remember – you can write me directly. I want to give you something." Konan snapped her fingers and two servants, including the blonde girl that had brought Kakashi his dinner, brought out a covered object. "This is a hawk trained to return to Amegakure. This is my gift to Konoha, but I want him to stay with you instead of in a rookery. This way you can send me a message in case of an emergency."

Konan took the cover off the cage to reveal a beautiful tawny hawk, his eyes closed in sleep. "His name is Sora." Carefully, she replaced the cover without waking the bird and handed the cage to Naruto.

"Thanks!" Naruto said, holding the cage carefully as if afraid he might crush it. "But you already gave me a birthday present, you know. I don't know what to give you in return."

Konan laughed a happy laugh. "My birthday isn't until September. I'm sure you'll think of something. Now, let's help you strap Sora to your back."

Konan and the servants tied the cage securely to Naruto's back.

"Don't delay any more," she said. "I don't want to keep you."

"Thanks again," Naruto said, and bowed to her. Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, and Sakura were quick to follow suit.

Finally, they were headed home to bring the tidings of victory.

* * *

It was just before dawn when they decided to stop for breakfast. They were on the border of Rain and Fire countries, and it was raining, as usual. They sat under the canopy of some trees, trying to stay as dry as possible, and relaxed while they chewed their ration bars.

They were too tired to talk, so when Kakashi yelled, it rent the silence of the early morning.

Something was wrapped around him, pinning him to a tree – something white. Whatever it was was unbelievably strong; he couldn't break its grip.

"Let him go, Aloe Vera," Naruto growled, crumbling his rations bar in his hand, and Kakashi knew that Zetsu must have him.

Zetsu chuckled. "Oh, but Naruto-kun, what would be the fun of that?"

"_Let him go_," Naruto said, his voice growing deeper. Kakashi prayed to his ancestors for the first time in a long time that Naruto would keep control over the beast within him.

"I'll let him go if you come back with me, Naruto-kun." The insanity in Zetsu's voice raised goose pimples on Kakashi's flesh. "It will be fun, I promise."

"No!" Kakashi shouted. "Let me die! It's not worth it!"

Naruto stared at him, frozen in place, his eyes full of anguish.

"Too late. Deal's off," Zetsu cackled.

Something sharp pierced Kakashi's neck, spreading fire that made him scream until he knew no more.

* * *

Author's Note: I spent my NaNo time on this story, so _prepare thy selves._


	18. The Slipping of the Mask

**WARNING! **Both this chapter and next could be triggering for anyone sensitive to depictions of rape. **WARNING!**

**Author's Note:** Happy holidays to you all. As a special present, you all get both 18 and 19 at once! Enjoy.

Special thanks to the lovely Spike Dee, who is a miracle worker, and mikeytron, who can vomit cuteness on anything.

* * *

Sakura watched Kakashi get taken by Zetsu, her mind blank, as if it were a silent movie. She heard nothing Zetsu or Naruto said. She saw nothing but fear in Kakashi's eyes.

Kakashi's voice:

"Let me die! It's not worth it!"

Panic exploded inside her and she scrambled for something – _anything_ – she could to help him, but came up empty and as hollow as her chest felt.

Then Zetsu stabbed Kakashi in the neck, injecting something pearly white into him that made him scream like she never had before – as if his limbs were being torn apart – as if he was dying.

Naruto rushed forward so quickly Sakura couldn't follow his movement, but it was still too late. Zetsu had disappeared and Kakashi was lying on the ground, unconscious and contorting grotesquely, like Sasori's puppet. Enraged, Naruto ripped in two the tree Kakashi was pinned to.

"Pick him up!" Sakura screeched, barely able to register the terrified voice as her own. "Below!"

Disturbingly like their second bell test, Naruto read her mind and snatched Kakashi off of the ground, leaping out of her way. She summoned all the chakra she could and slammed her fist into the ground. The earth shook violently. Only Naruto managed to jump in time to avoid injury. Sakura fell to her knees, skinning the hide but hardly able to feel it. Sai ended up with a leg trapped between two cracks in the earth. Yamato was tossed into a nearby tree but quickly extricated himself.

Naruto handed Kakashi to Yamato and yelled to Sakura.

"Again!"

Sakura half-stumbled, half-ran forward to an unmarred area and slammed the ground again, shattering it beneath her fist. This time a hint of white appeared, and before Sakura could process what had happened, Naruto had flown past her and demolished Zetsu with a red chakra encased fist. A pile of white goo was the only thing left.

"Just a clone," Naruto said and whirled to face them again. "Sakura, is he –"

Sakura didn't bother answering as she sprinted towards Kakashi. Yamato laid him gently on the ground. Immediately, Sakura checked for a pulse and breath signs. When she found them, she released a deep breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, now gasping for air. He was breathing, though not as well as he should be, and he would not rouse when she shook him.

"He's alive," she said grimly, "but it doesn't look –"

Before she could finish her sentence, Kakashi began seizing. Quickly, she turned him in on his side so he wouldn't choke to death. He thrashed against her, knocking her in the jaw.

It didn't faze her. She ripped her medical pack off of her back and extracted a small scroll and a cotton swab, which she dabbed onto the now-bloodied white liquid leaking from Kakashi's swollen injection site. She rubbed the cotton in the blank part of the circular seal drawn on the scroll. It wasn't a good sample, but it was better than nothing.

Sakura cut Kakashi's left sleeve off with a chakra scalpel and, with the ease of practice, tied a tourniquet and inserted an IV into his arm. She ran through the medications she had available in her mind's eye. After a pause, she pulled out a syringe full of opaque black liquid – activated charcoal – and injected it through his IV. Activated charcoal binds to many types of poison and in most cases, reduces the strain on the liver.

Sakura glanced at the diagnostic scroll, but it was still blank. She checked his vitals again, and her breath hitched when she realized his breathing was slowing while his heartbeat was speeding up. She couldn't afford to wait for test results.

Sakura grabbed her water canteen and dumped water into her glowing hand, where it pooled and formed a green globe. She passed the water globe through the injection site to extract as much poison as possible, and then repeated the process. The water was cloudy, so she released it into the grass behind her.

Naruto silently handed Sakura his canteen to repeat the process, and then Yamato's. Naruto was handing her Sai's canteen when Sasuke stepped out of the forest, three others in tow.

"Isn't this touching," Sasuke said, the voice that once sent tingles of delight down her spine now filling her with dread. "My old team, still together."

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto was only incredulous for a moment before his brows knit in anger. "You bastard! How could you poison Kakashi-sensei? He tried his best to help you!"

"His idea of help was a joke," Sasuke said, his monotone the opposite of Naruto's passion. "I didn't poison him, though. That was Zetsu. We just happened through. I suppose he thought he'd have a bit of fun."

"You didn't stop him," Naruto said, voice lowering dangerously. Yamato, recognizing the signs, grabbed Naruto's arms and put him in a suppression hold.

"And why should I? Kakashi is part of Konoha."

"He's our teacher," Naruto growled. "He would die for you."

"He's _your_ teacher," Sasuke said snidely. "Orochimaru was my teacher. And I killed him, just like I'll kill Danzou."

Slowly, hoping Naruto and Sasuke would keep arguing and pay her no mind, Sakura continued to pass the water through Kakashi's body. It was a quick-spreading poison, whatever it was, and she passed the globe through each part of his body, getting trace amounts of poison each time.

"Come home, Sasuke. They'll give you a trial," Naruto pleaded.

Sasuke laughed darkly. "Why should I do that? Why would I allow Konoha to execute me – the final insult to our clan? Why would I let them finish the annihilation they began?"

"Your brother killed your clan, Sasuke, not Konoha," Naruto yelled, growing frustrated. He struggled against Yamato, but couldn't break free. Yamato was silent, his eyes squeezed shut, trying his best to suppress Naruto's chakra. Sai was struggling in vain to free himself from the earth.

"You're so naïve, Naruto. My brother did only what _they_ ordered him to," Sasuke said.

The globe finally became too saturated with poison, and she had to discard the dirty water. Trying her best to ignore Naruto's shouting and Sasuke's derision as he spun a tale about Konoha committing mass murder, Sakura picked up the scroll and studied its output. It was listing all the ingredients it was reading in the sample she'd given it. The list was long already, even with the poor sample she used. Worse, the components of the poison were long chemical names. She recognized all of them but had means to counter very few. The component at the top of the list – meaning it was the most prevalent – was fast-acting but had no antidote at all.

Sakura injected two more syringes full of medicine into Kakashi's IV: one general antidote for all opiates, and one more specialized synthase she had developed with Shizune several years ago that would help his liver metabolize certain chemicals in the poison.

Sakura checked Kakashi's vitals again and was alarmed to find that they had dropped even further. His heart raced so hard she thought it would burst underneath her hands.

Right then, as Sasuke was vowing to kill everyone in Konoha to avenge his family, Kakashi started gasping for air. His head and shoulders jerked, his jaw flapping exaggeratedly. The gurgling coming from the back of his throat chilled Sakura to the bone.

She cried out as she flipped him on his back, no longer concerned with avoiding attention. Kakashi was going to die. He was going to die. She tore his mask off, but that moment she had joked about for so long was nothing like she imagined. She didn't even notice what he looked like as she checked his airway with three fingers.

Sasuke and Naruto stopped squabbling. Everyone fell silent as they watched her struggle. She dumped her medical bag on the ground and picked out the small piece of tubing and plastic ventilation mask bag she needed. Her hands were shaking so much that she dropped the soft tube on the ground as she raised it to Kakashi's mouth. She felt his neck tentatively, scared that the swelling near the injection site of the poison would make for a difficult intubation.

Sakura took a deep breath; she could not afford to screw this up. Her brow furrowing in determination, she tilted Kakashi's chin and manipulated his jaw in one skilled motion. She threaded the tube into the side of his mouth with one hand and put pressure on his neck with the forefinger and thumb of the other hand. She felt several clicks as the tube went into his trachea and wasted no time attaching the bag that would help him breathe. Once that was done, she began shaking again as she squeezed the bag in even intervals, breathing only when Kakashi breathed.

Sai finally managed to break free, his ankle so twisted and swollen it was probably broken. He crawled toward Sakura and took the bag from her.

"Let me," Sai said.

"Every six seconds," Sakura ordered. "Release the breath for one second."

Sakura tore through the contents of her medical bag, littering the ground looking for anything that might help. Nothing she had was of any use. Any medication she might give to slow his heart would hinder his breathing.

"What do you need?" Naruto asked hoarsely. "How can I help?"

"You can't, Naruto," Sakura said flatly, so hopeless she was beyond crying. "All the medicine that might help him I would have to get from a hospital. We can't move him because he's not breathing on his own. He's – he's dying. I'm sorry."

When Yamato released Naruto, he dropped to his knees, shedding the tears Sakura could not.

Sasuke spoke, surprising everyone. "Karin, give her the hospital bag," he said to the girl with red hair.

"But Sasuke," she protested, "we _need_ that."

"You don't even know what most of those things _are_. Give it to her. Now," Sasuke ordered, staring at Kakashi with unreadable eyes.

Scowling, Karin took off her pack and tossed it at Sakura, who caught it deftly and dumped its contents on the ground. It was filled with needles and IV bags of different medications. Most were simple saline solution, but there was one that contained an antiarrhythmic she could risk using. She got the bag ready.

"Where did you get this?" Sakura asked incredulously.

Sasuke shrugged. "We raided a hospital awhile back. Zetsu wanted something from it."

The chemicals for the poison that was killing Kakashi, Sakura guessed.

"Sakura!" Sai called, his usually monotone voice cracking with emotion. "He's breathing!"

She turned her back on Sasuke, as hard as it was for her to do. "Watch my back, Naruto."

Naruto gathered himself and stood in front of her, crouching into an attack stance.

Sakura watched Kakashi's chest carefully, making sure he was really breathing on his own, then clipped the bag into the IV on Kakashi's arm. She squeezed the bag to maintain a steady drip and held it up, watching the medicine that would either save his life or kill him enter his veins.

"What now, Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"Now, we wait. He should wake up in the next ten to twenty minutes … if he wakes," Sakura replied, trying to ignore the anxiousness in the pit of her stomach.

Each minute that passed felt like an eternity. After five eternities, Naruto broke the silence.

"Why?" he asked Sasuke, voice ragged.

Sasuke didn't answer.

"Come on, Sasuke," whined the sharp-toothed man. "Can we go already?"

Sasuke said nothing.

As Sai squeezed the bag mask, Sakura stared at Kakashi's chest, making sure it rose and fell. She couldn't take it if he stopped breathing again.

After what felt like years, Kakashi groaned and shifted – and, typically, the first thing he did was shove Sai aside and rip the breathing tube out of his own throat.

A sob ripped from her, and finally, she cried.

* * *

When they got to the gates of Konohagakure, they ran straight through. The guards tried to stop them, so Sai stayed behind to assure them they were who they appeared to be.

After healing Sai's ankle, Sakura barely had enough chakra to get home, so she was carrying the bird from Konan. Naruto had Kakashi at the moment, though he'd been switching off with Yamato. Sakura insisted Sai carry nothing and keep his ankle wrapped, just in case.

They raced toward the hospital in broad daylight, leaving scared civilians and alarmed ninja in their wakes. Once there, the staff was more accustomed to medical emergencies and directed them to a bed on the critical care floor. Kakashi was protesting weakly.

"No – no – Mogusa –" he argued, trying to fight the medics off as they wrestled him into the bed. Even severely weakened and incoherent, he sent one flying into the wall and gave the other one a nosebleed.

Shizune burst into the room. "What happened?"

Sakura elbowed her way past the fleeing medics and shoved Kakashi down onto the bed. "You stay there," she scolded. "Yes, Mogusa died on this floor, but you won't. Do you hear me, Kakashi?"

Kakashi stared up at her, hopelessly confused – but he reached up and grabbed her forearm. He recognized her, even in his deliriousness – until he turned to the side and vomited on her open-toed shoes.

Though he had calmed, Sakura continued to gently hold Kakashi down as she turned her heads towards Shizune. "Chemical-based poison," Sakura said. "Give it to her, Naruto."

Naruto, already prepared, handed Shizune the scroll with the partial list of ingredients.

Shizune frowned. "This is complex – but it doesn't seem designed. Some of these agents cancel each other out."

"Apparently, Zetsu stole medications from a hospital and made this concoction," Sakura said. "I don't know if he got lucky or if he knows what he's doing, but it was effective either way."

"_Zetsu_?" Shizune asked in shock, turning to Naruto for an explanation.

Naruto was staring at his hands. Instead of answering her question, he said, "He was screaming, Shizune-nee. I've never seen him like that. He stopped _breathing_. I didn't think he would ever wake up…"

"He stopped breathing? Sakura, _what –_" Shizune whirled back to Sakura.

"After administration of a toxin by injection, the patient exhibited signs of extreme pain, dystonia, seizure activity, tachycardia, and delayed breath sounds before devolving into unconsciousness and eventually, agonal breathing."

Sakura resorted to medical lingo because it helped her keep her distance from what really happened.

"The patient was treated in the field as conditions allowed. Poison extraction was performed prior to the declination of vitals, at which time intubation and ventilation took priority."

Kakashi began to struggle again, trying to break free of Sakura's grip.

"Various medications were administered before the patient regained consciousness." Sakura gritted her teeth as Kakashi thrashed against her, shouting about Mogusa again.

Kakashi managed to break an arm free and clock her in the jaw in the same spot he got her in last time. "_No,_ Kakashi!" she yelled back at him, jaw aching. "It's okay now! Relax!"

He stopped flailing but did not see her this time, eyes wildly darting around the room.

"Oh, and, he's delirious," Sakura added as an afterthought. "Mostly calm before we brought him here. Naruto, give her the medication list."

Naruto handed Shizune the paper on which Sakura had quickly scribbled the exact medications and dosages she gave Kakashi.

Shizune frowned in confusion. "How did you getthis intravenous antiarrhythmic? That's not in the standard kit."

"Sasuke gave it to me," Sakura answered without thinking.

"S-Sasuke?" Shizune dropped the paper in shock.

"It's a long story," Sakura shouted over her shoulder as Kakashi renewed his struggle.

He was trying desperately to fight something, saying "no" over and over again. Unable to hold him down without breaking anything, Sakura was forced to clamber on top of him. Naruto and Yamato jumped up to help. Sakura leaned over him, pinning him down.

"Who are you fighting, Kakashi?" Sakura said, hoping he would respond to her voice as he did before. "You're safe now."

She looked at the Naruto and the others. "Don't say his name again. It upsets Kakashi," she said, knowing they would understand who she meant.

Kakashi ignored her and kept trying to fight her off, but with Naruto and Yamato holding down his legs and Sakura pinning his torso and arms, he wasn't very successful.

Shizune gently held Kakashi's head down so he wouldn't injure his neck. "Yamaguchi! Tanaka!" she barked.

The medics Kakashi had thrown aside skulked in from where they'd been lurking beyond the doorway.

"Sedate this man," Shizune ordered. "And if I _ever_ catch you running away from a patient in need again, you're fired."

* * *

Even though Kakashi had been sleeping under sedation for almost six hours, Sakura couldn't take her eyes off of his vitals monitors. He was saturating normally, but his blood pressure was a little low, making his heart rate still too high. She watched the little screen that reported all the numbers – if she looked away, she might miss something.

Shizune had convinced the others to get check-ups; Sai, who had arrived just in time to get kicked in the head by Kakashi, had gone first, at Sakura's insistence, but was fine; Yamato had a couple of scrapes that were quick fixes; Naruto was completely fine, of course. Sakura resisted. She had to watch the monitors.

Shizune kept trying to coax Sakura into letting Shizune heal Sakura's legs above her boots, which were scraped almost raw and embedded with debris. Only after Yamato and Sai had left to fetch food did Sakura succumb.

"It's a waste of chakra," Sakura argued feebly, even though Shizune had already started cleaning the shallow wounds. "What if you need it for someone else?"

"There are tons of other medics here, Sakura-chan," Naruto said.

"It's nothing, Sakura," Shizune assured. "Now talk to Naruto to distract yourself. You know this is going to sting."

Sakura looked at Naruto, unsure of where to begin. There was so much to talk about, but very little that could be said when other ears could overhear.

"Will you come and stay with me for a while?" Naruto blurted out, scratching his head nervously. "After we leave here?"

"What?" Sakura said, so dumbfounded she didn't even notice when Shizune began cleaning her scrapes. "Why?"

Naruto diverted his eyes. "I have a spare bedroom, you know. I just – I don't see you much anymore, and I want you to be someplace you can be happy. You don't seem … happy. At home."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "With my mother, you mean."

"Well – yes," Naruto admitted. "I'm worried about you."

Sakura sighed in exasperation. "There's nothing to worry about, Naruto. I'm _fine_. Everything is _fine_ now that Kakashi is going to be okay."

Shizune paused in her healing to look up at Sakura. "What is this about? What happened?"

"Nothing! They overheard a fight between my mom and me and all of a sudden the world is ending." Sakura scowled.

"A fight?" Naruto said incredulously. "Sakura, you were late for a mission. You were _bleeding._ "

"Oh, come on, Naruto! That was a stupid accident and I was barely even cut."

"She threw a lamp at you," Naruto insisted.

"I broke the door down!" Sakura shot back.

"Sakura-chan, _please_," Naruto pled. "Just stay with me for a little while. Then you can work things out with your mom."

"There's nothing to work out, Naruto. I'm _fine._ "

"But, Sakura – I can tell this isn't the only time she –"

Sakura couldn't take it anymore. "You don't understand, Naruto. You never knew your parents, not really. When you live with someone, it's not perfect all the time."

Naruto's mouth fell open like she slapped him across the face. His blue eyes were filled with the agony he rarely let show.

"I didn't mean it like that," Sakura said, though she didn't know what to say to make it better. "I just meant that when people are together all the time, they argue sometimes. It's normal. You would have argued with your parents too, you know. Everyone does."

Naruto said nothing, only looked away.

When Shizune finished healing Sakura's legs and stood up, she wouldn't look at Sakura either. Shizune was angry at her.

Sakura stared down at her knees, which were the pink of fresh skin. There she went again, ruining it all. First Kakashi and now Naruto and maybe even Shizune.

Kakashi stopped her from wallowing in self-pity by waking up.

"Nar—" Kakashi coughed. "Naruto?"

Naruto bounded to Kakashi's bedside, Sakura and Shizune close behind.

"I'm here, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said.

"Where – hospital?" Kakashi croaked, answering his own question before he formulated it.

"Yes. In Konoha," Naruto said. "You were poisoned, but Sakura saved you."

"Zetsu?"

"We got him, but it was just a clone."

Kakashi looked around, his concern becoming evident. "Yamato? Sai?"

"They're fine," Naruto assured. "They'll be back soon. Everyone's fine."

Kakashi relaxed a little bit, but remained tense. "I go home?"

Naruto turned to Shizune.

"Kakashi-san, I'm sorry, but you must remain here."

"Hate hospitals," he insisted, voice growing louder.

He tried to sit up only to find his arms and legs restrained. The look of revulsion on his face made Sakura feel guilty for placing the restraints, but had she not, the IVs in his arms would likely be ripped out by now along with all the monitors attached to his fingers and chest, and there was no telling how long the delirium would last.

Sakura moved in front of Naruto. "If you promise to stay still, I'll take off the restraints. Deal?"

Lips pursing, he nodded. It was so strange seeing Kakashi without his mask, Sakura mused as she removed the straps around his extremities. His face was exceedingly normal – a strong jawline, which she already knew, but thinner lips than she expected. The stubble on his face was darker than she would have thought, too – closer to black than the silver hair on his head.

"Sorry about those," she said as she took off the last strap. "But you injured several people, you know. You _really_ hate hospitals."

Weakly, he reached up to touch her jaw. "Sorry," he rasped.

It hurt where he touched her; she must have bruised. "It's nothing."

"Thirsty," he said. "Throat hurts."

"I'll get you some water," said Sakura and hurried out of the room, trying to get as far away as possible from the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was the first time in _weeks_ that he'd looked at her without contempt.

One of Sakura's favorites was manning the nurse's station.

"Kiki, will you bring some water for the patient in 312? I promise he stopped chucking people into walls."

The middle-aged civilian woman smiled at Sakura. "Why is it that you'll only let me do my job after you leave us for field work? Usually you'd rather I twiddle my thumbs."

"I'm still around – I just have to go check on his labs. It's important."

"I'm happy to see you, Sakura-san. I just hope you're taking care of yourself. You look so tired."

Sakura smiled wanly. "It's just been a long day – a long couple of days."

While Kiki busied herself with fetching water for Kakashi, Sakura went downstairs to the lab. The desk worker looked bored from his seat behind the lab's front window.

"You should have test results for patient Hatake Kakashi," Sakura said. "A full battery, including toxin screens. The works."

"Everyone thinks their tests are done," the desk worker said disdainfully. "They rarely are. Tests take time."

Sakura's patience wore thin. "Do I look like a fucking nurse to you? I know exactly how long these tests take when ordered STAT, and if they're not done, whoever was supposed to do them will be answering to me and then to Shizune."

Kumatori rushed up to the window from the lab itself. "Sakura-san, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I was just about to run the first round of test results up to you – kidneys, liver, hemoglobin, platelets, white blood cells, and all that. The more extensive toxicology report will be awhile, I'm afraid."

"Oh!" Sakura exclaimed, heat rising to the tips of her ears. "Kumatori-san, it's nice to see you. I'm sorry for losing my temper."

Kumatori shook his head. "It's fine. I know the results are urgent. The cocktail of toxic agents in his blood is really astounding. I can tell even from these preliminary reports."

"I'm glad Shizune put you on this. It needs someone who knows what they're doing," Sakura said. Kumatori was probably the next-best poison specialist in Konoha after Shizune and Sakura. Shizune had often taught them together during Sakura's training.

"I'm always happy to help, and it's good to test my skills," Kumatori said with a smile as he handed her the test results. "Tell Hatake-san I wish him my best."

"I will. Take care," Sakura said politely, though her mind was already on the results of the tests that she was poring over.

As she walked away, she heard Kumatori scolding the desk worker for the phlebotomy lab. "You need to learn proper respect. That was Haruno Sakura. She has more medical knowledge in her left toe than you do in your entire body. Who are you to question her?"

"She was covered in vomit! How was I supposed to know who she was?"

"How many women with pink hair do you know? And nothing excuses rudeness."

Sakura smirked. She owed Kumatori a drink.

When she returned upstairs, she nodded to Kiki and entered room 312, her nose still in the test results. Wordlessly, she handed them to Shizune.

After several tense minutes, Shizune looked up from the papers. "His kidney function is lower than I'd like."

"His liver looks good, though," Sakura said hopefully.

"Tanaka's drawing more blood now for another round," Shizune said, jerking her head to indicate the timid-looking medic sticking a needle into Kakashi's arm and looking at Kakashi as if he may bite.

Kakashi smiled right at Tanaka, making him jump.

"What's got you so cheerful?" Sakura asked.

"I'm going home," he replied, sucking on a throat lozenge.

"Oh, no you're not," Sakura said. "If you try to sign yourself out, I'll make you regret it."

To her surprise, Kakashi's smile grew wider. "That's what I'm counting on. Ask Shizune."

Suspiciously, Sakura turned to Shizune. "_What_ have you let him talk you into?"

* * *

"Only he could manage this," Sakura grumbled to herself as she dragged herself home.

Shizune had ordered Sakura to go home and rest for the evening. When Kakashi was released from critical care, Shizune was going to allow him to go home instead of staying in the hospital for monitoring like he should – with Sakura as his personal, live-in doctor until he recovered.

Kakashi was happy – smug, even – but Sakura was not. Sakura knew this had very little to do with the justification Shizune had given her – that she would be paid handsomely for this duty – and even less than the one that had been put on the forms: "difficult patient, resisting care, security concerns."

Despite what Sakura had told Naruto, she was not looking forward to facing her mother. She dawdled on the way home, stopping for a stick of dango along the way.

When she finally got to her street, she burst into a run. Ino was knocking on her door, and who knew what state Sakura's mother would be in.

But Sakura was too late. Her mother answered the door, dressed in the same tatty bathrobe and with dried blood still stuck to her legs.

"I dunno where Sakura is," she slurred. "She's probably dead."

"I'm not dead, Mom!" Sakura called as she reached them. "Why don't we get you inside?"

At the sight of Sakura, Riko ran up the stairs sobbing.

"Sorry about this, Ino," Sakura said.

Ino followed Sakura inside. "Is she okay? How can I help?"

"She's just drunk." Sakura sighed, kicking an empty shochu can lying on the floor. "But I should probably bath her and make her eat something, then clean up this place a bit. You can go home. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. I'll explain more then."

"No," Ino said with a firmness in her voice that was rare these days.

Sakura looked back at her quizzically. "'No' what?"

"I'm going to help you, Sakura."

Sakura flushed. "You really don't need to do that—"

Ino's brow furrowed in determination. "I'm _going_ to help you, Sakura. For _once_, just let me."

Conflicted, Sakura chased her mother upstairs, Ino close behind. Sakura peeked inside the door of her bedroom; it had been torn apart, clothes from her closet and dresser strewn all over the room. Her mother was probably looking for the ANBU uniform she found before, certain Sakura had lied.

Riko's bedroom door was shut but unlocked and Sakura found her sobbing on the bed.

"Come on, Mom," Sakura said, trying to pull her mother up. "Let's get in the shower, okay?"

Riko resisted, but between Ino and Sakura, they wrestled her out of her bathrobe and into the shower. Once the lukewarm stream hit her face, Riko calmed down and meekly obeyed basic orders like "lift your arms."

Once Riko was bathed, healed, and dressed in fresh pajamas, Sakura tucked her into bed and stayed with her, brushing the tangles out of her mother's hair while Ino tried to cook something from the dried goods in the cabinets. Sakura coaxed Riko into eating about half of the food before Riko passed out.

The next hour was spent cleaning the living room as quickly as possible. The kitchen was completely untouched – but the refrigerator door had been left wide open and most of the food was spoiled, which told Sakura that her mother had eaten little, if anything, while Sakura was away.

When she poured the last half empty can of shochu down the drain, Sakura changed out of her clothes, realizing for the first time how filthy they were, covered in Kakashi's vomit. After a quick shower, Sakura dragged herself back downstairs and collapsed onto the coach.

"I'm sorry you had to see this," she said.

"Stop apologizing," Ino insisted as she sat down next to Sakura. "You've seen my dad at his worst, too. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about."

"Oh!" said Sakura, jumping up and grabbing a pen and some paper. "I should leave my mom Kakashi's address in case of an emergency."

Sakura scribbled it down and left it on the coffee table.

"_Kakashi's_ address?" Ino choked in surpise.

"It's a long story. He almost died on our mission –"

Ino gasped.

"—he's okay, though – but Shizune volunteered me to be his nursemaid until he's better."

"Oh," said Ino, looking disappointed. "That means you won't have time anyway."

Sakura sat back down. "Time for what?"

"To work on the genjutsu. I've been working with Kurenai whenever I'm home from missions. I wanted to show how you to extract the memories and bring you up to speed with what we've been doing."

"Oh…" Sakura said, feeling guilty for not having thought about the genjutsu in weeks. "I'm sorry I haven't made much progress. I've been _trying_, but…"

Ino waved it off. "I don't want to rush you. I haven't been able to do it either. I tried with a civilian last week but I cried all over him and he ditched me. But still, you should be ready for when the time _does_ come, you know?"

"I'm sorry, Ino," Sakura said. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. How could someone ditch you just because you cried a bit?"

Ino shrugged. "It was more than a bit. Most people aren't prepared to handle that sort of thing. Women have it easier than men there, I think. Girls are supposed to be innocent and scared, but men don't have any room for fear at all."

"Yeah, I guess. But I'll get us the memories, I swear. Tell me how it's done."

"Do you remember when you showed me that bone-knitting technique? It's kind of like that. It's easier to show than tell. I'm going to pull a memory from you, if that's all right?"

Ino waited for her permission, and Sakura nodded her consent. Still, when Ino gripped the crown of her head, Sakura had butterflies in her stomach. There was so much she didn't want Ino, or anyone, to see.

All of a sudden, Sakura forget where she was; she was thinking about her fourteenth birthday party. Naruto was gone, so her only real friend in the village was Ino. Her mother had said to invite all of her friends, and yet she could only come up with one. Ino tried to get Sakura to invite Shikamaru and Chouji, but Sakura declined. They were nice, but whenever she was with them as a group, Sakura missed Naruto fiercely.

So Sakura's mother hung childish streamers and Ino came over for dinner. Riko baked a chocolate cake, and the three of them had eaten it until Sakura was sick to her stomach. In honor of her birthday, Ino didn't even make any fat jokes. Ino gave Sakura a coupon for a new haircut and her mother gave Sakura a book on medicine that she didn't need but pretended she did to make her mother happy. Her mother pretended her father sent her a birthday card with some money in it, but Sakura recognized her mother's handwriting.

Back in the present, Ino removed her hand and Sakura re-oriented herself.

"You told me you didn't want Shika and Chouji over because your mom said she only wanted girls at the party," Ino accused. "I didn't know that was such a sad day for you. I'm sorry I didn't try and make it better."

Sakura sighed. "I was just being melodramatic. I was mad because I thought Tsunade-shishou had forgotten my birthday, but the next day, she and Shizune gave me my first solo surgery as a present. Afterwards, Tsunade-shishou took me out drinking for the first time. It was the simplest surgery imaginable – a meniscus repair – but I was so happy."

Sakura couldn't help smiling at the memory. "I got so drunk I couldn't walk."

Ino giggled. "I didn't know that. I'm glad. But did you feel how I hooked into the memory?"

"Well, I felt it when you found it, but _how_ did you find it?"

"I thought of it myself. I was there, so I pulled up the memory of that day from my own brain, and while I was connected to you, that summoned your memory, too. It's a lot more complicated if you're looking for a memory you had nothing to do with and don't know much about, but you don't need to worry about that. The hardest thing for you is going to be projecting outside your body. It took me years to learn that."

Sakura sat straight up, alarmed. "Then how am I supposed to do it? I'm not even a Yamanaka!"

"Relax. You don't need to fully project, like I do – you just need to insert yourself into the brain. You can use touch, like I did, and then spread your chakra into my brain, like you would do to look for a brain injury. Try that part first."

Sakura put her hand on Ino's head and did as she was told. She thought the day Ino befriended her at the Academy, but got nothing. "You don't have any brain damage. Congratulations," Sakura said in exasperation.

Ino laughed. "That's only the first step, silly. Now, put more of yourself into me. Like … do you remember when you threw me out of your head in the Chuunin exams? That's how I know you can do it. Spread _yourself_ into me like you spread your chakra."

For almost an hour, Sakura tried in vain, with Ino coaching her. Growing more and more frustrated, Sakura willed her mind into Ino's _one last time_ –

And she was plunged into the woods, looking from behind a man's eyes at Shikamaru screaming, "Ino! No! _Get off of her_!"

Something snapped and she was brought back to her body – Ino's body, Sakura reminded herself – and opened her eyes. In that first moment, she was more disoriented than scared; there was a blur of skin and movement and painful sensations that her mind couldn't immediately process. But as her – Ino's – mind re-oriented with her body, the panic spread through her like a wildfire.

One man was shoving his penis in her gagging mouth; through her bile, she could taste his sweat and the tang of her own fear. Each time he pumped, his scrotum dropped onto her face. She shut her eyes, trying hard not to think about the other man; he was humping between her legs so hard she could feel something tearing.

Sakura removed her hand from Ino's head and pulled her chakra out of Ino's body.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed. "I didn't mean to – I swear – I was just trying to – I'm so sorry – Ino – please – I can't believe I – I'm sorry –"

To Sakura's surprise, Ino hugged her. "It's okay, Sakura. It was an accident. I'm only sorry you had to see it. I think about that every day, but you shouldn't have to."

Sakura pulled out of Ino's embrace to wipe her nose. "You're not mad?"

Ino shook her head. "Of course you're not going to get it perfectly on the first try. I have nothing to hide from you, so let's just try again, okay? Try for a different memory this time."

* * *

"Sakura," Ino said, shaking her awake. "It's almost nine thirty. I made breakfast."

Sakura shot up in bed. "Nine thirty? I was supposed to go to the hospital in the morning!"

"It's still morning, silly," Ino scolded, handing Sakura a plate of scrambled eggs. "I ran out for some eggs. I cleaned out the fridge, by the way."

Sakura tried to hand the plate back, but Ino wouldn't take it. "I don't have time to eat," Sakura protested.

"You're going to eat," Ino said, her voice brooking no argument.

"My mother—"

"I already brought a plate to your mother. Eat."

"I can't leave her with no food and no money," Sakura said, just realizing a problem. "I could be gone for weeks. I don't have any cash right now and no time to get any – not that I have much, until we get paid for this—"

"_Eat_," Ino interrupted. "I'll keep your house stocked with food until you get home."

Sakura blushed. "But Ino, I can't ask you to do that! I –"

"You didn't ask. I offered. Now _eat._"

Without any protest left to offer, Sakura did as she was told. After she finished eating, Ino helped her pick through the junk all over her room, picking out the clothing and toiletries she would need. Pack ready, Sakura tentatively went to her mother to say goodbye.

Her mother was still abed, though not asleep – just lying there, looking at Sakura with deep sadness in her teal eyes.

"You're leaving again," Riko said, eying Sakura's pack.

Sakura nodded. "I don't know for how long, but I'll be in the village this time. Do you remember my old genin teacher, Hatake Kakashi?"

"Of course I do."

"He was injured pretty badly—"

Riko's eyes flashed in sudden anger. "I _told_ you were going to be in danger! I had a _feeling_, Sakura. I _knew_ that mission would go badly—"

"I'm sorry, but I had to go anyway. I'm fine, though, I promise. He's going to be fine too, but I've been ordered to stay with him until he's back to health."

"Why doesn't he just stay at the hospital if he needs something like that?"

Sakura tried to hide a sudden flash of annoyance with a shrug. "It's a long story. I'll be paid well for my time, at least. So that's good news."

Riko said nothing, just picked at a loose thread in her comforter.

"I left his address for you, if you need me. I'll stop by if I can, but I don't know how much I'll be able to leave him. Ino's going to make sure you have everything you need."

Riko stopped fiddling with the thread and looked up, fighting back tears. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you."

"You're not a burden," Sakura said, trying to be nice, though she fought the urge to roll her eyes. "You're my mother and I want to make sure you're taken care of like you always take care of me."

Riko wouldn't meet Sakura's eyes.

"I know you're busy," Riko said. "Don't waste your time here."

Sakura hesitated, not wanting to leave her mother in this state. "I'll see you as soon as I can, Mom."

When her mother didn't reply, she turned to leave. Sakura was almost at the door when Riko finally spoke.

"I'll clean your room today. I'm sorry," she said, and Sakura knew she was apologizing for more than making a mess.

"I know," Sakura said and shut the door behind her.

Ino was waiting downstairs.

"I can't thank you enough," Sakura said. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Repay _me_?" Ino scoffed. "I haven't even begun to repay you for all you've done for me."

"I haven't done anything."

Ino just shook her head. "You don't value yourself enough. Now, go. I'll keep an eye on her and tell you if I'm concerned, all right?"

Overwhelmed, Sakura hugged Ino. Surprised, Ino returned the embrace.

"You get some rest, all right?" Ino whispered into Sakura's ear. "I felt how low your chakra levels were last night. Don't get so caught up in taking care of Kakashi that you forget to take care of yourself."

Sakura withdrew. "I'll try."

She finally made her way to the hospital. She dreaded leaving, but now that she had, she was anxious to check on Kakashi, trying in vain to suppress the fears that kept tickling the back of her mind.

* * *

By the time Kakashi was finally released from the hospital, it was almost evening. Sakura pushed him in a wheelchair to his apartment building, then coaxed helped him up the stairs. Kakashi had to rest about every five steps.

Kakashi's growing frustration became apparent after struggling for twenty minutes and only making it halfway up

Kakashi slammed his palm against his knee, doubled over and panting.

"This is normal," Sakura assured. "Take your time."

"Don't," he spat, glaring at her as he tried to catch his breath.

Sighing, Sakura set down her burdens and shrugged off her pack. "I'll carry you the rest of the way."

"What? No—" he protested, but she ignored him, lifting him as gently as possible, supporting him at the neck and the knees.

"The stairs are something you'll have to work towards. I don't want you overextending. Remember, you wouldn't have had to deal with this if you'd stayed at the hospital."

"You wouldn't have had to deal with _me_, you mean," Kakashi said, voice strained.

Sakura grit her teeth to stop from snapping back. "That's not what I said."

They reached the top of the stairs; carefully, she set him down and helped steady him. He shook her off.

"It's what you meant," he said stiffly. "You can quit at any time. I'll be fine by myself."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "As long as you don't have to go down the stairs, right?

Kakashi's jaw clenched.

"Don't be silly, Kakashi. Things could still take a turn for the worse. You need close monitoring and it's my _job_."

Looking away, he fumbled in his pocket for his door key, forgetting that Sakura had it from when she moved the medical equipment into his apartment throughout the day.

"I requested someone else. Anyone else," he said. "Shizune asked me why … I didn't know what to—"

Sakura's stomach fell. "You don't trust me as a medic?"

He still didn't look at her. "That's not it."

"Then what _is_ it? Is it that important to avoid me? We can't even interact professionally anymore?"

In spite of herself, anger was giving way to some other emotion that was making her voice shaky. She tried to hide it.

He finally looked at her. "It's just too much to ask."

"You didn't seem to think so in the hospital last night," Sakura said, her brow knitting in confusion.

He frowned. "I don't remember that much…"

Sakura sighed. "You were still a little out of it. Don't worry, though. Shizune didn't do this for you. She wouldn't say so, but she did it to get me out of my house."

"So you chose this?"

"She didn't consult me first. Naruto told her about my mother."

"Ah," said Kakashi. "That doesn't seem like any of her business, if you ask me."

Sakura relaxed a bit. "Yeah."

She stepped past him and unlocked the door, ushering him inside and helping him into bed. Though they didn't talk any more as Sakura hooked him up to various monitors and started a new IV line in his arm, the mood was somehow lighter.

Once he was settled, Sakura heated up some pre-made miso soup for dinner, thankful that she had thought to stock his kitchen earlier that day out of the petty cash she was issued for the duration of Kakashi's care. Despite the lightness of the soup, Kakashi couldn't eat much of it. He was still nauseous.

Though miso soup wasn't much of a meal, Sakura couldn't bring herself to make anything else. She was already tired. It was nothing compared to what Kakashi must be feeling, so she forced herself to gather the dishes and wash them.

Sakura was surprised at how easy the first meal had been. Even seeing his face wasn't awkward; he just poked through his soup as usual and then pulled down his mask and ate. No ceremony, no jokes.

They had missed the chance for a dramatic moment about it, and neither of them wanted to talk about how she'd seen it the first time, so they just didn't.

After she was done, she sat down at the tiny kitchen table, ostensibly reading a medical text she brought from home but not actually turning any pages. Kakashi broke the silence.

"Naruto says Danzou is pleased."

Sakura laughed derisively. "He had better be pleased. Who could have asked for a better outcome?"

"He suspects Rain of slipping our location to Akatsuki."

Sakura almost dropped her book. "What? You saw Konan – she was _terrified_ of Sasuke. She didn't even know he knew chidori."

After the treaty was basically settled, Kakashi asked how they had discovered his specific involvement in the Rock fiasco. When Konan learned that the distinctive lightning kill wounds could have come from Hatake Kakashi _or_ Uchiha Sasuke, she looked positively ill.

"Naruto told him as much."

"Then it's out of our hands, I guess."

Kakashi shrugged and reached for the copy of _Icha Icha Tactics_ on his bedside table.

Sakura renewed her efforts to read about potential complications from kidney damage, but her eyes kept glassing over.

"Go to bed," Kakashi said eventually. "You've had a long couple of days."

"I can't," she said. "I need to monitor you."

"If I needed around the clock monitoring, we wouldn't be here, Sakura. You're allowed to sleep."

"I will in a little while," she conceded, knowing she couldn't counter his logic. How could she explain that she didn't know how she could stop watching him when she had felt his heart beating like a scared rabbit's, seen his eyes roll back in his head while he seized, watched his chest stop rising? How could she take her eyes off of him after _that_?

She watched him until he fell asleep, _Icha Icha Tactics_ spread open on his chest. She got up, put the book on his bedside table, and switched off the light. Finally, she crawled into her sleeping bag. She quashed the irrational urge to keep watching him in the darkness, and settled instead for listening to him breathe.

In. Out. In. Out.

Her breathing synchronized with his until her heavy eyelids succumbed to the urge for sleep.


	19. Liabilities and Shadows

**Author's Note:** Here's the second half of your Christmas present from me.

I forgot to thank Persephonae, whose medical advice is absolutely invaluable, and saporovirus as well.

Thanks again to Dee and mikeytron.

* * *

"See, you did it," Sakura said, holding Kakashi's arm as he stepped down from the last step, setting foot outside of his apartment building for the first time in over a week.

Kakashi grunted and resisted the urge to shake her hands off of his arm, not wanting to upset the delicate balance between them. He spent most of his days sleeping and reading with brief breaks for the basic necessities of life, which now included things like having Sakura check his blood pressure, draw his blood, and help him hobble around his apartment for "exercise." For the most part, they spoke only when necessary. Kakashi kept waiting for the silence to stretch between them like a void, as it had in the past, but so far, they were in comfortable stasis.

They walked down the street, side by side. The weather was beautiful. It was one of those rare days this late in the year where it felt like spring. Sakura lifted her face to the sun and took a deep breath – it was the first time she'd been outside in a while, after all.

Glad for the new sights and sounds, Kakashi people-watched. A toddler tore his hand out of his mother's and ran into the street, yelling "Doggy!"

The child had spotted a white shaggy dog – Akamaru – and run up to him, trying to climb aboard. The boy was unsuccessful. Akamaru was closer in size to a pony than a dog, but he kept trying nevertheless, yanking on Akamaru's fur in order to give himself leverage. Akamaru stood there patiently, but the mother ran up and smacked him on the snout, yelling "Get away from him, you brute!"

Before Akamaru had a chance to get his heckles up, Kiba appeared in front of the woman.

"Why do you think you have the right to touch a ninken?" he growled.

The woman snatched up her child and backed away. "He was going after my son."

"Your son was yanking on his fur and Akamaru didn't even growl."

The woman blushed. "I'm sorry. I panicked."

Kiba scowled. "Teach your son not to walk up to strange ninken."

Ami walked out of the ice cream shop Kiba had bolted out of and handed him an ice cream cone.

"Oh, shut up," she said to him, rolling her eyes. "Let the little kid ride Akamaru. Like he even minds. Don't be such a blowhard, Kiba."

All at once, Kiba deflated, all the anger gone. Flustered, he said to the mother, "B-but Akamaru is nice, so your kid is lucky. He can ride Akamaru if he wants."

By the time Sakura and Kakashi were out of earshot, Kiba was holding the toddler on top of Akamaru and following Ami's orders about how to lead him around.

Sakura met Kakashi's eyes and began to giggle.

Kakashi quirked his lips. "Wonder who the alpha in _that_ relationship is."

"How did that even _happen?_" she laughed. "Last I heard, she couldn't stand him."

Kakashi shrugged. "Those are the always the ones that end up with the men like Kiba. Girls that like them are too boring and they're looking for a challenge. I'm sure it was supposed to end in her bed."

Sakura smacked his shoulder.

"Kakashi!" she scolded, scandalized, but was still smiling.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they were married within the year," Kakashi said and Sakura giggled again.

"I bet you're right," she said.

They reached the store and Sakura pulled out a long list.

"You made a list?" he groaned.

Sakura blinked in surprise. "Of course I did. Don't you?"

"I never make a list."

Sakura scoffed. "Judging by the state of your cabinets when I got there, I doubt you ever even go grocery shopping."

"At least I can cook," Kakashi teased.

She rolled her eyes. "You're not dead yet, are you? Stop complaining."

They worked through her list, albeit with some vetoes and additions.

"I didn't know you liked eggplant so much," Sakura said, adding some to the cart. "My mother showed me how to make tempura once. Maybe I can—"

Kakashi shook his head. "I don't like tempura. It's too greasy."

"Of course you don't," Sakura sighed, "because that's the only thing I can make…."

"It's simple," he said, but Sakura wasn't listening anymore. She was looking behind him with mirth in her eyes.

"I wonder if that's Kiba in twenty years," Sakura said, and Kakashi turned to see a henpecked middle age husband fetching produce for his wife. She was unsatisfied with the first batch he brought her, so she sent him back.

"If he's lucky," Kakashi said, thinking of the war, and Sakura's smile fell.

Feeling awkward, Kakashi reached out and grabbed the grocery list. "This will be faster if we split up."

Sakura shrugged. "Find some rice, then – get a big bag. It's not like it goes bad. That way you'll never come home from a mission and have nothing to eat."

Kakashi headed off to locate the rice, which he had no clue how to find. Nothing in the store was marked, except for prices. The other shoppers, mostly civilian women, seemed to get around just fine, though.

While wandering around haphazardly searching for the rice, Kakashi ran into someone he knew: Mimura Hamaki. He had two different types of baby formulas in his hand.

"Hatake. Of course _you_ don't know anything about babies," Mimura said with a scowl.

"How lovely to see you," Kakashi said, smiling. "What a nice greeting."

Mimura snorted. "If you're giving me cheek, you're feeling better."

Kakashi shrugged. "Still not allowed to piss by myself, it seems."

"Well, I think there'll be good news for you when you—"

"Kakashi, if you want eggplant for dinner, what do you want with it? Because I don't—" Sakura interrupted, pushing the cart down the aisle. "Oh, hello, Mimura-taichou."

"Haruno!" he barked and Sakura looked a little nervous. "You're just who I need. What kind of baby formula am I supposed to buy?"

"So you assume she knows because she's a woman?" Kakashi pouted.

"She knows because she is a _medic_, Hatake," Mimura said.

Sakura took the two formulas out of Mimura's hands. "This one is soy based. Is the baby allergic to milk?"

"Er… I don't think so," Mimura said, scratching his head. "My daughter sent me out for this for my new grandson."

Mimura's chest swelled with pride.

Sakura smiled. "Well, if he's not lactose intolerant, you don't want soy. And if he is, I'd suggest another alternative because lots of babies tolerate neither well. Why did she decide to formula feed?"

"Don't you lecture me about how breastfeeding is better," Mimura said with a sigh. "My daughter's been sobbing for a week about it. But he just won't grab on to the – the –"

Mimura's face turned a strange purplish color.

"The nipple?" Sakura ventured. Mimura nodded. "Was he premature?"

"How did you know?" Mimura asked.

"Some premature babies have problems with latching. How premature was he?"

"I don't know… A couple of weeks? Is that important for this?" Mimura held up the two formulas, looking lost.

"How much does he weigh?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know – a normal weight?"

"Then here, you should just use the standard formula," Sakura said, handing Mimura a different formula off of the shelf. "You were looking at prepared formula, so that's what you want, right?"

Mimura frowned, looking at one of the formulas in his hand again. "Are you sure this one isn't better? It costs more and says it helps with gas. He cries before he's burped. My daughter never did that."

"There isn't a noticeable difference," Sakura assured. "It's a waste of money. But she wants the prepared formula, right? Powdered costs less."

Mimura groaned. "I have no idea."

"Just bring her this back and she can be more specific next time. It will work."

"Thank you, Haruno," Mimura sighed, taking the formula she offered him.

He hesitated. "That was clever, what you did with the table manners," he said. "Uzumaki mentioned it. I was especially impressed because it was a little underhanded to trick a friend like that – but you told him about it afterwards. You have a good head on your shoulders, Haruno. You're concerned with doing the right thing, but you can make the right call even with your close friends. After that mission with the prostitute, I thought you might be a little soft, but you aren't. I put in a good word for your promotion."

Sakura's jaw dropped open in surprise. "That means so much to me."

Mimura smiled slightly, his grizzled face not looking much different for it.

"I know," he said. "You care what others think of you, but you put the village first. That's why you'll make a good jounin. You have the smarts and the capabilities, but having your priorities straight is more important. In times of war, we don't have time to waste with determining who has the requisite experience. You'll get experience in the field."

"I- I don't know how to thank you," she said, looking dazed.

He held up the formula. "You already have. And don't think this means you'll get promoted any time soon. I just put in a recommendation. It takes more than one."

"Of course," Sakura said. "Thank you!"

He waved off her thanks.

"Better get this home before my daughter loses her mind," he said, ambling off towards the register.

Sakura stared after him with a look of earnest joy on her face. But just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, leaving only a small smile behind.

She turned to Kakashi. "You _still_ haven't found the rice, huh?"

* * *

The smile remained on her face until she burnt the first attempt at dinner. Sighing, Kakashi wheeled his IV stand over to the kitchen and took over, and then when she protested, directed her. When they were finally eating something passable, Kakashi watched her carefully as she slowly shed her embarrassment.

"Why can't you cook?" he finally asked.

The tips of her ears lit up. "Why can't you pay for your own drinks or dinners?"

He chuckled. "No, really – basic cooking isn't hard. If you can master medical jutsu in two years, you can learn to cook. Why haven't you?"

Sakura looked down, fiddling with her food.

"My mother is a great cook – a chef, really. That used to be the only time my father would compliment my mother, when she cooked. So when I was little, after my first few Academy cooking lessons, I thought I'd figured out how to get his attention. I made him brownies, but I wanted them to be the _best_ brownies, so he'd really be happy. I added so much stuff to it – I don't even remember what. I didn't use a recipe because my mom never does. I'm sure they were awful, but I was too excited to notice. My mom tried them and pretended to like them, but when my dad got home, he was in a horrible mood already. When my mom served him a brownie for dessert, he spit it out and screamed at me about what a useless daughter I was, not making the family name known at the Academy and not even being able to cook."

Sakura's brows furrowed.

"From that day on, I got top marks in everything but cooking. My mom tried to help me with it, but I can't seem to get it right beyond the bare basics. I've got a block about it or something."

"Sorry." Kakashi regretted asking.

Sakura's lips twitched back into a smile. "It's fine. It's pretty funny in hindsight, actually. How did you learn how to cook, then?"

Kakashi shrugged. "The same way as Naruto, I guess. When there's no one to cook for you, you fend for yourself."

Sakura hesitated, as if she wanted to ask him why no one had been there to cook for him, but she thought better of it. "Yeah, my mom spoiled me that way. I rarely _have_ to cook."

Sakura took a bite of eggplant. "I used to be so jealous of Naruto and Sasuke for knowing how to cook. They even beat me in the things women were supposed to be better at. I felt like such a failure."

"I'm sure you were better than them at flower arranging," Kakashi cajoled.

"Better than Naruto, yeah, but Sasuke and I were about even, and neither of us held a candle to Ino."

"Well that's only natural."

"It didn't matter at the time. I wanted to be first in everything."

"They didn't do ranking when I was in the Academy. They just drilled you into passing the basic genin test and sent you off to war. I was six."

Sakura frowned. "Do you think they'll do that again?"

"Who knows? Hopefully it doesn't get that bad. I think the power is balanced enough that it won't reach that point again, but if the war is protracted enough…." At her look of distress, Kakashi added, "But probably not. People remember the last time, still. And we've done our part; Rain's on our side now."

"But what does that really mean?" Sakura said quietly, pushing the food around on her plate but not eating it.

"It's the difference between a bloody war and a cautious war."

Sakura didn't respond for a while. "Do you think I did the right thing, gambling on Naruto's table manners?"

She was searching his face earnestly, looking for the answer to this question that plagued her.

Kakashi had no answer; instead, he smiled and said, "Well, I heard somewhere you're a pretty good gambler."

Sakura flushed to the tips of her ears, successfully distracted by embarrassment. "Oh, shut up and eat your dinner."

* * *

After the successful grocery store outing, Kakashi thought Sakura was going to give him a bit freer reign, but he was wrong. The next day, it was back to IV fluids, silence, and a growing boredom that itched almost as much as the skin under the tape that kept the needles attached.

After his daily assisted minor workout, a recent concession consisting of stretches and light weight lifting while he watched Sakura do chin ups and other real exercises for a solid hour, he hoped she would suggest more exercises for him as well. Instead, Sakura buried herself in a stack of medical books and scrolls. She brought some of them from home, and the runner who took Kakashi's blood samples to the lab also delivered some. Sakura had been engrossed in them for the whole time she stayed with Kakashi.

At first, it was nice: the silence was unexpected and pleasant, and he could read his _Icha Icha_ in peace. Now, though, it was slowly driving him mad; the only break in the monotony of his day was when she turned a page or scribbled an addition to her sheaf of notes. Lately he'd taken to watching the seldom used television, but it wasn't enough.

"Didn't I prove I wasn't an invalid yesterday?" he blurted out in spite of himself.

Sakura looked up from book, blinking owlishly. "What?"

"When do I get to go back to my life?"

"Oh," Sakura said, eyes widening in surprise. "I didn't realize you were so anxious."

Kakashi sighed, trying to quash annoyance.

Sakura frowned. "You are doing better. I'd like to be totally confident in your ability to resume daily activities before I sign you off. You're not going on a mission any time soon, that's for sure."

"Sitting here isn't getting me back in condition any faster."

"Rushing back into training can cause serious complications and setbacks, Kakashi. You aren't ready for training yet, let alone active duty."

"But I can take care of myself."

"You barely made it down the stairs yesterday!" Sakura protested, slamming her book shut in frustration.

Kakashi clenched his jaw. "I can do it today."

Sakura sighed. "Fine. Show me."

Within ten minutes, he was unhooked from all medical devices and on his way down the stairs. By the time he reached the bottom, he was a little tired, but tried his best not to let on to Sakura.

"How are you feeling?" Sakura asked, scrutinizing him as if convinced he was about to collapse.

"I'm fine. Ready to go."

"Ready to go where?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"Do you want to visit the memorial stone?" Sakura ventured.

"No." Kakashi saw the confusion in her face, but did not try to explain that the memorial stone was a private place.

"Well, all right. Is there anywhere else you'd like to go?" she asked politely.

He shrugged again. "Just somewhere."

"How about we visit my mom? I told her I'd try to get out there. Is that all right?"

Kakashi nodded tersely and set off in the direction of her house, leaving Sakura scrambling to catch up.

Once there, Sakura hesitated before opening the door, but not for long.

"Mom?" she called.

Sakura's mother was watching television but jumped up at the sound of Sakura's voice. She was dressed and groomed, and Kakashi let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He hadn't been looking forward to another confrontation.

"Sakura! I wasn't expecting you."

"I told you I'd try to stop by, remember? Kakashi was going a bit stir crazy," Sakura said. "Oh, sorry. Mom, this is Hatake Kakashi. You remember him, right?"

Sakura's mother eyed him with an inscrutable look on her face.

"I remember him," she said flatly.

Wishing he hadn't insisted on getting out of his apartment, Kakashi cleared his throat. "It's been awhile since we've made acquaintance, Ms. – ah…" He trailed off awkwardly.

Sakura frowned, brows knitting. Her mother's eyes darted to Sakura's face and she relaxed her shoulders.

She smiled. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better. Sakura said you were injured badly."

Kakashi shrugged. "Poisoned, actually."

"Well, luckily Sakura was there, then, right?"

Kakashi nodded.

"Tsunade-sama once told me that Sakura was the most gifted poison specialist she'd ever taught."

Riko's chest swelled with pride.

"_Mom_." Sakura whined. "Stop."

Riko waved a dismissive hand.

"Now, have you two eaten? I'll just whip something up," she said without waiting for an answer.

Sakura sighed and followed her mother into the kitchen and plopped down at the table. Kakashi followed suit. He felt like he had never met this woman before: this wasn't the woman with the dead eyes, or the drunken woman berating her daughter, or the woman throwing lamps. For the first time, she seemed real. He didn't know what expectations this woman had of him or how Sakura expected them to interact.

"So you're fine on groceries?" Sakura asked, watching her mother whirl purposefully around the kitchen.

"Oh, yes. Ino brings me to the market. She's such a nice girl. She doesn't even mind getting up early."

"How much has it cost her?"

Riko chuckled. "She said not to tell you because she doesn't want to be paid back."

"Tell her I'll have plenty of money once I pick up my mission bonus from payroll," Sakura insisted, wringing her hands in distress. "Enough to pay the back balance on the electric and water bills, even. It was an S-ranked mission. I can't have her doing this—"

Riko shook her head. "She told me to tell you to learn to accept gifts. You'll have to take it up with her."

Sakura harrumphed and scowled into the table, not responding.

After some complicated looking knife work on some vegetables, Riko said, "It's nice to have Sakura's friends over. I wish she would bring them more often."

Kakashi started, realizing she was addressing _him._ "Er…"

"But of course that's my fault," Riko continued. "I've earned being excluded from her life. Just like last time you and I met, Kakashi-san. I—"

Sakura jumped up and slammed her hands on the table. "Mom! What is _wrong_ with you?"

Riko turned to her daughter. "What's the use not talking about it? He was there, Sakura-chan."

Sakura let out a squeak and ran out of the room. Kakashi stared after her, wishing desperately that she had followed her usual instinct and not brought him here.

"I've embarrassed her again," Riko sighed. "It seems that's all I can do for her – embarrass her, like I embarrassed my family and my husband. I thought it was worth it, running off with a man my family didn't approve of, so romantic and glamorous. It was, for a while. But now – if I had done as my family wanted and married the banker's son, my children would have been raised like I was: rich and with a lot of rules to follow. I hated that box they put me in. I wasn't allowed to do menial things like cook, so I snuck down to the kitchens whenever I could. The cook taught me until my parents found out and fired him. I hated the boring man they chose for me to marry, so I chose the one I knew they'd hate the most. But I took it for granted. I never had to struggle as Sakura has."

Riko's voice was heavy with emotion. "I didn't free her from boxes; I just gave her a new one."

With shaking hands, Riko reached into her apron pocket and extracted a cigarette. She lit it and took a drag.

"I'm sorry for this," she said. "It's just that I always wonder what her life is like. I can't understand it, no matter how hard I try. You people know her so much better than I do anymore. As a little girl, she was so open. She wore her heart on her sleeve."

Riko lifted her eyes from him, smiling gently as she was lost in the past. "My sensitive little girl. She would cry at the drop of a hat. What changed? What made her into this secretive person?"

Riko turned a piercing gaze on him. When she didn't let up, he realized she expected a response.

"Sasuke," he said without thinking.

Riko frowned. "I know he was her teammate…. She had a schoolgirl crush on him. He's a missing nin now. She won't tell me much more."

Kakashi sighed, regretting answering her question. "It's complicated. All ninja learn not to 'wear their hearts on their sleeves,' as you put it. Sakura learned that lesson more harshly than most."

Riko nodded, blinking back tears as she took another drag of her cigarette. "I never wanted her to be a ninja, you know. But my husband wanted a little star, someone to make his family name a famous ninja clan. I gave in. He left a few years later."

Kakashi said nothing, willing this conversation to end as soon as possible. Riko finished her cigarette and turned back to cooking. Eventually, Sakura returned to the kitchen.

"It smells good," she said simply when her mother placed the simple stir fry on the table. "Thanks."

"You know I like to cook for you," Riko said.

The food was excellent. Kakashi ate in blissful silence as Sakura and Riko chatted about the price of fresh fish and about how coffee had become impossible to get due to inflation. All of the emotion that had been so thick in the air before was now gone with no reasonable explanation, baffling Kakashi.

When they were done eating, Sakura made her goodbyes. As they were headed out the door, Kakashi spotted a bathroom and made his way towards it.

Before he could reach it, Sakura pulled out a familiar container and shoved it into his hands. A flare of anger shot through him and he shoved it back at her. "I told you I'm not an invalid."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Don't be a baby."

She held out the container to him expectantly, tapping her foot. Riko's brow furrowed.

"Sakura, what—" she began, but before she could finish, Kakashi grabbed the container out of Sakura's hands and fled to the bathroom.

Kakashi pissed into the container, willing the sound of it to drown out the conversation happening on the other side of the door.

"Grown men don't respond well to being bossed around by women, Sakura."

"I don't care. He's been impossible today."

"He's a _man_, Sakura. If you have to take care of them and don't convince them it's their idea first, they balk. It's natural."

"He _knows_ he has to measure his urine. He's not _dumb, _Mom."

"But it's not pleasant. He's ill and it's frustrating. Remember your bedside manner, dear."

Sakura groaned. "Now you sound like Shizune."

"She's a smart woman."

Kakashi jotted down his urine output in the tiny journal Sakura forced him to keep in his kunai pouch, washed his hands, and exited, scowl fixed on his face.

Sakura sighed. "Sorry, Kakashi, but I can't release you without proper documentation. That _is_ what you want, right?"

Kakashi said nothing and walked past her, nodding politely at Riko as he passed.

"'Bye, Mom!" Sakura called as she ran after him.

Once they were out the door, she grabbed him gently by the arm. "Kakashi, what was that? Did you have to do that in front of my mom?"

He whirled around. "Did _you_ have to do that in front of your mom?"

Sakura's mouth dropped open. "Do what?"

"Treat me like a child? Put my bodily functions on display?"

Sakura's mouth slowly closed, but she seemed to be at a loss for words. "I – I was just…. I didn't realize."

Kakashi thought she went out of her way to embarrass him, to assert her current position of power over him, but the look on her face told him otherwise. His anger faded and he shrugged out of her grip.

"It doesn't matter," he said, voice softer, and continued walking.

She followed him silently, not even asking where they were going. He had to smirk because he knew how hard that must be for her. He led her through town, trying to pretend his slow pace was purposeful, and stopped when they reached his destination.

"A locksmith?" she said, confused.

"It's time we got you that key made," he said. "Just in case."

She stared at him as if he'd just given her a thoughtful gift. "Does this – does this mean that –"

Kakashi cringed when he spotted the tears welling in her eyes. "We had a deal, so I'm holding up my end."

Sakura took a deep breath, calming herself. "Yeah, okay."

Kakashi entered the shop and handed the shop maker the key.

"Ah, making the next step in your relationship, I see," said the locksmith, smiling jovially.

"We're not together," Sakura protested. "The key's not for me," she lied.

The locksmith winked at her. "Old women like to gossip, but the locksmith always knows and never tells."

Sakura sighed, obviously giving up. Kakashi didn't even bother addressing such idiocy.

The locksmith copied the quickly and Kakashi paid him, eager to get out of the shop. Once they left, he handed Sakura the key.

"Thanks," she said. "Really."

He shrugged. "You needed it."

"You aren't obligated to give me things I need," she said, and he knew she wasn't talking about the key.

He ignored her.

In an awkward effort to change the subject, Sakura said, "You were right. You're ready for more activity. I'll draw up a plan to scale up your workouts over a week or so."

Kakashi nodded.

"If all goes well tonight, I'll go to the hospital tomorrow and submit your release paperwork," Sakura said, but was quick to add, "But you still need to take it easy. No missions for a while, okay?"

Kakashi couldn't stop a smile from reaching his face, though she couldn't see it from behind him. Finally, this nightmare was almost over. The thought sustained him all the way to the apartment, up the stairs, and into his bed, where he promptly fell asleep.

* * *

Kakashi awoke later that evening to the surprisingly pleasant smells of dinner cooking. He rose slowly, stretching muscles that were somehow a little sore from a walk around town. Since Sakura wasn't looking, Kakashi snuck in some sit ups, determined to get back in working condition as soon as possible.

When he made his way to the chin up bar set up in the kitchen doorway, though, Sakura thwarted him. "No chin ups for a couple of days. If you fall, you could hurt yourself."

Kakashi sighed in annoyance and plopped down at the table, where she was serving an approximation of the eggplant dish he'd shown her the other night. It was a little bland but still edible.

"Not bad. More salt next time, eh?" he teased.

She blushed. "Don't eat it then."

He smirked, but ate the food in front of him.

"For someone who knows so much about cooking, you don't seem to do much of it, judging by your cupboards before I got here. What do you do for food?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "Eat out, mostly. There's a takeout place down the street that I like."

Sakura glared at him. "That must be outrageously expensive."

"Someone's got to pay their bills," he said, knowing it would annoy her.

"It's a waste, though. You can probably make better food than that for much cheaper."

"So you're saying if you lived on your own that you'd cook every meal? You'd starve," Kakashi chuckled.

Sakura scowled. "Well, I don't live on my own, do I?"

"Your stomach is grateful, I'm sure."

Sakura rolled her eyes and continued eating. When she was done, she rinsed her plate. Kakashi watched her take his plate and begin to wash the dishes.

Before he fully realized what was happening, he was asking her a question that had been in the back of his mind for days. "The other day, Mimura said he once thought you might be soft. Why?"

Sakura paused in her scrubbing. "I didn't see the point of a particular piece of collateral damage. He and I disagreed."

"But the mission was a success, yes? Was it the one where – with the newspaper?"

Sakura nodded tensely and went back to scrubbing.

"It was a sexual mission. I know it was."

In shock, Sakura dropped the plate into the sink with a clunk.

"How did you manage? You said they were dangerous to you, but that one went fine."

Slowly, she turned to him. "Why do you care?"

He frowned. "Of course I care."

"But you—" She shook her head. "I managed because it was an assassination. I killed him before… before."

"Were you supposed to kill him before?"

Sakura hesitated. "Not exactly. Look, I don't want to talk to you about this."

"Isn't it a little late for that?" Kakashi scoffed.

"There's nothing I regret more in my whole life than telling you, not even – nothing," Sakura said, voice clogged. "I've been trying to pretend it never happened, and I thought… I thought the key meant that you were, too."

Kakashi looked down at his hands, unable to face the pain in her eyes. "I was. But I can't, don't you see? I can never forget."

Sakura began to cry, trying to stifle her tears. "I'm so sorry. I've ruined everything—"

Kakashi cut her off. "Don't you realize what this means? Me being poisoned by Zetsu?"

"W-what does that have to do with anything?" she asked, sniffling..

"I've been targeted by Akatsuki now, right after I was suspended from ANBU for being targeted by Rock. I'm a liability in the field. I won't be let off suspension any time soon, which means you'll be without assignment. We've just assured that the war will at least begin in the shadows, which means espionage, which means—"

"Seduction missions," Sakura finished for him in a whisper. Her face was white as a sheet, though she'd been shocked out of crying.

"And if you what you say is true, that Danzou will use you instead of others – which doesn't make sense to me; you're a medic, and you should be in the hospital or protecting a unit – but if what you say is true, then you're at risk. And now I know about it."

Sakura put her head in her hands, ignoring the soap from the dishes on them.

"I thought about requesting to be your handler to protect you that way," Kakashi continued, "but—"

"But he'd never grant the request," Sakura said.

"I was going to say that there isn't any justification that won't raise eyebrows and cause more problems for you, and—"

"And you're far too valuable to Konoha to be someone's handler," Sakura said. "It would be a waste."

Kakashi said nothing, just looked at her, watching her put the pieces together slowly.

"So what's your plan?" she said. "I know you have one, or you wouldn't bring it up. Did you have someone in mind to—"

Kakashi took a deep breath. "I'll do it. I can't let you go out there knowing you might be killed because of me."

Sakura's eyes welled with tears again. "It wouldn't be – not because of you. It's because I'm too weak. Don't blame—"

"I can't let you die because I wouldn't help you, Sakura. I can't."

"I – I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Just go in the other room and take your clothes off."

"Wait, _now?_" she spluttered, instinctively covering her breasts with her arms. "Don't you think we should wait—"

"Wait for what, Sakura? Wait for it to become more awkward than it already is? Wait for this assignment to end, so that you get a new one before we get the chance?"

She forced herself to stop clutching her shoulders.

"You're right," she said quietly, not daring to look at him. Slowly, she walked out of the room.

Kakashi sat rigidly in his seat, not quite sure how he ended up in this situation. He tried to mentally prepare for what was coming next, for what he had to do, but he couldn't even imagine it. He broke out in a cold sweat.

"I'm ready," Sakura called, and he forced himself to stand up and enter the other room. Sakura was in his bed with the covers up to her armpits. She looked terrified.

"A-aren't you going to do something?" she whispered after a moment.

Jarred into action, Kakashi sat on the bed and went through the mechanical motions of getting undressed: unwrapping his legs, taking off his sandals, then his pants, then his vest, until he was left in only boxers and his shirt mask. With a last pang of panic, he took off his underwear and slid under the covers with her.

For a moment, they just lay there motionless. He could feel her bare leg on his. Hers was prickly with stubble. She hadn't been expecting this. She reached over and put a cold hand on his soft penis, tugging it a bit.

"Let me," he said, and pushed her hand away. With a shaking hand, he stroked his penis. It was almost, but not quite, like masturbation. He couldn't forget who was beside him and what he was about to do. But still, obediently, his penis rose, only slightly less erect than usual.

"So for you, do you want to…?" he asked, hoping she would do for herself what he just did.

She shook her head. He pulled the blanket off of her and she tensed. There was a nasty knot of scarred skin on her side, but he tried not to let his eyes linger. He rolled on top of her and put a hand between her legs, not surprised to find her completely dry. He tried to arouse her, but her entire body was like a taught bowstring, ready to snap.

"No, stop," she said, grabbing his hand and pulling it away. "Just go. Start."

"It will hurt you –" he protested.

"I don't care. I want it over with."

"Are you protected?" he asked.

She shook her head, still looking off to the side rather than at him. He sighed and rolled over to her side to grab a condom out of the night stand. His penis was almost flaccid again, so he stroked himself until he could place the condom properly.

He rolled back on top of her. "Are you sure? There are things I can do to make it easier for you."

"I'm sure. Please, just … do this fast."

He tried to push inside of her, but without any lubrication, it was almost impossible. Eventually, he reached down and spread her apart with his fingers so that he could enter.

He pushed slowly, trying not to hurt her. She was still tense and she cringed with pain each inch he pushed in. He began to thrust, hoping she would push back, but she stared at a space on the wall behind him, like she was somewhere else. With each thrust, she winced in pain and her small breasts just barely bounced, nipples hardened in the slightly chilled air.

He could feel himself losing his erection, so he lowered his mouth to her nipple, willing himself to believe that it was another woman he was with, _any _other woman. But just as he was starting to forget, at the tiniest arch of her back, she shoved his face away from her breast.

He stopped moving. "Please…" he begged, unable to say her name out loud. "I can't. I just can't. Not like this."

"I'm trying," she whispered, looking at him for the first time. She lifted her face, pulled down his mask, and pressed her lips on his in a dry, mechanical kiss.

He tried to kiss her back, but it felt so wrong that he broke away. His erection completely gone, he slid out of her.

She shoved out from underneath him and ran into the bathroom. She turned on the water, but he could still hear her sobs.

He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling and listening to her cry.

* * *

Kakashi fell asleep waiting for her to come out of the shower. She was in there for hours. When he woke, all traces of her were gone except the dishes half done in the sink and a note on the kitchen table saying that she was submitting his release paperwork today but he needed to follow the workout progression she'd left him.

He was relieved. He didn't know how to face her after failing her so miserably. She came to him for help and he only made it worse.

Over the next week, he tried not to think about it, visiting the memorial stone daily and throwing himself into training, falling into bed exhausted each night.

But one day, an all-too familiar summons was slipped under his door. He was to report to ANBU headquarters in two hours. He filled the time before the meeting with a vigorous workout and then did as he was bid.

When he reached Ibiki's office, the rest of his team was already there, except for Sakura.

"Congratulations, Hatake," Ibiki said in his gruff way. "You're off suspension."

"I'm – what?" he choked. "Have I even been cleared for duty? I thought—"

Ibiki frowned. "It's war, Hatake. All hands on deck. I thought you'd be pleased."

"I am," Kakashi said hastily.

Ibiki handed each of them scrolls in turn. "Needless to say, secrecy is of the utmost importance in this mission. If you have to compromise detection for success, don't. It will cost us the war if you do."

They nodded. Ibiki handed Kakashi a second scroll. "Hatake, it's up to you to brief your temporary teammate."

Kakashi nodded stiffly and waited to be dismissed.

"Good to see you, Captain," Shiori said sincerely.

He lifted a half-hearted hand in recognition at her and Ryoji before setting off for Sakura's house. The closer he got, the more tempted he was to turn around. This mission summons meant it had all been for naught; while working for ANBU, it was unlikely she'd be reassigned. But somehow, that thought didn't comfort him. This mission was more dangerous than a seduction mission, even for Sakura.

Finally, he reached her balcony and tapped on the window, seeing her inside. She clambered out of bed and shuffled across the room to open the window for him. Her hair was messy and she looked like she'd been sleeping all day, which was unlike her. Maybe this mission would help her break out of her funk, which Kakashi couldn't help but feel at fault for.

"What?" she said before she spotted the scroll in his hand. "Oh. But I thought you said—"

"I was wrong," he said simply, handing her the scroll.

She opened it and skimmed it, her eyes widening in alarm. "Kakashi, this is…"

He nodded.

She looked up at him, fear etching lines in her face. "Kakashi, I can't do this."

He was stunned. "Of course you can. This isn't a type of mission you or I relish, but it will keep you from reassignment."

"No, it's not that. I'm sick. I can't leave on a mission tomorrow – and neither can you. How can they do this to you?"

Kakashi bit back his annoyance. "I'm fine, and if there's any combat, we'll be dead anyway, so it won't matter. You'll be fine."

"I _won't_," she said, panic lacing her voice. "I told you, I'm sick!"

He took a closer look at her. She was a bit pale, but he assumed she was just depressed. "Then go to the hospital and get treated."

Sakura twisted her hands. "They won't give me a write off. It's not something they can help."

"Then what is it?"

"It's –" She looked down at her feet. "I'm on my period."

"You're _what?"_ Kakashi said, clenching his fists. "How dare you use that as an excuse to get off a dangerous mission?"

She looked at him, jaw dropping. "What? I would never—"

"Then it's me. We don't have a choice but to be around each other. You're going on the mission."

He turned around and walked through the glass door, struggling not to turn around and throttle her for displaying such immaturity. He'd thought she was beyond that. Did she think he wanted this – to see her, pretend to be normal, and pretend not to know her, after all that had happened?

"Kakashi, wait!" she called after him. "It's not you! Stop!"

But he didn't stop. His anger propelled him across the rooftops at lightning speed. He began to plan the mission in his mind, determined not to let her childishness distract him.

* * *

That night, Kakashi slept fitfully, tossing and turning. He thought he was dreaming when he heard his apartment door open, but still, he leaped out of bed in attack formation from sheer muscle memory.

Sakura was standing in the doorway, eying him warily. "It's just me. Calm down."

Kakashi relaxed. "Habit."

Sakura nodded. She was trying to act normal but the tenseness in her shoulders and the way she was avoiding looking at him gave her away. She crossed the room to the drawer she had commandeered, which he was surprised to note now contained another set of clothing besides her uniform. She took out the ANBU uniform and entered the bathroom without a word. When she emerged, she was no longer Sakura, but Chiyoko.

"Get ready," she said. "I'll make breakfast."

He thought, with a little trepidation, that she'd attempt to cook something as she had when she was his nurse, but when he emerged from the bathroom freshly showered, clean shaven, and dressed in a clean uniform, only soggy cereal was waiting for him.

He sighed. "You couldn't have just left the cereal out so I could put it in myself?"

She ignored him, waiting by the door, still not looking at him as he ate his mushy cereal. He forced the cereal down and left the bowl on the table.

"Let's go."

She followed him to the meeting place, looping around at the last minute to approach from the other side.

Without conversation, the group set off. As usual, Kakashi set a brisk pace. When they finally stopped for the night, the group set up camp without any of the usual squabbles, perhaps sensing the seriousness of the mission they'd been assigned.

Sakura – Chiyoko – pulled him aside before he assigned watches. "You're not taking a shift tonight."

He stared at her, stone faced. "And who are you to give me orders?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Your medic," she hissed under her breath. "You shouldn't be on any missions right now, let alone one of this magnitude. I'm at least going to make sure you get a proper night's rest."

"And who's going to pick up my slack?" Kakashi demanded.

"Me, of course. Just give us back to back watches and I'll take yours."

"So sick you can take double watch, right?" he said snidely. She didn't reply. "Fine. Third and fourth are yours."

Despite his annoyance that she still wouldn't stop babying him, the day's travel had taken more of a toll on him than he realized. After quickly gulping down a rations bar while listening to Shiori and Ryoji's small talk, Kakashi crawled into his bed roll and fell asleep promptly.

The end of the next day's travel found them at the cliffs at the entrance of Sunagakure at the darkest part of the night, right on schedule. After showing their paperwork, they were waved in by the guards. Suna was expecting them.

"We heard you'll be looking to blend in as tourists," the guard said quietly. "Rooms 24 and 25 in the Sand Palace Hotel have been reserved for you. A representative will find you tomorrow."

With little more than a tired wave at each other, Shiori and Sakura took room 24 and Ryoji and himself took room 25.

"Do we have to take watch?" Ryoji asked, blinking sleepily.

"Not tonight," Kakashi said, taking off his outer uniform for comfort. Tonight, before they compromised the alliance, they were reasonably safe. If they stayed longer, watches would be necessary.

Once again, Kakashi wasn't awake more than five minutes after his head hit the pillow.

* * *

The next day, Kakashi was up to his eyeballs in blueprint plans for the town in the western part of Wind Country, where Konoha said they'd heard Yakushi Kabuto was hiding out. Sakura was poring over notes on Sasori and any traceable connection to Kabuto or people still living within the village.

"Tomorrow, can I switch with one of the others? I'm always on paperwork duty," Sakura complained.

"And why should I let you do that?" he said, thumbing through another sheaf of papers. "As a junior member, you're to be babysat."

She scowled. "I wanted to go shopping for Shizune's birthday present. I'm going to miss her birthday dinner, you know."

"You can't bring home souvenirs, Chiyoko," Kakashi sighed. "Your moves could be traced that way."

Sakura rolled her untypically brown eyes. "I can always say I wrote to Ga – someone – and had it sent, you know."

Kakashi was glad she'd caught herself; they were in a room full of records and it seemed like no one was within earshot, but there were plenty of Suna nin in the room, going about their days. Kakashi had hoped that the room would clear out and he could search for their real goal, but it didn't look like they would be so lucky.

After several more hours of mindless busy work, a jolly nin with rosy cheeks escorted them out of the records room so they could close up for the night.

Dressed in Suna civilian garb, they blended into the crowd once they were on the streets. Kakashi made his way towards the black market they had agreed to case afterwards, but when he looked behind him, Sakura was nowhere to be found. He sighed, but then she came back into sight, carrying a bag of honeyed locusts.

"Deviating from the plan?" he hissed when she caught up.

"Street vendors can have information too," she said, popping a locust into her mouth.

Kakashi cringed at the crunch. "I can't believe you like those things."

"You sound like Ino. They're good!" She waved one in front of his face. "Here, try one, you big baby."

He gave her his coldest, most withering look that had always worked on her when she was a genin.

Now, though, she just smiled and bit the locust in half. "Your loss," she said. "It's got tons of protein."

Just then, a woman in a hurry shoved past Sakura, knocking her into Kakashi. Sakura shrunk away from him as if he had struck her, the smile gone from her face. She tried to shake it off, burying her nose in her bag of locusts, ostensibly picking the choicest morsel, but it was futile. Kakashi had seen her face.

Kakashi's smile faded too. Just when it seemed things were going to be okay, there was always a reminder. The silence between them remained tense all the way to the market.

On the surface, it was a regular market, albeit in a bad part of town. But by Kakashi's estimation, if there was black-market activity in Suna – and there almost definitely was, just as there was black-market activity everywhere – then it would be found here. Whether two outsiders could uncover it was doubtful, but it wouldn't look right if they didn't try. If Kabuto had been in Suna, he might have contacted such people. Or, he would if he were predictable, which he wasn't. Considering that all reports of Kabuto being in Wind Country were completely fabricated, this entire thing was an exercise in futility.

Still, Kakashi went through the motions, asking the right questions, giving off the subtle signals that he was a tourist in search of something off the straight and narrow. Sakura would decrease his credibility, so they had agreed to split up upon entering. Just as promised, she melted into the shadows.

After an hour of following leads to dead ends, he found her at a stall, waiting as a shopkeeper wrapped a package.

Kakashi sighed. "Please tell me that's not for who I think it's for. I _told_ you –"

Sakura cut him off. "You're too uptight."

Biting back his anger, he headed back to the hotel rooms, where they were to meet the others.

"Tourists shop, you know," Sakura said, voice clipped. "It's much weirder not to shop. That's supposed to be our cover story."

"It's not about shopping," Kakashi said. "It's about conveniently timed gifts that put you in certain places at certain times."

"But I thought there was some loophole about family members, no need for this pretense –"

"Not for you. And she wouldn't qualify."

Sakura let out a _humph_ of frustration. "She's like my sister. Or an aunt. Or something."

Kakashi stopped and pulled Sakura into a little alcove with a bench, sitting her down a little too heavily. He looked into her stranger's face, trying to impart how serious he was.

"You can't let them discover you, no matter how harmless it seems. If he finds out, it could give him an excuse to take you off of this assignment. As your captain, I can make sure you aren't expected to do anything –" He broke off. "Anything you shouldn't."

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Disrespecting me doesn't change –" Kakashi began.

She cut him off, rifling in her backpack. "Do you really want to see what I bought her?"

She ripped the colorful wrapping off of the gift and showed him: pretty blown glass globes. "She always forgets about her houseplants. These things water them for you."

He stared at them blankly. Why was she showing him this?

She implored him with her brown eyes. "You can get these anywhere. _Anywhere_. I wanted to buy her something special, more exotic, but I didn't. Because of what you said. Do you get it?"

She was saying she could have bought these in Konoha. It wasn't geographically traceable gift. He nodded tersely, feeling stupid for having made such a big deal about it.

"You know being on paperwork duty again isn't a punishment, don't you?" he blurted out. "You're the best possible person for that job."

She had been annoyed at him, before, but even that dulled.

"I know," she said flatly. "After all, who knows Sasori better than me, now that – she…."

Sakura drifted off, looking sad.

Kakashi's stomach sank. He hadn't realized it would be a bad reminder for her. "Do you want to visit her grave?"

Sakura started, taken aback. "You don't mind?"

"The meet up time isn't for an hour yet. Why not?"

Sakura looked away from him under the pretense of putting Shizune's birthday present away. "You seemed pretty set on sticking to the plan…"

"Her grave was in the eastern part of the city, wasn't it?"

Sakura nodded, and without further words, they walked briskly towards their destination. Once there, Sakura stood staring at it as if waiting for it to say something. Kakashi felt intensely awkward, so he looked away as she fell to her knees, whispering to Chiyo's grave. They were secrets not meant for him, so he didn't listen. After a while, she stood up and dried her eyes.

"I'm ready," she said.

He nodded, but before they left, he bowed respectfully to Chiyo's remains.

"Thank you," she said quietly as they made their way back toward the hotel rooms.

Kakashi would probably never know what had happened that day, but he should have been more sensitive. Despite Sakura's alias, he had forgotten what Chiyo – and their encounter with Sasori – had meant to Sakura.

"Today is someone's birthday," Kakashi said, somehow hoping it would make amends. "Someone from my past."

"You must miss him," Sakura said carefully.

"Her," he corrected.

After a moment, Sakura said, "You wanted to go to the memorial, but you couldn't."

Kakashi didn't respond. They fell silent again, but it was easier, the tension dispelled. When the hotel was in sight, and Shiori and Ryoji waiting to share information, Sakura reached out and caught his sleeve.

"Thanks for understanding," she said.

Kakashi wasn't sure how to respond, but she didn't seem to expect him to. She walked forward, waving at the rest of the squad.

* * *

The next day began much the same, with hours of monotonous intelligence skimming. Kakashi kept waiting for the room to clear, but as the day wore on, he knew the cause was hopeless. He'd have to revert to plan B, always the more likely plan but the riskier one as well.

There were only a few nin in the records room right now, and only one near their work station. Now was his chance. After a minute or so of mental preparation, Kakashi walked over and handed him a scroll he was finished with.

"I have to ask you to file another one, I'm afraid," Kakashi said.

"You sure are a speed reader," the Suna nin. It was the rosy cheeked ninja from the day before. "Is there anything else I can take down for you?"

"Yes." Kakashi reached up and uncovered his Sharingan. "Bring me the five most recent files on Rock and don't let anyone know what you're doing."

It was a basic voice-activated genjutsu, but the Sharingan gave it the extra hypnotic push. The ninja's eyes crossed momentarily, but then he nodded and went about his business.

Kakashi returned to their work station and continued to look busy. He exchanged a look with Sakura. She raised her eyebrow inquisitively and he nodded.

About a half an hour later, the round-faced nin returned with a stack of documents. When Kakashi tried to take them from him, however, his sandy brows knit in confusion.

"What did you need these for again?" he asked. "Maybe I should ask my superior first."

Sakura subtly moved into attack formation beside him. It was futile, though. If the jutsu failed, they were surrounded. They would never make it out of Sunagakure alive.

Kakashi gathered chakra in his vocal chords. "You don't need to ask your superior. In fact, if he asks, you won't tell him you gave us these. It's okay for us to have this. We need it to find the traitor Yakushi Kabuto. He was sighted in Wind Country. Don't you want to help take him down?"

The Suna nin slowly nodded. "Of course I do. Best of luck to you."

This time, when Kakashi tugged on the documents, they came free. The man stood there, looking slightly confused. "Why don't you just wait there for me to finish? Then you can refile these."

The man relaxed now that he had a directive.

As quickly as possible, Kakashi scanned each page of each document with his Sharingan, memorizing them. The most recent of these documents was from a week ago, when a Suna team had pursued a Rock scout in River Country. They had lost him. The first of the documents was from over five years ago. Clearly Suna had little dealings with Rock in recent times. Suna was not double-crossing Konoha.

When he was finished, Kakashi handed the Suna nin back the files. "Refile these. Don't let yourself be seen. Then go about your normal life."

The nin nodded and walked away.

After covering his Sharingan eye back up, Kakashi turned to Sakura, who was looking at him with wide eyes. "I think we're done here, don't you? We have all the information we need."

She nodded and quickly gathered up the rest of their materials and ran it over to a Suna nin – a different one – and bade him goodbye.

After they were out of the building, she said, "So, you think we have enough to find Kabuto now?"

He answered in kind, just in case they were being watched or overheard. "I think so. We'll move out tonight in order to report our information back as quickly as possible. Let's find the others."

* * *

The mood among the group was lightened significantly on the return journey. Ryoji, Shiori, and Sakura squabbled over duties on the first night of setting up camp, and as much it usually annoyed him, it eased his mind that night. Though the mission had been a simple matter of genjutsu, failure would have meant certain death not only for them, but countless other deaths and a loss of the war for Konoha. The pressure had been weighing on them all – so he let them squabble. It meant things were back to normal.

After everyone had eaten their standard rations, Ryoji suggested a game of cards.

Shiori laughed. "So Chiyoko can fleece us again? I don't think so."

"What are you talking about?" Ryoji said. "She just learned that time when—"

"You idiot." Shiori rolled her eyes. "She pulled one over on Ryuu. You really didn't figure it out?"

Ryoji's head swung towards Sakura, eyes wide. "Really?"

Sakura shrugged, trying to suppress a smile. "Don't worry, though. You guys play. I'm going to bed. Wake me up when it's my watch."

She locked eyes with Kakashi and she knew he was reminding him of their deal. He nodded minutely. Only then did she begin preparing for sleep. He turned his attention to the card game. Ryoji had already dealt him in.

Shiori shook her head. "I don't envy her right now," she said under her breath.

"Huh? Why?" Ryoji said. "Call, by the way."

"Don't worry about it. I raise."

And then it was his turn. He scrutinized his cards. "Call?" he guessed, preparing himself to lose some money.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura shook Kakashi awake before the others.

"You look pale," he grunted, rousing himself. "You should have let me take a shift."

Sakura smiled wanly. "I'm fine. Wake the others."

Within ten minutes, they were on the move again. Kakashi was eager to get back and officially end this mission, so he set a brutal pace. At first, everything was fine, but after a while, when he looked, Sakura was out of formation, at least a length behind. He remembered the mission where, after failing to find Sasuke, she had fallen behind to sulk in privacy. Even though they were in safe country, it was bad discipline to let such habits form.

Over almost half the day, he looked and Sakura was behind. It annoyed him more each time. Finally, he looked back and didn't see her at all. He signaled the others to stop and went back for her. He found her standing on a tree branch, leaning against the tree and panting.

"What are you doing?" he snapped. "I know you can go faster than this. You should know better than to fall out of formation. You could put us all in danger one day if you don't –"

Sakura interrupted him by vomiting profusely.

"Sa – Chiyoko, are you all right?" he asked, suddenly concerned. She swayed on the branch, and he watched the scene unfold as if in slow motion as she lost her grip and fell off the branch. He leaped for her, but she was too far away.

But Sakura only fell a few feet before grabbing onto another branch, giving him enough time to gather her up and light safely on the forest floor.

As he set her down, the other two caught up.

"What's wrong with her?" Ryoji asked.

Kakashi frowned. "I'm not sure."

"She's menstruating," Shiori blurted out. "It's been giving her trouble. I couldn't help but notice, sleeping in the same room and all."

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Ryoji, scowling at Shiori.

"It can make you lightheaded," Shiori said. "I saw her fall and thought that might be it."

Sakura was lying on the ground, holding her side and panting.

"No," she whimpered. "More than that."

Shiori knelt down and felt her head. "She has a fever."

"Appendicitis?" Ryoji guessed.

"She's holding her _left_ side, idiot," snapped Shiori.

"How long have you been like this?" Kakashi demanded.

Sakura tried to chuckle but ended up groaning instead. "All week."

"You haven't been like _this_. When did the fever start? The pain?"

Sakura slowly sat up and took a swig from her canteen. "The fever? I have no idea. The pain? All week, but there was a sharp increase about an hour after we started running."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kakashi said.

She ignored him, drinking more water. He didn't push for an answer, because deep down, he knew the answer. She _had_ told him before they ever left for Suna. He had ignored her.

"What do we need to do?" he asked.

With another whimper, Sakura stood up. "Nothing. Let's just keep going. I'm fine. It's just my period, like Shiori said."

Ryoji looked from Sakura to Shiori, awestruck. "Can periods really _do_ that?"

"No," Shiori answered. "This is no period, Chiyoko. Don't kid yourself."

"It's related," Sakura said. "I know what it is. There's nothing I can do in the field for it."

"At least take some more of those pain pills you've been using," Shiori said.

Sakura shook her head. "I can't – I won't have a clear enough head to run."

"Take them," Kakashi said.

"No, I really can't, I –"

"That's an order," Kakashi said. "You won't be running any longer."

Sakura scowled at him, but even she wouldn't dare disobey a direct order. She fished out a little white pill, took a swig of water, and swallowed. Resentfully, she opened her mouth to prove she'd taken it.

Kakashi turned to Ryoji. "Are you up to carrying her? We're going to push the pace even more."

Ryoji nodded. "Let's go."

* * *

As soon as they re-entered the village, they ran to the hospital. Sakura, who had fallen asleep on Ryoji's back, awoke when they were about to hand her over to the medics.

Immediately, she began thrashing.

"No!" she shouted. "No hospital!"

The medics tried to subdue her.

"You fell ill on a mission and were unable to complete your duties. It's standard protocol. We'll get you out of here as soon as possible," one medic said.

Sakura broke free from the medics easily. "Where is Shizune? I don't want you halfwits touching me."

"Shizune-san is not here right now," a medic said politely, approaching her with a needle, probably a sedative. "I promise we will do a good job."

Sakura knocked it out of her hand. "You don't know what you're looking at. I have stabbing abdominal pain in the lower left quadrant, nausea, light headedness, a low grade fever, and a distended abdomen. What's your first step?"

"I –" the medic floundered. "Blood work."

"Wrong. How will you know what tests to order?"

"Imaging studies?" the medic guessed.

"But how will you know which kind?" Sakura countered.

Another medic broke in. "You probably have internal bleeding, ma'am. Why don't you tell us what sort of trauma you were in? Let's sit down and have an exam. I'm not sure who you are, but you obviously know what you're doing, so why are you wasting our time bombarding the junior medics? How about we start with your name?"

"Oh, this is ridiculous," Sakura huffed and walked over to the nurse's station and grabbed a syringe, stabbed herself in the arm, and withdrew blood. Kakashi winced; even he knew it wasn't supposed to be done like that. The medics were staring at her, dumbfounded.

"W-what are you doing?" the junior medic asked.

"You don't know how to handle my condition," she snapped. "I'm going to take this to the lab myself and order the tests I need in care of Shizune only. If you'd be so kind as to give me a urine sample cup, I'll provide the lab with that as well."

No one made a move to hand her one.

"No? Then I'll do that later, too."

With that, Sakura tried to stalk off towards the lab, but she was in so much pain that it was more of a limp. The medics turned to Kakashi.

"What is the meaning of this? I thought you were bringing her here for treatment!"

Kakashi shrugged. "I tried."

He turned to the rest of his squad, who looked just as dumbstruck as Kakashi felt.

"Let's go debrief. The Hokage will be eager to hear our news."

* * *

After a lengthy debriefing – Danzou wanted to know every detail of the documents – Kakashi went to his apartment, hoping he'd find Sakura there dropping off her uniform. No such luck. He checked her drawer; the uniform was neatly folded inside and the spare pair of clothing was gone. If the clothes were gone, that meant she definitely hadn't stayed at the hospital, so there was only one other place she would be.

Kakashi raced to her house, a lecture on the tip of his tongue. He was prepared to drag her to the hospital, if need be. When he got there, he approached the balcony slowly, since he heard voices drifting out.

The balcony door was half open, the curtains fluttering in the breeze. Kakashi stood off to the side so he could see inside but couldn't be seen. Sakura and her mother were inside. Sakura was in her bed, puking into a bed pan while her mother held her hair back and fretted.

"You promise you made an appointment with Dr. Akiyama tomorrow?" her mother asked, brow knit with worry.

Sakura nodded, wiping her mouth with a wash cloth. "I think it's the same as last time, only worse. He'll know what's best."

Riko pressed a wet washcloth to Sakura's fevered forehead. "And you were on a mission. It's a miracle you weren't hurt."

"The worst waves hit on the way home," Sakura whispered, a few tears tracking down her face. "Oh, Mom, it was so embarrassing. Everyone knew, even the men."

Riko clucked and petted Sakura's hair. "I know. Your father used to make me stay in the house when I was obvious, so scared was he that someone else would realize it was my woman's time."

Riko continued her story, but Kakashi backed away. Sakura needed no lecture from him. Not tonight.


	20. Blank Canvases

**Author's Note:** Many and much thanks to SpikeDee and mikeytron, as usual, especially SpikeDee. Thanks also to all my readers, especially those that review, and double especially to those that review faithfully! Love you all.

Many of you were curious about Sakura's medical status after last chapter. Never fear, for you will get answers in this very chapter. Still, I got the impression that some of you seemed to be surprised that something new was being introduced at this stage. This is still EARLY TIMES, guys. This story is LONG. I am currently working on chapter 38, and we're not done. End game, we're looking at somewhere between 40 and 50 chapters.

I hope the prospect excites you. Here's chapter 20.

* * *

Sakura waited patiently. Ryoji was apparently the stealthiest of the squad, so he got to take her glory. They were given an open-ended mission to compromise the stability of the Rock outpost in Stone Country. It was Sakura's idea to poison their supplies, and she procured the poison.

But of course she had to pretend she had "heard of" a poison that mimicked a native wheat mold that drove anyone who ate it into slow, painful insanity and death if untreated. Kakashi received the credit for getting their hands on it, and now Ryoji got to do the exciting part: sneaking into the supply train's camp during the middle of the night to plant the mold in the wheat stores.

Sakura, Kakashi, and Shiori were positioned strategically in the hilly woods around the camp, keeping watch. Kakashi was the closest to the camp and Sakura was the farthest away, but she _was_ supposed to be the first to see Ryoji return. When Kakashi saw Ryoji leave, he would make his way to Shiori. Then they would meet up with Sakura, who should be with Ryoji.

So Sakura was waiting with her senses open as possible, hoping she saw Ryoji soon.

_Snap._

A twig broke. Someone was approaching, and they didn't care if they were discovered. The footsteps shuffled carelessly through the undergrowth.

Sakura tensed. Whoever was approaching wasn't Ryoji. Ryoji could walk over dead leaves without rustling even one; his precise movement was one of the first things Sakura noticed about him.

They were a ninja's footsteps. Sakura could tell that much. The caravan was mostly civilian, but it had a few Stone ninja guarding it. One of them must be on patrol. Hopefully he would pass without detecting her.

She listened to the ninja come slowly closer. He should not be able to see her from her position in the brush, but what if he was a sensor? Finally, he came into view, strolling leisurely on his patrol. He had a scar bisecting his lips, and he kept flicking his tongue over the permanent split in his bottom left lip.

When he drew abreast of her, he stopped and looked around intently. Sakura held her breath; he had sensed something. But after a moment, he gave up and moved on.

Just when the Stone nin was almost safely out of range, Ryoji dropped down next to Sakura, not bothering to disguise his descent from the treetops. He obviously had not noticed the Stone nin. Ryoji stood in plain view, about to speak to Sakura, when the Stone nin stopped.

"Who's there?" he called.

In the split second before the nin turned around, Sakura and Ryoji stared at each other in sheer panic. Then, in a moment of inspiration, Sakura shoved Ryoji down into the bush, ripped her mask off, and used rapid hand seals to assist her in a speedy transformation.

"Is someone there?" she called, now the same young child she'd impersonated to lure in Kitagawa Mirei.

Sakura ran towards the Stone nin. "Mister, have you seen my dog?"

He stared down at her, the flickering light from his torch making him look even more sinister. "It's late for a child to be roaming the woods. What's your business?"

As he spoke, spit dribbled through his ruined lips.

Sakura backed away from him and stared at his face, pretending to be frightened. "I – I – l-lost my dog, mister."

The man knelt down next to her. "Are you from the village?"

Sakura nodded, hiding her face in her hands.

"Don't be scared, little girl," the man said kindly. "I won't hurt you. How about I help you look for your doggy? What's its name?"

"Suko," she said, looking at him again. "Will you really help?"

"Of course. Where is the last place you saw him?"

"Back there," Sakura said, pointing off to the side of the distant camp. "But I think he was running this way."

She pointed away from Ryoji's hiding place. The Stone nin shook his head.

"I just came from that way. I would have seen him. How about we look this way instead?"

He began looking, kicking shrubs and whistling. "Call for him," he said to Sakura.

"Suko!" she called. "Come here, Suko!"

When the ninja began getting dangerously close to Ryoji, Sakura stopped. "I think I heard something off that way. Did you hear it?"

"It was nothing," he said. "Keep calling."

He was almost to Ryoji's hiding place. Sakura tensed, prepared to fight him off when the inevitable happened, until she heard a familiar bark off to the left.

The nin stopped. "Call him. Go!" he urged her.

Sakura ran towards the bark. "Suko! Come on! You're in _so_ much trouble!"

Pakkun came running out of the bush towards Sakura, thankfully stripped of all Konoha paraphernalia. She scooped him up in her arms while he wriggled and struggled to lick her face, acting the part.

"Suko, what a bad dog," she said, but hugged the little pug tightly.

The relief was not feigned. Her whole ruse had almost fallen apart, but Pakkun had saved it.

Sakura turned to the Stone nin. "Thanks for your help, mister. I should go home now."

"Let me walk you so you don't get lost."

Sakura shook her head. "If my mom knew I was talking to a strange ninja, I'd get the cane. Besides, I know the way. I play in these woods every day."

The Stone nin looked a little confused that a young girl didn't want an escort him in the dark, but he nodded. "Keep your dog on a leash next time."

Sakura smiled. "Thanks!"

She scampered off as quickly as she could manage without looking suspicious. As soon as she was a good distance away, she stopped, knowing the others would come to her. She released the jutsu quickly and reinforced her Chiyoko guise, just in case any of her true traits snuck through in the transition.

It didn't take the squad long to reach her. Once she saw Kakashi's silver hair shining in the moonlight, she set Pakkun down to return to his owner.

Nobody spoke. It was too risky. Ryoji handed her the mouse mask, which she replaced, and they set off at top speed, eager to put distance between the caravan and themselves.

* * *

Ibiki stared at her intently as she recounted her part of the mission – at least, her public part.

She hadn't been expecting to speak, but after Kakashi give his summary, Ibiki had turned to her and said, "Why did you choose to take such a risk? Tell me how it happened."

She started to sweat. She did so anytime Ibiki disapproved of her, but she obeyed. When she was done, he nodded.

Sakura waited on tenterhooks for the rebuke she knew was coming: she had been out of line, acted without permission, put the operation in danger, but got lucky.

"I'm impressed," he said instead. "This squad is coming along. Excellent teamwork. You performed well under pressure, all of you, but especially Chiyoko."

He looked at her directly in the eyes. "That was a gutsy move. Well done."

Praise from Ibiki was rare and fleeting; Sakura couldn't contain a smile.

"File full reports within a week," Ibiki said. "You're dismissed."

After they were out of the building, Sakura nodded politely at the others and took off over the rooftops. She went into the business sector and then doubled back to Kakashi's apartment.

He was waiting inside when she entered. He was lying on his bed, arms propping his head up – seemingly relaxed, and yet the smoldering in his eyes as he stared at her said differently. Sakura guessed he was angry at her, but just at this moment, she didn't care. She wouldn't let anyone bring her down right now.

"What, do you think I shouldn't have done it?" she snapped. "I should have let him discover us and what then? His death would cause suspicion, and they could have inspected the supplies, and then –"

"I think it was brilliant," Kakashi said, sitting up. "You saved the mission, Sakura."

"You should remember to call me Chiyoko when I'm like this," Sakura corrected, but she was barely paying attention to what she said.

Something was surging up inside her; it felt like she was back in the forest, adrenaline propelling her to blurt out, "I can't sit still. Let's go spar."

Kakashi stood up and crossed over to her. "I have a better idea, _Chiyoko_," he said, emphasizing the name.

Before Sakura knew what was happening, he was kissing her, a deep, fiery kiss that shocked her out of tensing up.

"Let's get it right this time, _Chiyoko,_" he said, scrutinizing her face for a response.

Sakura knew what he was doing, and it was a good idea – the best yet, really. As scared as she was to try again, to make an already awkward situation much worse, if she had a shot to get over her fear of intimacy, it was this.

And she had to be stronger, this time. She couldn't do what she'd done to him before. So she stood on her tiptoes, grabbed his head and yanked his lips onto hers, kissing him with as much fierceness as she could muster.

"I'm Chiyoko," she said, reminding herself.

"Yes," he breathed and kissed her again.

Lips still locked, they backed toward the bed until his knees hit the edge and buckled. They fell together, a tangle of limbs, adrenaline giving them the extra boost of pretense necessary to tear each other's clothes off without the shroud of the past getting in the way.

Once their uniforms were shed, jumbled together on the floor, Chiyoko felt Kakashi falter. She feared he was starting to remember what they were doing, so she extended the genjutsu to cover her scar and any other traces that might remind him – and herself – of what was happening. She pulled him into another long kiss, guiding his hands between her legs, and felt him relax. She was too sensitive for his fingers, but she tried to ignore it.

"You're not ready," Kakashi said. "Let me help you enjoy this."

She hesitated. She had never done what she thought he was implying – not even with _him, _Hiro – and she was scared she would ruin it, shatter the illusion for good.

"I can't hurt you," Kakashi pleaded, and she nodded, trying to quash the panic fluttering inside her as he moved down her body.

She gasped when he buried his head between her legs. His tongue was soft, unlike his fingers. His movements started gently and increased in fervor. Her legs began shaking and she clutched them in embarrassment, biting her lip to keep from crying out. The panic welled in her again, and she resisted the urge to flee.

"I think I'm ready," she said, surprised at how unsteady her voice was.

Kakashi sat up. "Are you sure? I could keep going –"

"No, I'm ready."

He reached over her to fumble in the drawer for a condom. She watched him slide it on and waited for him to enter her, but he hesitated.

"Do you want to get on top?" he asked.

Her eyes widened. "I've never – I don't think I can –"

"Isn't that better? No memories. You can be in control."

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut.

"Call me Chiyoko," she whispered.

"Chiyoko, why don't you get on top?" he said promptly.

She nodded and scooted over, giving him room to lie down. She swung a leg over him and tentatively lowered herself. On the first attempt, he slid to the side. She grabbed his shaft, surprised at its warmth, and guided it inside of her. She just sat there, not sure how to move until he twitched his hips to encourage her.

She slid forward, surprised at the sensation. With _him,_ she had sex that felt good – but never at first. It always hurt at first, even if only a little. She began moving in earnest, trying to forget that there was ever anyone else, trying to forget who she was with now. She was Chiyoko, someone without a past, a blank canvas. She gasped with that thought, arching her back.

Kakashi pushed into her and her breath hitched. She began moving faster and he grabbed her hips, pushing back to meet her pace.

"Slow down," he groaned.

She ignored him.

He didn't stop her. His hands gripped her hips tighter and he pushed deeper into her.

"Slow down," he said again, his hands shaking now, moving up and down her torso.

She sped up.

He thrust into her from below, unable to help himself. The moment seemed to stretch for on, but she did not slow. She felt his erection pulsing inside her. Shortly afterward, he stopped moving, letting his hands fall on the bed.

She slid off of him.

She forced a little smile and whispered, "Finally, we –"

"You know, you could have – I wanted you to –"

"It's okay," she said. "I'm just glad I didn't cry."

He tried to feign cheerfulness, but she could tell it was no use for either of them. The illusion was shattered.

Sakura let the genjutsu go; there was no point anymore. In that moment, both of them remembered who she was anyway.

She slid off the bed, separated her uniform pieces from his, and rewrapped her breasts. She opened her drawer, withdrew a set of civilian clothes, and tried in vain to keep from bending over as she slid them on.

"You can stay, if you want," Kakashi said, though his face told her he wished she would go.

"No, my mother will be worried."

Kakashi winced and Sakura regretted mentioning her mother, all of a sudden feeling more childish.

Eager to change the subject, Sakura said, "Thanks for having my uniform laundered last time. I forgot."

She hadn't forgotten. She'd been avoiding him.

He smiled wryly. He knew she was lying.

"I just dropped it off at the headquarters' launder along with mine. I can do it again if you like."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Sakura straightened her top and ran her hands over her hair, which had stayed mostly neat due to her tight braids.

She grabbed her pack on the way out. As her hand touched the door, she paused.

"See you around."

"Yeah. See you around," Kakashi said.

The minute Sakura was out of his apartment building, she took off towards home at top speed. She burst into her room, stripping off her clothes as she made her way toward her bathroom. She couldn't get in the shower quick enough. As she waited for the spray to warm, it occurred to Sakura that she should have accepted his offer to stay the night. She could have extracted his memory in his sleep.

But secretly, she was glad. Even worse than their first attempt at sex was Sakura's realization of what she had done to him by succumbing to her fears. Extracting that memory, feeling the pain she caused him, was more horrible than actually trying to have sex with him. Sakura wasn't sure she could face that again.

She would have to go down that road again, but not tonight, she thought with relief as she stepped under the shower spray.

She turned her face up into the water, glad that she could pretend she wasn't crying. It took a full minute for reality to truly sink in. Sakura began to scrub herself furiously.

* * *

Sakura waited in Dr. Akiyama's office. His assistant had already asked a litany of questions and then subjected Sakura to her least favorite ultrasound to undergo, which involved a cold piece of plastic inside of her, the pain taking her breath away.

Sakura wasn't able to see the images herself from the stirrups, so she was unusually nervous. She normally knew what any doctor that might treat her would say. Not so this time. Dr. Akiyama unquestionably knew more about the reproductive system than her. Even medical nin, largely ignored it and were given only cursory training in the area.

Sakura always accepted her increasingly painful periods as normal. Her mother was much the same.

And then one day, Ino noticed and asked her about it. Sakura was surprised to realize that Ino's periods didn't slow her down at all. Ino's were quick, light, and only mildly painful.

Not long after that, Sakura had an incident while training with Tsunade: she twisted quickly to avoid a flying boulder and her entire abdomen erupted in pain. Tsunade examined her and told her she had a ruptured ovarian cyst, but she was angry with Sakura for keeping her painful periods from her teacher. Rarely had she seen Tsunade so furious – and for something Sakura understood so little.

Tsunade made her an appointment with Dr. Akiyama, who told her she might have endometriosis. Tsunade put her on standard birth control for kunoichi, a shot that stopped her cycle for a year. She'd been on it until the destruction of Konoha.

Under Tsunade, all kunoichi could get the shot for free, but Danzou cited rebuilding Konoha as more important and took that privilege away. Birth control of any sort was no longer free and Sakura could not afford it.

Sakura had been expecting a period for almost six months now, and when it finally came, it was even worse than she remembered. Sex with Kakashi hurt more than she remembered as well, but she assumed it was because she hadn't been ready. Then, the next day, the pain got worse, a constant ache deep inside her.

It had been so long since she'd had a period that she almost forgot what it was like. The first time she noticed blood in her underwear, she felt a flutter of panic. After a run to the pharmacy, she settled back into bed. She hoped to escape the pain with sleep, but it woke her up only a few hours later, and her mother ran into her room after she cried out.

Her mother, of course, understood, and prepared a hot compress for her right away. Eventually, with her mother petting her hair, Sakura fell asleep. The next day, it was no better. She couldn't eat; the smell of any sort of food turned her stomach. That night, Kakashi paid her a visit.

She knew she was a liability on a mission in that state, but what choice did she have? If even Kakashi wouldn't take her seriously, then who would?

Even worse than having to tell her teammates that she was having trouble with her _period_ was the scene she was forced to make at the hospital. Once again, she had no choice if she wanted to avoid discovery, and manipulated the medics with belligerence until she was allowed into the lab by herself so she could order the tests in care of Haruno Sakura so no one else would see them.

The next day, Dr. Akiyama had done all the tests she really needed and confirmed what Sakura suspected: she'd had a cyst rupture, but this time, it was hemorrhaging.

Finally, Dr. Akiyama entered the room. He was a wizened old man of at least seventy years, but he was the most competent gynecological doctor in Konoha. Originally from the capital, his training was civilian, so he went by the civilian term of "doctor." Despite not being a ninja, Sakura trusted him.

"There's still fluid in your abdomen and cul de sac region surrounding a mass. It was less than before, but there was too much for your body to absorb. How is your pain?"

"Better. The pain pills help, though I avoid them. It's more of a dull ache now. I –" Sakura hesitated. "It was worse yesterday after sexual intercourse."

Sakura blushed furiously, wishing she had just left it out, but the medic in her would not allow her to leave out diagnostic information. Dr. Akiyama could not be less interested in her personal life, which was one of his more attractive qualities, but still, saying it out loud was embarrassing.

Dr. Akiyama frowned. "Let's avoid that until you're all healed up, shall we? If possible, of course," he added, always careful to avoid asking about her ninja duties and what they might entail.

Sakura nodded, still blushing.

"I'm recommending cystectomy to excise the remains," Dr. Akiyama said, matter-of-fact. "I'd also like to expand that to exploratory laparotomy. This is at least your second rupture. It's time to see what we're really dealing with."

Sakura nodded. "When?"

"When it's not bleeding anymore and the fluid is gone. I want to schedule another ultrasound for two weeks from now."

"I can't guarantee my schedule. You know that."

Dr. Akiyama shook his head. "There's no way I can convince you to keep physical activity to an absolute minimum until this is resolved?"

"It is at a minimum, but I don't always control what level 'minimum' is."

"As a medical professional, you know how important it is to –"

Sakura cut him off. "I know."

How could she explain that she'd rather be in pain on a mission than tell Kakashi again and have him look at her like that – or anyone, really? And if their superiors would send _him_ on a mission before he was recovered from his near death poisoning, the chance they would want Sakura off duty was just about nothing.

Dr. Akiyama pursed his thin lips. "As you say. The risk is minimal, but the more you do, the more pain you will have."

Sakura nodded.

"If you will miss the appointment, have a message sent and we'll reschedule."

Sakura stood. "Thanks. I appreciate your understanding, Dr. Akiyama."

"Take care of yourself," he said as she left.

Dr. Akiyama's assistant stopped her on the way out to sign some forms. She signed them and then exited the office, strolling along, presumably looking into shop windows but lost in thought.

Sakura almost always forgot this part. Her hospital was run by the state, so medical nin did not need consent for approved treatment related to other ninja, and billing for them was nonexistent. There were only bills to be paid and paperwork to sign when civilians, like Sakura's mother, came in for treatment. On the other hand, nin had to sign paperwork for treatment at private clinics just as civilians did. But this was for the private clinics to file compensation claims with the state – even private facilities were required to provide state-approved treatment to nin free of charge. However, their compensation from the state was minimal, and private clinics knew their primary compensation for treating nin was the state turning a blind eye to their civilian billing practices.

Civilians living within city limits paid much higher taxes than ninja, who paid almost none. Sakura used to take such benefits for granted before the invasion. Her father had paid the house off when he left to return to his family, so Sakura's mother only had to cover the more basic expenses. Sakura's salary was mostly her own, though she always helped her mother with end of the year taxes.

But then the banks were destroyed and anything recovered was claimed for the restoration. Of course, some people were lucky enough to have bank accounts elsewhere. Sakura had never seen the need.

Those who had enough trustworthy people to vouch that they were landholders, or could produce a deed, were granted land, but assumed all construction costs for themselves. Sakura, who knew that the construction itself cost Konoha almost nothing due to Yamato's ability, resented the inflated costs. At least Sakura's father had the deed and successfully mailed it in. Sakura knew some people had lost their land rights as well.

Many of Konoha's vendors packed up and left, assuming the city would take so long to rebuild, if it ever did, that they would never see a profit again. Others lost everything in the invasion like anyone else. Most lacked capital to start over from scratch.

Shipments stopped coming in to Konoha; the few vendors that were left jacked up the prices of everything. For the first few months, food shipped in from the capital was rationed out to each citizen, but then everyone was left to their own devices and the prices of food skyrocketed as well.

Without businesses, the majority of civilians were left without jobs. Even some of those employed by the state for menial jobs were laid off until full function was restored. As businesses re-opened, civilians scrambled for jobs. Many civilians left Konoha altogether, if they could afford to, like the owners of the soba restaurant Riko cooked for before the invasion.

Though Sakura's mother was still unemployed, she was lucky. Sakura knew that even now, there were some civilians still camping out in the woods, waiting for better times. Even some ninja were struggling. Their active duty stipends had been slashed, but they were assured that mission bonuses would be doubled as compensation.

At least now, missions were fairly steady. After Pain destroyed the city, the casual missions for pay that comprised most of Konoha's income stopped coming in. No one had faith that a Konoha in its current state could complete the missions as they used to. Sakura had been fortunate during this time. Working at the hospital was steady, even though its salary had been lowered as well.

Sakura stopped to look at a tailor's shop advertising the sturdiest uniforms in all of Konoha. A pretty armored combat shirt was on a mannequin with a price tag that made her wince. The lightly armored qipao she'd worn for only the second time in Rain country had been a lucky save from the destruction; she'd never be able to afford such a thing now.

The dress had been a gift from Tsunade for Sakura's sixteenth birthday. She'd worn it once at a hobnobbing party with rich people in Otafaku Gai, to please Tsunade, and then packed it away in a garment bag for safekeeping. The slit was high and it was tight, hugging her curves so much that it made them seem more substantial than they were.

The brazenness of it made Sakura squirm while she wore it, which, of course, had been Tsunade's intention all along. A civilian Sakura hadn't even known found the bag and found her to return it, recognizing her name stitched into the bag. Sakura had cried for a full day at the tiny miracle of its survival.

Sakura froze. How long had it been since she'd visited Tsunade? Months. Sakura had almost forgotten. Trying to ignore the guilt eating at her gut even more than usual, she made her way to the hospital, suddenly eager to see what was left of her mentor.

No one questioned her presence at the hospital, but still, she rushed to Tsunade's room. Out of habit, she took Tsunade's vitals. They were as expected, but she entered them into the chart anyway. She looked at the chart for trends in fluctuation, but what stuck out at her wasn't medical. It was Shizune's handwriting, pages and pages of it, of taking Tsunade's vitals at least ten times a day.

Sakura frowned. This was excessive. It's true that only Shizune, Sakura, and Naruto were allowed to come and go as they pleased, but a core set of nurses, long-tested by time and experience, were allowed in at set times to monitor Tsunade and take care of her. If any of her vitals dipped significantly, a buzzer would sound.

Sakura shook her head. It wasn't her place to interfere with what Shizune needed to do. Sakura sat down next to Tsunade, holding her hand.

"Oh, Tsunade-shishou. What have I done?" Sakura whispered. "I'm screwing everything up."

Tsunade didn't answer, of course. Sakura clasped her mentor's hand, willing it to squeeze back. She needed nothing more than Tsunade's advice right now. Shizune would be scandalized; as much as Sakura loved Shizune, the advice Shizune gave was always what she would do, not necessarily what Sakura should do. And if Shizune had a fault it was that she was a bit of a prude. It didn't matter because Sakura was too embarrassed to tell Shizune, or anyone else for that matter.

But Tsunade would know just the thing to say to make Sakura look at things in a new way.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing," Sakura said. "Things were so much simpler when I was just working at the hospital."

And yet, Sakura knew Tsunade would have scolded her for wishing she could rest on her laurels, doing simple rounds at the hospital for the rest of her life. Tsunade never meant for her to be a hospital medic. Sakura was supposed to be a field medic and hiding in the hospital was a waste of her training.

This reminder of her purpose and realization that she was doing at least one thing Tsunade would be proud of bolstered her confidence to whisper into Tsunade's ear.

"I've slept with Kakashi. Twice." She hesitated before adding, "The worst part is he doesn't even know how much I'm using him."

Sakura waited for telling Tsunade to relieve her, to absolve her of some of the guilt that had been weighing her down for as long as she could remember. When it didn't, Sakura tried to fight back tears, but a single tear escaped and dropped onto Tsunade's withered hand.

All of a sudden, Sakura dropped Tsunade's hand. She couldn't do it – couldn't pretend like this anymore. She'd been avoiding this room for a reason.

Sakura left the room, longing for something to occupy her mind. Dr. Akiyama's wrinkled, disapproving face appeared in her mind's eye. If only she could train in earnest…

On her way out of the hospital, Sakura absentmindedly bumped into Kumatori.

"Sorry about that," she said, and then an idea occurred to her. "Hey, you don't know of any interesting cases I could help with, do you?"

Kumatori smiled. "For you? I think I can find something."

* * *

Though Sakura was momentarily appeased by assisting Kumatori in a simple surgery on a civilian's pinched nerve – and it was really nice of Kumatori to let her, since he didn't need her help – the next day, she was back to being restless. For the first half of the day, she engaged in a light workout. She also furthered her research on the poison she was planning to pair with the genjutsu, which she had started during her stay with Kakashi.

Not even medical research could keep Sakura occupied for long. The bookwork was mostly done. What Sakura needed now was an excuse to work in the lab, but she hadn't thought of anything to convince Shizune yet.

However, after spending an hour trying to "relax" as the doctor ordered, Sakura realized she had an excuse to visit Shizune anyway. Sakura still hadn't given Shizune her birthday present, and it was now embarrassingly late, considering Sakura had been back in town for almost three days.

Sakura dug out the glass globes from her mission pack and wrapped it in the same wrapping paper she'd used for Naruto's birthday present, shoving down a bit of annoyance at having had to ruin the vendor's pretty wrapping to appease Kakashi.

Shizune usually worked the day shift at the hospital, and so should be off by now – but Sakura knew exactly how often Shizune worked overtime. Still, it was nearly dinner time, so Sakura decided to try Shizune's apartment first. After a quick shout to her mother that she was going out, Sakura left.

Sakura was in luck; Shizune answered the door promptly.

"Sakura," she said. "I didn't expect to see you here. Won't I see you at the party?"

Sakura was drawing a blank. "What party?"

"Lee's birthday," Shizune said, frowning. "I saw you had a present, so I thought –-"

Sakura tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace. "I'm probably not invited to Lee's party. This present is for you. I'm sorry I missed your dinner. I was –"

"On a mission," Shizune finished. "I figured. Don't worry about it. Thanks for thinking of me, but will you set that inside somewhere? We're running late."

"But I told you, I'm not invited," insisted Sakura, blushing.

"Of course you're invited. Don't be silly. It was last minute, and you must have been on that mission so no one could reach you. It's just casual, so you won't have to change."

Sakura winced. "You don't understand. The last I saw Lee, he wasn't happy to see me. He -"

"What did you do?" Shizune sighed.

"He asked me on a date, and –"

"You said no?" Shizune pouted. "But he's perfect for you!"

"I said yes." Sakura stared at her feet.

"What happened?" Shizune said warily. "If he was rude, I'll take his gift back."

"He was a perfect gentleman. Don't blame him. I hurt his feelings and I don't want to rub it in by showing up uninvited to his party, that's all."

"You shouldn't have gone on a date with him if you didn't like him, Sakura."

"You think I don't know that already? I thought maybe, if I tried, I could –" Sakura broke off, unable to complete the lie.

She hadn't been trying to return Lee's feelings; she'd been trying to use him, which seemed par for the course these days.

Shizune mistook Sakura's lie for embarrassment. "Oh, don't feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure Lee has forgiven you. It will only be more awkward if you don't go and he finds out you were in the village."

"I don't have a gift," Sakura said, as one last feeble protest.

"Mine doesn't have a card on it. We'll say it's from both of us."

Sakura sighed. "Shizune..."

"Oh, come on! I feel awkward going myself. I barely know Lee! But Gai invited me and I didn't have a reason to say no. And he said I could bring a friend."

"I'm sure he meant a date," Sakura said, rolling her eyes.

"Who cares? You missed my birthday dinner. You owe me," Shizune said, that mischievous look on her face that meant she knew she was about to get her way.

"Fine," Sakura groaned, knowing she was defeated.

Shizune took the wrapped gift from Sakura's hands. "I'll have to open this later. Just let me grab Lee's –"

Shizune opened the closet and a pile of precariously balanced wrapped presents came tumbling out.

"How much did you get him?" Sakura asked incredulously, grabbing one of the gifts.

It had Tsunade's name on it and it was from the Fire Daimyo. Like him, some other officials had sent gifts for Tsunade's last birthday, unsure of the proper protocols in such a situation.

"Shizune, is this one of Tsunade-shishou's birthday presents? I thought we agreed to send them back."

Shizune hurriedly stuffed the packages back into the closet, refusing to look at Sakura. "What if she wakes up? She'll want them. You know how she loves her birthday."

Tsunade loved any excuse to get drunk and receive gifts, it was true, even though she always refused to say how old she was turning. Sakura's stomach ached at the memory. This year, she'd been in Nenzo over Tsunade's birthday, but she knew Shizune and Naruto had a little celebration in Taunade's room.

But Tsunade would never open these presents. Sakura didn't have the heart to tell Shizune that, so she said nothing.

Finally, Shizune was ready to go.

"Where is the party? And what's with all these big birthdays lately? I think Ino started a trend," Sakura asked as they walked.

"Yakiniku Q," Shizune said. "Gai planned it. I think he's trying to compete with Naruto's party."

Sakura chuckled. "Who would want to do that? Naruto's party was boring up until the very end."

"Maybe Lee's will win, then," Shizune said with a shrug.

"I doubt it. At least Naruto's party had alcohol."

Shizune stopped dead, a look of dawning horror on her face. "Wait, you mean there won't be any alcohol?"

Sakura laughed and refused to explain until they got there, driving Shizune crazy.

To Sakura's chagrin, a beaming Gai enthusiastically greeted her at the door. "Sakura-san, what a delight to see you. I inquired about your status and was sad to find you were away on assignment. Lee will be pleased. He asked me to invite you especially."

Shizune elbowed her painfully in the ribs. Sakura smiled weakly.

"Glad I could make it."

Thankfully, this party was much more casual than Naruto's had been. The food was served buffet-style and people milled about, eating and laughing. All of the Rookie Nine except for Shikamaru were here for this one, as well as a few of Sakura's other Academy classmates, like Ami on Kiba's arm.

There were some adults Sakura knew, probably friends of Gai's, and others she didn't recognize, presumably an assortment of Lee's classmates, colleagues, and acquaintances.

Sakura and Shizune grabbed some food and sat down to relax.

"I don't know why these big parties are so popular all of a sudden," Sakura said. "I couldn't afford one even if I wanted one, which I don't. It looks exhausting."

"I was surprised myself," said Shizune. "Lee doesn't have a clan's deep pockets to draw from. Gai must be helping. Jounin of his stature are fairly well off now, with the mission bonuses."

"Your dinner wasn't this crowded, was it?"

"Mine?" Shizune chuckled. "Of course not. It was only Naruto-kun, Oyone, and Kumatori. And you were invited, of course."

"Which one of them was your date?" Sakura teased. "Was it Oyone?"

Shizune blushed. "N-no."

"Oh, come on, Shizune. I know you like him. Why not go out with him?"

"I can't," Shizune said, looking down at her plate. "He was my protégé."

Sakura scoffed. "Oh, come off it. Kumatori is your protégé, not Oyone. You and Tsunade-shishou recognized his potential and gave him some special instruction, but he's your age, Shizune. Isn't he a couple of years older, in fact? Plus, he has a totally unique specialty that you didn't have anything to do with. He invented the bone-knitting jutsu before you even came to the village."

Shizune was still blushing furiously. "I don't agree, but even so, we work so closely together. If it went sour, what then? I don't think it's right and that's all there is to it."

Sensing Shizune clamming up, Sakura changed the subject. "I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Can I get into the poison lab this week? I'm working on something new."

Shizune hesitated. "Well, you know I'm not your direct superior so I can't approve the creation of a new poison."

"I know. I'll pay for the supplies. That's standard for personal usage, isn't it?"

"Yes. That's fine, then. So what do you have in mind?" Shizune leaned forward in interest, all embarrassment forgotten.

"Something fairly safe," Sakura said. "I want something that incapacitates but doesn't do lasting harm. It should make the mind malleable for manipulation, but leave no trace."

"Is toxicology a concern?" Shizune asked.

"Not really, since the idea is that the target won't detect anything amiss once he wakes up."

Sakura and Shizune talked details until Gai made the announcement that Lee would be opening presents now.

"So what did we get him?" Sakura asked.

"Some new soldier pills Akamichi Kunio's been working on that have gentler side effects. Do you think Lee will like them? I just guessed." Shizune's brow furrowed in worry.

"No, that's good," assured Sakura. "He loves training hard and besides, everyone needs soldier pills in case of an emergency."

Shizune nodded. "Kuniko is still a junior medic, you know, but I think she has potential in poison and medicine crafting. Do you remember her?"

"She's around nineteen or twenty, right? A little skinny for an Akamichi? Chouji's cousin or something."

Shizune nodded. "Once removed, I believe. She helps with her clan's signature pills and has started branching off. I think I'm going to recommend her to be a lab assistant. She's no big loss to the hospital, except we'll be even more short-staffed without her."

"I really hope some of this next batch of Academy graduates are interested in being career medic nin. I was hoping the new curriculum would get us more recruits than it has."

"Iruka requested me as a substitute a while back. I never even heard about it from you know who," Sakura said, suddenly remembering.

"You know," Shizune said pensively, "I bet if you were to make an appearance and encourage the students, we might get a recruit or two. I'll talk to Iruka and see what I can do."

Shizune stood up abruptly and walked away.

"Now? Okay then," Sakura said, rolling her eyes.

Once Shizune got something in her mind, she was unstoppable.

Sakura got up as well, hoping to find Naruto, but he was in the crowd watching Lee open presents, so instead she sat down next to Sai, who was by himself.

"Good evening, Sakura," he said politely.

Sakura frowned slightly. That was stiff even for Sai.

"Are you all right? You've been acting weird lately."

"I am fine," he said, but it wasn't very convincing.

"You're not. Is it D—" Sakura broke off, remembering she had to be careful with what she said. "Is it living in the Root compound after the invasion? The group is now operational again, right?"

"The compound is cheap lodging, and the program is no longer recruiting, and so is only partly operational."

Sakura was relieved. Now no one could stop Danzou from brainwashing more orphans if he wanted. Perhaps he was scared of another public backlash if the activity were discovered.

"What is it, then? I know it's something. Is it Naruto? You've been avoiding him lately, right?"

Sai pursed his thin lips.

"What did he do? You know he's a doofus, right? He didn't mean it," Sakura said.

"He surpassed me," Sai said, looking beyond Sakura.

Sakura's blood ran cold.

"What?" she whispered. "He's surpassed everyone else in Konoha too, maybe even everyone else in the world. You know that. Why do you care?"

Sai's brow furrowed. "I've done something wrong."

"You sound like Sasuke. He thought Naruto might be surpassing him and hated him for it. Sasuke went crazy – left the village – said he –" Sakura broke off.

Sai's eyes widened. "I don't hate Naruto."

"Then what is it?" Sakura said, trying to calm her racing heart.

Sai wasn't Sasuke; she should have known better.

"How can two people be friends when one is superior to the other?" Sai said, looking away.

"How are you friends with Kakashi, then? Or Yamato-taichou?"

Sai's brows knit in confusion. "Friends? They are my superiors."

Sakura sighed. "You can be friends with your superiors too. You outrank me. Are we still friends?"

Sai hesitated. "You are a highly rated medic. You would best me in close range combat, but not in a distance battle. We are equals in a different way."

It finally dawned on Sakura. "This is about that sparring match, isn't it?"

Sai didn't answer.

"Sai, in Root, how do two people interact if one is of stronger ability than the other?"

"The weaker party defers to the stronger," he said matter-of-factly.

"What about outside of duty?" Sakura asked.

Sai stated at her blankly.

"Sai, there's a difference between how you act on official business, like a mission, and how you act in social situations. For example, if Yamato-taichou asked you to jump on one foot and you were on a mission, you'd have to do it. If he asked you to do it right now, at this party, you could tell him to go stuff himself."

"Yamato-taichou is not here tonight," Sai said.

Sakura suppressed the urge to throttle Sai. "It was just an example."

"You still call him captain even though we're not on a mission."

"It's just a habit. I don't have to if I don't want to."

"You don't call Kakashi sensei anymore," Sai pointed out.

Sakura fought a blush.

"Naruto doesn't care about all that," Sakura said, averting the subject. "You've hurt his feelings, avoiding him all this time. He misses you."

Sai didn't respond, but Sakura could tell he was thinking about what she said. She hoped he got over it soon, but pushing him to make up with Naruto wasn't going to do any good. She patted Sai's hand and got up, leaving him to his thoughts.

Sakura joined the present opening crowd, presumably to admire the new uniform that Gai had given Lee. Even though it looked exactly the same as his current uniform just with better armor, it looked it was worth a fortune.

Really, though, Sakura didn't care about Lee's presents, though she was glad he seemed to be enjoying his party. Sakura squeezed in next to Ino and Chouji.

"Hi, Sakura," Ino said, smiling brightly.

Chouji nodded in greeting, but wouldn't meet Sakura's eyes. Sakura frowned. There was another friendship she'd ruined…

"Hi," Sakura replied. "So where's Shika? He's the only one of us missing tonight."

"He's in _Suna_," Ino said, rolling her eyes. "They sent some other envoy, early on, but then Suna requested Shikamaru to be an ongoing diplomat throughout the war. He's Konoha's official representative in Suna. He got promoted to jounin and everything."

"Good for him. I'm surprised he's not working on tactics here, though," Sakura said.

"I guess he was, but now he's doing it from Suna or something," Ino said. "But you know why they requested him, don't you? I'd be surprised if he's doing much else besides being Temari's plaything."

Chouji frowned. "That's not nice, Ino. They're in love, and having such a strong bond with Suna can only help us now."

"I know," Ino sighed. "But you know this means we'll never go out as a team for the _whole war_, right?"

Sakura winced. That meant Ino was likely to continue with the seduction missions.

"We should all go where we're most needed," Chouji said stoically.

Sakura shook her head. She knew no one missed Shikamaru more than Chouji.

"Another one of us is a jounin now, though," Sakura said to change the subject. "First Naruto, now Shikamaru. Who's next, do you think?"

"Don't forget Neji," said Ino. "And Kiba is a special jounin now, didn't you hear? He got promoted last week. He's leading some special scouting squad. They're based in Konoha now, but with the war and all, they might move. Who knows?"

"Wow, Kiba too?" Sakura said, incredulous. "And, of course, Neji and Sai."

"Chouji should be a jounin already," Ino said, making Chouji blush. "He's really strong. You should see him fight."

Chouji waved her off.

"I'm sure Chouji will be promoted soon. My bet is Lee and Tenten aren't too far behind, probably."

Suddenly remember what she'd come over for, Sakura said, "Speaking of Tenten, we should go catch up with her, don't you think, Ino?"

Ino looked puzzled for a minute and then caught on. "Yeah. Let's see what she's been up to lately."

Ino and Sakura threaded their way out of the crowd, which was slowly dissipating after the last of the presents had been opened.

"I'm making progress on the physiological effects for the genjutsu," Sakura whispered. "It will be a poison. It should be easier to administer if you're immune, just like anything else, but –"

"Injectable?" Ino asked.

"Maybe, but I want it to trigger the release of dopamine and oxytocin, so we'll have to test it to make sure it doesn't cloud your judgment, you know?"

"Dopamine and oxytocin… Those are hormones, right? Why those?"

"They're neurotransmitters, actually. Its release is associated with orgasm," Sakura explained. "They're relaxing. They increase arousal and bonding instincts, so it might make the target more trusting. But it could make _you_ more trusting as well, and that's not ideal. In theory, I think the response would be reduced over time, but I need to test it in the lab. If not, I can maybe introduce a subverting agent, but we'll have to see. I got lab time this week, so it's now or never – and it's just about time for our six month increase as well."

"We need to set up a time with Tenten, then. I see. What about Hinata?"

"We can fill her in later after I secure the supplies. It might take a little while. It's going to have to come out of pocket this time."

Sakura looked for Tenten; she was with Gai, Neji, Lee and didn't look like she planned to part with them anytime soon. The same thought seemed to have occurred to Ino.

"You know what? I'll find her later and let her know. You just get started and we'll make sure you're compensated, okay?"

Sakura nodded. "I don't need anything from you. I owe you already. I wouldn't ask for anything from Tenten if I didn't need to, you know. I feel so bad begging like this –"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Begging? You're doing something for us that we could never do for ourselves, you idiot. You're making us things. Why shouldn't we pay for the ingredients? You should get paid for your time as well. Don't look at me like that. I won't try to pay you a wage, but I _will_ pay for my share of the expenses. You don't owe me anything, no matter what you say."

Sakura opened her mouth to protest, but Ino just smiled. "Do you want to argue over money or hear about the latest news about Neji and Tenten?"

Sakura sighed, giving up. "Tell me."

"She says he rejected a date from a waitress at that place by the Academy."

"The one with the good tempura?"

"Yeah, that one. Tenten says the girl is really pretty, too. She didn't expect to be turned down, that's for sure, because she kicked them out of the restaurant!"

Sakura giggled. "But why did he say no? I thought he wanted a civilian!"

"_He_ says he could tell she had a bad attitude, but that's pretty rich coming from Neji, and Tenten says the girl was nice before he rejected her."

"Why don't they just get together?" Sakura said. "It's painfully obvious."

"I know," Ino said, "but you can't tell them that. Tenten is still convinced he doesn't like her, and he's still convinced … well, who knows with him. He's an idiot, obviously."

"What do you think about Ami and Kiba?" Sakura asked, smiling mischievously.

"I know! Whoever thought he'd settle down anytime soon?"

"So you think so too? That he's settled down, you mean?" Sakura thought of what Kakashi said.

"Yeah, I do. I mean, look at them together. It's pretty funny, actually."

Sakura remembered Ino's reaction to Naruto and Hinata compared to this and smiled. Ino was definitely happier these days, in spite of everything. Sakura continued chatting and gossiping with Ino while dessert was served. Then she spotted Kakashi and Lee together, chatting not five feet away from Sakura. Her stomach clenched. What were they saying to each other? What if they mentioned her?

Sakura made a lame excuse to Ino, saying she was tired, and she slipped out of the restaurant. As she walked home, she began to calm down. Of course Lee and Kakashi weren't talking about her. Why would they be? She chose carefully to avoid that sort of thing. What a silly overreaction. Lee had just made the rounds to thank everyone for coming and it had been rude to leave without talking to him. Still, she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision.

Once home, Sakura sank back into her poison research. Now that she had gone back and forth with Shizune, Sakura had some tweaks to make.

The rest of the week and beyond was spent in kind with long hours at the lab, creating the poison and then administering it to a number of rats to observe the effects. It was actually much quicker and easier than creating a poison for official Konoha usage, which required extensive documentation and had an official protocol that Sakura wasn't forced to follow on her own time. It also left less of a paper trail; Sakura had told Shizune only that she was looking for an incapacitating agent. This allowed Sakura to experiment with neurotransmitters without anyone else knowing, the ideal situation.

When creating something new, Sakura became consumed by it. She spent very little time on anything else. The first time she gave any thought to the predicament she got herself into with Kakashi was when he showed up on her balcony in the middle of the night with a mission scroll in his hand.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Is this for real?"

He nodded, saying nothing.

They were going to assassinate the Earth Daimyo.


	21. The I in We

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay in posting! My life and my editor's life got very busy, unfortunately, though in the interrim I have finally purchased a new computer, which will aid me greatly. I owe SpikeDee so much for all his help with this story! Without him, it would be a jumbled mess. Thanks to my invaluable medical consultants for this chapter, Persephonae and saporovirus. Additional thanks to mikeytron and LolaLot, the latter of which has lots of excellent KakaSaku published that you should check out. The newest chapter of _Behind the Porcelain Mask_ is recently out and the story bears my seal of recommendation.

As a reward for waiting so long, and for breaking the 150 review mark, I have made a fanmix (album) to narrate this story. The details, including a free download, are available on my livejournal (tiredbuthyper), with links in my profile. If you are very smart boys and girls, you can get some hints of spoilers from the content of this fanmix. :)

From here on out, I hope to be able to stick to a strict 2-week update schedule. Without further ado...

* * *

Sakura spent the night preparing for the mission starting early in the morning. She first rushed to Ino's and knocked. It took what felt like ages until a sleepy Inoichi answered.

"You. What do you want?" he grunted.

"I need to see Ino. I'm sorry it's so late, but –"

"So, come back in the morning!" He tried slamming the door, but Sakura reached out to stop him.

"I'm sorry for what I said before," Sakura said. "But please. You have to know I'd never come here like this if it weren't important."

Inoichi glared at her. It was clear he didn't like her – a painful fact to face after he was so friendly with her throughout her childhood – but then he became distant to her when she became an interrogator, and things escalated when Ino's troubles began. However, he loved his daughter, and Sakura knew he would eventually bring Ino downstairs.

After a moment of contemplation, Inoichi went to fetch his daughter. Ino yawned as she stumbled down the stairs in a baggy t-shirt.

"What is it, Sakura? This better be good."

Sakura waited for Inoichi to leave the room so they could have some privacy, but the look he gave her told her he wasn't going anywhere. Sakura sighed.

"I need you to feed the rats."

"What? No way!" Ino said, recoiling. "Rats?"

"At the lab. Normally, the lab techs would do it, but I already bought the rats and they're not supposed to interfere now. They'll die, Ino, and then the experiments will be ruined, and we'll have to start all over. It's a waste."

Ino stared at her, blinking, her tired mind processing the situation. "All right. What do I do?"

"You just have to chuck a bit of food and water in their containers twice a day and write down observations on each one. I'd appreciate if you ran labs on them, but then you'd have to touch them—"

Ino turned pale. "I have to _touch_ them?"

"I'd rather you did, but if you really can't bear to do it, I think I have enough basic information to go on, if you just write down any significant behaviors observable by the eye."

"Okay. How do I get in? Don't you have to be, like, approved or something?"

"You'll have to transform into me, just a basic visual. Shizune would probably give you approval if you begged, but it would take too long."

Sakura handed her a little slip of paper she had prepared. "Here's my access code."

Inoichi cleared his throat. "That's illegal. I don't appreciate you barging in here and bullying my daughter into your schemes to –"

"_Dad_!" Ino turned and cut him off. "Shut up."

"Excuse me?" he spluttered, the lack of Ino's usual deference draining the blood from his face.

"I asked you to recommend me to your department," Ino said. Her voice was low, trembling with more anger than Sakura had ever heard from her. "I asked you for help. You said no."

Inoichi looked as if Ino punched him in the gut.

"Sakura is the only one who will help me no matter the cost. She's beggared herself to help me. Do you know that, Dad? And yet you treat her like this. Why?"

"I didn't beggar myself," Sakura protested weakly.

"You shut up too, Sakura," Ino snapped. "I know what those papers were worth."

After a minute of silence, Ino repeated, "Dad. Why?"

"I – she – she isn't setting a good example for you," Inoichi said in an awkwardly transparent attempt at saving face.

"The Hokage's apprentice isn't setting a good example for me," Ino said flatly. "And how is that?"

"That's not all she is," Inoichi said. "She's – do you know she's tortured people, Ino? And she wants you to do the same."

"Yes, I do know that. I also know you tortured people, Dad."

Inoichi winced and Sakura's eyes narrowed. So that's what this was about.

"Sakura hates being an interrogator, Dad. And you know what? I would too. But it would be better. Don't you see?"

A tear escaped Inoichi's eye, trailing down his cheek. "You think it would be better. But it wouldn't. It will change you, Ino."

"I'm already changed, Dad," Ino said, more softly.

Inoichi shook his head. "You'll get through this, Ino. You're a tough girl."

"I'm trying to get through this. Staying where I am won't help me." Ino turned back to Sakura. "How long do I have to keep feeding the rats?"

Sakura hesitated. "I – I don't know. If I'm not back within a month, let them go in the woods – and take care of my mother."

"Why wouldn't you be back within a month?"

Sakura didn't answer.

"Sakura, don't be like that. You'll be back."

Sakura shrugged. "It's war. Things happen."

Ino's eyes widened. "Your mission must be dangerous."

Sakura looked down at her feet, curling her toes. "I can't talk about it. Don't tell anyone. Especially Naruto. Please."

"I won't," Ino promised. "You can trust me."

Sakura's eyes darted to Inoichi. It was stupid, speaking so candidly in his presence. She didn't think he would report her breaches of conduct to Danzou, but one could never know.

"I have to go," Sakura whispered and turned to leave, but was almost bowled over by Ino's sudden hug.

"You be safe, Forehead."

"You too, Pig."

* * *

The rest of the night was a blur of packing and a last-minute purchase of ration bars from the only twenty-four hour store in Konoha. It was all the way across town. There had been more before the invasion, but not anymore.

Sakura left a note for her mother, saying she would be "out of town," their code for "on a mission." The note said not to worry, but she knew Riko would anyway. Sakura wanted to wake her mother up to say goodbye, but she knew Riko would see right through her. Sakura couldn't risk leaving her mother in a distressed state for who knows how long, like last time.

When Sakura finally arrived at Kakashi's apartment, she let herself in. She tried not to wake Kakashi, though she knew she probably would anyway. Despite the hour, though, he was not asleep.

"You're early," he said from his customary position on the bed with one knee propped up and hands behind his head.

"Did you get a chance to launder my uniform?" she said, crossing to her drawer.

He nodded.

"When do I get a second one? I don't have any to change into in case something happens to this one."

"When you're ANBU, presumably."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "So when pigs fly, then."

She changed into her uniform in the bathroom and emerged as Chiyoko. She put her civilian clothes in the drawer. The whole routine was quickly becoming a habit, Sakura realized, and slammed the drawer on the thought.

"So what now?" she said.

Kakashi shrugged. "Try and get some sleep. You'll need it."

He politely scooted over on the bed, making room for her. Sakura stared at him in disbelief, but he rolled over, presumably to try and rest himself.

Tentatively, Sakura lay on the bed, careful not to touch him. Even though Kakashi seemed relaxed enough beside her, drifting off to sleep in just a few minutes, Sakura was intensely aware of where she was and who she was with. She tried to sleep, but thoughts kept racing through her mind.

_Why were they going to kill the Earth Daimyo? How likely were they to succeed? What kind of backlash would it cause, even if they did?_

Sakura eventually convinced herself it was just like a mission, where she and Kakashi routinely slept near one another. She hadn't gotten much sleep before Kakashi woke her to give her the mission, and her eyes grew heavy.

She woke to the smell of breakfast. _Kakashi doesn't cook,_ Sakura thought before she realized he apparently went to the corner store he liked and bought sandwiches. She got up and strapped on her various pouches before crossing to the kitchen table and taking the sandwich he left for her.

He was leaning against the stove, mask down, chewing his sandwich slowly. "Your hair looks different," he said after a while.

Sakura ran her hands over her brown braids self-consciously. "My mom didn't do it this time, so the braids are looser. Is it still all right?"

Kakashi shrugged, already having lost interest. Sakura should have known better than to ask how her hair looked, like he would know. After they finished their food, Kakashi walked to the door, obviously expecting her to follow. She snatched her pack up and ran after him.

"It's still kind of early," Sakura said, looking at the sky, which was only now beginning to lighten.

Kakashi shrugged. "We'll wait."

He was antsy now, fidgeting uncharacteristically. Sakura frowned. Something was wrong. He was never early. Even she couldn't throw off his schedule _that_ much. They arrived at the rendezvous point, but the others weren't there yet. Sakura and Kakashi waited in tense silence.

"You didn't say anything to Naruto, did you?" Kakashi eventually asked.

"No," Sakura said. "Did you?"

"No," he said, with no sign of relief.

"I didn't – I didn't think it would help him to say goodbye. He would only worry, and maybe come after us or stop us. This is important, right? It has to work, no matter what."

Kakashi tersely nodded.

Seeing Kakashi like this tightened the anxious knots in Sakura's stomach. Until now, she'd been almost successful at convincing herself she was overstating the danger of the mission, but she knew that when Kakashi was worried, it was serious.

She couldn't take it anymore. There was only one thing she knew of that might soothe him a little.

"Why don't you go visit the memorial?" she said.

He looked at her, surprised. "I could – I might lose track of time."

"I'll come find you if you do. I'll make some excuse. Just go."

He nodded and took off in a blur. Of course that was what he wanted all along. Sakura should have known.

Shiori was the next to show. Her shoulders were tense. She nodded a greeting to Sakura but said nothing. Ryoji was next.

"Yo, Mousey," he said. "I brought you some breakfast."

He tossed her a chunk of cheese. Reflexively, she caught it, staring at it blankly. He had knocked this stuff off lately. _He really has some nerve,_ she thought, _after I covered for him last mission._ She smashed the cheese under her heel in a fit of anger, ignoring the instincts that told her not to be wasteful.

"Ryoji!" said Shiori.

"What?" he laughed. "I thought it was a nice gesture!"

Sakura ignored him, scanning the tree line for Kakashi.

"The captain's late again, huh?" Ryoji asked.

"Looks like it," sighed Shiori.

Sakura started going through various excuses in her mind about why she, Chiyoko, would know where Kakashi was to go and fetch him, but before she had decided on one, he came into view.

"Have you all read the brief carefully?" he said by way of greeting.

Sakura nodded along with the others. This wasn't one of the vague briefs, where the specifics were left up to the teams. This one was precise, down to the hour. Sakura would never know for sure, but if she had to guess, Intelligence had just found out that the Earth Daimyo was going to be in relatively unprotected Stone Country and acted quickly, sending the best available team as immediately as possible.

They no doubt received this assignment – and the one in Suna as well – because of Kakashi. They were not the average missions for the average ninja.

They left the village, pausing only long enough for Kakashi to make a pathway through the barrier. They traveled hard and fast through Fire Country and stopped just on the border to make camp.

"I'll dig the latrines," Shiori said, taking the most unpleasant task for herself. "I don't want to hear you two arguing, so Ryoji, you go gather firewood. Chiyoko can look for water."

Sakura nodded, thankful, and took off. She soon found a small stream. The water running over her hands numbed them as she filled her canteen. It was colder than she expected, reminding her that it was truly winter now. When they passed into Ame, there would probably be snow. In Stone, there definitely would be. Sakura did not bring a jacket of any sort; the thought had slipped her mind, and she wouldn't have known what type was allowed anyway.

After adding a tablet to the water to make it safe to drink, Sakura returned to camp to report the location of the stream.

"She won't listen," Ryoji was saying. "She's barely making ends meet now. What will she do when the widow's stipend runs out?"

"She's not your responsibility," Shiori replied. "If she doesn't want your help, there's nothing you can do about it."

"But he would have –"

When Sakura entered the camp, Ryoji broke off abruptly. She was used to it. Shiori was nice to her, but didn't go out of her way to include Sakura. Ryoji, on the other hand, _did_ go out of his way to make her feel unwelcome. Kakashi ignored her completely unless they were alone.

"There's a stream to the northwest," Sakura said, trying to hide her sullenness.

Kakashi cleared his throat and Sakura's eyes flew to him, all petty annoyance forgotten. He was about to speak, which meant it was official business.

"Let's review our positions for tomorrow night. The Earth Daimyo will be attending a banquet in the High Stone Priest's honor in the center temple of the city. Has anyone ever been there?"

They all shook their heads.

"Apparently, we can't miss it, because it has the highest spires in the city. I assume you've memorized the blueprints already, but review them tonight before you rest or during your watch. I'll take third watch. Cat, you take first, Tiger second, and Mouse fourth. There will be no one doubling on shifts tonight, though you may trade if you wish. We all need to be at our most alert tomorrow. Is that clear?"

They nodded in unison.

"Are there any questions about the game plan?"

No one spoke at first, but Shiori eventually asked, "So you're posing as a waiter? How is it they won't recognize you?"

Kakashi sighed. "That's a tricky part. I'm going to do a genjutsu to cover my eye, but it's safer to dye and cut my hair…"

Sakura held back a smirk. She was actually better at something than Kakashi for once.

"Assuming all goes as planned, and the waiter job is prepared for me as the missive states, it's all quite simple. I'll incapacitate two junior servers and let you two in the servant's entrance, where you will take the servers' place for the night. You're there merely as backup to help extricate me after I make my move. The room should be full of dignitaries and priests, so I don't anticipate much trouble, but you never know."

"How do we know how to be servers at some fancy place?" Ryoji asked.

"You two are posing as trainees, so any mistakes you make shouldn't make too much fuss. Just observe. As for me, I was prepped by Toriichi Keiko herself."

"The Bloody Geisha?" Ryoji cackled. "Tell me – is she as good in the sack as they say?"

Kakashi shot him a withering glare; Ryoji's smile faded.

"What about opposition? What should we expect?" Shiori asked, changing the subject after elbowing Ryoji in the ribs.

"Not much. Ishigakure will have a guard present, of course, but most of their numbers are shoring up the Wind border at the moment. The Earth Daimyo will have his own guard of Rock nin, of course. Our intelligence says the guards will be placed near the doors and lining the back wall. None of them should be able to interfere. Getting out will be the hard part."

"And what do I do?" Sakura asked.

She bit off the "Twiddle my thumbs?" she wanted to add.

"You'll be stationed on the roof, watching for which entrance we come out of and making sure the exit is clear from the outside. After you hear the commotion, stand by the door that will make the clearest getaway and stop masking your chakra. I'll find you."

Sakura nodded, appeased. It appeared even she had a purpose this time.

"Why aren't we assassinating the High Stone Priest as well?"

Kakashi shrugged. "To make a statement? To strong arm Stone to our side? Simply to minimize risk? That isn't our call."

"Do we really have to kill someone in a temple?" whined Ryoji. "It feels bad, like spitting on an ancestor's memorial."

"Not our call," Kakashi repeated, pursing his lips. Sakura could tell he didn't like it either.

Suddenly, something occurred to Sakura. "Your hair is still silver."

He scowled at her. "Yes."

"Well, when is it going to _not_ be silver?"

"Right now," he snapped, grabbing something from his pack and abruptly heading for the stream.

Sakura giggled. "I wonder if he needs help?"

Shiori couldn't suppress a giggle either. "I think he might."

"Well, don't look at me," Ryoji said. "He looked mad."

Sakura stood up. "I'll go. It's sort of my fault."

Sakura followed Kakashi and found him squinting to read the instructions on a packet of dye in the failing light. She couldn't help but giggle again.

He glared at her, but it didn't deter her.

"Let me," she said. "I know you have no idea what you're doing."

"I've dyed my hair before," he said defensively.

"Really? When was that?"

He didn't answer.

"Come on," she said. "It's hard to do yourself. I've dyed my mom's hair loads of times."

He sighed and handed her the package.

"Take off your vest and eye wrap," she said, and he complied, dropping first his armor to the forest floor and then unwinding the bandages that covered his Sharingan.

Sakura took out some petroleum jelly from her medical pouch and rubbed it along his hairline.

"What's that?" he snapped, twisting out of her reach.

"Oh, shut up, you big baby. If you're all stained up, it will be obvious you dyed your hair, which will defeat the purpose, won't it?"

He didn't question her after that, even when she separated his hair into four parts with bobby pins. She poured the dye into the applicator bottle and shook, mixing the liquids together. Then she evenly applied the solution, admiring the pale puce shade that was beginning to emerge. She wiped off the excess with her gloved hands and some cold water.

"Now what?" he asked.

"You have to leave it in for a half an hour," she said.

"What?" he spluttered, turning to face her, his bunched, coated hair waving. "That long?"

"Yes, that long. Shall we wait here or go back to camp?"

He scowled, not moving an inch. Sakura bit her lip to suppress a laugh. _I have to tell Naruto about this one day,_ she thought.

She stared into the whirls and eddies of the stream, trying to keep her mind blank.

After only a few minutes, Kakashi spoke in a low voice. "_What_ did you _do_?"

Sakura started, blinking. "Pardon?"

"Whatever you did, you had better undo it. My hair is going to fall out."

Alarmed, Sakura stood and inspected his head, which seemed to her to be perfectly normal, even covered in a slowly purpling helmet. "No, it's not. It's going to turn brown."

He stared at her, Sharingan whirring and dark eye blazing. "This isn't right. You messed something up."

Tentatively, she looked closer, touching his scalp between the bunches of hair. He winced.

"It hurts?" she asked, frowning. "What does it feel like?"

"It _feels_ like it's seeping into my skull. They're expecting a man with brown hair and when I show up –"

She poked him in his blind spot when he closed his Sharingan eye and he didn't even notice.

"It feels like it's _tingling_, you mean?" Sakura hissed, breathing deeply through her nose in an attempt to calm herself.

"It's not supposed to –"

Sakura lifted her hands away from his skull in a valiant effort not to crush it. "Yes, it is. It is definitely supposed to feel like that, Kakashi, which you would _know_ if you read the instructions. Or if you'd ever had your hair dyed before, you liar."

Kakashi froze, the simmering anger dropping from his features like they were never there. He smiled, eyes upturned in the gesture she knew well.

"Oh. All right then."

Sakura muffled a little scream of frustration and flopped bank down on the bank of creek.

The rest of the thirty minutes passed in silence; Sakura allowed Kakashi to sulk, figuring it was better to let him brood about his hair than to think about tomorrow.

Instead, she picked some long reeds from the stream bank, ignoring the slimy coolness on her fingers. She wove the reeds into a crown, thinking of when she and Ino used to play princesses when they were little. A handsome shinobi would always come save them. Sakura cast the crown into the stream and watched it float away.

Finally, she stood up, stretching the stiffness from her bones where the damp had settled in.

"Time to wash out," she said. "Then time to condition."

"Men don't need that," he said, lumbering over to her, a pout on his face so distinct she could see it even beneath his black mask.

"Men that dye their hair do," Sakura teased. "It comes in the package for a reason, and more men should condition anyway – including you. Your hair is so rough it scratches me sometimes."

Ignoring Kakashi's glare, Sakura unclipped his hair, leaving it a frightful mess that half stood up and half fell stiffly to the side.

"All right. On your knees," she said, almost successful in keeping the chuckle out of her voice.

His moue deepened at her turn of phrase, but he complied, kneeling at the stream bank.

"Do you want to do this, or shall I?"

He didn't answer, but dunked his entire head into the water at once and began to scrub. He came up for air and looked at the stream first, then at his hands, and then at her. His pout was gone, replaced by a tense jaw and lips thinned into a straight line.

"This is – you – how could you –"

Once again, Sakura was at a loss. "How could I what?"

"Be so incompetent!" he spat. "It's _purple_!"

"No, it's brown," she said, going stiff.

"Sakura, I'm not blind," Kakashi said, gesturing at her with hands covered in traces of dye. "This might as well be the color of eggplant. I don't have any more dye and you –"

Sakura tried to keep control of herself, her nails ripping holes through her rubber gloves, but she lost the battle when she was stupid enough to look directly into his querulous face.

"You petulant little_ man child_!" she all but screeched, struggling to keep her voice down. "The _dye_ is purple, but your _hair_ is brown, and if you say one more word, I swear, I will –"

"You'll what?" he said, face suddenly blank as he stared back at her.

It would have been intimidating if he weren't shivering from the cold and wet.

"Nothing," she said, slowly releasing her balled fists.

He was her superior and they were on a mission – an important one – so no matter how much of an idiot he was being, she just had to put up with it. She fetched his vest and bandages and handed them to him.

"Let's go back to camp," she said with a sigh. "The fire should be going by now to warm you up."

He nodded, filled his canteen, and followed her back to camp. They were truly on the last of the light by now, and the fire highlighted Kakashi's new hairdo, plastered to his head with water. He seemed miserable, and seeing him like this in front of the others made her forget how annoying he was and remember how ridiculous he looked. Sakura bit her lip again, but Ryoji couldn't suppress a chuckle which he disguised as a cough.

"It looks brown," Shiori said politely. "Have you cut it yet?"

Without warning, Kakashi grabbed a kunai from his leg pouch, grasped his hair, and hacked a big chunk of it away.

"There," he grunted, tossing his shorn hair into the fire with a hiss. "Done."

When the stench of burning hair assaulted Sakura's nose, she couldn't help it. She laughed. The look he shot her would have had her in tears as a genin.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom," she said quickly, slinking off to the woods to laugh in peace.

When she returned, Kakashi was glowering in front of the fire while Shiori fixed his hair up with a tiny pair of scissors that looked like it came from a sewing kit.

"I used to cut my brother's hair all the time," Shiori assured. It didn't appear to comfort Kakashi.

When Shiori was finally finished, she sat down and opened a ration bar. Everyone else followed suit. It was getting late.

Sakura took a bite of hers and spat it out immediately. "Gross!"

She stared at the bar in horror.

"What, not cheesy enough for you? That was good cheese I brought you earlier, you know," Ryoji quipped.

Sakura glared at him, despite her blush of embarrassment. "It's – I bought new rations last night because I only had one left… I guess I wasn't paying attention and bought a hot pepper flavor."

Ryoji sniggered. "Better luck next time."

Shiori looked down at her half eaten rations. "It's not much, but you can have the rest of mine. We'll trade."

Sakura hesitated. "Didn't you say you dislike spicy food?"

Shiori shrugged. "Obviously not as much you do."

"No thanks," Sakura shook her head. "I'll just … eat it."

Despite her brave words, Sakura couldn't bring herself to do it, opting instead to stare at it, willing it to change into something edible.

Kakashi sighed and handed over his ration bar, of which only a bite was gone. Sakura swapped with him, relieved.

"Thanks," she said, mouth full of miso-flavored rations.

Ryoji guffawed. "So you'll take _his_, huh?"

Sakura blushed, realizing her mistake. She would never swap food, let alone with pieces bitten off, with an acquaintance. It was odd for someone like Chiyoko to act so familiar with the imposing team captain.

Shiori was eyeing her strangely.

Kakashi shrugged, obviously not thinking as much of it as Sakura. "I like hot food. It's important that all of us get our nourishment."

"I'm going to bed," Sakura announced suddenly, going off to the side and setting up her bedroll.

Surreptitiously, she swallowed a pain pill with a swig from her canteen. She was feeling the day's run in her abdomen now but didn't want anyone to know. Shiori followed her, ostensibly to set up her own bedroll.

"Are you all right?" she asked quietly.

"I'm fine," Sakura answered, rolling over to face her. "Why?"

Shiori frowned. "Last mission – you refused to be treated in the hospital, and you seem okay now, but I was just wondering if everything turned out all right."

"Oh, right," Sakura said, trying to hide her embarrassment at having had to act childishly to avoid detection of her secret identity. "I was a little delirious during that time… Sorry about that. I did get treated the next day. I have a regular doctor for that sort of thing."

"What was it? I mean, I have periods like any other woman, but never like that…"

"I had a cyst on my ovary and it burst, but I feel much better now."

"I'm glad to hear that," Shiori said, then leaned a little closer. "I'm sorry about Ryoji. You must not be able to tell, but he's a good person. He's just having a hard time with some things… I'll talk to him."

"I can take care of myself, but thanks," Sakura said politely and turned over and shut her eyes, wanting the conversation to be over.

Shiori was nice – too nice to befriend a lie.

Within minutes, Sakura was asleep.

* * *

Sakura waited on the roof of the temple, standing horizontally on one long stone spire. There were very few flat surfaces on this roof, and the temple's spiny exterior was slippery from the freezing rain. Sakura was thankful for her chakra control, but she dare not use it to warm herself until they were safely away or she was at the point of hypothermia, so she shivered. The rest of her squad seemed to have fur-lined vests to change into, but Sakura was never issued one. Of course, the rest of her team was in livery below, not in their ANBU uniforms like her.

This waiting was awful. For all she knew right now, Kakashi and the others were dead, detected and taken out before they could become a threat. Or, they were dressed up as servers and biding their time in the warm banquet hall.

As much as Kakashi didn't want to linger on the high probability that they wouldn't make it out alive, Sakura couldn't stop running over scenarios in her mind. If someone in the guard group were talented enough to spot Kakashi for what he was, it would be game over. What scared her most was that even if everything went off without a hitch, and even if all of the guards were incompetent or slow to react, then her team could still be overwhelmed by numbers alone and not make it out alive.

Sakura would give anything to be inside this temple, there to help if necessary.

Suddenly, shouts came from below. Sakura's intestines knotted themselves in fear. She double checked to ensure the servant's entrance didn't have anyone milling about, and flared her chakra as a signal.

She thought the waiting before was bad, but it was nothing compared to _this_. For a few painful minutes, she just concentrated on breathing, not thinking about what was going on below. Then, she heard commotion outside the front temple doors and burst into action.

It was Ryoji. He was blissfully all right, albeit locked in battle with four Stone nin that were guarding the doors. Shiori followed. She was bleeding from a wound on her shoulder and limping slightly, two Stone nin on her tail. She stopped, turned around, and blew a massive fireball, so hot it lit them even in the rain. The conditions kept them from staying ablaze for long, but it was still long enough for one to drop to his hands and knees, screaming and pawing at his burned face.

The other Stone nin pursuing Shiori was luckier and rolled to put out his fire, which only significantly grazed his left arm and side. Shiori used the confusion to stab one of Ryoji's combatants in the kidney, doubling him over before slicing his throat. Another nin rushed Shiori, but Ryoji jumped in between, raising pillars of earth with his fists. His motions were rigidly controlled but fluid, almost dance-like. Never before had Sakura had seen such a technique, and she allowed herself to be momentarily distracted.

But the other burned Stone nin got up out of the mud, joining the fray and snapping Sakura into action. She dropped down next to the screaming man crawling toward her and looking up, his face raw and blistered. Hid eyes were burnt out, but the rain made it look as if he were crying. In a split second decision to put him out of his misery, Sakura drew a kunai and slit his throat. Behind her, there was noise as more Stone nin came pouring out of the temple doors; Sakura ran off to the right, making a wide loop to come up behind the fight. Ryoji lunged forward, shoving his fist out straight and then upwards, and the earth below him obeyed, a pillar rising up and twisting to slam into the last enemy nin's head.

"More coming," shouted Sakura. "Where is he?"

"Let's try the servant door," said Shiori and they ran, juking through surrounding buildings to lose their pursuers.

When they got to the servant's exit, it was suspiciously calm. They stayed on the roof of an adjacent building, watching, growing more and more anxious by the minute.

"What happened?" hissed Sakura. "Why weren't you together? Why did you use the front door when I signaled the servant door?"

"We couldn't get there," panted Shiori. "He was up at the front of the hall and we were at the back, closer to the doors. When he did it, it was so sudden – a quick slit of the throat, and then they all piled up on him. He was fighting them, but there were too many, so we drew away as many as we could, causing chaos and distracting them. We threw our trays of food at the fancy people, jumped on the long tables, brandished kitchen knives at them… They had to run over."

Sakura bit her lip, thankful for her mask that hid her face. "Let me see that," she whispered, gesturing at Shiori's shoulder.

Sakura cut away the flimsy sleeve of the servant's shirt and healed the gash on Shiori's shoulder, which actually wasn't that bad, considering.

"Why are you limping?"

"One of them had this technique that conjured a stone wheel. It came at me pretty fast, but I almost got out of its way. I think I'm just bruised. I'll be okay."

Ryoji turned to Shiori, muddy green eyes still ablaze with the thrill of combat. "I killed him for that. If your leg had been broken…"

Shiori put her hand on his shoulder. "But it wasn't. We're fine."

But was Kakashi fine? Sakura stared at the door he was supposed to emerge from, losing hope with each passing minute.

To distract herself, she said, "And you, Tiger? Any injuries?"

"Nothing worth mentioning," he said.

"We might have to go back in there after him," Sakura insisted. "I can heal you _now_."

"Our orders are to not go back," Ryoji said stiffly, turning away from her.

Sakura bit her lip again, this time so hard that it bled.

After a minute, Ryoji held out his leg. "Just a cut," he grunted.

She tore his pants, so dark that they hid the blood in the rainy night, and revealed a deep horizontal gash in his thigh. She sighed. He was just like Kakashi…

She concentrated, closing his wound with chakra, ignoring her medical training that wanted her to wait to close until they could reach a sanitary place. They didn't have time for that. It was somewhat deep, but still shallow enough that she could close without stitches with a little extra chakra, though she knew doing anything in the deep tissue was painful.

Ryoji was gasping by now, his fists clasped tightly.

"I'm sorry," Sakura said. "I would normally give you a localized injection for the pain, but we need to run again."

He nodded, eyes squeezed shut.

Just as Sakura finished, Shiori said, "Look!"

Sakura whirled around and Kakashi was emerging from the mud by the servant's entrance, obviously having travelled underground. He had an open head wound, but nothing that looked fatal, at least from a distance. His dogs followed him up from the mud, sniffing him and dancing around.

Sakura wanted to cry with relief, but instead jumped down and ran to him. Closer, she could see that he had a broken nose.

"Are you all right?" she said, looking for more serious injury.

He nodded. "Let's go. Now," he said, and they took off immediately, flying through the city until they reached the woods and the place they'd left their supplies inside a hollow tree.

Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, Sakura was shaking with cold. She could barely feel her extremities.

The others went off in three different directions to change into their uniforms with the fur-lined vests, but Sakura had nothing. She used chakra to warm herself enough to calm her shaking hands and hold off hypothermia, but she needed to conserve her chakra.

Sakura did allow herself one small concession by taking off her mask to heal her bitten lip, but that was it. The others might have more serious injuries they hadn't registered yet, as was sometimes the case post-battle.

When they returned, Sakura performed perfunctory exams on all three of them, assuring herself that she hadn't missed any problematic injuries.

After she healed Kakashi's simple head wound, he moved away from her, but she pulled him back. "I'm going to set your nose."

He opened his mouth as if to protest, and then shut it after she scowled at him. She gestured for Shiori to hold up the light stick Sakura had given her while healing Kakashi's head. Sakura had Kakashi pull his mask down to blow his nose into his discarded waiter's outfit and then inspected his face. He was still bleeding out of his nostrils a bit, but not a concerning amount. He was already starting to bruise and swell, but the break didn't look complex.

Just to be sure, she checked behind his ears and poked him around the eyes and the sinuses, ignoring his recoil of surprise.

"Stay still," she said, trying her best to look up his nostrils.

Carefully, Sakura rubbed her fingers and the flat of her palms up and down his nose, straightening it as best she could. He stiffened, but bore the pain silently, even when she put her index fingers up his nostrils to straighten the bone and cartilage from inside.

"Okay, now blow your nose again as I extract my fingers."

He eyed her warily.

"It's almost as much fun for me. Just do it," Sakura said sternly.

He obeyed, blowing bloody gunk all over her hands. She wiped them off on her pants and then packed his nose with cotton and taped it.

"Now take this," she said, giving him a mild painkiller that might help his swelling but would let him keep his wits.

He swallowed it dry. "Okay. Let's go. We're going to run all night to put as much distance between –"

He cut off abruptly, lowering into attack formation. "Get ready. They're here."

A mixture of Stone and Rock nin burst into the clearing, firing jutsu left and right. Sakura ducked, dodging a thrown kunai, and backed into the tree line. As much as she hated it, she knew it was best for her to stay back whenever possible, as a medic.

She watched the battle unfold, trying to pay attention to each of her allies equally. A squad of six had been the only ones to find them, and six wasn't an impossible number. They were all after Kakashi, and Ryoji and Shiori were gathered around him, protecting him as best they could. The attacks were coming in from all sides. Sakura saw an opportunity to help and sent a throwing star into the fray, knocking an airborne kunai off course.

That brought her to the attention of the Stone ninja closest to her, who turned to face her.

He smiled, revealing crooked teeth. "That was a mistake, girly."

Sakura smiled too. "We'll see about that."

She loved it when they underestimated her because she was a woman, and a small one at that. It wasn't surprising from a Stone nin. They didn't allow kunoichi into their ranks at all.

The ninja raised his sword, thinking he caught her off guard, but she dodged it and punched through his chest, opening up a gaping cavity in his torso.

He dropped the sword, staring down in horror as he watched his own heart beating. Taking advantage of his distraction, Sakura put a kunai through his exposed heart. Blood exploded from it, coating Sakura, and his face contracted in pain and rage as he bellowed. He tried to use his last bit of life to take her out, but Sakura was prepared and punched him in the skull with a _crunch_.

As the Stone nin was dropping to the ground, Sakura spotted Ryoji backed into a corner by one of the Earth nin. They were locked into a tight taijutsu battle, limited by space. Ryoji had the upper hand and was gaining control. He smiled, knowing his victory was near.

And then it happened. A shuriken came out of nowhere and lodged into his upper groin. He pulled it out and threw it away, thinking nothing of it, but Sakura saw the blood squirting out of the wound and knew what was about to happen.

She rushed to him, but it was like everything was in slow motion. The Rock nin seized his opportunity and punched Ryoji in the head. Ryoji staggered, looking dazed. Sakura had almost reached them when he fell to the ground.

The Rock nin lunged for the prostrate Ryoji, kunai in hand, but Sakura got there first. She laid a flat palm on the Rock nin's back and he screeched, dropping his kunai and falling to his knees. He screamed and screamed, but Sakura ignored him and went to Ryoji.

He was bleeding profusely from the cut on his thigh. She suspected what artery had been cut and it was a dangerous one. If it was as bad as she feared, Ryoji would die.

The Earth nin, still screaming beside her, crawled toward her, trying to fight through the pain. With her off hand, Sakura buried a kunai in his skull, thankful for the end of the noise, and then gave him no other thought.

Sakura checked Ryoji's breathing; it was unobstructed, but his heart was racing. He was losing far too much blood and fading fast. The coppery stench was thick in the air.

"Stay with me," she whispered, fumbling in her pack for a blood replenishing pill.

He resisted, trying to push her hand away with what little strength he had left. His eyes were clouded with confusion and his skin was cold and clammy. She forced the pill down his throat, and swallowing seemed to use the last of his strength. He fell unconscious.

She checked his pulses – first his wrist, then his neck. They were weak; beginning to panic, she tore off his leg wraps and sandal and cut the pants open the rest of the way where she began earlier. She checked behind his knee, on the inside of his ankle, and on top of his feet. Sakura could barely feel those pulses at all.

She put pressure on the wound, ignoring the blood that oozed from beneath her fingers, warm and viscous. She leaned into the cut and prayed to her ancestors, the God of her mother, and any other deity she could think of that might help.

Eventually, Sakura realized the battle noises had stopped and looked up. Shiori's arm was broken and Kakashi was looking at it, but the enemy ninja were all dead. Sakura breathed a sigh of relief.

"Someone find my glow stick," she said, and Shiori pulled it out of her kunai pouch and hobbled over to Sakura, still limping.

"Here," Shiori said, voice tense with pain. "Let me hold it."

"Give it to Kakashi," Sakura said. "You need to sit down. I'm afraid I won't be able to heal your arm any time soon."

Kakashi squatted and held the light stick over Ryoji's leg.

She removed her bloody hands from Ryoji's wound and inspected the wound as best she could, starting to shake now that the reality was setting in. She closed her eyes, trying to come up with a game plan to save him. If she could do something – put in a shunt to redirect blood flow, maybe – he might live, but he would definitely lose his leg, if he survived at all. He would never be a ninja again. Unless…

"What are you waiting for?" Kakashi said. "Close him up and let's get out of here. There are probably more behind them."

"What are you talking about? I can't close him up," Sakura said blankly. "We have to get him to a hospital immediately or he loses his leg, if we're lucky."

Kakashi stared at her in disbelief. "It's just a cut. I've had worse. There are no safe hospitals for a hundred miles. Give him a blood replenishing pill when he wakes up. Let's go. Now."

"We'll have to commandeer some sort of hospital or medical clinic with operating capabilities," Sakura said, a plan formulating as she spoke. "You can do that genjutsu you did on that Suna guy to distract the medics if you want to be discreet, or we can just choose a civilian facility and threaten them."

Sakura was hit by inspiration.

"There was a clinic in the village near our last mission with the caravan. It was basic, but it should have what I need, or at least enough to improvise with. A small town clinic like that probably won't even have anyone there at night."

Kakashi pursed his lips. "We can't risk it. They're still pursuing us. We need to get into friendly territory. Maybe we can find something in Rain."

"You don't understand," pleaded Sakura. "It needs to be sooner than that. This is our one shot –"

"To what?" Kakashi interrupted. "To save his leg? He'll be happy with his life."

Sakura blinked back tears, staring at his face, hardened into a scowl as if it was stone. "But if I don't get a definitive repair soon, he won't –"

"No more arguing. We leave now. You carry him or I will."

Kakashi moved to gather his pack, taking for granted she would do as he said.

Sakura stared at him, incredulous. "This man is in danger and it is my obligation to save life and limb. I took an oath."

Kakashi whirled back to face her, his eye sparkling in telltale anger now. "I have seen enough wounds to know which ones are worth risking the rest of us for, and this isn't it. I am your captain. Do as I say."

Sakura gasped as if she'd been punched in the gut. So it wasn't that he knew how serious this was and thought the risk was still too high. It was that he didn't trust her to do something as simple as assess an injury.

Sakura looked at Ryoji's pale face and at his wound, still leaking blood sluggishly despite her best efforts.

Sakura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Now is the time to be as wood,_ she thought.

She opened her eyes and looked Kakashi square in the eye. "I'm taking him to the clinic. You can come with me or not, but I'm going."

His eye widened in surprise.

She ignored him, forming hand seals and making two shadow clones, hoping no one but Kakashi recognized the forbidden jutsu she had gotten Naruto to teach her. The chakra drain was immense with her already low stores and Sakura concentrated hard on keeping up her genjutsu, counting her blessings that the shadow clones looked like Chiyoko as well.

"If you continue, I will be forced to report you for insubordination," Kakashi said coldly.

Sakura had one of her shadow clones go and get a scroll out of her pack, releasing the jutsu that stored a portable stretcher inside of it. Carefully, the three Sakuras loaded Ryoji onto the stretcher. Then a clone Sakura began to gather the straightest sticks she could find.

"Mouse, I'm warning you. One more move and I will –"

"You'll what?"

As she echoed his words from the previous day, she saw something flicker across his face - maybe uncertainty.

"I won't kill this man because you say so," Sakura said, voice firmer than she expected.

Any time she even considered disobeying a superior in the past, except when it came to Sasuke, it brought on a wave of uncontrollable panic. Not this time. A strange calm befell her as she decided on a course of action.

Beneath her, Sakura could feel Ryoji's leg swelling. It was starting to look shiny and mottled, almost blue.

After a moment of careful consideration, Sakura formed her hand into a chakra blade and sliced the outside of Ryoji's thigh open.

One of Sakura's clones took the light from Kakashi's hand, which was limp with surprise, and brought it over to Sakura. She checked the wound she had just inflicted for shiny white tissue, the sign of a cut well made, and when she saw it, she cut again, deeper into the same gash.

"What are you doing?" Shiori asked shakily, speaking for the first time. "That looks worse than the first thing."

"I'm saving his leg," Sakura said simply. "This will help prevent the flesh from necrotizing, among other things."

Shiori nodded, watching her nervously.

Kakashi made a noise of frustration and summoned Pakkun.

"Tell Konoha that due to the insubordination of Agent Mouse, we must take a detour and may be delayed, but the mission is a success."

An in-mission report was bad, and there would be consequences – but somehow, Sakura didn't care right now. The clone that had been gathering sticks used bandages to bind Ryoji's leg into a makeshift splint, limiting movement as much as possible. Sakura got on top of Ryoji, straddling his chest and applying pressure to the original wound. Her clones picked up the ends of the stretcher.

Without further discussion, they ran as fast as they could to the village, and though they were slowed by having to travel by ground, they reached the clinic within the critical window of time – maybe.

It was past the dead of night, but still early enough that the clinic was closed down and the strangely deserted-looking village was asleep. Kakashi broke the door down and Sakura ferried Ryoji inside, breathing a sigh of relief. Now she had a chance.

* * *

Sakura sat in front of the Hokage's office, as far away from Kakashi as possible. She was still Chiyoko. Now that Ryoji was safely in the hospital, Sakura wasn't distracted enough to ignore the blood in her hair, which was sticky and mostly fallen out of her braids. She didn't quite remember how the blood got there – maybe she wiped her hair out of her face – but it felt awful. Her uniform was crusted with gore as well, but it only showed on her white vest.

_What a poor choice of color_, she thought idly.

Sakura sat on her hands to keep from fidgeting. She was wired; she had been forced to take a soldier pill in order to perform Ryoji's surgery, maintain her shadow clones long enough to get him home, and heal Shiori's arm enough that it at least set properly.

The combined effort of not running away and not looking at Kakashi was overwhelming her. If she had to wait any longer, she might scream.

When a masked Root guard opened the door to beckon them inside, Sakura changed her mind. She'd rather wait. She trudged inside anyway.

Ibiki was facing her, next to Danzou, with Homura and Utatane off to the sides. The other three she didn't care about because they never expected much of her anyway, but she looked at Ibiki. Even though she expected him to be disappointed in her, when he frowned at her, a spike of anger rose in her and she scowled, keeping her eyes trained on his face defiantly.

Sakura tuned out the standard procedural ramblings of Utatane as she stated that a complaint had been raised and was now being investigated. She asked Kakashi to recount the mission and the instance of insubordination.

He described it clinically, as vaguely as possible until specifics were needed. "Agent Tiger sustained an injury to the groin area during the scuffle and fell unconscious," Kakashi said when he got to the part Sakura cared to listen to.

"Agent Mouse acted quickly, trying to slow the bleeding, but I was concerned that we would be pursued further and ordered her to close him up and move out. Agent Mouse refused, opting instead to take him to a local clinic on her own. Rather than leave them open for ambush, I decided to keep the squad together. I sent the message with my summons at this time. We reached the clinic and broke in without causing a disturbance. Agent Mouse performed a surgery and set Agent Cat's broken arm and then we returned to Konoha as quickly as possible."

"Why go along with her foolish scheme? Why didn't you simply incapacitate her?" Danzou said, staring down his nose at Kakashi.

"I would have been left with three injured teammates, two of them incapacitated, with no way to return them to Konoha."

Danzou grudgingly nodded.

Homura leaned forward in his seat. "Did Tsunade-sama teach you nothing of discipline, girl? Why did you disobey a direct order from your commander?"

Sakura clenched her jaw to stop herself from saying something she'd regret. After she gathered herself, she said, "Because obeying that order would have resulted in a teammate's certain death."

"Is that not worth achieving your objective?" Homura pressed.

"With all due respect, we had already achieved our objective. The Earth Daimyo would be no less dead if we all died trying to save Ryoji." Sakura fought to keep her voice level, but Homura still gasped, scandalized.

"I offered a compromise," said Kakashi. "I offered to find a clinic or hospital in Rain, friendly territory."

"If by some miracle he lived that long, he would have lost his leg," Sakura snapped.

"Watch your tone," said Utatane. "You're speaking to your betters."

"It's no shock to see you sanctioned," said Danzou smugly. "You don't know your place. You've been given too much leeway in the past."

Sakura's nostrils flared. "And what _is_ my place, Hokage-sama? Because I thought it was to serve Konoha as a medic. Konoha has no use for dead soldiers or soldiers missing limbs. My medical opinion is as good as anyone's and I –"

"Your place," interrupted Danzou, his good hand forming a fist in fury, "is obeying your superiors."

Sakura said nothing more. There was no point.

"Tell, me, Hatake-san," Ibiki said quietly. "Why did you tell your medic to close up the wound if she said that was inadvisable?"

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. "It was a relatively small wound."

"What sort of medicine have you studied, Hatake-san?" Ibiki asked, feigning interest.

"I was worried that there may be more Rock and Stone nin pursuing us. We needed to leave," Kakashi said in a non-answer.

Sakura scoffed. "I wasn't saying we shouldn't _leave_, just that we should go somewhere different than you wanted to go."

Kakashi opened his mouth to argue, but Ibiki cut them both off. "Enough. Hatake-san, I remember a young Kakashi and a certain saying about trash. You have changed."

That shocked the anger out of Kakashi's face. He paled.

"I didn't think the injury was that serious."

"Which is why you have a medic on your team," Ibiki said.

"It's perfectly in his rights to order against medical advice," Homura argued. "He chose not to risk them all for the sake of one. That's a captain's purview, not a medic's, and a chuunin's at that."

"Quite right," sniffed Utatane.

Danzou tapped his index finger on his desk. "I recall you taking responsibility for having her on your team, Hatake-san."

"I am obligated to report insubordination," Kakashi said stonily.

"That you are." Danzou turned his gaze on Sakura. "And you. Mimura Hamaki recommended you for jounin. I'll have to inform him that he was mistaken."

Sakura bit the inside of her mouth to stop from saying anything.

"As of now, you are suspended from Wolf Squad," Danzou said. "Now get out of my sight."

Sakura turned and fled, barely making it out of the building before bursting into tears. At least she was still Chiyoko. No one would know her. She ran to the start of the training fields and found a little patch of woods to cry in. The sobs racked her body until they eventually died down. She dried her face, gathered herself, and set off for the one place she didn't want to go.

He was already there when she got to his apartment, waiting for her with his arms crossed. "Look what you've done. How could you put me in that position?"

Sakura's jaw dropped open. "How could – how could _I_ put _you_ in that position? Are – are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. Now we have to deal with this. You'll be sent out. You could –"

"_We_ don't have to deal with anything. You have no part of this. Not anymore."

Kakashi grabbed her shoulders and stared her in the face, his dark eye alit with fury. "Don't tell me I'm not a part of this. Don't you dare."

Sakura slithered out of his grip. "You've done your part."

Shaking with anger, she began to strip off her uniform right in front of him. She dropped her rucksack and various pouches on the floor with a clunk, then threw her vest at him, but it missed.

"This –" Her gloves hit him square in the chest. "—is—" Then her shirt. "—over!"

She removed her pants, almost falling over in her rush, and chucked them at his face. He caught them.

"Yes, it is," he said, dropping the pants on the floor.

She stalked past him and yanked her spare clothes from the drawer, pulling them on sloppily, grabbing her things before rushing out the door.

As soon as she was home, she got in the shower, eager to wash away the gore and everything else she cared not to think about ever again.

She stood under the spray listlessly, the anger and anxiety gone. She was only numb now.

"It's over," she repeated to herself. "It's over."

* * *

**A/N:** You may have noticed that this chapter is in Sakura's perspective, but 20 was as well. This is a major "woopsie" on my part... I didn't notice until the chapter was almost done. There will be a bonus Kakashi perspective in the future to make up for this. (In chapter 25, to be exact.)

You may also have noticed the new summary! It is thus:

"By night, she dreamed of killing him, of playing her hand all at once and going out in a blaze of glory. By day, she kowtowed with just enough stiffness to show him her fantasies. In return, he forced her moves like she was just a piece on his shogi board - and she was."

The old one was:

"They always played this game, helpless against the heavy torrents of despair that threatened to overtake their lives at every juncture."

I thought it was not representative of the story. A summary for this type of unfolding story is difficult without giving too much away. Do you like the new one better? The old one? Do you have a suggestion for an even BETTER summary?

Let me know in a review, because this one is a stumper.

Sorry for the lengthy notes this time around, but thanks so much for reading! Chapter 22 is already edited and will be published in exactly two weeks. Love you all.

Edit: I decided to give you a bonus summary suggested by an actual psychologist.

"You know how Hetalia takes countries and personifies them? I decided to do that with the DSM IV."

:3


	22. The Drop That Overflows the Glass

**Author's Note: ** Well, I am slightly late updating this, but I was projectile vomiting for like a week. It was "fun," by some definitions of the word. Thanks, once again, to the lovely Spike Dee, mikeytron, and Lola Lot for looking this over for me. All of you give invaluable advice. Also thanks to my reviewers. Every time I get a new review, my day is just a little bit better!

* * *

Shiori and Kakashi successfully navigated to the border of Frost and Lightning Country, evaluating its borders and lands to assess the countries' relationship with one another. It was as grim as expected; absolutely no fortifications were made along the Frost and Lightning border. Getting back into Hot Springs Country from Frost was a trickier, but they managed it after hiding out in a cave overnight to avoid a patrol.

Now back in Hot Springs Country, Kakashi and Shiori were more relaxed because it had no army whatsoever anymore and was therefore neutral ground. Over the course of the mission, they spoke very little.

He watched her poking the fire with a stick, the flames reflecting in her dark eyes.

"I didn't think he would die," Kakashi said.

She looked up at him. "The hospital says it's a miracle he didn't."

After a minute of tense silence, Shiori spoke again. "You know, he and I have worked together for a long time. He's like a brother to me, even more than Mogusa."

"I wouldn't wish him harm," Kakashi said carefully, trying not to offend her more than he already had.

Shiori resumed staring into the fire. "I know," she said simply.

With nothing else to say, Kakashi went to sleep. It was her turn for first watch.

* * *

Kakashi was not asleep for long before Shiori woke him with a shout. He was on his feet and ready to fight in a split second, but he was still disoriented.

"I see you!" She was crouched in attack position, her eyes darting around wildly. "This is neutral ground. Whoever you are, we don't have to fight."

Suddenly, Shiori was slammed to the ground by a pillar of ice that came flying seemingly out of nowhere. The ice slammed into her again and again with dull thuds.

Kakashi sent a lightning hound to melt the ice, but he could only aim away from Shiori in fear of burning her.

Perhaps inspired by his idea, Shiori turned the small campfire into a blaze and engulfed herself in it, making it burn blue-hot. When the blaze went out, it seared an imprint of its brilliance through Kakashi's closed eyelids, even the bandaged Sharingan.

Shiori stood amidst what had just been a ball of flame, her shoulders heaving. She fell to her knees, vomiting blood. Kakashi ran to her, standing protectively in front of her.

"Show yourself," he said, uncovering his Sharingan.

From the tree line's shadows emerged a man. It was too dark for Kakashi to discern any features.

"Still think we don't have to fight?" the man said, stepping into a small light cast by the fire's remaining cinders.

He was a Frost nin. He smiled as he looked down at Shiori, who was still breathing heavily.

Kakashi snapped. He rushed the Frost nin with chidori, but a frost pillar grew out of the man's hand and deflected the attack.

They entered a high-speed taijutsu battle with the Frost nin's hands encased in ice. He slammed one full blow into Kakashi's stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

The nin took the opportunity to descend on Shiori. He shot an ice pillar towards her, but Kakashi managed to pull up a wall of earth in front of it just in time. The ice broke through it, but it slowed the ice enough that Shiori could crawl out of the way.

Kakashi created another lightning hound, sending it at the nin and forcing him to scurry leftward. The momentary distraction revealed his next movements to Kakashi's Sharingan. Kakashi rushed forward with another chidori, but the Frost nin created an ice shield on his chest at the last second, knocking Kakashi's chidori slightly off course.

Kakashi's fist penetrated the ice armor and an inch or so of the man's chest, just left of his heart. While Kakashi yanked his hand free, the Frost nin staggered in shock instead of taking advantage of the chance to retaliate. Kakashi did not miss this opportunity. He shoved a kunai through the Frost nin's eye and jerked downward through his skull. The man remained upright for a split second, then collapsed.

Kakashi ensured he was dead, slitting his throat, and then went to help Shiori up.

"Are you okay?"

She coughed, spraying his already-bloodied white vest with a fine pink mist, but she nodded in spite of it. "I'll need the hospital when we get back to Konoha, but I should be all right. I think I just broke a rib or two."

Shiori hobbled over to the fallen Frost nin and kicked him, double checking for her own sake.

"He was strong. He gave you some –" She paused, still unable to catch her breath. "– trouble one on one."

Kakashi frowned. "Yes. He also clarified Frost's allegiance better than any espionage of ours could have hoped to."

"He hit you. Are you hurt?"

"Not really. A little sore in the abdomen."

"I know I held you back, having to protect me. I'm sorry."

"You protected yourself. I've never seen that technique before."

"My surname is Arai, but I'm of the Sarugaku clan. My mother taught me –"

She dissolved into coughs that racked her body so hard she could hardly stand up. Kakashi rushed to support her. She coughed more blood onto his vest.

"Sorry," she whispered, chest heaving.

"We're going," he said, concerned. "Now."

She nodded, shuffling over to where her pack lay.

"No," he said. "Just sit down."

Kakashi packed his sleeping roll and stomped out the fire, making sure they left nothing behind. He put his pack over his front left, and then hers over his front right. He knelt for her to climb on his back.

"No. I can do it," she protested, but he could barely hear her.

"Cat," he said. "This is an order."

She clambered aboard, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as strongly as she could.

Kakashi took off at top speed, making it a ways past the Fire border before stopping.

When he set her on the ground to take a quick drink from his canteen, he froze halfway through reaching in his pack.

She was turning blue. Just like Mogusa. Even after all this time, she hadn't caught her breath. In fact, she'd gotten worse. The veins in her neck were bulging as she struggled to breathe.

Trying to ignore the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, Kakashi summoned Pakkun.

"Take this message to the hospital. Medical emergency. Approaching from the northwest. Request medical team rendezvous as soon as possible."

After another swig from his canteen, Kakashi loaded Shiori on his back and ran with renewed fervor. She would not die.

She would not die.

* * *

After following the medical team back to Konoha, Kakashi found himself in the one place he thought he didn't want to be again.

He opened Sakura's window, knowing she was home because it was cracked open.

"Sakura –"

He broke off abruptly. She was not alone.

Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Hinata were sitting in a circle in Sakura's bedroom, playing cards. They all stared at him. Ino's jaw dropped open; the hanafuda card dangling precariously from her forehead fell to the ground.

"Sakura, what –" Tenten began, but Sakura leaped to her feet, not paying attention.

"Are you okay?" said Sakura, reaching out to try and examine him, but he slipped back out the window onto the balcony.

She followed him, making sure the curtains were drawn behind her. She took his mask off, searching for wounds, but he brushed off her probing hands.

"I'm fine. It's Shiori."

"What happened? Where is she?"

"At the hospital. A Frost nin tried to – The medics met us. They stabbed her in the chest."

"Hey, calm down," Sakura said, the lines around her mouth furrowing. "Who stabbed her?"

She looked flushed. He must be upsetting her. He tried to gather his thoughts.

"The medics did. She couldn't breathe. She was blue."

Kakashi cradled his head in his hands, clutching his foreign-feeling short hair.

"But she's alive? In the hospital?"

Kakashi nodded into his hands.

"So it's all right. If she made it this long… You did the right thing."

Kakashi said nothing.

She pulled his hands away from his face. "Listen to me. You did the best you could."

"No, I didn't," he said, pulling away from her. "You should have been there."

Sakura flinched as if he'd struck her.

He stepped towards her.

"No, it's not – don't you understand? It's my fault you weren't there. If she dies, it will –" He broke off.

Her shoulders loosened and she reached out to put a hand on his arm. "If she dies, it will be a tragedy, but it won't be your fault."

He said nothing.

"Let's go check on her," she said.

"No." He backed away from her.

"Come on. You'll just drive yourself mad. Who's her medic?"

"Hamido or something. I didn't recognize him."

Sakura froze. "Hamada? Hamada Hiroyuki?"

"I think," Kakashi said, alarm growing at her reaction. "Why?"

Her eyes narrowed. "That bastard."

Kakashi was lost. "What?"

She looked at him squarely. "We have to go. He's the one that killed Mogusa."

"Well, what can we do? That's her medic now, right?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it. Hold on. Let me make my excuses."

Sakura slipped back inside.

With the window closed, he could hear nothing of what happened inside. He remembered Yamato helped her place special seals when he was building her house, for security purposes. Kakashi was already familiar with the chakra signature recognition she used, but this was new to him. In this moment, with those girls just beyond the door, he couldn't help but be grateful for her perhaps excessive paranoia.

It didn't take her long to return. "I just told them an old patient of mine has been injured and you want my medical advice."

"How will you explain – they could guess that you –"

"Don't be silly. They didn't recognize you with your hair like that and your mask on. They know I treat ANBU as patients. They didn't question it."

Without discussing it further, they took off, heading for the hospital. No one looked twice at Sakura as she breezed through the hospital, so Kakashi just followed her closely and no one questioned him either. When they reached the ward he remembered so well from when Mogusa was there, and later, when Kakashi was poisoned, Sakura walked right up to the nurse's station and asked where Shiori was. The nurse pointed at a door; she didn't question why Sakura was asking, as she would have with Kakashi.

Sakura entered the door and Kakashi followed. Shiori was unconscious, hooked up to several machines, and still a little blue around the edges – but alive. Sakura flipped through Shiori's chart, mumbling to herself.

It took Kakashi a moment to register that Ryoji was in the room, sitting in a chair near the window. Kakashi nodded in greeting.

"Everything looks all right so far," Sakura said. "The medics that met you in the field are all competent, so all he's done has been maintenance so far. But I'm going to get him off of this case."

She swept out of the room with purpose.

"What's she doing here?" said Ryoji, disdain lacing his voice.

"She's making sure Shiori has the best medical care possible. I thought you'd be pleased."

Ryoji clenched his fists. "She had something to do with Mogusa's death. I know it."

"She seems to think Shiori's current medic is at fault," Kakashi said. "She was exonerated of any wrong doing in that case, remember?"

"You should have gotten Chiyoko. They said it was a long shot, what she did. They kept badgering me for her name, but you said not to tell, so I didn't. She ought to get credit."

Kakashi shook his head. "It was her decision not to say anything, and it wouldn't be fair to call on her now after she was kicked off the team."

Ryoji looked as if he was about to say something, but Sakura stormed back into the room, face pinched.

"Shizune _just_ went into surgery, and it's a long one. No one can authorize a patient transfer like this except for her."

"What does that mean?" asked Kakashi.

Sakura flopped into one of the chairs lining the back wall. "It means we wait."

The next few hours passed quietly. Despite it being only early evening, Sakura fell asleep, slumped over in her chair. Ryoji seemed to be protesting her presence by ignoring her. Kakashi read _Icha Icha_ and ignored them both.

Finally, Ryoji broke the silence. "I don't know when to tell her family."

"She has a brother, right? And a – mother, I think she said?" Kakashi asked.

"Two brothers, a sister, parents, the whole Clan Sarugaku… But she doesn't really have much to do with them despite living in the clan house. Her mother married a civilian. She's the only ninja in her family, now that her mother is retired."

Ryoji put his head in his hands. "She told me never to tell her family about her injuries unless she was already better or dying. She doesn't like to worry them."

Kakashi put his book down, waiting for Ryoji to go on – but he seemed to expect something from Kakashi.

"But is she better … or is she dying?" Ryoji asked, voice cracking.

Kakashi was trying to think of a good answer when Shiori's medic came into the room. He was a middle aged man with a receding hairline and the beginning of a paunch. He flipped through Shiori's chart, just as Kakashi had seen Sakura do.

Kakashi shook Sakura awake, surprised that her skin felt a bit warm to the touch. She roused.

"Wha-what?"

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She looked around the room, blinking rapidly. She spotted Hamada, staring at him blankly before recognition dawned.

"You," she said loudly, jumping to her feet. "You get away from her."

Hamada continued looking at Shiori's chart, facing away from Sakura. "I don't take my orders from you. Not anymore. This is my patient, and if you don't show some respect, I'll have you thrown out of her room. Visiting hours are over."

He smirked. "In fact, who let you in? Children aren't allowed into this ward."

Color was rising in Sakura's cheeks and a vein in her neck was pulsing dangerously. "You're so proud of yourself because you ass kissed your way into this position. Don't fool yourself. You're only fit to be a supplemental field medic and everyone knows it but you."

Hamada's lip curled at the corner of his mouth. "_I'm_ the one only fit to be a field medic and yet here I am and there you are."

"Just because you're too lazy to –" Sakura took a step forward and staggered, catching herself on the bed.

She reached up and held her head with both hands.

Before Kakashi could say anything, Shizune burst into the room. "I heard shouting. What's going on?"

"She is being hostile, accusing me of all sorts of nasty things and telling _me_ to step away from _my_ patient," Hamada said, shielding himself with Shiori's chart.

"Is that true?" Shizune looked at Sakura expectantly.

Sakura put her hands back on the bed to steady herself. "He can't let her die. You have to let me take over the case."

"Step into the hall, Sakura," Shizune said. "We need to have a chat."

Sakura took three steps forward and then stopped, swaying on her feet.

"I don't –" she said, her eyes darting around the room without settling on anything. "What's –"

She tried to take another step and collapsed.

Shizune rushed to help her up. "What happened? You're burning up. Are you sick?"

"Not sick. Poison."

"What? You've been poisoned?"

Shizune's brows lifted in alarm. She turned to Ryoji.

"Would you mind telling the nurse at the nurse's station to prepare a room for her?"

He nodded and scurried out of the room.

"No," Sakura said, struggling out of Shizune's grip on her shoulders. "No room. I can't."

"Why not? Sakura, what's going on?" Shizune cried.

"I'm dizzy," Sakura said in lieu of answering, staggering over to a chair and sitting heavily.

"Sakura, please," Shizune said. "Tell me what happened."

Sakura glared at Hamada. "Make him leave."

Without even turning to look at him, Shizune said, "Go, Hamada."

Hamada forced a smile and said, "Of course, Shizune-san."

"Now who poisoned you?" Shizune demanded.

Sakura sighed. "I did. It's just immunization. We were just increasing our dosage tonight. It was planned for the six month mark."

Shizune shook Sakura by the shoulders. "What poisons? How often? Tell me!"

"The one we made for the weapons," Sakura said. "The one Tsunade and I made last year. Some others."

"That one? That causes heart attacks! Sakura, how could you be –"

"It's safe," Sakura said, pouting. "I tested it on rats. I did my calculations. You should trust me by now."

"If it's so safe, why can't you walk, Sakura?" Shizune was fighting tears.

"I never had this reaction before. And the others, Ino and –"

Shizune clutched her hair in distress. "Others? Sakura, they could be in danger right now, alone and suffering! How could you have done something so –"

"Come on, Shizune. Hinata's watching them. We stay overnight for each dosage increase, for safety. Hinata doesn't do the injections so she can –"

"Injections? How often?"

"Weekly. I was thorough. We haven't had any problems so far, Shizune. It's safe. We can use the poisons on missions with much less risk and –"

"You're having a problem _now_," Shizune hissed. "And after trying the same with truth serums almost killed you! You promised me _and _Hokage-sama forbid you from doing it again."

"It's not truth serums! It's different!"

"Foolish!"

Sakura frowned. "Give me a minute to think…"

She closed her eyes. After a moment, she said, "It must have been the surgery. It's too soon afterwards. My body wasn't strong enough."

"Surgery? You had a surgery and didn't tell me?" Shizune took Ryoji's chair, her jaw slack.

Sakura looked sheepish. "It was too embarrassing…"

Shizune sighed.

"Do you remember what happened that one time, when Tsunade threw that boulder at me?"

"When she sent you to Dr. Akiyama? What about it?"

"It happened again, except much worse. The ovarian cyst that burst hemorrhaged and he had to do a procedure to get the rest of it out."

"When was this?"

"Earlier this week. It went well."

Kakashi's eyes darted to her abdomen. So that's what had happened to her on that mission. Why hadn't she said anything?

"That's all the more reason to admit you, Sakura," Shizune said. "You should be observed."

Sakura shook her head. "I don't want _him_ knowing about the poisons. It's off the books. If I'm admitted, I'll be forced to enter the experiment into public record, and –"

"All right, save me the speech," Shizune said. "I know how you are. But someone has to stay with you. I would do it myself, but I'm scheduled for another surgery in about five minutes."

"Fine," Sakura said, gritting her teeth. "But you have to get that idiot off of Shiori's case."

"I'll take her case myself if you promise to go home and rest."

"I can rest here!" Sakura protested.

"In a hospital bed? Yes, you can. I can arrange that."

"Okay, I'm going," Sakura grumbled. She tried to stand, but she stopped halfway up and her hand flew to her forehead.

Shizune turned to Kakashi. "That _is_ Hatake Kakashi, right? I don't know anyone else who wears a mask like that, but -"

Sakura groaned and massaged the bridge of her nose. "Oh, _don't_ make fun of his hair. I don't have the patience right now."

Shizune eyed Sakura strangely, but pressed on, addressing Kakashi. "Help her home and make sure someone stays with her, will you? If her heartbeat becomes irregular, or the fever doesn't break by tomorrow morning, she's going to have to come to the hospital whether she likes it or not."

Kakashi nodded and moved to help Sakura. Even though she tried to draw away from him, he crouched and threw her arm around his shoulders.

Satisfied, Shizune left the room.

Sakura scowled the whole way to her house. Once there, she shook him off.

"Don't let my mom see me like that," she said, and since she seemed a bit steadier on her feet, he nodded.

Sakura went in the front door. Surprised, her mother turned off the television and looked up at her.

"I thought you were still upstairs."

"Something came up," Sakura said vaguely. "I'm going to bed."

Sakura made it as far as the stairs on her own power, but had to sit on the first step. Kakashi ignored her mother's strange looks and crossed the room to help Sakura up the stairs. Sakura didn't protest this time.

At the top of the stairs, she said, "Stay out here. I have to send them home."

She stepped in the door and he heard muffled voices. After a few minutes, she opened the door.

"All right."

Sakura slipped out of her skirt and into the bed, pulling back the covers for him.

He took off his vest, katana, and other accoutrement and dropped them on the floor next to her skirt before sliding into her bed. It was bigger than his bed, he noted idly.

"Shizune's just an alarmist, you know," Sakura said. "I'd tell you not to bother, but I know you won't listen."

Kakashi said nothing. She was right.

Within minutes, she was asleep. He checked her heart beat, remembering Shizune's words. It was normal, but she was shivering violently. Kakashi was always cold when he got fevers, too.

He got out of bed and started rummaging through her drawers, looking for something warm to put on her.

Sakura's mother startled him by clearing her throat from the doorway. He'd forgotten to close the door behind him.

He stared at Riko, chest tightening and mind reeling as he tried to come up with a good explanation for why he was in her daughter's bedroom with his hands in her panty drawer.

But she didn't ask. "What are you looking for? I can tell you where it is," she said instead.

"Sweatpants or something," he said. "She's cold."

Riko opened the third dresser drawer down and withdrew a pair of sweatpants and handed it to him. "What's wrong with her?"

Kakashi looked at Sakura out of the corner of her eye. He didn't know what she would want him to say.

"Don't play dumb. I know my daughter."

"She's ill," he said simply. "Shizune-san said someone should stay with her for tonight."

Riko quirked her lips. "And you volunteered, right?"

Kakashi didn't answer. When Riko walked away without pressing the issue, he sighed in relief.

She returned just as he was sliding the sweatpants over Sakura's bottom and he froze, caught red-handed.

Again, Riko didn't mention it. She handed him another blanket. "Here. She always gets cold when she has a fever."

He nodded and spread the blanket over Sakura, tucking her in as best he could. Riko left quietly, shutting the door behind her.

Kakashi slid into bed, cracking open his book. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight. He wasn't taking any chances.

Her fever broke in the middle of the night, but Kakashi stayed until morning, just in case. The decision to stay had seemed so logical in the moment, but in the light of day, he couldn't really say why he didn't suggest she get one of her friends, or her mother, to watch her. She hadn't questioned it, but her awkwardness told him she didn't know why she hadn't thought of it, either.

He left quietly, saying nothing of his uncomfortable conversation with her mother.

* * *

He didn't see her for another three days.

Finding her was more difficult than usual. She hadn't been at her house, at Naruto's, out in the training fields, or in the hospital. When he asked, a nurse said to try the Academy, and that's where he found her.

It was after school hours, so he was surprised when he entered a classroom looking for her that he interrupted some sort of instruction.

Wide-eyed Academy students were watching her dress a wound on a dummy, but they all burst into tittering whispers when he walked into the room. She looked up in surprise.

"Take turns practicing," she told the class. "Then we'll go again and I'll evaluate you."

They obediently lined up to take their turn on the dummy.

She approached him, lips flattening. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"It's an optional tutoring class for the new medical portion of the Academy exam. I'll be an evaluator."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Are you a teacher now?"

"It's just a temporary thing. The test is tomorrow, and then I'm done. Shizune thought it would help get us some new recruits into the medical program."

"So that's what you've been doing, then?" Kakashi asked, relieved. "Not –"

He broke off, eyeing the children.

"This and taking some pick up shifts at the hospital. Oyone got the flu."

Sakura lowered her voice. "I told Shizune I needed to keep busy to stay off of interrogation duty. She didn't press." Sakura hesitated before adding, "But her help can only last so long as long as Danzou wants me off of permanent hospital staff."

Sakura frowned. "I might have to resort to interrogation after all, but I'll figure something out."

"That's what I came to tell you," Kakashi said. "You're off suspension."

Her jaw dropped open. "I – what? How?"

"I tried to rescind my report, but they said no – however, Shiori's recent near death experience would have been totally avoided with a medic on the team. Ryoji put in a good word for you too. They're allowing the team to work out its differences internally."

Sakura stared at him in shock, jaw still agape. Before she could gather herself to respond, three students came up and tugged on her apron.

"Sakura-sensei," the girl said meekly, "can we ask a question?"

"What is it, Tamiko?" Sakura said kindly. "Still having trouble with the triangle sling?"

"Not you, _him,_" a boy with curly blonde hair said, pointing at Kakashi. "Are you Sharingan Kakashi, the Copy Nin?"

The other boy blushed. "You're so rude, Takeshi."

He turned to Kakashi. "Sir, we read about you in our textbooks. It's an honor to meet you."

"Yoshi-kun, don't assume," the girl said in a scolding tone. "Sensei said Hatake Kakashi had all white hair, and this man has, um..."

She glanced at his hair and then down at the floor, her dark hair falling forward in a sheet as she attempted to conceal a shy smile. Kakashi scowled. His hair could no longer properly be called brown, faded as it was and streaked through with his proper coloring. Kakashi expected the amusement it afforded Naruto, but a random child...

Sakura tried to pass off a giggle as a cough. "Ninja must be prepared to change their appearances on a moment's notice. Always keep your enemies guessing."

The three students exchanged impressed glances.

"Is that why you wear a mask?" the girl said, looking at him in awe.

"Can you really learn any jutsu just by _watching_ it?" asked Takeshi eagerly.

Kakashi stared at the children, not sure how to react. His own students hadn't known him at all. He'd never gotten this reaction before.

"Yes, he can," Sakura answered for him when the silence stretched too long. "Takeshi, you should be more polite, like Yoshikazu was a minute ago."

"You sound like all my other boring teachers. _Be more like Yoshikazu_," he mocked, scowling.

The girl kicked him in the shin. "Shut up, Takeshi."

"_Shut up, Takeshi_!" he repeated, sticking his tongue out at Tamiko.

Takeshi turned back to Kakashi. "Is it true you were almost Hokage?"

Sakura herded them back towards the other students.

"Have you had your turn on the dummy?" she asked.

"Sakura-sensei, you're boring, but it's cool that you know the Copy Nin. How do you know him?"

"He was my genin sensei," Sakura said, exasperated. "And if you don't practice, you won't ever get one of your own."

Takeshi sighed and began to fiddle with the dummy.

Sakura returned to Kakashi. "Sorry about that. Those three are a handful, especially Takeshi. Iruka told me they'll be on a team together, if they're taken as a genin team. They're the best of friends, though. If it weren't for that, they would remind me a bit of –"

She broke off, looking at her feet.

Kakashi knew she meant Team Seven. Uncomfortable, he changed the subject.

"There are no assignments yet. I'll let you know."

Sakura nodded. "How is Shiori doing?"

"She gets out of the hospital tomorrow, but she won't be going on missions any time soon."

"That's a good thing, though. It could have been worse."

Kakashi shrugged.

"Are you going to this thing tonight for Konohamaru?" Sakura asked.

"I guess," he said. "You?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm not really in the mood, but it wouldn't be fair to Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon to blow them off. It's not one of those big things where no one will notice."

"Sakura-sensei!" one of the students called. "Am I doing this right?"

"See you later then," Kakashi said, lifting a hand in goodbye.

"See you," Sakura said and turned to her students.

* * *

"To Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon!" Naruto said, raising his drink in a toast. "You only get promoted to chuunin once."

"Or never, right, Naruto?" teased Kurenai, eyes twinkling.

The table filled with laughter.

"Or that," Naruto said, smiling.

He lifted his glass again. "And to Konohamaru. Happy birthday."

When Naruto sat down, Hinata rubbed his arm encouragingly.

Then Ebisu stood. "When I was assigned as a tutor to the honored grandson, it was the greatest distinction of my life."

"Until you met him," sniggered Naruto.

Ebisu's cheeks flushed pink. "Yes, he challenged me in the headstrong nature of youth, but he made every day a surprise."

Ebisu continued on in this sickeningly sappy manner, recounting what seemed like Konohamaru's entire life, and then Moegi and Udon's. Kakashi tuned out, belatedly realizing that he'd drank all of his champagne before the final toast.

As Ebisu continued waxing lyrical about how he owed his team his life, Kakashi stared at his empty glass, willing it to fill itself. Finally, Ebisu burst into tears, raising his glass for the toast, and the waiters came around to pour refills and take orders.

Kakashi silently enjoyed his meal, pleased that broiled fish was on the menu at the unfamiliar restaurant. He somehow ended up seated among people he did not know at all, which spared him from conversing.

But after the meal, people began shifting. Shizune ended up next to him, looking as cheerful as she managed to be these days.

He nodded at her politely, hoping she would remember that she didn't like him all that much.

No such luck. She seemed to be bored and looking for someone to talk to.

"Strange party, this, right?" Without waiting for an answer, she explained. "Konohamaru's parents refused to come because his father, as head of the Sarutobi clan, refuses to acknowledge Masako as part of the clan. Konohamaru insisted Kurenai be here, so his parents pulled their funding and didn't show."

Kakashi frowned. He knew Sandaime's eldest son was a pantywaist that had always been jealous of Asuma, but this was extreme.

"And the Akimichi?" he asked. "Do they agree? Is that why they haven't shown?"

Shizune leaned closer to him. "Don't spread this around. They don't agree, but they don't want to create a rift with Clan Sarutobi, either, so they chipped in extra for the party costs, but didn't come. It's not Moegi's birthday, after all."

Kakashi eyed the middle aged couple doting on Udon at the corner of the large table, much to his dismay. "And Udon's parents –"

"Came anyway. The Sarutobi clan will be angry, but there's not much they can do to civilians."

"Sounds complicated," Kakashi said, already tired of interclan intrigue.

Shizune flitted off, looking for a more participatory conversation partner.

Before too long, Naruto roped him into the group, where Kakashi watched a pile of presents get opened.

Somehow, Kakashi found himself on the outer edge of the crowd, right next to Sakura.

"Did you bring a gift?" Kakashi asked. "I wasn't aware a promotion to chuunin warranted one."

"It's Konohamaru's birthday too, I guess," Sakura said. "I gave them all some new soldier pills the lab's been working on. For when they go away."

"Go away?" Kakashi hadn't heard anything like this.

"They're some of the ones being sent to bolster the borders of Grass." Sakura lowered her voice. "No one wants to say it, but everyone knows what a convenient promotion it is, out of nowhere, no exam or anything. They're not sending genin to the front lines. Not yet, at least."

Kakashi lifted a shoulder. "Well, they proved themselves during the invasion."

Sakura sighed skeptically. "That's true, but it has nothing to do with it."

"Then what does?"

"You know _he_ –" Sakura's lip curled. "—would like nothing better than for Konohamaru to die in battle, squashing out the only legitimate scion of the Sarutobi clan."

Kakashi frowned. "Not everything needs to be a conspiracy theory, Sakura."

Sakura's eyes widened and without another word, she threaded her way through the crowd to reach Naruto. She tapped him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear; he nodded. Sakura made her way to the door of the restaurant.

Alarmed, Kakashi followed her. Once they were outside, he reached out and grabbed her arm.

"What's going on?" he said.

She didn't answer, though her eyes were hard and flinty. "Nothing. But I do need to drop some clothes off at your place."

Kakashi nodded and they took off for her house. Once there, Sakura began rifling through her drawers, gathering clothing. She was rushing so much that she slammed her finger in her pants drawer, cursing.

"Sakura," Kakashi said, watching her suck on her smashed finger. "I'm worried about you."

She pulled the finger out of her mouth with a _pop_, pain seemingly forgotten. "Oh, so _now_ you're worried about me. What changed?"

"What do you mean, what changed?" Kakashi clenched his fists, his nails biting into his palms as he'd foregone gloves today. "After all I've done for you, you think I –"

Sakura guffawed. "All you've done for me? Call me by my real name when I'm undercover? Report me to the one person I hate most? Put a black mark on my career?"

"You disobeyed me! You left me with no choice!"

"You always have a choice, Kakashi! Isn't that what you taught us? You chose this."

"I never wanted this," Kakashi growled. "Any of this. You made me –"

"I _made_ you?" Sakura said, voice rising. "Do you think I made you fuck me?"

"I—" Kakashi floundered. "No, I—"

"Is that what you've done to help me, Kakashi? Fuck me? Sounds like a real chore, doesn't it?" Sakura sneered.

Kakashi saw red. When he came to, he had Sakura backed against her closet door.

"How dare you," he said, voice dead even.

The whites of her eyes were showing and her elbows were pressed into her sides. She looked small. He backed away, trembling.

"I didn't mean that," she said quietly. "You – you have helped me."

"I didn't report you because I wanted to," he said. "You take too many risks."

Sakura bared her teeth, contrition forgotten already. "Too many risks? _I_ take too many risks? You risked Ryoji's life!"

"And you risk your own. Poison, Sakura?"

"That's none of your business. It has nothing to do with you."

Kakashi's ears began to pound. "Nothing to do with me? You've poisoned yourself _in my house_. You had to have."

"It has nothing to do with you," she repeated, jutting out her chin.

"Did you?" he demanded.

"Yes, and I would do it again! It protects me, it protects Ino, and it protects Tenten!"

"Protects you? It almost killed you!"

"That was a fluke," Sakura said. "It means Tenten kills her targets more efficiently, and Ino has more options when she's –"

"Will she have more options when she's dead?"

Sakura turned away from him, shoulders shaking.

After a minute of collecting herself, she finished gathering the clothing she came for and shoved it into his arms.

"Take it and go," she said, voice flat.

Kakashi hesitated. "Sakura –"

"Get out," Sakura said, opening the balcony door for him.

He left.

* * *

Kakashi spent the whole next day training hard with Naruto. When night fell, he went home for a quick shower and then read _Icha Icha Tactics_ until it was time to make his way to The Rusty Kunai for Gai's birthday celebration, always Kakashi's favorite social obligation of the year because it fell on New Year's Eve and no one cared if he got drunk instead of socializing.

Tonight, the prospect seemed particularly appealing.

Kakashi showed up fashionably late, as usual. He preferred it this way because everyone was already well on their way to drunk, but he still got credit for showing up.

"Kakashi! My rival!" Gai cried, flinging an arm over Kakashi's shoulders.

Already looking a little cross eyed, Gai declared, "I challenge you to a drinking contest!"

Kakashi smiled. Perfect.

Kakashi felt ready to face the rest of the crowd, after Gai was well and truly sloshed and Kakashi was half way there.

"Hey, Ol' One Eye," Anko greeted as he sat down.

Already feeling a pleasant buzz, Kakashi let the insult roll off of him.

"Hi, K'k'shi," Kurenai slurred, teetering in her seat.

Kakashi nodded, though she was too drunk to notice.

Anko sniggered. "Don't mind her. She's just mad because her kid is a bastard."

Kurenai lunged over the table at Anko, howling incoherently. Raidou and Aoba grabbed her, pulling her back. The left side of the large booth slid out. Shizune, the one unlucky enough to be sitting next to Kurenai, did her best to wring the alcohol out of her dress.

"I'll bring her home," Shizune said.

"No, the night is young! Don't waste your youth!" Gai said, grabbing her arm.

Shizune smiled. "It's okay. Someone's got to do it, and I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow. Thanks for inviting me. Happy birthday."

Uncharacteristically, Gai frowned as he watched them leave.

"There go all the tits," Genma sighed, putting a good-natured arm over the person sitting next to him.

Kakashi did a double take when he realized the person next to Genma wasn't Tenzou, but instead Iwashi Tatami, a more rare associate these days.

"And what am I, old fish?" Anko cried, kicking Genma under the table.

"A bitch," Genma muttered, rubbing his shin.

"Exactly," she said, puffing up proudly. "And don't you forget it."

Aoba and Raidou vacated the booth, after a pair of pretty women at the bar.

"Ah, young love," Gai said happily, his disappointment at Shizune and Kurenai leaving apparently forgotten.

Kakashi scoffed. "If you can call that love."

Raidou was currently doing a shot out of a blonde woman's bellybutton.

"Love comes in mysterious packages," Gai said. "Take Lee, for example. He's well on his way with young Sakura-chan."

Kakashi choked on his drink. "Wh-what?"

"Yes, the flames of youth are exciting, I know." Gai beamed. "They went on a date, you know. Lee thinks she wasn't interested, but I say if she wasn't interested she wouldn't have gone on the date, eh?"

Gai elbowed Kakashi too hard in the ribs.

"Sure," said Kakashi to make Gai happy. "What's his training regimen like these days?"

Gai launched into a rambling explanation of Lee's training, down to the exact number of repetitions for each exercise.

Kakashi flagged the waitress. He was going to need more alcohol.

As the night wore on, everyone got progressively more inebriated, though food was eventually ordered to stave off alcohol poisoning. Raidou disappeared into a dark booth with the blonde woman. A depressed, struck out Aoba was passed out drunk underneath the group booth.

Kakashi got up and stumbled to the bathroom. As he emerged, he saw Momoe leaning against the wall taking a break, her red hair mussed and uniform disheveled from being run ragged all night.

"Happy New Year, Kakashi-san," she greeted wearily.

He stared at her, appreciating her full figured form. Impulsively, he tore down his mask and kissed her, a deep, lustful kiss that asked for only one thing.

"Come home with me, Momoe," he whispered.

"You remember my name," she said, touching a finger to her parted lips.

He kissed her again. Reluctantly, she kissed him back, the tang of her strawberry lip balm leaving his tongue tingling.

"Come home with me."

"I really shouldn't," she said, though the heat was high in her cheeks.

He pressed against her, taking her mouth with his. She softened, becoming pliant underneath him. He snaked a hand up her skirt, making her moan.

Abruptly, she broke away from the kiss. "I can't."

"Why not? It was good, wasn't it?"

He moved his fingers in a way he knew she liked.

Momoe gasped. "Y-yes…"

"Come home with me," he repeated.

She knocked his hand away from her. "I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm just not looking for a man like you."

He took a step back. "Like me?"

"It's my fault, not yours," she said, apologetic. "I went home with you last time and gave you the wrong idea. I'm not looking for something like that. I want something real."

"How do you know I'm not looking for that?"

Momoe straightened her uniform. "Don't kid yourself. No hard feelings, though, all right? You're a nice enough guy."

She patted his cheek and left him alone in the dimly lit hallway.

Kakashi waited for his erection to fade before leaving the bar, not saying goodbye to anyone or even waiting until the stroke of midnight.

When Kakashi got to his apartment, he tried to sleep, but ended up tossing and turning. He switched on the light, pulling out _Makeout Paradise_. The books were almost exclusively sappy stories that usually only made him recall Minato and Jiraiya with fondness, but he thought it might help him sleep. But tonight, he found himself dwelling on the titillating scenes.

Kakashi read the part where the heroine surrendered to her desires and gave herself to the hero.

Before he fully realized what he was doing, Kakashi slipped his hands into his pants and began to stroke himself. He thought of Momoe spread invitingly underneath him, her red hair sprawled on his pillow. He thought of her large breasts with freckles peppered across the cleft and the way they migrated towards her chin when he was fucking her. When he had bent between her legs, she bucked her hips and wrapped her legs around him, nearly choking him. She was so responsive, so eager and unafraid to enjoy herself. He hadn't appreciated her enough at the time…

He stroked himself, imagining he was pumping into her, imagining her face as he fucked her, mouth open and high color on her cheeks, sultry green eyes lost in pleasure. But didn't Momoe have blue eyes? The woman underneath him now was moaning like Momoe, but was smaller, slimmer, more familiar.

His hand stopped, his erection drooping to half-mast. This wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be _her_. He concentrated on Momoe, on how she shuddered at any small touch, how she grasped her own breasts, playing with her always-hard nipples until they pebbled beneath her nimble fingers. He cupped his balls, stroking himself again.

Just as he was reaching the edge, his mind's eye noticed the woman he was fucking had a taut stomach, its smooth surfaced marred by a telltale scar. Momoe's soft belly would jiggle as he fucked her and he desperately tried to recall the image of her as he got closer to climax. He tried to darken the pink hair to red, to turn her back to Momoe, but it was too late. He spilled his seed.

His hand fell back to his side. He lay there, staring at the ceiling until the sun rose.

* * *

Kakashi avoided Sakura successfully for over two weeks. When the courier handed him the sealed summons, Kakashi knew what it meant and the thought nauseated him. The summons said to come prepared to leave on a mission, which meant he had to find Sakura.

Kakashi checked her house, but she wasn't there. As usual, his next stop was the hospital. But as he approached, he saw Ryoji and Shiori in their ANBU gear. They had dango in their hands. They must have stopped at a street vendor on the way, getting a last bite to eat before they left on whatever mission they were about to be assigned. Shiori waved and they approached him.

"So you're coming along too, then?" Kakashi said, surprised.

Shiori nodded. "Shizune-san cleared me for duty yesterday. I guess they don't want to send out a squad that isn't fully manned, after last time."

"What about Chiyoko-san?" asked Ryoji. "I did like you said. Did it work?"

Kakashi nodded. "I'll have to get her after the briefing, but as far as I know, she's back on the team."

"Good," Ryoji said, satisfied.

Shiori laughed. "You sure changed your tune fast."

"She saved my life," Ryoji muttered, blushing.

"Don't be embarrassed," Shiori said, punching his shoulder. "You're just catching up to the rest of us."

Just then, Kakashi spotted Sakura exiting the hospital. Now was the time to tell her, though it was less than ideal with the others around. He'd have to be creative.

"Hold on. Sorry about this, but I've got to talk to someone."

"Why her again?" Ryoji said, noticing Sakura as well and scowling.

Kakashi shrugged. "Someone's got to water my houseplants while I'm away."

Shiori elbowed Ryoji in the ribs.

"Stop it," she hissed.

Kakashi approached Sakura and called her name. She didn't respond, continuing to walk in the opposite direction. He ran until he was a little ways in front of her, to the side.

"Sakura," he repeated.

She passed him, not even looking at him. He reached out and grabbed her arm, but she shrugged it off and kept moving.

For a moment, he stared at her as she walked away, trying to control the seething anger he suddenly felt. With a swirl of leaves, he teleported directly in front of her.

"Oh, hi, Kakashi..." she mumbled, still staring ahead blankly as if he wasn't there. "If you'll excuse me..."

"Ignoring your old sensei, Sakura-chan?" he said mockingly, leaning over her slightly. "A little petty, don't you think?"

Her eyes widened. "W-what? I wasn't –"

His eye crinkled in his fakest smile. "You mustn't have heard me calling your name repeatedly, then. My mistake."

She stiffened. "I'm really not in the mood for an argument right now, so if you please –"

She made to push past him. He forcibly relaxed his stance and eked out a sheepish chuckle.

"Me neither. That's actually why... I know we've been at odds a little lately and you seem out of sorts, still, so I just wanted to –"

Her eyes flashed. "Wanted to what? Apologize?"

He shrugged. Maybe not in so many words.

"Don't bother," she said, rolling her eyes.

He jerked back. "Why not?"

She stepped closer to him, going from cowering to menacing in a split second. "Why would I want your condescendingly fake remorse? You're not sorry. You think you're right, just as you always do. Admitting that you can't be arsed to argue isn't apologizing, Kakashi."

His fists balled instinctively. He said nothing.

She took another step. "So you're going to be mad now? It's been a long time since someone called you out on your egotistical bullshit, I bet. You are so _self-centered_."

Behind him, Ryoji coughed awkwardly. Of _course_ they had followed him.

Ignoring them, Kakashi leaned over Sakura, utilizing his full height advantage. "I'm self-centered for being concerned about you, is that –"

She stood on her tiptoes to meet his eyes furiously. "No! You're self-centered for always assuming everything revolves around _you_! I'm upset, so _clearly_ it's because I'm brooding over _you_, the _famous_ Sharingan Kakashi, right? It has nothing to do with the fact that –"

She stared down at her hands, seeming to see something that wasn't there as they twitched. She moved back and tried again to get past him, now refusing to look at him. He blocked her again to make her understand she wasn't leaving just yet.

She inhaled shakily. "He was twelve years old. He was twelve years old and he died in my arms and his teammates – It was their first mission out of the village, and this is what – Do you remember ours? Maybe the first is cursed."

Sakura squeezed her eyes closed.

"How do I tell Tamiko, Yoshikazu, that their sensei is dead? Their teammate ... is dead, and I couldn't save him. Takeshi bled out from peritonitis that their sensei couldn't stop from happening because he _died_ and they had to learn the hard way what it is to be shinobi captured in enemy territory."

Her eyes were glassy and her voice wavered and suddenly he felt like the biggest ass in Konoha. He reached out a hand without thinking but it was the wrong thing to do because he found himself with a hand flattened like a blade at his throat. It glowed green like healing chakra but he knew that if he moved just now his jugular would be severed.

"Sakura-chan..." he said softly.

He felt the rest of his ANBU squad's warning chakra flares; they were unsure of how to react to the obvious threat. He motioned for them to stand down.

"Don't touch me," Sakura hissed. "The last thing I want is empty comfort from you. How could I stomach an apology when the world just proved your fucking point?"

She suppressed a sob. "How can I pretend I'm doing any good here, Kakashi? I was deluding myself. Isn't that what you want to hear? All the genjutsu in the world won't give those kids their lives back. They're broken – those bastards _broke_ them – and they think they're ninja, but they're just babies, just like we were, and no poison could have stopped me from telling her she might be pregnant, she might be incontinent, she might be infertile, because her body isn't _made_ yet for what they did to her and her teammates. And maybe I was cruel to give him hope that without a right eye he can ever be an effective shinobi again... Maybe I should have fed myself a truth serum and told them both to quit while they were still children, but they'll never be children..."

The tears were flowing freely now and she was shaking heavily, so heavily that she was forced to pull away her chakra scalpel lest she really slit his throat. "But I forgot. This is definitely about Hatake Kakashi."

She tried to push past him again but he still didn't move aside for her.

"Sakura. My ANBU team is supposed to be at Headquarters for an urgent mission briefing right now, so we'll have to discuss this later. Do you understand?"

If only he'd said that right off, as he'd intended to, he could have avoided this little public meltdown.

She froze. "Of course it is. Lovely."

She sighed and brought a hand up to her face to rub away some of the weariness and wetness. "You make me look a psycho right on the street and then run off to your heroics. I should have known."

She turned slowly and walked away, not looking back.

Behind him, his team said nothing.

"You didn't ask her to water your plants," Ryoji finally said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Shut up, Ryoji! He probably forgot after all that," Shiori said. "You are such an _idiot_!"

* * *

Kakashi met Sakura at his apartment after the briefing. She was already Chiyoko, tapping her foot as she waited for him at the kitchen table.

He handed her the scroll wordlessly.

"Just a scouting mission?" Sakura asked. "Why the rush, then?"

Kakashi shrugged. "They must want the information as quickly as possible."

Sakura read the rest of the scroll and then handed it to him to burn. "Let's go."

"About earlier," Kakashi said, "I didn't –"

She pursed her lips. "I told you. Don't bother."

Kakashi sighed. It was going to be a long mission.

* * *

**A/N:** Some of you are getting frustrated with Kakashi. (That's funny, because he's easily my favorite character both in this story and in the manga. He has his flaws, of course, and they have come to a head here...) All I can say to you is try to think about his motivations and how he processes ~emotionz~ (or doesn't, as it were). Thanks for sticking with me. Patience, young grasshoppers... If you didn't have it, you wouldn't be here! :)


	23. The We in I

**Author's Note:** This is one of my favorite chapters. For this reason, I was very particular over it and ended up making some last minute changes that had to be re-edited, etc. I'm happier with the result, though, and hopefully, you will too. Tremendous thanks to Spike Dee, braxy29, mikeytron, and LolaLot for looking over this for me and making various suggestions that positively influenced the outcome.

Thanks also to my lovely reviewers, thanks to whom we ALMOST hit 200 last chapter. (199!)

* * *

Sakura smiled at Tera as he tossed some paperwork on her desk. She didn't know if he was smiling back at her behind his mask, but either way, it didn't bother her.

"Have the corresponding reports on Danzou-sama's desk in an hour," he said. "And he usually has some tea at that time. See that it's served to him."

Sakura nodded, keeping the smile – this time, a genuine one – plastered to her face. This was the opportunity she had been waiting for. Barely noticing what she was doing, Sakura retrieved the requested mission files from the Hall of Records, now much emptier than it had been before the invasion. Once that was done, Sakura prepared Danzou's tea, carefully mixing in another powdered substance with the copious amounts of sugar he liked. _Strange, for such a bitter person_, she thought.

Sakura set the tea tray atop the cart that held the documents underneath. She rolled it to Danzou's office, pausing before she opened the Hokage's office door as she imagined what it would be like when he drank the tea: how blue his face would turn, how his guards wouldn't be able to do a thing about it, about how her life was worth it to take his.

She wondered if they would kill her where she stood or execute her publicly –

* * *

"Sakura," Ino said. "Sakura, it's time to go to Kurenai's."

Sakura turned away from Ino in the bed.

"What's wrong, Sakura?"

"I had the dream again."

"Again? I thought you hadn't had it in ages!"

"I hadn't," Sakura sighed, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "It's back."

"Did you at least wake up before you got executed this time?" Ino said.

"He hadn't even died yet." Sakura shook her head to clear it. "All right. Let's start two truths and a lie."

"Okay. Yesterday, which one of these things didn't we do? Work on my medical jutsu, check on the rats at the lab, or visit my greenhouse?"

Sakura thought hard. She had clear memories of each thing. Inspired by Shiori's recent collapsed lung, Sakura helped Ino master the concept of thoracotomy, practicing on a cadaver from the morgue beneath the hospital.

Then they went to the lab, making sure the rats on the new poison were still responding as hoped. Ino helped Sakura insert a memory into both the poisoned rats and control group that should make them afraid of the color red. Rats' minds were different enough from humans that Sakura had a hard time doing it on her own, but Ino managed. The goal now was to see if more of the poisoned rats remained afraid of the color red than the control group. If so, then the poison was well on its way to success.

And then Ino had given Sakura a tour of the greenhouse, showing her how close to ready to open they were. The orchids were beautiful. There was one pink and orange flower that Sakura had stared at for a quarter of an hour, transfixed by the dew on its petals.

Sakura hesitated. None of the memories stood out.

"The rats? You would never touch them like that."

Ino smiled. "Wrong, Forehead. I did touch them, and it was super gross. But a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do."

"I don't know then! The hospital? Why would Kumatori stretch the rules to let us in like that?"

"Wrong again. It was the greenhouse. It could have happened, but it didn't."

"You're so good at this."

Ino shrugged. "I have more practice at this sort of thing. All right, now it's my turn."

"Okay," Sakura said, considering carefully. "Yesterday, which of these things didn't we do? Eat breakfast at that diner with the waffles we like, help Chouji pick out the style of his new battle armor, or run into Gai-sensei and get forced into agreeing to train with his team tomorrow?"

Ino scrunched her nose like she always did when she was thinking hard, but then said with confidence, "We didn't run into Gai-sensei."

"Ugh," Sakura groaned. "What did I screw up this time?"

"Did you notice how I linked your memories together? They had a sequence. We went from the hospital to the lab to the greenhouse. Which one of your memories didn't you link to anything at all?"

"Gai-sensei," Sakura said, realization dawning.

"Exactly. I knew we went from the diner to Chouji's, but when did we run into Gai-sensei?"

"But that's _hard_," Sakura said, scowling. "What if you don't know when you want the memory to have happened?"

"You either have to know or be good enough to make it believable enough that they integrate it into their real memories themselves. It's much easier to know, and for our purposes, that shouldn't be too much of an issue," Ino said. "And another thing. Chouji's been talking about his new armor for weeks, so I knew that one was real off the bat."

Sakura sighed. "Of course you did."

"You're getting better," Ino said. "The level of detail in your Gai-sensei memory was really good. And keep in mind that not only do I already know that one of the memories is false, I know your style so I know what to look for."

Sakura knew Ino was right, but that did nothing to ease her annoyance at being less than perfect at something. Sakura showered first, and then dressed while Ino showered. They grabbed a quick bowl of cereal, much to Riko's dismay, who dithered about making them breakfast even though they insisted they were in a hurry. Kurenai was waiting for them, just finishing up Masako's breakfast, most of which had ended up splattered on the wall by the looks of it.

"So how is the memory implantation going?" Kurenai asked as she scrubbed food off of the wall.

"Ino's been staying with me so we can practice implanting memories into each other's brains overnight," Sakura said. "Ino is probably ready. I need some more practice."

"She's close," Ino protested.

Kurenai nodded. "And the poison?"

"The rats are still alive, at least. After we see the results of this latest experiment, I think we can start testing on humans," Sakura said.

"And if you get called on a mission again?" Kurenai asked. "That time was stressful on Ino, having to break the law for you."

"It was for me, not for Sakura," Ino said, frowning.

"I've been on missions since then, you know, and the rats survived," Sakura said, biting back annoyance. "I took care of it. Akimichi Kuniko is working in the lab now and she's taking care of them day to day, for a small fee. She doesn't mind because I teach her a few things when I have the spare time."

"If you say so," said Kurenai. "And where do you plan to get these humans to test your unofficial poison on?"

"We'll test it on ourselves first, of course," Sakura said. "And then… I'm not sure yet. I used to test them on prisoners or volunteers, if they were non-fatal, but this isn't exactly a state sanctioned poison…"

"I'm going to find a ninja to test it out on," Ino said. "The whole thing, once it's done. If the poison doesn't kill us, then it's ready for a go. Using genjutsu on a civilian without permission is a crime, but not if it's a ninja. It's frowned upon outside of training, but it's not a crime. So I'll do it."

Kurenai sighed. "Never mind. Keep me out of that part. I don't want to be involved."

"Your choice," said Sakura with a shrug.

"Now we need to work on your sensation-crafting," Kurenai said business-like. "Ino, you first. Make me think of a smell – any particular smell, as long as you know it well. Then I'll describe it to you to see if it matches."

Ino placed her hand on Kurenai's skull, and they began.

There was a knock on the door several hours later when Sakura was trying to insert a memory of baking a plum pie into Kurenai's past.

When Kurenai answered the door, it was a runner with a scroll in his hand. "Is Yamanaka Ino here? I was informed by her father that she might be."

"That's me." Ino stepped forward and took the scroll from the boy, frowning as she read it. "I have to report to my handler tomorrow morning."

"Your handler?" Sakura asked. "So that means –"

"Yes," said Ino, crumpling the paper in her hands. "It's one of those missions."

* * *

As she sat next to her mother the next morning in Dr. Akiyama's office, Sakura tried not to think too much of what Ino might be doing.

Dr. Akiyama entered, shuffling through her paperwork and the results of her recent labs. "This ultrasound is clear. How are you feeling, Sakura-san?"

"Better," she said.

"Any residual pain?"

"Not really, unless I torque my torso in a particular way. It's not worth noting."

Dr. Akiyama flipped a page in her records. "What about after intercourse? Has that improved?"

Sakura blushed deeply, shooting a glance at her mother. Riko frowned slightly, but didn't seem surprised.

"I – I wouldn't know," Sakura mumbled.

"Then everything seems like it's healing nicely."

"So Sakura will be all right now?" Riko asked, moving forward in her seat. "Did she tell you she had an episode? A – a fever, and other things?"

Sakura poked her tongue into her cheek and inhaled slowly. No matter how often she told her mother that she was fine, Riko had still insisted on coming today. That's how it always was; Riko was either there no matter what or not at all. Dr. Akiyama smiled slightly. Clearly, he was no stranger to concerned mothers.

"Yes, she told us. We ran a series of tests at that time, but I believe it was mostly unrelated."

"So Sakura is going to be all right now that she's had this surgery," Riko insisted.

"Well, that's hard to say," Dr. Akiyama said. "This cyst has been excised, but more may form in the future. It's fairly common for women with your daughter's condition."

Riko frowned. "Well what do you do to stop that from happening?"

"Hormonal treatment – birth control – would help, but the only complete cure is removing the parts that cause the problem."

"Like her uterus?"

Dr. Akiyama nodded. "Alternatively, we could try just removing her ovaries."

"My daughter is only seventeen! You can't spay her like a dog!"

Dr. Akiyama hesitated. "If you're worried about her fertility, that's understandable. There is a way to freeze her eggs before the oophorectomy takes place, but you'd have to go the capital and I'm afraid it's very expensive –"

Sakura uncrossed her legs, leaning forward. "That's not a concern. I'm more interested in –"

Riko fisted her hands in the skirt of her yukata. She was staring at Dr. Akiyama with bright teal eyes, not looking at Sakura at all.

"How expensive?" Riko demanded.

"Mom! What difference does it make? I'd never get the leave and we can't afford something like –"

"_How expensive_?"

"Don't mistake me, Mrs. Haruno," Dr. Akiyama said.

Riko didn't correct the title.

"It is an option, but not one that I would recommend given Sakura-san's age. I suggest we work on getting her on a hormonal birth control treatment instead. It doesn't mean a cyst won't recur, but it may decrease the chances and treat the other symptoms she experiences."

Riko turned to Sakura. "Why aren't you on birth control anymore?"

"I told you, Mom. The state's not covering it anymore and the shots are expensive."

"But I thought you would go on something else. Why haven't you?"

Sakura shifted uncomfortably. She'd been avoiding this issue.

"It's not reliable enough. When I am on missions, I can't be expected to take a pill at the same time every day. And I'd still get my period anyway, on that kind."

"Dr. Akiyama," Riko said. "Even if she still gets her period, and might miss some doses, isn't it better for her to be taking those pills rather than nothing?"

"It's better than nothing, certainly." Dr. Akiyama hesitated. "And I treat other kunoichi who would feel at risk, with no contraception under their own power, given their line of work. I am not familiar with Sakura-san's duties, of course."

Riko turned pale. "You're taking them, Sakura."

"They're expensive. If I can't take them faithfully, I don't want to waste the money," Sakura said, struggling to keep the bite out of her voice.

"It's not a waste. You told me finances have been steadier lately."

"They have, but if they dry up, then –"

"Then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Riko turned to Dr. Akiyama. "Give her the prescription."

"I wouldn't feel comfortable, unless Sakura-san asks –"

Riko jutted her chin defiantly. "I'm her mother. She's still seventeen."

"Be that as it may, she is a kunoichi, and thus must consent –"

"Oh, for crying out loud," Sakura said. "If it will shut everyone up, give me the damn prescription."

Dr. Akiyama scribbled the order for the oral birth control pills and handed it to her. "I hope not to see you until your normal checkup next year, Sakura-san."

Sakura smiled, wondering if he was glad to see the back of her and her mother.

"Me too," she said.

Once Sakura had signed the necessary forms, she and her mother left the office and went to the drugstore attached to the hospital to fill Sakura's prescription. Sakura and Riko sat next to one another as they waited, the tension between them high. Sakura's leg was over her knee, shaking impatiently.

"I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted," Riko said, "especially because of money."

"Hmm," Sakura hummed noncommittally.

"I know you won't tell me what you do out there, but I'll be more comfortable if I know you're taking this."

Sakura gritted her teeth. "So you think I'm going to get knocked up? Do you think I'm a slut?"

The tips of Riko's ears turned red. "Of course not, but don't pretend I'm stupid. Besides, the doctor said this would help you. Don't you want to avoid what happened before?"

"I just preferred to save up for the better one," Sakura said, deflecting.

Riko crossed her arms over herself protectively. "There was a cook's opening at a diner last week."

"Did you hear back?"

"No. I just need you to know I'm still trying."

Sakura let some of her anger bleed away. "I know jobs are hard to come by these days. I don't mind."

Riko looked down at her lap. "I know."

After a minute, she said, "Sakura, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Are you seriously considering the other thing the doctor talked about?"

"The hysterectomy or the oopherectomy?" Sakura asked.

"If that's what they call spaying humans like dogs," Riko muttered, unable to meet Sakura's eyes. "Well, are you?"

Sakura didn't answer, knowing what her mother's reaction would be. Riko didn't even understand that a hysterectomy and an oophorectomy were different things, and she expected Sakura to take her advice on the matter seriously?

"You can't, Sakura. You're so young. You have your whole life ahead of you."

"My life is different from yours," Sakura said. "I have different considerations than you."

Riko's eyes hardened. "I forbid you from having that surgery, Sakura."

"You don't get to make decisions for me, Mom," Sakura said. "I'm taking these stupid pills to make you feel better, but you can't make me do anything I don't want to do."

"I'm still your mother. You should listen to me."

Sakura opened her mouth to reply, but just then the pharmacy worker said her prescription was ready. She went up to the desk and grabbed it, forking over the money she didn't want to pay, and turned to leave.

"Wait, Sakura!" her mother called, running after her. "Where are you going?"

"To the hospital."

"You told me you weren't scheduled to work today."

"I'm not," Sakura said curtly.

"But what will I do?" Riko said, gripping the lapel of her plain yukata near the breast.

"Go home?" Sakura guessed. "Whatever you want."

"As long as I don't bother you, right?" Riko said sourly.

Sakura shrugged. Riko shook her head.

"Fine then," she said, and left.

Sakura sighed in relief, tucking her pills into her medical pack, which she carried out of habit. She entered the hospital, wandering towards Tsunade's room by rote. Sakura didn't actually have anything to do here today; she just wanted to get away from her mother.

Naruto was already there. "Hey, Sakura-chan. How are you?"

"I'm fine. And you? Keeping yourself busy?"

"I've been training a lot, and after the thing with Konan went so well, Danzou has been giving me more things to do. In the village, of course."

"That's good. Do you miss Konohamaru yet?"

Naruto's smile faltered a bit. "Yeah, I do. We used to hang out a lot."

"Well, I'm still around."

Sometimes, Sakura thought Naruto forgot that she was here and needed to train, too. He only ever asked the boys to train. Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"You always seem so busy."

"I'm not busy now," Sakura said. "I'm a little hungry, actually. Want to grab something to eat?"

"I have a meeting to go to. War planning stuff. Sorry, Sakura-chan."

"Oh. Right." Sakura guessed she better get used to meetings claiming most of his time. "See you later, then."

"See you," Naruto said, and moved to exit but hesitated. "I was just talking to Baa-chan about Sasuke."

Sakura sat heavily, the chair still warm from where Naruto had just been in it.

"Oh?" Her voice was light, but her knuckles were white where they gripped the edge of the chair. "What about him?"

"About how he's coming around, warming up to us again."

"You really thi-ink so?" This time, she could not stop her voice from cracking.

Naruto noticed, she was sure, but as usual, he politely did not draw attention to her loss of control. "Of course I think so. Don't you, Sakura-chan? After what happened last time?"

"He didn't actively attempt to murder anyone, so that's progress, I guess," she said, trying to replace the lingering tension with dry humor.

"More than that. He helped you save Kakashi-sensei's life."

Sakura frowned. "He let Zetsu poison Kakashi in the first place. No one would have needed saving at all if Sasuke had -"

"Do you think it would be so easy for him to blow his cover with those people? I bet he had some explaining to do as it was -"

"His cover? 'Those people' are trying to _kill_ you, Naruto, and Sasuke _joined_ them -"

Naruto's lips pressed into a thin line. "You're not focusing on what's important. He didn't just not kill us. He told us a little about what he's thinking, for once. He offered you medicine we didn't even know about to help save our sensei."

Sakura couldn't bear the pained look on Naruto's face, so she smiled. "I never thought of it that way."

The tightness in Naruto's shoulders relaxed. "I knew I could count on you to have hope. See? I told you he's coming around. I really have to go now, though, or I'll be late and someone will crack a joke about Kakashi-sensei."

"We can't have that, can we?" She shooed him with her hands. "Go!"

Naruto's usual grin was back and it comforted Sakura in a way his words had failed to. "'Bye, Sakura-chan!"

When he was gone, the smile slowly faded from Sakura's face. She grabbed the lotion from the bedside table and began massaging it into Tsunade's stiff arm. The nurses did this daily, but still, her joints were stiffening slowly but surely - like rigor mortis was setting in.

Sakura tried to think of something to say to Tsunade to distract herself from morbid thoughts, but she was at a loss. It was like talking to an empty shell.

How could Naruto count on her to have hope when Sakura couldn't even count on herself? With a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, Sakura left Tsunade's room almost as quickly as she entered it. In her distraction, she ran right into Kumatori.

"I'm so sorry!" she said, helping him pick up the papers she knocked out of his hands.

"It's nothing," he said, straightening his bandana-style forehead protector where their collision had knocked it askew.

"It's not. You're always doing things for me and I never get the chance to return the favor."

Kumatori smiled and it reached his brown eyes, softening his angular face into something warm. "If you really want to make it up to me, let me take you to lunch."

"Only if you let me treat."

After Kumatori dropped off his papers at the nurse's station, they left the hospital for the closest diner, a place with mediocre food that nevertheless got patronized by many nurses and medics due to proximity.

After the waiter took their order, Sakura said, "Thanks so much for letting Ino and me into the morgue the other day. We really appreciated it."

"We need more medics. Of course I wouldn't stop someone trying to learn."

"How are the new recruits doing?"

"They were prepared well. By whom, I wonder?" Kumatori teased.

"I just came in at the end," Sakura said. "The new Academy curriculum teaches more about medicine than mine ever did."

"But we have more participants in the program. It seems many of them thought that if you entered medical training, you would be tied to the hospital for life, but a certain someone showed them how that wasn't true."

Sakura felt heat rise to her face and ears. "They asked me if I still went on missions. Of course I told them I did. But I also told them they have a choice, at least most of the time. Take you, for example. You may still be a genin, but you don't need rank for what you do. You're helping Konoha right where you are."

Kumatori's hands stilled where they had been fidgeting on the table, his long, slender fingers untouched by the slight wear and tear of combat. He spent most of his time wearing gloves.

"Thanks for understanding. A lot of times, field medics look down on hospital medics like we're lazy."

"I know. I'd like to see them try and run the hospital for a few days." Sakura giggled.

"The hospital needs a core staff to function to its fullest."

"And no one can take the time to really develop new medical techniques in the field. We need devoted researchers."

"Exactly," Kumatori said. "You get it. That's what I like about you."

Sakura faltered, unsure how to respond. The waiter spared her by bringing their food.

"So what's new with everyone?" Sakura asked, changing the subject.

"Tanaka pissed Shizune off some more. He cried when a patient's abscess exploded on him."

Sakura laughed, getting caught up in the day to day drama that she'd been removed from for so long.

But when the bill came, Kumatori took it.

"I thought it was my treat," Sakura said, reaching for it.

Kumatori winked at her. "What sort of date would this be if I let you pay?"

Sakura froze. "Oh."

Kumatori's smile fell slowly.

"I – I didn't realize. I'm sorry. I just…"

Sakura trailed off. She had no idea what she was trying to say.

"You're already seeing someone else," he said, looking defeated.

Sakura blushed. "Not – I don't –"

Kumatori shook his head. "It's okay. It's my fault for not making my intentions more clear."

"It's really not," Sakura said, grimacing. "I'm an idiot."

She reached for the check again. "At least let me pay."

Kumatori laid some money on the table. "Don't worry about it."

Sakura watched miserably as the waiter took away the check.

After another minute of awkward silence, Kumatori said, "Well, I'd better get back to the hospital. See you around."

"Yeah, see you." Sakura couldn't look him in the face.

He hesitated. "One more thing. Don't dwell on what happened with that genin. I know it hurt you."

In her surprise, Sakura forgot she wasn't looking at him. She met his eyes, which were full of concern.

"I noticed you haven't taken another shift at the hospital since then," he said. "Don't let it stop you."

Sakura had been trying so hard not to think about it.

"It's hard," she whispered, caught off guard.

He reached out and put his hand over hers and squeezed. "I know."

Without another word, he left the diner. Sakura sat there, wondering how she had somehow ruined another friendship.

The waiter set a dish of chocolate ice cream in front of her.

"I didn't order this," she said, pushing it back toward him.

He left it on the table. "It's on the house."

Sakura sighed, but took a bite of ice cream anyway. Now even waiters she didn't know pitied her.

Sakura attempted to eat her dessert, which she normally enjoyed, but the sweetness was cloying in her mouth. She could hardly believe it. The perfect solution had been sitting under her nose the whole time. Kumatori was a ninja and trustworthy. He liked her, but was mature enough to understand her need to stay emotionally uninvolved. If things went sour, he wouldn't go gossiping to her friends. They would never have to know. And most importantly of all, there was nothing complicated between her and Kumatori – no past, and no necessary future.

But Sakura hadn't realized, of course. When it came to things like this, she was always slow on the uptake, which was ironic given that she had always been marked well on her understanding of relationship dynamics during her interrogation training ... _other_ people's relationship dynamics, that is.

When it came down to it, why had she chosen Kakashi? It had made so much sense at the time, but now…

As if thinking his name had summoned her, Shiori appeared, sliding into the booth across from Sakura.

"I've been looking for you everywhere," Shiori said.

Sakura blinked. "Me? Why?"

"Well, first, I wanted to say thank you for looking out for me when I was in the hospital. I know you only did it because Kakashi-taichou asked you to, but I appreciate it anyway."

"Oh. That was nothing."

"But more importantly, I want to show you something before we lose the opportunity. Come on."

"I – what?"

Shiori grabbed Sakura's hand and pulled her out of the booth. "Just trust me. Come on!"

Sakura followed Shiori in a daze of confusion. They left the hospital district, the commercial district, the residential districts, until they were finally in the training grounds. Shiori made a shushing motion and crept towards Training Ground Twelve. Sakura did as Shiori did, masking her chakra and moving silently through the trees until she saw what Shiori wanted to show her.

It was Kakashi, showing a boy with an eye patch on his right eye how to throw a kunai straight. It took Sakura a minute to recognize the boy, since he'd cut his hair to gel with his new look better, but it was Yoshikazu, Takeshi's teammate and best friend. Yoshikazu threw a kunai, but it missed the target by several inches. He cried out in frustration, throwing another kunai so wildly that it buried itself into a tree at the other side of the clearing.

"It takes time," said Kakashi patiently.

He put another kunai into the boy's hand and guided him through the motion.

"You're used to seeing things differently. Adjust."

Sakura's heart leapt up her throat. Quickly, she withdrew before he realized she was there. Shiori followed her back to the residential district.

Sakura plopped down on a bench, not sure how to process what she'd just seen.

Shiori sat down next to her, dark eyes shining with excitement. "See, I knew you didn't know about that."

"I haven't exactly talked to him since … well, you know," Sakura said.

"Would he have told you about that, even if you had?"

Sakura smiled wryly. "Probably not."

"I don't really know him on a personal level, but I think I'm figuring him out, at least a little bit. That's one of the genin you treated, isn't it?"

Sakura nodded, still a bit taken aback herself. "How did you find me?"

"I started at the hospital. They wouldn't give me your home address but said I could try the diner, that lots of medics went there."

Sakura's brow perked up. "But why?"

"I don't know what your fight was about, but even I know that he's not the best at saying he's sorry. But just like you said before… He shows it."

Shiori looked down at her lap.

"I stumbled across him while looking for a clear training ground. I know it's not really my place, but I thought you should see it."

"Yeah. Thanks."

After a minute, Sakura said, "You know, I saw his face after all. It's so normal."

Shiori laughed lightly. "What did you expect?"

Sakura shrugged. "As kids, we used to imagine all sorts of things. It was silly."

"He saved my life again," said Shiori.

"Yeah, he does that from time to time," Sakura said, smiling. "It can get sort of annoying."

Shiori smiled back. "Yeah."

They sat there on the bench in peaceful silence, watching the ninja come and go around them. Some of them Sakura knew, and some she didn't, but the first one she paid attention to was Ryoji. He was holding so many groceries he could hardly carry them, but managed to knock on the door to a house across the street from Sakura. Mogusa's wife answered the door, took the groceries, and then shut the door in his face. Ryoji stood on the doorstep, shoulders drooping, before slowly wandering off.

Shiori frowned. "She's still shutting him out. She won't accept any help."

"Why does he keep trying?" asked Sakura.

"Mogusa was his mentor. Ryoji feels obligated to take care of his family."

"I don't remember Mogusa talking about a genin team."

Shiori shook her head. "Mogusa was only thirty two when he died."

_Thirty two_, thought Sakura. _Almost the same age as Kakashi._

"Ryoji's twenty two. He had a different genin instructor, but they didn't get along. I didn't know him then, but I get the feeling he was neglected. But I was working with Mogusa in a squad, outside of ANBU, and we got promoted at the same time. Ryoji's a genius, you know. He's good at everything, but he's the best at earth jutsu. He invented this technique he uses, and – well, I don't want to bore you. Anyway, he got put on our ANBU team when it formed. He was only seventeen… So young."

Shiori closed her eyes, smiling up at the sun. "He was so sensitive about his age, so blustery. I think that's one of the reasons he's been so mean to – someone. Mogusa saw through his shit, though. Mogusa was the best of all of us, even our captain then."

Shiori's smile faded and she opened her eyes. "It's all different now. Mogusa was the one that pulled us together. Kakashi is a good captain, but he doesn't know how to … I don't know. It's just not the same."

"He doesn't know how to function like a normal human being, you mean?" Sakura laughed.

"We all need a little help with that sometimes," Shiori said.

"Yeah." Sakura went back to people watching.

After a while, Shiori stood. "I'd better go find Ryoji and make sure he's not beating himself up too hard. It was nice talking to you."

"Thanks for … you know."

Shiori nodded and then she was gone.

Sakura sat there on the bench for hours, thinking about everything and nothing at all. She finally wandered home, not surprised to find her mother passed out on the couch, a half empty can of shochu dangling from one hand.

Sakura didn't feel like making dinner, so she grabbed a ration bar from her pack upstairs. Not until she tasted the miso flavor did she remember that these were Kakashi's rations that he'd traded her before everything took a turn for the worse.

The food turned to ash in her mouth, not that it tasted much better to begin with. She threw it away, unable to eat the rest. Sakura tried to read a medical text to fall asleep, but when she'd read the same page ten times without processing it, she gave up. Still restless, she jumped from her balcony. She thought maybe she'd go for a drink to relax herself, but she was so lost in thought that when she registered where she was, she realized she had inadvertently wandered past the bar and right back to where she began: at the training field where Kakashi had been helping Yoshikazu.

The field was empty now, but like an echo, she could see Kakashi bending over the boy, closer to him than necessary to guide the kunai. It hadn't been a hug but Yoshikazu had relaxed as if it was, losing just a little bit of the pain now etched into his face.

Why would Kakashi go out of his way to do such a thing? To make amends with her, even though it was only by chance she ever found out? Somehow, Sakura doubted that was all of it. She had almost forgotten, because every time she looked at him lately she could only see his face as he reported her, so cold and unforgiving and distant, but she should have known better. No matter what, he tried his best to do the right thing, even if he didn't always know what the right thing was.

Her feet shuffled in front of her, kicking up dirt that settled in a fine layer on her boots, dulling the black to matte. She let herself concentrate on the clouds of dust she was making until they no longer existed because she was inside, walking up familiar wooden stairs. Instinctively, she skipped the eighth step because it always creaked.

She stood in front of the door to Kakashi's apartment, not sure why she was there, but fished the key out of her pocket anyway. She didn't remember putting it there, but the cold weight of it in her hand was somehow not a surprise.

She opened the door to find him reading _Icha Icha_ in bed, one elbow propping up his book and another extended over his bent knee. He looked up, his unusually naked face showing the range of his expressions from surprise to calculating the reason for her visit. His hair was now faded brown streaked through with silver. It was growing out a bit, just enough to fall into his face at times like now, when his headband didn't cover his Sharingan eye.

She climbed onto the bed next to him, eyes trained on his face.

"You're a good man," she said simply.

His mouth downturned at the corners, just barely. "Sakura – what –"

She put her finger over his lips, shushing him. She was scared if she tried to articulate what she was thinking, they would only argue again and that was the last thing she wanted.

"No more talking for now," Sakura said. "We always seem to screw it up."

Kakashi looked up at her, his mismatched eyes searching her face as if it held all the answers. She knew he was sorry for antagonizing her but didn't know how to say it. She didn't need him to. She was sorry, too, and she only knew one way to tell him. She scooted forward and touched her nose to his, cupping his face in her hands. His cheeks were smooth, as clean-shaven as she always pictured him in her mind. His breath tickled her lips.

"No matter what anyone says, even me, you're a good man," she said again.

His book fell to the side, forgotten. He kissed her – not the timid, unwilling kiss from the first time or the wild, ravenous kisses from the next, but a deep, gentle kiss that warmed her down to the tip of her toes.

She clambered on top of him, pressing the length of her body against his as she leaned into the kiss. He took her weight on his chest, grunting softly into her mouth.

First one hand tangled in her hair and then the other, the slight tugging sensation sending a wave of heat from her scalp to pool in her belly. She sucked on his bottom lip and he opened up for her, plunging his tongue forward to meet hers. As the kiss deepened, her hands left his face to pull at his shirt absentmindedly.

His hands yanked at her hair one last time, traveling from her head to her neck and slowly down her back until they crept up her shirt, deliberately working the fabric up her body until they were forced to break apart, panting.

She quickly took off her shirt and bra, throwing them off to the side of the bed. He drew his shirt over his head with such haste that he almost tangled himself in it.

In one fluid motion, he flipped her on her back, brushing his lips against hers slowly. Her mouth opened under his, responding to the soft touch, inviting more. One hand fluttered down her body, tracing the curve of her breast, the dip below her ribs, and the puckering of the scar on her side.

Every place he touched her, no matter how slightly, felt electrified. When he reached her skirt and panties, he shoved them to her knees. She kicked them off the rest of the way. Her boots gave her more trouble, so he reached back and helped her tug them off one after the other, dropping them on the floor with the rest.

Impatiently, she fumbled at the hem of his trousers, snagging her finger inside the fabric and yanking it down. His underwear remained in place; she sighed at the loss of him as he sat up on his knees to pull his pants down, not even bothering to fully take them off. He fumbled in his nightstand drawer for a condom, sliding it on hurriedly.

He slipped a finger between her legs to test her readiness. When he found her wet, her knees parting further to invite him in, a fire lit in his eyes that she had never seen before. He fell on her mouth, hungry now, his erection searing a brand into her thigh.

Her skin burned where he touched her and at her center a dull ache radiated. She knew he was waiting for her permission, so she locked her calves in his and pushed against him. He slid higher, settling his throbbing member right where she wanted it. The heat of him was driving her mad. But still, he only moved his kisses down her jawline to settle behind her ear. The dull ache became a need.

"Yes," she breathed. "Now."

He slid inside of her and fireworks burst behind her eyes, blinding her. She gasped at the sudden fullness, the cure to her ache. She arched up to meet him, a new color of firework bursting with each thrust. She slid her hands up his back, clutching him, feeling his muscles flex as he pumped into her again and again until the colors all burst at once so brightly that she thought she'd see the imprint behind her eyelids for days.

* * *

**A/N: **If this sex seemed a bit abstract to you, well... it's purposeful. If you're a gay man reading this and I broke your brain... sorry. This scene has been dubbed the "anti-gay" among my friends.

Thanks for sticking with me! 24 will follow in ~2 weeks.


End file.
